Prologue: You never walk alone

I was 20 when I was offcially diagnosed with depression. My friends have to physically destroy my door because they thought I was... taking my life... but found me on the bed all wrapped up with blankets while sleeping. I didn't want to stand up then, and I didn't know what was happening. I think I was still half asleep on Mingyu's arm as we drive to somewhere. I only found out that our destination was a hospital when we're already on the elevator.

"What are we doing here? Is someone hurt?" I asked. And my mind immediately painted Soonyoung's face because out of all of them, he's the one who get hurts a lot because he doesn't know when to stop dancing or get sick a lot because he always put college and practice first before anything else, health included sadly.
"You're going on a check up" Joshua softly told me as he arranged his jacket on me. My memory is a bit blurry since they barged in my room so I didn't notice that they dragged me without letting me change my big sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants. I didn't even know when did he put his jacket on me.
"Check up? I'm not sick" I told them confusedly. I really didn't know what they're talking about. Given, I haven't been out of my apartment for weeks, but! That's natural. They know that! I'm not the kind of person who needs to go out once in awhile, No. I'd prefer to be at home, in the confinement of my room where nobody can interrupt me while I think, or sleep, or laze around until I gather up any energy to get out again. And besides, it's summer. Who the gets out in summer?
"You are. You've been for awhile" He stated it so sadly, like I'm about to die and they want to do anything to save me. Oddly enough, the thought's both confusing and releaving. Mingyu just gripped me tighter on his side.

As it turned out, I was actually, dying. Not in the physical sense. But in a soul and heart kind of sense. It took awhile, the talk with the doctor didn't exactly went smoothly. He asked questions and I answered them as truthful as I can, and as questions after questions were thrown at me, I started to get irritated. They were stupid questions like "How much or how long do you sleep? Do you encounter any problem in sleeping?" (everyone does, right? I mean, we're students. No one sleeps normally. Sometimes, I sleep a lot. Sometimes, I don't sleep at all. And that's normal, right?), or "is there any increase or decrease on intake of meals?" which Joshua answer for me, (She forgets them a lot. She doesn't exactly has love for foods. She just eats because she has to. And she eats because we tells her she has to), or "how often do you feel sad?" (I don't.) which Mingyu added, (She's... Mostly emotionally absent). Thirty minutes in the check up, we have to take a break because I got too annoyed to answer. And I get quite when I am annoyed. We resumed after ten minutes, but my mood didn't improved so Joshua and Mingyu mostly answered for me. The doctor addresses me directly for a couple more questions but I refused to explain things for long so I just nods and shakes my head. We took a couple more breather as the check up continued, there was even a point where I was tempted to walk out where I was stopped by mingyu promising me it'd be over soon.

In the end of the day, the doctor announced that I was suffering with Major depressive disorder. He explained it well, but I really wasn't paying attention since everything he says seems normal to me. Bad sleeping habits, skipping meals, being lazy, being aloof and not talking for days (even weeks sometimes), not having a lot of energy, staying locked away for days and etch. Almost all of the symptoms the doctor told my friends are things that describes typical teenagers. Angsty, emo and the likes. I totally didn't get it.

"This doesn't make sense" I deadpanned as soon as we got home. We took a detour and bought both dinner and the anti-depressant pills I was tasked to take. Three of us are silent in the table. I want to get mad at them, seriously, but I really didn't have any energy left and I just want to sleep. But then I remembered that they destroyed my door earlier the day. I sighed.
"You're sick, Minra. You're under depression, that's why it doesn't make sense" Joshua explained softly. As if that explained, anything. Just then, my apartment door slammed open and I prayed that whoever the that is won't destroy my door. Again.

"Minra? Hyung? Gyu?" Soonyoung shouted loudly and stopped on his tracks when he saw us in the kitchen. He's all sweaty and I guess he just finished dance practice. His face relaxed as soon as he saw as but frowned again when he saw the pills on the table. He sighed.
"You're sick, huh" He smiled, a sad one, as he put his hand on the top of my head like he usually do. A skinship of affection, a brotherly love. Still, I leaned into the touch because it's the most comforting I have for the day. Being pissed off with joshua and mingyu doesn't made me feel safe in their arms.
"You knew too?" I asked him. He nodded and looked pointedly at joshua. And joshua, as if on command, repeated everything the doctor told us. And it's amusing to watch soonyoung's expression fall and fall as Joshua continued on talking.
"That's some serious " He said and I frowned when I felt him remove his hand from my head to take a look on the papers given by the doctor.
"I'm okay" I told no one in particular, but they all looked at me with just one expression, sadness. For the nth time that day, I sighed.
"You know, what, go talk. I'm sleeping" I told them and moved away from the kitchen. Soonyoung was gonna stop me but Joshua grabbed him and looked at him as if saying to let me. And he did. And for a moment, I want to turn around and stay where his presence is.