Remorse comes to him in the form of terrifying nightmares, so vivid yet so blurry, always red, red then black, that leave him paralysed and panting in the middle of the night. Remorse comes to him in the form of compulsions, impulses that make him scrub his hands until his wrinkled skin is raw and make him try to scratch out the filthiness underneath his skin until he’s bloodied. Remorse comes to him in the form of numbness, where he passes several days at a time unfeeling, unthinking and unmoving from the one spot like oblivion.

Jiyong has to remind himself that a world without ‘him’ is better than a world where everyone has their unworthy eyes on ‘him’, has their sleazy hands on ‘him’, pours their superficial affection onto ‘him’. Better than a world where ‘he’ doesn’t love Jiyong back.

Jiyong just loves ‘him’ so, so much.

And Jiyong’s heart will always be devoted to ‘him’ no matter what world they live in.

Even a world without ‘him’.

Is that so wrong? Jiyong is only human too. But now the memories are getting foggy, disappearing like a receding speck on the horizon, far, far,