It happened again a month after the party.

My parents, after yet another ballistic fight involving a lot of shattered plates and cups, decided that it would be for the best if the took a break from each other and the city. My mother went to visit her mother in the mountains and my father, after apologising profusely, left to see his brother in Daegu. I was left all alone in our silent house, not that surprised at the amount of neglect from my parents. But, my heart still wallowed in sorrow.

I guess, there was still hope that my dad, at least my dad, would care enough not to leave me alone. But, people were selfish and that included my father. He would do anything to escape my nightmare of a mother.

I stayed holed up in my house for days, watching movie after movie, not really wanting to go out. Some people at school would perhaps think to organize a party or go out, but I was mentally exhausted from saying goodbye to my parents. All I wanted to do was sit in the dark of the living room and chew on my fourth bowl of popcorn.

Sure, I felt like a child in my oversized baby blue pajamas, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. It felt good to feel like a child again. My childhood was full of sunshine and laughter, unlike the gloomy days of my nearing adulthood. So, acting like a kid was a good change, no responsibilities, no worries.

However, what I did that night was what a child should have done.

I was sitting on the couch, watching the reruns of my favorite k-drama, laughing time and time again at my favorite moments and crying when the angst hit hard. However, on my eighth episode, I heard a knock on the door, pummeling on the wood like a hammer. I thought that perhaps it was a worried Ahran or an insistent Hani, so I hurried to the door to tell them I was fine.

But, it was neither.

It was Taehyung. Kim Taehyung.

He was soaking from the rain, his brown hair plastered to his forehead. He was shivering like a leaf in the wind, his eyes big and sad. But, he was swaying. His gaze was hooded, murky. Obvious signs of being drunk.

" What are you doing here, Taehyung?", I asked him, clutching my arms closer to me.

I was trying to avoid him ever since the incident at the party. Whenever I saw him, I would just slip into an empty room or corner. The process got quite tiring, but it was worth not seeing his face. It sent odd shivers all across my body, almost as if I was about to suffocate.

Now, when I was face to face with him, I felt it again. Like my lungs were filling with water and I was slipping away. I made myself breathe more even as I watched him step closer to me. In response, he just leaned on the door frame, looming over me like a shadow.

" I missed you", he breathed out, his voice shaking again. " I couldn't do it. You are... everywhere"

As he said those words, he inched closer and closer towards me, until his face was only mere centimeters away from mine. His eyes bore into mine with so much intensity, I felt as if they were boring holes into mine.

I stepped back, narrowing my eyes on him. Who did he think he was?

“ Get away from my house, Taehyung”, I hissed at him, fury simmering in me from all the times he has humiliated me, betrayed me. I wouldn’t give in that easy. I wouldn't be his little puppet, “What you did at the party was ing messed up, you know that right? You can’t just take back all the years of bullying like that. I won’t let you”

He stumbled closer to me until I was pressed against the wall, his breath fanning over my face. I tried to pull away from him, but his hands captured my wrists, holding them down tight. I tried to wiggle away from him, but his body kept me pinned to the wall. I felt fear spread across my body, sending my heart into a beating frenzy.

" I know", he said, his voice a little raspy and so, so agonizingly sad that it almost made me want to cry, “ I know what I did was wrong. But, I just can’t stay away, don’t you get it? I know I hurt you, but I just can’t do it anymore. I just want to have you close again, I want to feel your lips on my lips. So, please I beg you, don’t do this”

“ Don’t do what? Do the same things that you’ve done to me?”, I spat back with spite, watching him flinch away from my words. A tiny prickle spread through my heart as I saw his silent defeat.

He looked away, his lids falling over his eyes and I saw how tired he was. I saw the pallor of his skin, the bruising under his eyes and his eyes bags.

What has made him so tired?

But, before I could ask, his lips collided with mine. Just like his last one, his kisses were erratic and crazed. And just like the last time, I felt it. This breathlessness. The suffocating feeling that I felt when I saw him intensified with every maneuver his tongue performed.

His hands lifted me up and spread my legs too to either side of his torso. He pushed me against the wall until I felt him between my legs, which made me flush like a ripe tomato.

My mind panicked as I tried to make sense of this, but his tongue in my mouth and his body on mine kept distracting me. He groaned against my lips and his hand dove under my shirt, caressing my ribs and clutching the underside of my s.

I let him.

I never knew why, but I let him.

I didn't say a word as he pulled away, looked me in the eyes with that scarily intense gaze and ripped off my shirt. I never squeaked as his mouth began kissing my jaw, my neck, on my skin so much that I felt it was gonna bruise. Mine nipped at my collarbone, his hands clutching my bottom, with so much hunger that I let out a small moan.

The whole situation was out of my control and I felt myself slip away as if I was shedding armor.

But, when he looked at me, straight in the eye, he immediately jerked away. He looked like a scared boy caught stealing candy.

" Taehyung", I said, approaching him like someone approaching a frightened animal, too overwhelmed to be angry.

He shook his head at me, swearing as he backed away from me, almost breaking my mother's favorite vase in the process.

" I can't....", he kept murmuring, sounding out of breath and aghast. " I can't, Haeju".

Then, he reached the door and jabbed at the handle, exiting into the cool rain frantically.

I just stood there, my shirt on the floor, my neck and collarbone covered in hickeys, wondering what in the world happened.

But, nothing about his next actions revealed anything about what he felt like. This time, he avoided me, not the other way around. When I would enter the class, he would look away, immediately turning his attention to the girl sitting next to him (who annoyed me for no reason).

When I walked down the hallways, he would lock eyes with me and immediately change his direction.

It left a bitter taste in my mouth and I wondered if it was like what Taehyung felt like when I ran away from him.

When I asked Hani and Ahran for help, all they did was stare in shock at my confession that I let him in my house and most importantly, let him undress me and bruise me.

" Haeju...", Hani began hesitantly as I told them of that night. " You shouldn't let him do that to you. That's wrong"

Ahran nodded, her light brown hair catching in sunlight as you walked down your favorite path in the park. It was April and the cherry blossoms bloomed under the hesitant rays of the sun, falling down upon the path that Ahran, Hani and I walked on.

" I know", I replied, burying my hands deep in the pockets of my hoodie. " It just... happened. And now he avoids me and just... don't know what to do"

Hani looked at Ahran with a questioning gaze as she huffed and puffed. I suddenly felt insecure about sharing my problems so openly and was about to change the subject as Hani stopped me.

She stopped right in front of me, giving me one of her concerned looks once again.

Her pale skin looked almost translucent under the shadow of the cherry blossoms trees. It contrasted against her midnight black hair so much that she nearly looked ghostly.

I had always let so envious of her nearly unearthly beauty.

" Haeju-ah, we don't to make you feel as if we are judging you", Hani told you softly, clutching your shoulders as Ahran smiled at you. " We love you immensely and it just hurts us to see your heart being tossed around by Kim Taehyung"

I nodded, feeling embarrassed and grateful at the same time. There was nothing like the feeling of knowing that your friends would be there for you.

" So, we think you should stop seeing him", Ahran concluded, tucking a light brown strand behind her ear.

" I think so too", I agreed, living at the gravel in front of my boots, trying to convince myself that completely erasing Taehyung from both my mind and heart was for the best.

He was much better avoided. But, that look on his face when he is about to kiss me...There was something about it.

I shook my head.

No, no, I couldn't just give up like this. He has gained me and made me fear me for years now. A few kisses were not going to fix that. Some things couldn't be fixed.

At least, that's what I told myself.