Yugyeom leaves as soon as you arrive at Jinyoung's, telling Bambam that he's going to look for his friend. You cannot help but feel relieved. Relieved, that he and his cold stare aren't there to torment you anymore.

“Do you want to get something to drink?” Bambam's voice sounds soft, even in the midst of all the people who are clapping and yelling loudly every time someone took a shot.

Jinyoung's house is more of a mansion, really, spacious and with large windows, almost like an old Italian villa with pillars and marble. You're almost afraid to step on the floor because the pale wood looks very expensive. The music is booming loudly out of speakers with colorful lights attached to the ceiling, making everything look almost kaleidoscopic. You nod helplessly at Bambam and he steers you forwards gently, already familiar with his friend's house. Following after him like a lost puppy, you get lost in looking at the other party goers now. All of them look like models, you even think that you spotted Wendy with her pale skin and a red Solo cup in her hands, laughing enthusiastically. Thinking about it, it is the third party you've ever been to, yet you're still as unexperienced as ever, staring at everything like you're at an exhibition. You don't know whether that's a good sign or a bad one.

“Jinyoung always has the best drinks”, Bambam suddenly blurts out. Eager to not let you get a false impression of him, he adds, “Not that you think I'm an alcoholic, but he even had someone mix cocktails once and they were really tasty.”

You smile a tiny smile at his statement, deciding to just go with it. “Ok, Mr. Not-an-alcoholic, let's go. Show me the hidden treasure.”

Bambam laugh softly, his bright eyes crinkling with amusement, but before you can step a foot into Jinyoung's kitchen, someone who you haven’t seen before stops you. The first thing you notice are his eyes, they are dark, so dark they are almost black like charcoal. Yet his gaze is cold, it seems to have long lost its warmth. Those eyes of his are sizing you up and down with a glare. You flinch slightly and lower your gaze, before he starts speaking, uncomfortableness seeping into your bones.

“Bambam, it's good to see you.” His voice sounds rich and deep, yet it has a forceful, almost violent edge to it, making you shiver. “And it's even better to see your beautiful friend.” He deliberately pauses, you swallow slowly, not anticipating his next words. “You have yet to introduce us.”

He almost sounds like he's sincerely feeling regretful, but you notice his taunting tone and when you look up, you see a hint of an almost sinister smirk playing on his lips. His eyes that you've only noticed as dark before, now have a calculating edge to them. It's like he's trying to figure what your worth is, just by looking at you. As if he is trying to decipher what kind of relationship you share with Bambam, which is making you really uneasy.

Bambam awkwardly laughs beside you. “I told you that I was going to bring someone”, he says, raking his hand through his icy blond hair, before he can explain, his friend cuts him off.

“Yeah, I can remember that, although you didn't tell me that she was such a beauty.”

You heart thumps in your chest with nervousness. His obvious fake flattery, his empty words that only seem to mock you, makes you feel anxious. Anxious because paired with his calculating eyes, you know that he isn't someone you should get closer to. You start fidgeting with your hands, staring down at the floor, when suddenly, a warm hand finds yours. Looking up to see Bambam holding onto your hand, not letting go, for a second, you try to allow yourself to revel in the familiar warmth, try to embrace the comfort he gives you.

“Juyeon, this is Jinyoung, the host of the party”, Bambam says finally. “Jinyoung, this is Juyeon.”

“It's my pleasure, Juyeon.”

Jinyoung's word almost make you gasp, but you gulp instead and look up, seeing his chiseled face and shiny black hair. He looks so elegant. Luxurious like he just stepped out of a commercial, yet his words sound like venom. He sounds like he's masking his ill intent behind compliments, compliments that still feel like vitriol, which makes you shiver. For a split second, you wonder what he's trying to achieve, wooing you with compliments, veiling his true intentions. He doesn't sound like someone who could be your friend, actually he doesn't sound like someone who would ever want to be your friend.

Shaking those thoughts off, you quickly look at the floor again, bowing slightly. “It's... nice to meet you.”

“Are you happy, Jinyoung?” Bambam asks, his tone is playful, but his expression shows something different. “We wanted to get something to drink.”

“I'll see you later then”, Jinyoug says after a small pause. You can hear him laughing slightly, but it doesn't feel friendly, you don't dare look up until he's gone. Looking at Bambam again, you exhale slowly, the breathe you have been holding. His hand is still in yours. Warm. Secure. Gentle.

“Is he always like that?” you suddenly ask. “Or is he like Yugyeom, hiding his nice side underneath everything?”

Bambam laughs, squeezing your hand. “He has his moments”, he explains. “When he's nice, I mean, but most of the time he isn't.”

He leads you to a kitchen, it’s held in white and grey, modern and spacious, with utensils that look almost too clean to have ever been used before, it reminds you of a kitchen in a furniture catalogue. For a split second, you're reminded of the first time you met Bambam. The memory of the first party that you went to, looking for water in the kitchen, making you slightly smile. Bambam let's go of your hand to open a cupboard, getting out a bottle.

“Why are you friends then?” you ask, curious all of a sudden. Bambam is such a positive and bright person, yet his friends are so different, almost polar opposites.

“It's a bit complicated”, he muses quietly. “I guess, it's because our parents are friends. Mine and Jinyoung's, I mean. Their friendship even influenced my parents' decision to send me to Korea for my studies.”

Pouring something into a cup, he reaches out to give it to you. The liquid has a nice color, it's a maroon color, almost bordering on purple. The scent of blackberry wafts into your nose and you close your eyes for a second.

“It- it smells nice”, you say.

“It's not too strong either”, Bambam states, making you break out into a grin.

“You sure know a lot about alcoholic beverages”, you say teasingly. The anxiousness that you felt before, the anxiousness that was caused by the encounter with Jinyoung, is slowly but surely fading away, leaving nothing but the warm feeling of comfort. You take a small sip.

**

Its a few hours later, when you're at, what you believe, at an appropriate level of tipsiness. Your head is swimming slightly, but your thoughts are still very clear. After Bambam introduced you to some of his other friends, including Taehyung, he excused himself for a second. That's when you spot someone with copper hair making his way through the crowd. Jaebum. Jb. Your heart starts thumping in your chest. Your sister isn't here, you remember, but you can still try to tell him that your sister is the one he should go after, not you. In a matter of split seconds, you make a decision. A decision that is probably the most stupid decision you've ever made. Meandering through the drunk mass of people, you trail after him.

“Jb!” you cry out, but your voice is drowned out by the thumping bass and by the loud chattering of the people around you. People who don't even look at you as you try to maneuver around them. “Jaebum!”

You pick up your pace and follow him. “Jb!” You're slightly breathless, almost wheezing, when he finally turns around. His eyes light up in recognition instantly, lighting up with the characteristic twinkle you've seen before. He's still as handsome as before, dazzling even, even amongst the crowd of good-looking partygoers. Without even wanting it, you start fidgeting with your hands.

“Princess”, he exclaims before you can say anything. “You're here.” His lips curl up into a silent laugh as you drink in his features. His sharp eyes, angular face, his smooth skin. Has he always looked this handsome? Exhaling, you try to push those thoughts aside. Try to push those feelings aside. When he opens his arms, you stop and stand still. Does he expect a hug? You can't- His expectant eyes meet yours, now that you're standing right in front of him, your plan seems stupid. Stupid, because you're unable to even open your mouth and what are you even supposed to tell him? How could you even convince him to give your sister a chance if you can't even find the right words? Also didn't you hate it when your sister tried to play matchmaker between you and Bambam, passing your number onto him? All sorts of thoughts are swimming in your head. Thoughts that you hadn't even considered before, maybe it's just your drunk mind. Yes, that's it. You're drunk, drunk on the alcohol, drunk on him.

“No hug?” you suddenly hear him asking. Your cheeks flame up, turning into a fiery red. It seems that even when you're tipsy, your body still reacts to Jb in the same way.

“N- No, I just... I just wanted to ask you something.”

He lets his arms fall to his side and he comes closer instead, looking at you expectantly and amusedly. His mouth curls up, his smile verging on something that you can't decipher. “What is it?”

Your heart thumps even louder in your chest and you take a quick step back that Jaebum follows, mirroring you. You hit the wall with your back, maybe it's a pillar. You don't even know at this point. Jaebum puts hits hand next to your face, so close that you feel yourself getting dizzy.

“I...I...”

Your stutter is interrupted by an outburst.

“I can't believe this.”

You spin around to see your sister standing a few feet away from you. Her jaw is quivering and she looks at you with disbelief. Letting out a gasp, she changes into a belligerent stance.

Your heart stops for a second. “Suyeon”, you whisper, barely registering that Jb lets his hand fall down.

She gives you a last look of contempt, her eyes so cold that it breaks your heart and then turns on her heels. For a moment, you stare at her retreating figure, getting smaller and smaller, hear the click of her heels. You feel as if you're frozen to the ground. Her being at this party means that she lied to you, you realize, but what's more important is that she saw you with Jaebum. Your heart stops for a second when you realized she probably thinks that you are flirting with Jb-

Disregarding the boy next to you, you break out into a jog, following her through the crowd. “Suyeon!”

She stops and turns around, and you can see her face, tears visible in her eyes. “What? Do you want to rub it in?” Her voice starts getting louder. From your peripheral you notice a few of the guests beginning to stare at the two of you, not masking their interest.

“Do you want to rub it in that he is interested in you? Or are you just trying to steal him away after I told you that I like him?”

Panting, she wipes her tears away with the back of her hand. Then she stares at you with a disgusted expression. The accusation stings, but her stare that is so full of disgust hurts even more. Before you can defend yourself, she suddenly scoffs, turning away from you.

“You know what. I don't care- I don't care! Just leave me alone!” Her voice breaks and you reach out your hand.

“Su- Suyeon, wait, that isn't...” But before you can finish your sentence, she slips away, disappearing in the crowd and you're left by yourself with your heart beating fast. The other guests are still staring at you, whispering, and you quickly duck your head trying to disappear.

This evening is not turning out the way you wanted it to be. Not at all. You touch your temple, trying to calm down your feelings, trying to reduce the pain. Then you exhale quickly and scurry through the mass of people. You look for a way outside, trying to catch your breath and be alone for a moment. You hasten through the crowd, adrenaline still pumping through your veins, and finally open a door. The cold fresh air hits you like a reality check, you let yourself fall down to sit on the patio, burying your head in your hands. Your sister is mad at you, given she was mad at you before, but now she's furious. You've broken her trust, letting her down. You let out a frustrated sigh. Maybe, you shouldn't have tried to meddle in your sister's relationship in the first place. Closing your eyes, you exhale. Of course, you can try to clear up the misunderstanding later, after your sister has calmed down, but what is the chance of her believing you now? No matter her wrong assumptions, you realize, it was your immature actions that led to her misconceptions in the first place. You head is spinning, the high that you had before is long gone, leaving you tired and drowsy.

“You're just stupid”, you say out loud, talking to no one but yourself. “Why didn't you just leave it alone?”

Your idea that you could mend the relationship between you and your sister by talking to Jb had backfired. Fatally. Sniffing, you feel the familiar prickle of tears, you start to feel helpless, helpless because there is nothing you can do now at this point. Your sister probably won't talk to you, at least for a few days, maybe even weeks. Slightly leaning your head back, trying to stop the tears, you see someone standing on the balcony and you stop moving for a second. It's too dark to make out any particular features, but you can see the honey-blond hair, it's almost glowing in the moonlight. You know who it is and your heart constricts in your chest while embarrassment washes over you. Embarrassment that someone has seen you break down like that, mumbling to yourself and crying so pathetically. You quickly try to shake it off, pretending that you hadn't just looked up and saw them.

A whisper leaves your mouth involuntarily, breaking through the loud silence of distant yells and music, “I'm going to be fine.”

It's a proclamation, a promise to yourself, but somehow, you know that you're also trying to assure someone else. You finally stand up, still shaky and stumble towards the door of Jinyoung's house. The party is still going on the same way as before, loud with no one sparing you a glance as you try to slip between the guests. The adrenaline from before has now long subsided but you're left with a dizzying feeling of exhaustion. The constant noise of the party seems to be drilling into your ears and you stop for a minute, leaning against the wall while closing your eyes. For a minute, you try to relax, catch your breath, and calm down again. Time seems to warp in your own personal bubble and you ignore everything else. When you open your eyes again, you come face to face with someone else. Someone who looks familiar. Strong eyebrows, brown hair and a prominent nose. You recognize him instantly, the guy from the library. For a second, your heart stumbles in your chest, you hadn't thought that you would see him again, well not in this setting. Not with you looking like this. He must have caught you looking at him for too long, because a small blush spreads on his cheeks and he scratches his neck, mumbling something.

“Sorry”, you murmur, your voice raw and shaky. You gulp. “I didn't catch that.”

“I've seen you before”, he repeats slowly. Slowly and carefully. It's almost as if he's deliberately being cautious, like he's speaking to a child and for a second you wonder if there's still traces of your tears left, tears that would explain why he's so hesitant to look into your eyes. “In the library. You were studying.”

“I was.” You can only confirm his words, suddenly a bit embarrassed. Your rub your temple, it's really him. Is your face still red from crying, you wonder for a second as you stare down at the floor, fiddling with your blouse.

“I never thought that I would see you here”, you quickly say, eager to deflect from your current state. Then, you realize what you just said and lift your hands in a defensive gesture. “I mean- It's not that I think you look too boring to be at a party or something...”

Your words fade into an awkward silence, a silence that only seems to hang between the two of you. Bashfully, you look up at him. His cheeks are pink.

“It's true”, he confesses quietly. “I'm not much of a party person.” He gives a small smile, looking behind you. “My friends made me come.”

Seconds that feel like minutes pass before you open your mouth again. “I hope- I hope you're having fun then...” You give him a hesitant smile before someone grabs your shoulder. The fingers press down on your skin, making you wince slightly. The grip is too tight and it's almost as if the fingers are burning into your skin.

“Go to Bambam.”

You don't need to turn around to know who the sharp voice belongs to. Yugyeom is staring at you with narrowed eyes, glaring at you from behind his dark fringe. He rolls his eyes and it's only then that you really comprehend the meaning of his words. Bambam.

Guilt blossoms in your heart, making you gasp. You've completely forgotten about him, “Where-”

Before you can finish your question, Yugyeom lets go of you with a light shove. “Second story”, he spits out. “Go.”

Turning around to give Mark one last apologetic glance, you follow Yugyeom's command, hastening through the crowd of messy, loud, and very drunk young adults, with your head still throbbing. When you finally get to the staircase, you also find him. Bambam, descending them with a worried expression. His eyes look wide and anxious, making you feel even guiltier. Guilty, because he's been looking for you, while you had no thought concerning him. You bite your lip and call out his name. He finds your eyes and you see him letting out a sigh of relief. He takes the last stairs until he comes to a stand in front of you, his hands grasping onto your shoulders firmly.

Hiding behind your hair, you stare down at the floor. “I'm sorry”, you mumble. His firm grip loosens slightly and you can feel his close warmth. Warmth that comforts you. Warmth that is familiar. You're close to burying your head in Bambam's chest, but you swallow instead and look up at him, opening your mouth.

“Can you take me home?”

**

Bambam ends up taking you to the river instead, showing you to a small bench. It's still cold and you shiver slightly. He sees it and moves to take off his jacket, but you stop him. You do not want to feel even guiltier. When you're both perched on the bench, you stare at your feet, feeling your exhaustion from the night’s events. Your head is still aching, yet there's something else, too. You put your hand on the bench and exhale. You feel Bambam's eyes on you, waiting for you to say something.

“I'm sorry”, you say firstly. “I- I shouldn't have left. I saw someone that I had to talk to and I just...”

When your voice stops as Bambam puts his warm hand on yours. A slight breeze makes the trees dance and you gaze at a couple that is standing close to the river, too immersed in themselves. They look older than you and Bambam.

“My sister likes someone and I thought I could talk to him...” You hesitate for a second. The words don't want to leave your mouth. “But-... she saw me and assumed something entirely different.”

You fiddle with your skirt, waiting for him to say something.

“It's not really your fault that she misunderstood you”, Bambam finally says. “But you should clear it up-, for both of your sakes. It's no good to dwell on past mistakes, but Suyeon likes to hold grudges.” He chuckles slightly. “I know that for a fact.”

A pained smile appears on your face at the truth, Suyeon does like holding grudges. It was always something that you've both detested and admired. Detested when it was directed at you and admired when her grudge was a product of her convictions. As opposed to you, Suyeon has strong convictions, she doesn't bend to other people's wills, always staying true to herself, even if it means hurting others. She doesn't fear confrontation.

“I thought I was becoming more mature”, it suddenly breaks out of you, “But it's like the complete opposite-”

Breathless. The words that have left your mouth involuntarily, have left you almost breathless, gasping for air. It's your insecurities, thoughts that are always at the back of your head. Inhaling deeply, you look over at Bambam, his eyes are so bright, comforting. Your head feels like it's going to explode and at this point, you're not sure whether it's because of your exhaustion or because of Bambam.

“It's normal”, Bambam admits slowly, sounding wise beyond his age, all of a sudden. “It's normal to feel that way.” He glances at the sky for a second and then back at you. His fingers grasp yours gently, a gesture of comfort. For a moment, you revel in that feeling, in the fact that he, too, must have wounds. Scars from the past. Insecurities.

“You've felt that way before, too”, you state. It's a guess, but Bambam gives you a pained smile, looking resigned. Then he exhales slowly, his fingers holding onto yours tightly and his voice rings hollow and full of sorrows when he opens his mouth next. “I still do.”