October 23, 2013 | Seoul, Korea

AMBER’S POV

Krystal accompanies me backstage as the group prepares for another music show performance. “You’ll do great, Am,” Krystal says softly, rubbing my arm in assurance.

“Hey, is your leg okay?” Luna asks me with a concerned look on her face. My old knee injury has been acting up since we started prepping for the Korean promotions.

If I were being honest, I would tell her my knee hurts like crazy right now, after all, I’ve been working it pretty hard this past week. However, in order not to worry Krystal or the rest of the group, I pat her arm, “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” In the back of my mind I try to shake the doubt out of my mind. Fear will only make things worse.

As the countdown starts and we huddle up as a group, Krystal watches from the sidelines, “C2C fighting!” We ready our positions and wait in the darkness as the previous group’s track fades out. My heart pounds. After all the years of performing, I still feel the adrenaline rushing into my blood when I take to the stage. All of our eyes are on the countdown clock: 3, 2, 1.

Bright lights begin to flash and the music starts. Staring directly into the camera in front of me, I drown the rest of the world out and focus on the beat. My hands and feet begin to move on their own, and we fly across the stage, performing with all of our hearts. The powerful moves and fast singing make my heart beat faster. I feel a bead of sweat roll down the side of my jaw and onto my neck. I shoot my hand up and over my head, in sync with the rest of my members. It’s time for the move that’s been taking a toll on me — the flip. Qian behind me and Luna and Xue Li to my right and left sides, they support me as I bend my knees put tension into my calves. As the music explodes, I spring up into the air, arching my back while letting my arms balance my movement and guide my direction.

As I land the flip, I feel shooting pain radiate through my right knee. I grimace a little, but try to keep up. I begin seeing stars as the music gets louder and the pain pulses through my body. I force myself to get through it, but when the rest of the members jump, I can only fake it. I begin breathing harder, stop singing, and just mouth the words, trying my hardest to control the pain. I stumble slightly and try to regain my focus, but the pain is unbearable. As the stage lights dim, I drop down and clutch my knee — I let the pain take over. Luna rushes to my side and tries to hold me upright. Before I blackout, I hear a familiar voice call my name from backstage, “Amber!”

KRYSTAL’S POV

“Amber!” Her name escapes through my lips as I watch her fall out of consciousness. I panic, and wring my hands, frustrated that I am only ten feet away, but cannot run to save her. Luna and Qian stand on either side of her, holding onto her arms and Xue Li walks worriedly beside them. Amber’s eyes are half opened and rolling to the back of her head. Her members sit her on a chair right behind the stage and I rush over. “Amber! Amber, wake up!” I frantically pat her face as she moans softly. I see a wave of pain ripple through her body, forcing her to fall into the fetal position.

Qian pulls me aside, as their manager steps in to help. As I try to wiggle out of her grasp and head back towards Amber, she said calmly in English, “Her knee. It’s hurt. Stay here.”

I shake my head, “Let me hold her hand.” Qian gives in and I rush back to Amber’s side. Her manager is wiping her face with a wet cloth. Placing my hand in hers, her frantic, tight squeeze digs her nails into my hand. I sense her fear, her pain. “What do we do?” I ask her manager, my mind still in a panic worry.

“I called doctor already,” he says in broken English. Doctor? I clarify by mimicking an ambulance noise and he nods.

her sweat-soaked hair, tears fill my eyes as I watch her writhe in pain, eyes shut tightly. “It’s going to be okay, baby. The ambulance is on the way,” I choke out. I don’t even realize my tears are raining down and mixing in with the sweat on Amber’s cheeks.

AMBER’S POV

I open my eyes slowly, squinting to adjust to the bright, sterile room. I shudder as I realize where I am, the place I hate the most — the hospital. I feel a warmth in my hand and look down. A small, slender hand is crushed in my grip. I turn and see Krystal dozed off in the chair right beside my bed. Her cheeks are stained with dried tears. Slowly, I release my hold her hand, hoping not to wake her. I gently caress the marks my nails made in her skin. Her eyes shoot open immediately. “Amber?” Her eyes light up as she tries to rub the traces of her tears off her face.

“Princess,” I say gently, “Sorry for making you worry…”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” She adjusts my blankets slightly, “Do you feel any pain now?”

I pause for a second to evaluate my situation. Shifting my leg slightly, I feel a slight ache and tightness in my knee. “It’s just a little ache now, baby. Don’t worry. It hurt much more before.”

Krystal stands up and opens the door. Peering her head out, I hear her say, “She’s awake.”

One by one, my members and manager walk into the room.

Luna runs up to me and hugs me tight. “You said your knee was fine!” She fakes-punches my arm, “Tell us next time! We were all so worried when you passed out!”

Xue Li’s cutesy voice cuts in, “Big Bro, you’re bad. You made all of us so scared! Your girlfriend even cried!” She points to Krystal and says in English, “She cry!”

Krystal shakes her head, embarrassed, “I wouldn’t call it crying, okay? I just teared up a little bit.”

Chuckling, I raise my hand and try to rub off a trail of dried tears with my thumb, “What is this then? Just admit you love me, Princess.”

Krystal punches me in the arm, “That’s for making us worry!”

Qian’s calls my name, a little less stern than usual, “Amber, rest up. We were supposed to leave tonight, but since you’re in no condition to fly so soon after your injury, Manager Oppa has moved your flight back a week, to the 30th.” Qian turns to the rest of the members, “As for us, we’re still going back on the 11pm flight. We have a schedule to keep up with.” Luna and Xue Li shoot me glances with worried eyes. I can tell they don’t want to head back to Taiwan without me.

“What about my schedule?” I glance at my manager.

“Don’t worry about it, Amber. I’ve cleared your week. The only schedule you have is to get better and come visit the doctor a couple more times in the next few days. Make sure your knee is good as new. None of us want anything like this to happen again.”

“Thank you, Oppa. Thanks so much,” I shoot him a subtle wink and he grins back at me toothily.

KRYSTAL’S POV

Around 7pm, Amber is discharged. I decide to bring her to my apartment and take care of her myself. As the group wheels her out the hospital doors, my manager is waiting with the van. Luna and I help stand her up and support her into the seat, making sure her crutches are tucked safely below her feet. Bowing to them I say, “I’ll do my best to take care of her.”

Amber’s members give me a group hug. “Thank you,” Qian whispers into my ear in an accented English, then says loud enough for Amber to hear, “You have our numbers. Call if she’s being bad.”

I laugh, “Okay, no problem.” I climb into the van and wave until the group is out of sight. Amber is already asleep, drained from everything that has happened the past week.

As we drive back to my apartment, I think back to the times I had cried for someone else. Despite my tough exterior, those who know me well know I’m as human as everyone else — maybe even a little bit of a crybaby. But, I usually hold back tears when it comes to other people. Today, crying for Amber was something that was out of the ordinary. I remember the time my mom cut her finger while cooking. I was about 6 or 7 years old, and the amount of blood was frightening enough to make me burst into tears. I also remember breaking down once when my older sister, Jessica, who is also a singer, had called me when she was a trainee, crying about how much she missed home. Finally, I remember when my dad had fallen so ill, he had to be hospitalized. I cried by his bedside, just as I had with Amber just a few hours ago. Amber now falls on the list of the few people I have cried for, a list which only consists of three other names, all being members of my family. Suddenly, a thought pops into my mind. Is it too early for Amber to meet my family? I shake the thought out of my mind. No, it’s definitely too early.

My manager pulls into an alley by my apartment. “Amber, baby. We’re here,” I shake her gently. She moans slightly, shifts her position and continues to sleep. Chuckling I say, “Am, I can’t carry you. I’m sorry but, your going to have to wake up.” My manager slides the door open, and Amber begrudgingly gets up.

AMBER’S POV

The smell of strawberries floats into my senses, and my mind clears up. Krystal’s apartment is clean and chic. Simple classic furniture decorates the living room. “Sit here,” she commands, “Let me clean my room so you can use it.”

I grab her wrist, “It’s okay. I’ve been sleeping on couches since I was young. I prefer it.”

Krystal raises and eyebrow, but give in when I stretch myself out on her couch. “You’re going to have back problems if you keep that up,” she warns, a concerned voice hidden under her threatening words.

I chuckle and say with my eyes closed, “I’m serious, Krystal. When my dad left me, I had to sleep on a lot of couches.”

I feel Krystal’s weight sink into the couch next to my feet. I feel hesitation in her voice, “Am… you’ve never really talked to me about… you know… your parents.”

Opening my eyes, I look at her, “You never asked.”

She looks slightly embarrassed when she admits, “I saw some stuff online, but I guess I never got the chance to hear about it directly from you.”

“Well, what did you read?”

“I heard, your mom passed away when you were really young, and your dad… left you.”

“Well, if that’s all the facts you got, then it’s not wrong, I guess. There’s just… a lot more left of the story. And it’s a long one.” I sigh and tuck my hands behind my head. Krystal looks at me, “You said I never asked, so I’m asking now. Will you tell me your story?”

I clear my throat, “Why not? I haven’t really talked about this before, to be honest. Not the whole story, at least.”

“Don’t tell me anything you feel uncomfortable with,” Krystal says, gently massaging my knee.

“The whole thing makes me uncomfortable, Krys. But I think it’s time I told someone… and who better than you?”

Krystal gives me a small smile, “Whenever you’re ready then.”

As the memories flood into my head, I take a few deep breaths, ready myself, then start to tell my story from the very beginning. “Well my mom was 23 when she left Taiwan to go to grad school in Los Angeles. My dad was only 20 at the time, born in Korea to Taiwanese parents before moving to LA at 18. My parents met and not long after, my mom was pregnant with me. When my mom gave birth to me, my dad was there. His name was put on the birth certificate, but obviously, the pregnancy was unplanned, because my father only visited occasionally. My mom raised me alone until I was four. I have a vague memory of finding her on the floor one day — she had committed suicide, although I didn’t know it at the time. Next thing I know, I was living with my dad…” The words catch in my throat as old, repressed memories resurface.

Krystal squeezes my hand, prompting me to continue, “What happened then?”

“It… it was horrible, life with my dad. He blamed me for everything — for ruining his relationship with my mom, for my mom’s death, for dragging him down with responsibility… He was the type to take his anger out physically. My knee…” I shut my eyes and rub my temples. That day is a day that I want to forget, not relive.

“This was because of him?” Krystal stops massaging my knee and traces the faint scar right below my kneecap that marks my undeniable past.

“I was six. It was the last time I saw him. He had been drinking and I had just gotten back home from my first day of second grade. He was waiting for me…” I try to let the details escape into the room, but I still find myself struggling to go in depth, “He was yelling incoherently in Korean and threw a beer bottle at me. Since he was drunk, it missed and hit the wall, smashing into large, sharp shards. He came at me, grabbed me up, and slapped me a couple times in the face. Being so young, I couldn’t help but to cry. That only egged him on more, slamming me to the ground. I suffered an hour of violence, before the noise got so loud my neighbors decided to call the police. When they found me, I was lying face down in a pool of my own blood, unconscious. A large shard of glass was jutting out from underneath my kneecap, crusted in dried blood. I was hospitalized then put into a foster home.”

Krystal sits silently, unsure what to say. I sit up and lean my head on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Am,” she says quietly.

“I’m not,” I retort. She gives me a confused look and I continue, “Without my past, I wouldn’t be who or where I am today. I wouldn’t be as tough, or as resilient. I wouldn’t even be a singer!”

“How did you get to where you are now? All the odds were against you.”

“A lot of hard work and twice as much luck,” I laugh. “When I was 15, I was walking on a street in Los Angeles, when someone came up to me and spoke to me in Korean. It was only because I had lived with my dad for two whole years that I was able to understand that they were from an entertainment company and wanted me to audition to be a singer. I was casted, attended the auditions, then somehow won the competition. I moved to Korea and became a trainee.”

Krystal covers , eyes forming crescents as she laughs, “I can’t believe you were a K-pop idol trainee! We could have known each other!”

I shake my head at her laughter, “Yeah, I can’t believe it either. I trained for about a year.”

Krystal frowns, “Then what happened? Why did you end up going to Taiwan?”

I scoot to the other end of the couch and say, “Don’t get the wrong idea and get mad at me, okay?”

Krystal’s eyes squint at me suspiciously, “Why?”

“It… it was because of a girl. But she-”

“What?!” Krystal yells then tries to contain herself, “Tell me the rest before I get mad.”

“As I was trying to say, she was like a sister to me. She was Taiwanese American like me and taught me Korean and everything. It was one of the first times in my life I remember feeling like someone was family. After about a year of training with me, she got really sick. She was diagnosed with cancer and decided to give up training and go to Taiwan to live with her family.”

“And you?” Krystal asks already piecing together how the story ends.

“I decided to quit and go with her. She was family.”

Krystal hesitates. “… Was?”

I nod, “She passed away a couple months after we settled down in Taiwan. I did my best to take care of her, but it was her time, I guess. She was also a friend of Ellin’s which is how Ellin and I met, and how I found my way to becoming a singer again.”

“Wow. After hearing your story, mine’s seems a lot tamer,” Krystal says, ruffling my short hair.

“Well then,” I smirk, doubting what she’s saying, “Let’s hear it then.”

———

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! Hope you enjoyed the short update today. Let me know what you thought by leaving a comment! As always, massive thank you to those who upvoted, commented, and subscribed — you guys keep me motivated!

See you in part 2 of this chapter!

-RYTK