During Youngjae's senior year in high school, the parties he went to with Junhong usually only started a little before midnight but college was different, people didn't have the entire day afterwards to rest and grumble about their hangover. So even though it wasn't much after 9 in the evening, when the two of them arrived at Jongup's place, people were already tipsy, out of their minds drunk or having a real good time.

Junhong was off the moment a few of his friends from some class hollered him over and Youngjae was left alone to observe the people that were scattered all over the living room and hallway. He tried to play it off, of course, but Youngjae liked looking at pretty faces, he just didn't like actually having to talk to someone. Or maybe he did.

That wasn't the most important now anyway, Youngjae decided to make his way to the kitchen to see if he could grab a clean and unused cup to get himself a drink, avoiding anyone's eyes on his as he held his head high. He knew he was good at playing off his insecurities, it was somewhat fun knowing that he appeared intimidating to others if he wanted to. Of course it didn't play in his favor of getting attention from someone but it was easier this way. He couldn't deny that it was at least a little hypocritical, kind of paradox, but Youngjae couldn't help it. It was a defense mechanism he's taught himself, for no particular reason or maybe because it was safe.

And Youngjae needed to feel safe, until he didn't want to anymore and let himself go, let someone else hold him for the rest of the night with a number scribbled on a tissue in his jeans pocket at the end of it. He'd save the number and delete it a few hours after because he was embarrassed, Youngjae never knew for what reason but he knew it was for the better.

He hated feeling embarrassed, but his mind had to tell him constantly, all the time, that people were looking at him. Even if they weren't.

It felt terrible, he felt stares boring into his skin, stares that went through him. Youngjae felt his shoulders slump as he reached the kitchen, he had already visited Jongup's place once after he moved. It wasn't much, but more than the average college student could afford.

Youngjae was pretty sure Jongup's parents were paying the rent for him but it didn't matter.

He passed by a girl in a yellow crop top who was cooking up some ramyun, her black hair partly fell into her face and down her back. Youngjae thought she was pretty.

He'd always thought girls were pretty, just not how his friends did.

There were a few bottles on the counter, vodka, whiskey, rum and some soju and beer. Youngjae didn't know why but he really hated the taste of beer, it wasn't any pleasant even if he'd mix it with soda to wash away its original taste. It still somewhat tasted like and Youngjae forgot about it to look for an empty glass.

The seething of the boiling water caught his ears and he could see through his peripheral view that the girl had turned around to lean against the counter with her back. She really had a pretty face, red lips and rosy cheeks, her eyes were bored, laced over by something Youngjae couldn't pin point.

"I wouldn't try the soju, it tastes like ." She said, nonchalantly looking at her phone as the water was boiling behind her back on the counter.

"Thanks." Youngjae didn't know what else to say, he directed his eyes to the alcohol in front of him, thinking over his words. "Good to know."

"If you like, the vodka is a somewhat expensive one and isn't too bad if you get some coke." She continued, her eyes trained on Youngjae now, scrutinizing the way he stood in between the counters, his hip leaned against the surface and his eyes wary. "But if you like it raw, I guess I'm not one to tell you not to."

A small smile appeared on her lips and she placed her hands on her lower back after pushing herself off of the counter. "I think we go to the same school." She made her way over to Youngjae, stopping in her tracks in front of him.

"Oh, really."

It somehow felt like she wanted to tell Youngjae something, but he couldn't figure out what it was. He was sure he'd never seen her before.

"Seoul National of Education. Am I right?"

"Yeah, how, or why do you know me?" Youngjae asked, taking a step back to grab a glass off of the shelves.

"Do you remember during festival season, we had these huge food stalls were students drank. My friend got drunk in one of those, and you were there."

"That was in May though, wasn't it?"

Youngjae couldn't think back all those months ago, his memories a blur of get togethers and Friday evenings out in a cold ally on the way to a friend's place to get faced.

"It was in May, yeah." She smiled again and backed off, getting her water and pouring it into the small cup filled with noodles. "Sometimes I think my friend only tells me the truth when he drinks."

Youngjae stared at her as she left the kitchen, the door falling close and leaving him alone.

He could hear the sound of the bass vibrating against the walls and it was dull, it sounded as if he was under water and Youngjae shook his head, forgetting the past conversation as he poured his drink. He hated it when people talked to him about something as if he knew about it, it clearly was meant to confuse him. The girl didn't seem to have had any intentions of explaining whatever she had been talking about to him.

Youngjae really hated encounters that made him uncertain. He placed his glass on his lips with a frown on his face, his face contorting into a grimace since he hadn't mixed the vodka with anything.