“UNIVERSE! YOU STINKING PIECE OF CRAP COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME!”

I waved the manuscript at the sky, eyes watering and threatening to have tears spill over. It wasn’t fair. My manuscript that had previously been approved for a new show was suddenly put to the garbage. Without any valid explanation other than the fact that I didn’t have seniority or experience, my dreams had shattered in the blink of an eye.

I could still remember the day I got the green light for it. I was at my desk enjoying a cheap cup of coffee and staring out the window into the bustling city. When I heard someone shuffle around me, I immediately pretended to work.

“Congrats,” I remember my boss saying, “You got the producer’s approval.”

Those few words felt as surreal as they were a blessing. I called my mom once he left and I could hear her voice shake on the other line. “Your dream has finally come true honey. I’m so proud. Wait till your dad hears about this! We’ll throw a BBQ party and invite the entire neighborhood.”

But it was all in vain. It was the reason I was standing on the roof of the MBC building ready to throw over the papers out of pure anger. The amount of work I had put into creating a flawless new show only amounted to false hope, and would only bring disappointment to my family. I couldn’t face them in failure. Not for the ninth time.

I looked around the resting area and breathed out a long sigh. It was a beautiful spot for workers to come and relax, though at that hour everyone was happily eating a late dinner at home. I dreaded going back to see my parents, the look of joy disappearing from their face would probably kill me. The last thing I ever wanted was for their efforts for me to go to waste.

I couldn’t go down without a fight. The Universe was next on my list but I demanded answers from the main producer. I wasn’t going to let it pass because I never got the chance to showcase my skills.

But when I tried to leave, my eyes rested on the setting sun on the horizon. There was a pain in my chest that felt familiar with every rejection and emotional scar that formed, and it wouldn’t go away no matter how much I hit my chest or tried to think of something else. It was a suffocating pain, one that cut your breath short and made you wonder if you were having a panic attack, a heart attack, an asthma attack, or all three at the same time.

I tried to hold my tears back and take a deep breath, but all I managed was a small inhale before my breath left my lips shakily and I began to cry. It just wasn’t fair that success was tangible, and suddenly I was back where I started: nowhere.

“You hear this, Universe?” I said, wiping my face. “You’re a stuck up old man who’s divorced his same wife three times and never had kids! Couldn’t you just put your pride aside and let me have this small happiness just once? What could it have cost you? Absolutely nothing, that’s what. But me? Me… How many more trials will you put me through wishing to break me? Because honestly? I can’t do it anymore. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough for anyone and never will be. Do you know what it’s like to be average in absolutely everything? Of course you wouldn’t know, Mr. Universe Sir, because you royally screw up everything you see fit and you do it with a Mardi Gras flare. But when you find something you really love, you really enjoy and that makes you happy… You cling onto it for dear life. It’s the last thing you have that makes you, you. And I don’t even have that anymore. So thank you, kind good-for-nothing Sir, for making my life an absolute sh-”

“Aren’t you being a little hard on yourself?”

I screamed of fright and accidentally let go of my manuscript. Its pages blew away with a sudden gust of wind, and though I said I’d throw it over the ledge I still ran after each page like a mother hen desperately gathering her children hoping they wouldn’t become nuggets. I fell to my knees as I gave up on trying to retrieve everything, stuck in a cyclone of papers that floated down to the ground and across the entire roof terrace, almost three years of work scattered.

When I reached to pick up a page gone rogue, my hand met another. I lifted up my eyes to see a face I found familiar but couldn’t quite put a name to, but my trail of thoughts came to a sudden stop when I got attacked by a hoard of papers that flew into my face.

The stranger pushed them away and gazed into my eyes with a soft worried smile while I stared at him like a skunk sensing danger. He was so familiar that it almost pained me not to remember. But my attention was back on the flying papers, and I let out a small yelp as I saw a few getting further away. The man scrambled up to his feet and chased after them, jumping up to catch each paper. I frantically retrieved the remaining ones, not even caring if at that moment I had everything. I just realized that he might’ve heard my entire monologue, and it was embarrassing to a whole other level.

He jogged back to me and handed me whatever he had caught. I put the papers back into the disheveled pile and wanted to get back up when I saw him reaching his hand toward me. I glanced up to see him giving me a sympathetic smile, and I took his hand. He pulled me up and I bowed to him, turning away to leave the rooftop.

“Are you alright?”

I froze, and my grip on my manuscript tightened. I haven’t heard that question in a long time. I nodded, then turned toward him. “It’s just an off day-”

“It sounded a lot more than that,” he laughed.

I felt my cheeks tint pink. “How… How much did you hear…? Exactly?”

He gave off a small laugh. “I think you asked the Universe to fight you.”

My breath fell short and I began to apologize profusely to him. He probably thought I was insane screaming out like that. When I checked earlier, I was sure there was no one there but me, yet he heard everything from the beginning. I was mortified to be standing in front of him and wished to quickly just disappear, or stick my head into the ground like an ostrich would. Either way, I prayed to never cross paths with him again.

I realized that the sun had already set, and a nightly breeze was present. The fresh air was a nice touch to the evening, and the darkness reminded me that I should go home. I couldn’t help but continue to stare at the horizon where the sun once was, wondering what tomorrow might bring.

“So what’s that?”

I turned back to the man, and he eyed my manuscript in my hands.

“Ah this… Is garbage,” I sighed.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, “Must be pretty valuable garbage if you were rushing after it.”

I cleared my throat. “I’m a writer for MBC, this is- well was- a new show that I pitched to the producers and that was accepted.”

“You’re mad that they accepted it?” he asked.

“No, they accepted it, and this morning they told me it’s been revised and rejected,” I responded, still petty about the situation.

He stared back at me, sadness creeping up his eyes. The corner of his lips tugged into a bitter smile as if he knew exactly how I felt like. “You want me to listen to you? I’m sure the Universe heard you loud and clear, but talking to a living human being might be a little more help.”

A part of me had to go home, but the other part dreaded facing my family. What really made me curious was as to why this man was being so nice to me, especially that he was an idol. I still couldn’t put a name to him or his group.

He took my silence as an answer and gestured towards a wooden bench that was tucked under a pergola. I followed him sheepishly, and once he got there he took off his coat and put it on the bench for me to sit on. I would be lying if that didn’t make me smile internally, but I was still questioning his motives.

I sat upright as I felt him staring at me. We sat in the silence for a moment until I asked, “What’s your name?”

He looked a little surprised by my question, and I suddenly felt a little stupid for not brushing up on my celebrity knowledge. I had been so focused on my job that I barely had time to get into anything, even if I was working at a broadcasting company.

“Choi Seungcheol,” he said, stretching his hand out to shake mine as I introduced myself as well.

“Do you… Mind if we talk about something else?” I suddenly asked. “I just want to forget about today for a moment.”

Seungcheol nodded, still smiling. It felt nice that at least one of us could smile like that. He looked like he was happy with how his life turned out, unlike me who just always screamed on top of the rooftop about all the injustice in the world targeted at me. What a selfish brat I was.

“You know, our paths always seem to cross here,” he said. I stared at him in confusion. Had I lost it completely? I was sure this was the first time I’d ever seen him, at least up close. “I always see you up here when something bothers you.”

“You- You mean you’ve…. You’ve heard me- Oh my god,” I put a hand over my mouth. I did often come up on the rooftop to yell out my frustrations as I had no one to vent to, but I never imagined I had an audience. Which meant he knew a lot about me, way more than I would ever want a stranger to know about. I was royally screwed, thanks Universe.

“It’s alright, thanks to you I realized how great this place is to let off some steam. I mean, you do it in a more creative way,” he laughed.

“Is that why you’re here now?” I asked. “You’ve heard me- unfortunately- many times complaining. I guess I owe you.”

He laughed again, then stared back at me with his dark brown eyes. “Uhm… You’re not wrong but… My members actually forgot me.”

I blinked a few times at him. “What do you mean? Like, they stopped including you in activities or they forgot your birthday?”

“I mean the van left without me.”

I tried so hard not to laugh, but it was all in vain. My shoulders shook as I giggled uncontrollably, tears forming in my eyes. The poor thing must have been having a pretty rough day as well.

“No way of calling them?” I asked, wiping a few tears away.

He shook his head. “Said phone left with said van.”

I knew our situations weren’t comparable, but his story made me feel better, even if it was just a little. He actually got me to laugh.

“Here, use mine,” I said as I handed him my phone. He stared down at it for a moment, then placed it on his lap to look back at me.

“To tell you the truth, I come up here to see if someone has it worse than me,” he laughed. I sighed at his comment. “It was never this bad though, that’s why I thought I’d say something. Sorry for scaring you.”

I shook my head, giving him a soft smile. “I probably should check thoroughly if there’s anyone else with me, so it’s also partially my fault.”

We exchanged awkward smiles and he looked at my phone again, getting ready to dial a number. I suddenly reached out to grab his arm but immediately let go. He gave me a surprised look, eyes wide as an owl.

“Sorry I… I wanted to ask if you can talk just a little longer,” I practically whispered. “I’m sorry, you must be tired.”

He gave me a sympathetic smile. “I have a schedule tomorrow, so the sooner I get back home the better. I need to beat a few people up too,” he laughed. “You shouldn’t put off telling your parents, you know? From what I’ve heard-” He let out another laugh, “They sound like caring parents.”

“I just can’t stand disappointing them,” I said, “I’m scared they’ll lose faith in me after this. They’ve worked so hard for me and I can’t even do this for them, you know?”

He nodded carefully, “A few years ago, I was in the same situation as you,” he said, looking out to the dark horizon. “My debut kept getting pushed back, and the trainee years just kept increasing. But if I hadn’t been refused so many times, I would’ve never found my group today. I think, well to me, everything happens for a reason.” He stared intently at a ring on his pinky finger, which I guessed meant a lot to him.

I listened to his story, and felt my heart strings tug a little. He really did understand what I was going through. Though I didn’t know who he was, he was very admirable to me. He probably had gone through so much to be where he was today, and he was living proof that if I gave up at that moment, I would’ve been further from my dream than never before.

Seungcheol dialed a number and I got up to give him some space. I could hear his aggravated tone while talking to someone called Jeonghan, and it was quite amusing. He sounded a lot like a husband left at the supermarket by accident, which he kind of was.

A sudden breeze picked up and a shiver went down my spine. I rubbed at my arms trying to generate heat, and when I couldn’t hear his voice anymore I turned around. Suddenly, I bumped my nose into his chest and he jumped back a little.

“Sorry, I wanted to give you this,” he said as he swung his jacked around my shoulders. It smelled of his cologne, and I suddenly realized why women liked to borrow worn clothes from their boyfriends. It made my heart beat a little faster, but I needed some sense knocked into me.

“So, I have to go,” he said with a small laugh, “Turns out they’ve been looking for me downstairs for the past 20 minutes.”

I couldn’t help but laugh again, “Well, looks like things are looking up for you.”

He ruffled my hair which caught me by surprise, “I’m sure your situation will work out as well.”

He passed by me and strode towards the exit. I stared back at him as if we had been long lost lovers and he was going off to war. I quite enjoyed our small chat, and it made me curious whether or not he remembered anything I said in my previous rants. I was also curious about him, because if he had seen me often it meant he did a lot of thinking too.

“Seungcheol-ah!”

His name escaped my lips faster than I could stop it. He turned around as he opened the glass door, a smile lingering on his face.

“Thank you, for listening to me,” I said as I waved to him. He gave a bow of his head, and disappeared out the door.

I gripped his coat, letting out a lengthy sigh. That’s when I realized he hadn’t taken his coat back, and my phone had gone along with him.

“Universe?” I said out loud, “If you can hear me, which a part of me is hoping you can and the other is going to beg for forgiveness for all the insults I threw at you, what’s this turn of events about?”

***

When I told my parents what had happened, I had never felt such love and support from them, at least not to that extent. Seungcheol was right, they were incredibly caring and I was so fortunate that they still believed in me.

I managed to get to work with a positive attitude, thinking I could try again for the tenth time. If he could debut after so many trials, I sure as hell could also power through.

When I got to my desk, the jacket hanging on the back of my chair reminded me that last night really happened. I couldn’t help but smile to myself and take my seat, ready to start the day. My boss came over to give me some paper work, but before he left he handed me a small box.

“Some guy came in this morning and told me this belonged to you,” he said, but before I could ask from who it was he yelled at me that he was very busy.

I stared at the box as if it were a bomb. I inspected it carefully and shook it. Whatever was inside felt a little heavy? I carefully opened it, and to my delight it was my battered cellphone. When I turned it on, there were a few messages waiting for me, including a contact name I had never entered.

[SMS: Cheolie]: I’d like my jacket
[SMS: Cheolie]: Thank you for helping mekekekeoutback

I held my phone against my chest, beginning to laugh uncontrollably. It was definitely a situation I had never expected, nor did I think I’d react like a teenage girl to a boy texting me. I tried to compose myself and apologized to my coworkers who were wondering if my rejection had rendered me insane.

After a long moment, I managed a reply.

 

 

 

[To: Cheolie]: Let’s meet on the rooftop again when you’re free

When my phone suddenly buzzed in my hands I almost dropped it. My face went red at the message, and my insane laughter ensued.