2017

“So,” Howon started. “What’s really going on?”

Woohyun dropped his plate and chewed till he swallowed.

“You’ve already cornered me so I won’t drag this out anymore.”

“He said, dragging it out.” Sunggyu said, seeing right through Woohyun as usual.

“Fine.” He said, feeling stupid and childish now that he thought about it. “It’s a thing I have about you two.”

Two pairs of eyebrows rose in identical fashion as if to say, “Obviously!”

“When you made that deal that day? That first day you two met, it felt like nothing at the time…” he paused before pushing through. “But, I felt excluded. That’s all.”

“Why?”

Woohyun didn’t know whether to laugh or not.

“Hyung, you two started having right after that, remember?”

“Yeah, but that was because I was jealous. You know that, right?”

“I know that.” Woohyun said, feeling like a liar. “Sometimes. I mean, sometimes I know that it was about me and I wasn’t exactly irrelevant.”

“But…?” Howon prodded.

“But sometimes I think about it and I realize that while I was promising never to sleep with anyone in the apartment and Howon was promising never to sleep with me, neither of you promised the same to each other.” He said, feeling his eyes water. “And then you shook on it.” Woohyun shook his head because he wasn’t going to cry. “Sometimes, when I think about it, I feel like you cut me out. You made a deal and cut me out and you shook on it. Like a marriage.”

Woohyun took a deep breath and went back to his food.

*****

2014

“They .” Woohyun said to the bar ceiling as he lay on the bar top while Luhan worked his books at a table and Minseok made them drinks behind the bar.

“Go home, Woohyun.” Luhan said, shaking his head in exasperation as Woohyun ignored him.

“Howon had the audacity to come and ask for my permission. him sideways, the . He should die of guilt.”

“You don’t mean that.” Minseok added.

“I don’t?” Woohyun asked. “Really? I’m sure he’d die happily. What with all the . I saw him first. I picked him out. And if his stupid, ing pledge hadn’t happened, we’d have ed by now. Oh, I hate them.”

“Of course you do.” Luhan said as Woohyun pretended not to notice the look passing between them.

“I cannot believe I haven’t done anything with either of them.” Woohyun said sitting up.

“Is that such a bad thing?” Minseok dropped a glass of wine by Woohyun’s . “You’re always sleeping with everyone, you never get a chance to connect with people.”

“Because is easy. is awesome. doesn’t make me feel like I want to gouge my eyes whenever I hear them having .”

“So you’re afraid of having deep connections with people?”

“I’m not afraid of anything. Look at Sunggyu-hyung. I’m connected to him. I’ve lived with him since I graduated. He’s my best friend.”

“And yet you’re ignoring him.”

“Because... feelings. Gah!” Woohyun downed his cup and regretted wasting the wine the moment the last bit of it hit the back of his throat and he found himself missing the beautiful sweetness he’d have witnessed if he’d taken his time.

“If it’s just feelings, then why are you ignoring Howon as well?” Luhan asked.

Woohyun hesitated.

“Howon is different.” Woohyun said. “I don’t have feelings for him.”

“Then why aren’t you talking to him? He’s your friend. From what you’re saying, he was only trying to help.”

“Until he let Sunggyu him. He was so eager to give me up. He didn’t even blink when he promised never to come near me ually.”

“So you’re jealous that he didn’t want you but he wants Sunggyu?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?”

Woohyun thought about it for a second. Or two.

“Shut your face.”

*****

2017

“I made him make that pact just so he’d never sleep with you, Woohyun. I didn’t want him to sleep with you. Look at me.” Sunggyu said, reaching over their food and lifting Woohyun’s face. “I love you.”

*****

2014

As Woohyun entered the house and took off his shoes, it only took him a second to realize the complete lack of Howon’s sneakers on the shoe rack. Confused, he put on his slippers and entered, listening to the muffled voices coming from Howon’s room.

Great. They’d taken to his side of the house now. At least when they ed in Sunggyu’s room, Woohyun was spared most of the details.

Delaying his frustration, he drank water and some cheese then dragged himself to his room, walking past Howon’s