Ride or die. In some unintentionally twisted way, Jungkook and Chaeyoung had found it funny how they embodied that very saying. As much as neither of them would like the latter, for themselves or each other, they knew there was no letting go. Jungkook finds himself pondering on this from the moment he had been left alone on the balcony, the alcohol swimming in his system not enough to deter how vivid the thoughts are. He didn't drink that much, not compared to the other three at least. 

By five in the morning, Jungkook catches Chaeyoung defeatedly making her way from the bedroom to the couch after an unconscious Taehyung stinking of pungent beers, vodka and sweat, had knocked her straight off the edge for the sixth time despite her futile efforts to stand her ground. When Jisoo's face came into view, Chaeyoung's heart skipped, her mind racing through what to say if the older girl wakes up and makes her live up to her loss. Fortunately, though Jisoo is known for her practically supersonic hearing, she's far too gone to be woken by anything (even the loud thuds of Chaeyoung flopping to the wooden floor followed by a faint whimper every time). Jungkook found himself shaken from his thoughts every time it happened, briefly muffling a chuckle when after the fifth time she sat up and gently knocked her head against the doorframe repeatedly before climbing back into comically small bed with the last bit of determination she had left. 

“You will tell no one or else,” she whispers weakly, poking the center of his forehead. Jungkook finds it difficult to take that threat seriously when she's making it through exhausted squinted eyes that makes him wonder if she even sees who she's speaking to. 

“I won't,” is all he says, and no matter how much he wants to with benign threats of how he's going to shake Jisoo awake just to make her go back to that humid room with Taehyung, he doesn't. Because some part of him is relieved it's just the two of them here again.

She hasn't sobered up entirely, but enough to be a little concerned about why Jungkook hasn't slept yet.

Jungkook takes a step back, choking a little as Chaeyoung unexpectedly begins taking off her top, the thin tank beneath almost getting pulled up with it. 

“Too hot?”

“P-pardon?”

“It's too hot to sleep, right?” she blinks at him as if her extremely easy-to-misconstrue question was self-explanatory. 

“Y-yeah, it is.” Tonight truly is strange, Jungkook thinks, because this feels like some messed up role reversal where he's taken the place of the usually easily flustered Chaeyoung. 

“Is it cooler outside?”

“Yeah, a bit,” he says, pausing for a moment with a quipped brow, “you're not gonna try sleeping outside, are you?” 

“Of course not,” she groans, “I can't even sleep at this point. I feel like my spine's been chewed up by a rat.”

And so he finds himself accompanying her to the balcony, mostly out of concern that at some point between breathing in the polluted air and gazing up at the stars, Chaeyoung might start to think she can fly. They sit in silence for quite some time, though it wasn't at all an uncomfortable one. They mutually liked that about being in each other's presence, because there was no feeling of obligation to talk or entertain, leading to a tense quietness filled with racing thoughts. It reminds him of the many times throughout elementary school they had ended up detained in a classroom prohibited from speaking because of something he did that she tried to cover for. Although he could practically sense the wave of annoyance emanating from her as she glared at him, still guiltlessly grinning about the incident, it came with a sense of relief. He remembers how he would make stupid faces at her until her piercing cold stoic look cracked into a quiet chuckle that grew louder with every passing second, and how it eventually got them both in more trouble but neither of them minded sitting in utter silence afterwards. 

“I missed you,” he hears her mumble minutes after they had made themselves comfortable on the concrete floor. 

“The hell? I've been here this whole time, how can you miss me?” he laughs. 

“I don't know,” she sighs pitifully, ruffling her already massively dishelved locks through her fingers. “I just always miss you even when you're here, it doesn't make any sense. How does this make sense?”

“You tell me, you're the one saying it.” He knows it's a lame response, but with her in this state and his heart beginning to feel heavy at what he knows is likely half-drunken nonsense, he couldn't respond any better if he wanted to.

“I hate you,” she whines. 

“And why is that?” He's glad her gaze is locked on the sky right now, because the grin on his face is ridiculous. She sounds like such a child when she's drunk (though at times, a questionably erted one), and he had forgotten how much he misses that because she doesn't drink often.  

“Because I didn't know what love felt like before and now I really wish I didn't.”

Humid air suddenly runs cold in his throat, a sharp throb piercing through his chest. This is nothing, this is nothing, this is nothing. The reminder surges through his head, desperately trying to rear him away from the implications his mind is already clearly processing. This isn't really Chaeyoung. This isn't the girl he grew up with, practically babying him from the chaotic daycares to the school hallways. And why couldn't it be? Because it isn't like that with Chaeyoung, the real Chaeyoung. 

But the way she instinctively curls her knees up to her forehead, habitually pinching at the pads of her fingertips the way she's always done since she was a child whenever she was distressed, be it over her mother falling ill or the possibility of Jungkook being separated from her for misdemeanor, nearly breaks every bit of denial he had that this doesn't have even a sliver of meaning in it.

So the very second he manages to compose himself, inhaling deeply to calm his heart, he asks, “why do you wish you didn't?”

It takes her a moment to reel her mind back, and Jungkook feels his entire body tense as her face comes into view, tinted pink face illuminated by the peering sunrise. “You could never feel this way for me.”

But- “why couldn't I?”

“I'm not good enough for you,” she sobs. 

“What are you talking about, Chaeyoung? You're more than-” and it's at this moment he realizes, before he could even process it had happened, he's completely let go of his restraints. It feels too real. He notices she's looking at him now with an anticipatory gaze, her eyes appearing both tired and helpless. He's visibly shaken but in this state, does she realize that? With a sharp inhale, he finishes, “you're more than anything I could ever ask for, Chaeyoung.”

He can't tell if she even hears him at first as she remains completely still, neatly cross-legged on the floor across from him. She's either pondering on what he just said or something completely unrelated, it's rather difficult to tell when her expression for the first time reveals little to nothing. He doesn't know whether to be nervous (though that doesn't stop him from feeling so), until she abruptly looks at him, meeting his eyes at last. She slowly moves closer to him, scooching along the floor with her legs still crossed until their faces are only a few inches apart. 

“Chaeyoung?” His heart is racing, pounding uncomfortably against his chest as she inches closer and closer.

With the way she's aligned them, hands on both his shoulders and now propped up on her knees, he feels an inexplicable urge to just bring the miniscule gap to a complete close. Yet his hands remain steady against the cold concrete of the balcony floor, watching her intently. He realizes that all the alcohol and potent smelling things in the world either couldn't mask the underlying signature scent of Chaeyoung, or his own senses had memorized it to the point of always being able to separate it from everything else, like a needle in a hay stack. Whatever the case, what remains a constant is where this scent and the feeling of her brought him - home. 

He wonders if she feels the same. Is it delusional to believe that perhaps this feeling was what she found worth chasing to terrifying heights to hold onto? 

There's a weight that gently begins to lift off his chest as he feels their foreheads touch, lips slightly apart.

“Jungkook,” she whispers.

“Yeah?”

“I...” She breathes in, her hands tightening their hold on his shoulders. He closes his eyes, patiently waiting- for what? A plethora of things. 

Just as he feels her exhale, her grip all at once loosens on both his shoulders and a sudden weight is toppling over onto him. “Chae-” His head hits the concrete with an audible smack yet he still instinctively catches hers in the palm of his hand. He wonders if this is a trauma reflex from the first time they crashed or something else he couldn't quite process right now. “Chaeyoung?” He mutters once, then a few times again as he taps on her shoulder and shakes her side to side a bit before concluding with her gentle breathing- “nice.”

There are far more downsides to drinking than there are rewards, or so that's what everyone thinks when they wake up from a night of downing enough alcohol to drown a baby elephant. For once Jungkook feels like the smartest person in the room, and he doesn't enjoy it as much as he once believed he would as the trio of university students yell for their fifth round of water from the kitchen because apparently their insides have turned into an insatiable desert. 

“We need some hangover food, now,” Jisoo states.

“What's hangover food?” questions Jungkook.

“You know, just the standard,” Taehyung explains, “anything deep fried, sugary or salty.”

“Doesn't that make you feel worse?” 

“Exactly,” he nods, “make yourself feel so ty on the outside that you can't begin to think about how horrible you feel on the inside.”

“What?” Jungkook squints, deeply puzzled trying to wrap his head around that nonsensical statement. 

“You'll figure it out when you're older.”

“I'm literally just two years younger than you...”

“Wait how old are you?” Taehyung furrows his brows, and before Jungkook could answer, “how old am I? Jisoo-ya where are we?”

“Don't question it,” Jimin turns to Jungkook, “we're just going to end up ordering the same takeout as we always do and those two are gonna throw up in my bathroom and we're not going to question anything.” Jungkook is slightly concerned at the smile plastered on the older boy's face, as it's somewhere between his usual reassuring smile and somewhat... deranged. Then again, that's to be expected for living with Kim Taehyung.

Chaeyoung is still asleep though no one questions it as it's become known how hard of a time Taehyung gave her last night. 

“In my defense,” Taehyung reasons, “I'm used to sleeping with Jisoo who can usually fight back despite how small she is. It usually takes a few tosses before she's actually off the bed.”

Jungkook and Jimin aren't sure whether that's a compliment to her though the proud look on Jisoo's face seems to answer that question perfectly. 

“I felt kinda bad for putting Chaeng in that position,” Jisoo admits, “she is still healing from the accident after all.”

“I mean, she did agree to the terms and conditions of the game,” says Taehyung.

“Dude, she was drunk,” Jimin shakes his head, “I hope that isn't how your logic works with anything else.”

“I. was. kidding,” he laughs, though Jimin isn't entirely convinced. 

Amidst their bickering, Jisoo silently slides close to Jungkook's side, startling him briefly. “I saw you carry her to the couch,” she whispers, watching his face suddenly pale and stiffen with an amused grin painted across her lips. “I would ask you what happened but I know you're going to lie so I won't,” she says, continuing before he can respond, “don't worry, I wasn't thinking anything weird. You guys aren't like that.”  

“Yeah,” he gently exhales, tilting his head downward to meet her gaze, which really just as she had assured, didn't seem to hold any judgment behind them. He's never really been close with Jisoo, but he has been aware that aside from him, she was someone Chaeyoung relied on a lot. He sometimes thought she made up for what he couldn't do or understand. 

“What now?” she asks.

“I'm not sure,” he sighs, leaning back on the palms of his hands. His heart still feels heavy, barely sure of what to do when Chaeyoung wakes up let alone the situation that still plagues them both. He wonders what Chaeyoung's mother would think if she knew her daughter probably can't go home for a while because of him and the chicken he's watching peck happily at some seeds on the floor of her cage. 

“Are you taking that thing with you everywhere?”

“Yes, I will be taking her with me,” he hisses at the blatant disrespect on his best friend. 

Jisoo stares vacantly at the fowl, remembering how just a few hours ago there had been a knock on the front door surprising her awake, and how she found it right on the carpeted floor outside in the hallway like an Amazon delivery package. Through her hazy thoughts, she pondered on whether someone tried to order fried chicken but drunkenly ordered a live one and they'd have to butcher it themselves. It sure seemed as fat as a farmed one intended for it until Jungkook excitedly swooped the cage from under her and let the awful smelling thing free to embraced it like a long lost lover reunited with him at last.

“I let Bambam hold onto her for me until I felt it was safe for us to be together,” he had explained.

“I'm surprised you didn't do that with Chaeyoung,” she giggled at the heavily unamused glare he had shot her.

They're torn from their thoughts (and the bickering duo's quarrels) as Chaeyoung's phone begins to ring from the kitchen counter.

“How the hell does that thing still have battery I swear to god she was on it all night,” Taehyung exclaims, bewildered.

Sure enough, it was on it's last percentage, and the caller was none other than mother Park herself. No one was sure whether they should wake Chaeyoung from her slumber, but before a decision could be made the older three were surprised when Jungkook abruptly answers. “Hello?”

“Oh, Jungkook! Thank god! Can you tell Chaeyoung something for me.” Jungkook can't help but laugh at how she doesn't even bother ask if Chaeyoung is with him, as if that part was set in stone. 

“Of course, anything,” he replies.

“Well, you see...”

Jisoo, Taehyung and Jimin all watch with ever growing curiosity as the younger boy's eyes widen, an indescribable expression spreading across his features as he mutters "yes" and "I see" and "mhm" every few pauses. It's quite interesting, they thought, how it really sounds like he's speaking to his own mother, comfortably and fondly. Almost heartwarming if you can get past the unreadable faces he's making.

When the call ends, to their disappointment, Jungkook doesn't tell them what they had talked about. “Confidential,” he says teasingly, once again feeling like the oldest one with how pouty they all became. 

It only became more confusing when Chaeyoung, finally sobered up with a mild headache, finds out. They hear shouting from the living room as she rapidly transitions from dazed to... furious? It seems like the right word but at the same time, not quite.

“What did you do?!” 

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“I can't believe you!” 

“Shouldn't you be happy?”

“Why would I be? This is wrong! You- I can't believe you would-” Frantically pacing around the room, it pains him to see her so distressed though he can't pinpoint why. This is what she's wanted and worked towards for years and yet the look on her face is anything but euphoric. “I can't believe you threw away your future for me,” she whispers, falling to the couch with tears threatening to spill.

“I didn't throw away anything, we both know I wouldn't have gotten anywhere.”

“Yes you would! You passed my exam, you could have easily passed your own if it weren't for-” she sobs into her hands. “I'm not taking it.”

“What?”

“I'm not taking this acceptance.”

He heaves a loud sigh. “Chaeyoung, you can't. I didn't have a future planned out anyway, and you know you would have gotten beyond a pass if you had taken it yourself so if you think about it, it wasn't that immoral-”

“That's not why,” she mutters, breathing trembling as she holds her head back up with her arms crossed, “it's just-... I just don't want it.”

Silence permeates the atmosphere, and Jungkook can't think of what to say next. He knew she would be upset with him, and he knew he would have to convince her to accept it because it's what she has been working up to her whole life. He never would have expected her to turn it down for any reason other than she felt guilty about him sacrificing something for her, which he really doesn't believe he did. And yet she looks at him now with such certainty at what she just said, and he wonders once again...

Is this feeling worth chasing after?