This is the latest of the series, thanks for reading, sorry if it's bad. Guess I shouldn't do chaptered things anymore lol

+- 2348 words. Written since July 11th and then got abandoned and now it's fin.

(I've never felt this heavy in such a long time, guess there's always a start in everything. Also why did I wrote this into a series of medical thing lol)

(Heads up for Seunghyun : somedays are better than others.)

bg song : Heize - You, Cloud, Rain

 

 

 

 

The cold is killing him. 

By the time he opens his eyes in the morning,  he was hit by a sudden nausea, he wished he was dead already. He never wanted to be gone this bad.

Jiyong had materialized him self into a human form, went to the nearest hospital and summon - bring home a freaking doctor to check up on him.

It's getting bad. Seunghyun was coughing and the puke gets even worse.

 

"How long had he been sick like this?"

"It's been months, doctor, but it gets worse in this past weeks that he had to lay down, most of times."

"I don't know what to tell you but what he suffer from is no usual sickness, there is some complications going with his body. He had acidic stomach which leads to chest burn - which was why he'd been puking, also motion headache that triggers nausea and fever, and he'd been coughing, right?"

"Yes, Is he in a dangerous situation?"

"I can't say much, I need to check up on him thoroughly, but as for now - a lot has going on with him, and he needs to take care of his eating-sleeping schedule also meds. Here is the receipt, please give him before and after he eats, and also make sure that he had light meals between 2-3 hours. So that the gas from his stomach would get released and that would decrease the acid too. As long as we can control the acid, I believe he'll recover soon. I put IV and meds on him so that he could started eating real food from tomorrow morning. Do you need any assistance, maybe a nurse or personal medic to help?"

"No, I will take care of him myself. So I take it that you're sure that he'll get better. How long should he consumed the meds?"

"I gave plenty of meds since he got a lot going on in his body but this blue package and this red package - he must consumed this within 3 months, and after that he'd have to see me again, we will see how his acidic stomach reacts to it. As for now, hopefully the nausea and fever would be gone fast so that he could eat and have his meds."

"Thank you, doctor. I hope he would get better soon, and thank you for your great help."

"It's okay, you can always contact me if there's anything with him. I shall take my leave then."

"Yes. Thank you, doctor."

 

Jiyong was sure that by the time he'd been found out that he changed form and made him self present in front of human, he knew he'll be screwed up and got scolded by the sky but at least he had save a life, Seunghyun seems to be okay now. He wonders what acidic stomach means, he recalled what the doctor had said, and it finally made sense. On how Seunghyun was always stressed, that he always consumed coffee and ramen simultaneously, that he sometimes had a hard time walking to the bus stop cos his stomach hurts so bad, and these days he'd been puking nearly everyday. He hopes eventhough acidic stomach sounds bad, he hopes Seunghyun would recover from it and it would be gone soon.

So he waits and taken care of him. He cooked him soup and rice so that by the time he woke up, he could have a bit of it. He also made sure that he'd got warm water around, since it would help with aching stomach.

Living with Seunghyun made him thinking a lot of things, made him think , and feel like he's human.

Like as if he is a human, just like Seunghyun.

How does it feel to have a body?

How does it feel to be able to walk hand in hand with Seunghyun?

How does it feel to be able to take care of Seunghyun, forever? Not in spirit, but literally be there for him, physically.

How does it feel to be able to cook for Seunghyun without feeling dizzy cos when he used a lot of his power he'd lost his opacity that his whole body would started blinking, which what's been happening today. Ever since he changed into human form, by the time he'd done with preparing Seunghyun's meds and foods, he almost collapsed on kitchen's floor. The blinking had started then. He feels light, almost as if he was just a feather floating by the wind. He didn't feel anything or any discomfort, it's just that he knew that his body starts blinking so violently that when he looked at his hands, sometimes it looks like he had lost his arms, and then he saw his hands comes back, and then it's gone again. The blink won't stop. So he took one last glance to Seunghyun's room and found out that he's still sleeping soundly - he started to head and laid down on the sofa in front of Seunghyun's bed. 

 

 

 

*

Seunghyun put down his phone, close his notebook/agenda, and tug himself under the duvet. One of the best thing that Seunghyun does is that he's so used to taking care of himseld and pretending that he isn't even feel an inch of loneliness. When in fact, at time like this, every thoughts leads to it - company. He ain't need anything much, even if he doesn't work, can't work anymore now. Maybe he could go search for some freelance job later when he's feeling healthy enough. This feeling won't go away, and he needed an outlet so for the first time in awhile, he writes for one audience but himself.

 

 

Have you ever wonder why one particular memory imprint and others don't?

Why do I still remember and have this picture of me and mom and dad went to this particular hypermarket that evening?

And then I saw a high school girl worked as an intern there helping the cashier to pack groceries into plastic bag, I remember she wore tight smile and said thank you to us.

Were they even exist? Was I with my parents at that moment? Or was that just another product of my imagination?

Why do I remember one thing and forget the other? 

And now, when I close my eyes, I still can feel him, soft hands touching my hands. Whispering things, I faintly heard "It's okay, Seunghyun, breathe. Here is your meds."

I almost can see his face. Almost.

Jiyong. It's Jiyong. Where are you?

 

It's 2 AM and he's still wide awake, at least his stomach is doing a whole lot better now, only the nausea won't be gone at all. He has a basin within reach and warm towel on his head, duvet surrounding his legs just to make sure he won't be dying of the cold. It's just one of those days that things got heavy for him, he's sad that he had to give up his jobs and had to deal with his poor health, sad that he can't even start searching for freelance job cos he practically live on top of his bed now. But he's glad that at least when he's feeling better he can sit, enjoy the breeze from the window, and writes. His stomach growls, so he planned to heat instant soup then he tried to wake up but he got up way too fast, and he got so dizzy that he clutched to the end of the bed. So much for wanting to eat, don't let me fall, please.

And then he feels him. There was arms all around him, and he felt warm and okay.

He always liked Jiyong's hug, always like how Jiyong put his head on his front, always like how Jiyong caressed his head and helped him ease the pain.

 

"Hi."

"Hi, yourself. Thought I need to be dying first so that I could see you?"

"Don't jinx it, Seunghyun."

"Are you okay? Can you wait here? So that I could bring the soup for you?"

"Okay."

 

 

 

*

"Jiyong?"

"Hmm?"

"I wanted to be in peace, can you help me?"

"I always have been helping you, Seunghyun."

"But I'm tired."

"Seunghyun, it's okay, we all are tired, that's why we need to rest. It's okay."

"You don't understand, I wanted peace. I wanted to be in peace, but this - life is nothing but pain and sheer agony. I'm wounded but I'm tired of putting on band aid. I am tired of being sick like this, Jiyong. It's been a whole year now."

 

 

Jiyong laid down near Seunghyun, caressing his arms, so that he got his full attention now.

"Seunghyun, I will put your band aid for you, I am your band aid."

 

 

 

Seunghyun got even worse ever since he's not working, doctor said that it's the stress. His latest diagnosis was gastric tumor that cause severe stomach pain and nausea. He has been sleeping a lot now, at first Jiyong didn't think anything but then he had seen it coming. Seunghyun always sleep, he rarely in pain but the stress was apparent, sometimes he'd wake up late at night and talk to Jiyong on what's life after this? When will he get to rest? Will he ever get to rest? The pain of not working and having stable income for someone who always managed to take care of himself ever since young age, get into Seunghyun and cut him deep. He seems okay only when he's sleep, and when he wake up, he'd sometimes need painkiller cause by the time he starts thinking about money, hospital bills, about no family show up at his hospital bed, and no one would bury him later if he'd gone, it's all bother him like a waterfall, and like always, he sinks. If that happened, his stomach would acting and he needs painkiller injection, it was painful to see him like that. Really. If Jiyong would be able to take Seunghyun's pain away and to do as he please to his human, he would take his pain away, and let him be free. But the boss wanted something else, Jiyong got tired of hoping things get better but he managed to always show up whenever Seunghyun needed him, and now - he's present in most of Seunghyun's days 

 

It was January, the next year after Seunghyun's latest diagnosis. Jiyong had been watching him and stay with him closely, talk to him, and assist him with everything -he knew it would happen soon, but watching it all by himself, it's just got a little too much, he wasn't sure whether he's ready for this yet. During Seunghyun's latest moment, Jiyong was more than present than he could be, he was there through it all. The machine that connects into his body signaled and beep sounds were heard, suddenly he saw Seunghyun's doctors, bunch of nurses matched inside Seunghyun's room and checked up on him. They tried to resuscitates him, tried to call him by his name, tried to shake his shoulder, even when they used that big machine that jolts Seunghyun's body, he still sleeps. Jiyong was there, Jiyong watched it all, Jiyong heard when Seunghyun's personal doctor announced the time and his cause of death. Jiyong remembers Seunghyun's favourite poem the most, when he recites it exactly last week, the one about death, it's just almost as if Seunghyun knew that his time will come off soon.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep."

"Seunghyun, please don't jinx it."

"I have lapse all over my body, Jiyong. I am a realist, I will be goon soon, I know it. C'mon continue the poem for me."

"I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain." 

"When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush. Of quiet birds in circled flight." "I am the swift uplifting rush Jiyong, only now I think I'm tired of rushing anymore, I wanted to rest." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jiyong was lost, he still there watching they moved Seunghyun's body to the outside of the room and suddenlty he saw him, Jiyong saw Seunghyun walked from the direction of his body that was just being moved, Seunghyun walked towards Jiyong, he was wearing a white attire just like him now, and for the first time in awhile, Seunghyun can walk by himself, and he smiles.

"Hi, Jiyong. I guess you really are an angel then? I can see your wings now."

Jiyong can't say anything else but then he just wrapped his arms and run to hug Seunghyun, he feels lighter now.

"You know what, I was there when your mother was in labor and I watched you came into this world, and I also watched when you left. You have no idea, it was hell. I don't wanted you to leave my sight ever again."

"I am so sorry, that you must see it all."

"Are you okay now, Seunghyun? No more pain?"

"Yeah, as you can see, I'm free now, from the pain and the hospital debt"

 

 

 

They laughed at that and they walked out of Seunghyun's room, hand-in-hand. They walked and walked and end up in hospitals's garden now. So Jiyong suggested them to sit there.

"Seunghyun, how does it feel to be like this?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, we're basically the same now, we're both spirits. Are you sad that you can barely touch things now?"

"I don't care about that, as long as you're here with me. Beside I finally get to see your halo and your wings clearly, they're beautiful. You're beautiful, I hope you know that Jiyong. When it's the time for us to leave this world, and get into another phase or even another place like the after life, will you also be there, with me?"

"You don't need to ask, Seunghyun. I will always be there for you. Always."

"Always."

 

 

Do not stand at my grave and weep 
I am not there. I do not sleep. 
I am a thousand winds that blow. 
I am the diamond glints on snow. 
I am the sunlight on ripened grain. 
I am the gentle autumn rain. 
When you awaken in the morning's hush 
I am the swift uplifting rush 
Of quiet birds in circled flight. 
I am the soft stars that shine at night. 
Do not stand at my grave and cry; 
I am not there. I did not die. 

- Mary Elizabet Frye