Date Completed: 6th September 2019

Song Recommendation: Taylor Swift - Style & Taylor Swift - Wildest Dreams

Minor Pairings: JoyGi, SaeRi, WenTae

Warning: Allusion to . Nothing explicit, just implied.

10.7k words monstrosity that took me a few years to finish - obvious by my choice of songs. It was mostly inspired by Style though, lol. As usual, the story was only proofread by myself so mistakes should be aplenty.

Oh, this fic actually got featured during my long hiatus from updating the book so thank you! I appreciate all the upvotes and comments, they mean so much to me :)

Seungwan tiptoed quietly as she went down the stairs, being careful to not make any noise. She knew the last stair made a small creaking sound if stepped on, so she hopped lightly over it, almost slipping because of her socks. Luckily, her small frame gave her an advantage during moments like this. As her center of gravity is lower than most people, she managed to regain her balance. Seungwan mentally cheered out while she hopped to the front door.

The moment she stepped out, strong gush of autumn wind rushed in and she shivered slightly. This late at night, most people would have been asleep; but most people did not have a red Mercedes sports car in front of the house waiting for them. Seungwan took a half jog and opened the car door, only to be met with a sleazy smile.

"Hey cutie. Why are you wearing so much? Is it that cold outside?"

Joohyun's greeting was answered with an eye roll. Seungwan had gotten used to one of Joohyun’s many pet names to her, knowing that she should not take them to heart since she was not the only intended recipient. Seungwan got in the car and pulled the sash over her chest, carefully wearing her seatbelt. Once she was done, she turned around to Joohyun and was met with her lips instead.

Seungwan pushed Joohyun’s shoulder half-heartedly, trying to shake her off but in return, she felt Joohyun deepening the kiss; her warm lips pressed firmly against Seungwan’s cold pair while she slid her tongue in Seungwan’s mouth, drawing a suppressed moan from the smaller girl.

Joohyun leaned closer to close the gap between them and she pressed her hand on Seungwan’s covered thigh, slowly moving higher as they made out but stopped short before she reached the space between Seungwan’s thigh. Seungwan whimpered in need, trying to urge Joohyun to continue her trail to where she needed it most.

However, Joohyun abruptly stopped and pulled away completely from the girl, much to Seungwan’s protest as she tried to follow Joohyun’s lips and reach for her retreating hand. Predictably, Joohyun did not give in to the quiet request. She smirked and her own lips instead, tasting a mixture of fresh mint and subtle orange - Seungwan’s taste - and wiped Seungwan’s lips when she pouted.

"Feeling warmer now, little hamster?"

"Shut up and drive. If my parents wake up, you’ll be answering to them."

Joohyun did not bother to reply. She started her car engine, ramming the accelerator more than needed, prompting a loud roaring sound before she drove off. Seungwan swatted her arm for the action, knowing that Joohyun was doing it on purpose to annoy her. Joohyun laughed and avoided the hit, before reaching out for Seungwan’s hand and lacing their fingers together, never letting go as she drove.

The car cruised down an empty highway to the place Seungwan knew too well from their late-night escapades. She settled in her seat, quietly looking at the bright streetlights they passed by while Joohyun hummed a familiar tune under her breath.

Despite the calm that began to settle in, Seungwan let out a sigh, unheard to Joohyun.

She could not let this go on longer.

*

Seulgi leaned back and peeked at her best friend who was sitting beside her. It was subtle, but Joohyun had been fuming since morning and even now, she was still pissed off about something.

Not that it mattered to the girl who had been flirting with her in the last 10 minutes. Joohyun might be indifferent right now but Seulgi had known her too well to know that once she reached her limit, she would explode with anger with little to no notice and everyone in the cafeteria would feel the impact.

Grumbling to herself, she straightened up and took charge as Joohyun’s best friend slash right hand person.

“Amber, can you come back later? I need to discuss something with Joohyun about the dance competition next week.”

Amber seemed reluctant to leave their table, so she looked at Joohyun, hopeful that she would say something to Seulgi about chasing her away but Joohyun was preoccupied with something else. She was busy looking at something in the distance and ignoring Amber completely. The girl decided to just cut her loss of the day and stood up to leave.

“Sure, Seul. See you around, my pretty Joohyun.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes at Amber’s goodbye, not that it was a new sight. She had grown used to seeing girls throwing themselves at her best friend. Joohyun would usually reciprocate the attention; she relished in them but today, she was really off her game. It was easy for Seulgi to find the source behind her irritation this time. Since they stepped in the cafeteria, Joohyun’s eyes had been fixed on a pair of girls sitting beside each other, giggling and whispering to themselves, just living in their own world without caring about anyone else around.

Seulgi frowned and leaned closer to Joohyun, speaking in a low voice.

“What happened? I thought you met up with Seungwan last night? Usually you’d be so happy the day after, I’ve never seen you like this before.”

As if Seulgi had touched a nerve, Joohyun pushed off the plate in front of her in anger and turned to look at Seulgi.

“She said she doesn’t want to see me anymore.”

Seulgi let out a silent ‘Ah’ and nodded, not surprised in the slightest. In fact, she wondered why it took Seungwan so long to break things off with Joohyun. Seungwan was intelligent, but somehow Joohyun’s charm managed to glaze her from thinking clearly. Not that Seulgi was particularly surprised, Joohyun just had that effect on her admirers.

“And? How is that a big deal? She’s not the only one on your list. You change girls like, every night, Hyun. Half the school is head over heels for you, you can just take someone else from the list and slot them in your Sunday nights.”

Seulgi air-quoted the word change mid-air, prompting an eye roll from Joohyun. She shoved Seulgi’s shoulder but Seulgi remained unfazed. She was too used to Joohyun’s violent ways. From the corner of her eyes, she spotted her girlfriend, Sooyoung walking to their table and she grinned to greet her girlfriend while Sooyoung bent to give her a quick kiss before sitting in front of her.

“So? You have anything new to report?”

Joohyun’s stern voice would have people shiver in their seats but like Seulgi, Sooyoung had gotten too used to Joohyun. She just held out one palm and Joohyun fumbled with her pockets before she took out a crumpled bill and slapped it on Sooyoung’s open palm. Sooyoung pocketed it happily before she took out her own lunchbox.

Sooyoung was in the music club with Seungwan while Seulgi was in the dance club with Joohyun. Therefore, Joohyun relied on Seulgi’s girlfriend to give her information about the only girl she cared about in the school aside from her two closest friends. Sooyoung rarely asked for payment for her information but when she did, Joohyun knew it was a major one.

“Some little birdie told me that Taeyeon unnie has major crush on Seungwan and apparently, Seungwan was pretty happy to receive her attention as well.”

Joohyun stood up abruptly when she heard this, ready to walk to Seungwan’s direction and most likely did some stupid things such as punching the girl beside Seungwan but Seulgi quickly pulled her to sit again as she whispered harshly to Joohyun.

“Don’t do unnecessary things! You’ve worked so hard for many years to protect her! Don’t ruin everything just because you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous!”

Even when Joohyun shout-whispered that to Seulgi, she saw red in her eyes when she looked at Taeyeon and Seungwan’s direction again and saw the older girl pointed out to a smudge near Seungwan’s lips and helped her to wipe it off with her thumb as Seungwan blushed at the proximity she shared with her sunbae.

Who was she kidding? Sunbae? Joohyun knew Seungwan had a crush on Taeyeon. During their nights out while they were lying on her car staring at the stars, Seungwan would talk of her sunbae who would open and people would think an angel was singing; the sunbae who was so pretty and pale, she shone and blinded people with her beauty; the sunbae she greatly admired and was way beyond her league, but Seungwan wish she could get closer to nonetheless.

When Joohyun got annoyed by how dominating Taeyeon’s shadow was in their conversation, she would slowly climb over Seungwan and trapped the girl’s midriff between her legs before bitterly kissing her, effectively shutting her up and chasing the ghost of Taeyeon between them.

How the tables turned - now Joohyun was the looming figure, the one watching from a distance.

Joohyun gripped her fist, feeling the nails cut through her skin. She watched as a chirpy figure – Yerim joined Taeyeon and Seungwan’s table and both of them blushed when Yerim said something, probably teasing them.

Deep beneath it all, she knew she had no right to be this mad, not when she was the one who threw it all away.

*

“Hyun! Your dad’s car is really big!”

Little Seungwan widened her eyes in amazement at the parked car in front of her bestfriend’s house and Joohyun just giggled in return.

“I know right! Dad said he would give me a car of my own as well when I grow up!”

“Woah, that’s amazing. You’ll have to drive me around then, Hyun.”

“I’ll be your personal driver and take you eeeeeverywhere, Wannie.”

Joohyun dragged her word and both the 7-year olds showed their toothy grins at each other. They played around the car longer when a deep, yet tender male voice called out to them.

“Hyun! Wan! Snack time!”

Both of them jumped down from the car they were climbing and raced one another to Kyuhyun, Joohyun’s older brother. He was holding two plates of cheese tteokbokki above his head and both the little beagles were jumping around him, trying to reach for the plates he was holding.

Kyuhyun laughed at the sight before him. He was a gentle teenager who preferred spending time with her little sisters more than being groomed to take over his father’s business and his presence in the house was always a blessing for his sisters and by extension, Seungwan who spent most of her time in the Baes’ household playing with Joohyun.

“There, there. Go and clean yourself. I’ll put this on the dinner table and you can get it yourself later.”

As soon as he finished his words, Joohyun and Seungwan took off to the washroom to clean themselves and he chuckled to himself, shaking her head at the children’s antics before he walked over to the dinner table and placed the plates there.

“Oppa…what about my food?”

Kyuhyun turned around and was greeted by the sight of his youngest sister pout, lips trembling as if she was about to burst into tears at any given moment. He crouched down and caressed the little girl’s head, before pulling her into a hug.

“Don’t worry, maknae. I’ll never forget about you.”

*

Joohyun shoved the girl in front of her to the wall, ignoring the cries of pain that echoed in the toilet. The girls who were still there the moment Joohyun entered hurried out, knowing that something unpleasant was unfolding based on the atmosphere. Not that it was a strange sight; a number of girls had had their shares of walking in the restroom and saw Joohyun brought girls there – either to engage them in a fight or .

This appeared to be the former, evidenced by Joohyun grabbing the girl’s hair and hissing to her face.

“If I hear you bothering Seungwan one more time…”

The girl, Heeyeon pushed Joohyun away, snarling in anger. Joohyun stumbled back slightly but she held her ground and both of them glared at each other, neither willing to back down.

“You’re so ing pathetic, Bae Joohyun. You could have all the girls you want, , you could have me and I know for a fact I’m more beautiful and much ier than that the nerd you’re pining on. That’s your type? A goody two shoes you can defile? Is that a ? To have a good girl writhing under you, to see the parts of her no one else could see-”

The sound of heavy slap reverberated in the empty restroom. Heeyeon ducked to her side and tears formed in her eyes, still defiant even after being hit.

“Talk about her that way again and I’ll make your life a living hell.”

Joohyun was startled when Heeyeon started laughing hysterically, but she recovered her composure and maintained her poker face. The girl was harder to crack than she thought. Sooyoung was the one who told her about Heeyeon; a senior in music club who had been giving Seungwan a hard time. Being a popular figure herself, she had used her influence to get others to lobby against Seungwan. They gave her a silent treatment, ting on her every opportunity they got, lying about the songs that would be used during practice, tore up her music notes and made her clean up after their practice sessions every time.

Joohyun saw red when she heard about the bullying Seungwan had to endure, especially when Sooyoung mentioned that Seungwan only had Taeyeon on her side to help her. Apparently, this had been going on for weeks - even before Seungwan stopped seeing her. Despite that, Seungwan had never once mentioned what she went through, always smiling whenever they met up, with last night being the only exception.

She wondered if this was the main reason why Seungwan slipped away from her. Joohyun was well aware that Heeyeon harboured feelings for her. They slept together a few times last year and once Joohyun found someone more interesting to her, she discarded the girl, despite knowing that Heeyeon wanted something more. That probably was the reason why she did it anyway, she never wanted to be in that kind of relationship with anyone.

Somehow, Heeyeon found out about her secret outings with Seungwan and now, the petite girl with the warmest eyes and the kindest heart was paying the price for Joohyun’s sin. She gripped her fists, frustrated by her lack of control on things. Did Seungwan not trust her enough to tell her about Heeyeon? Was she someone who could easily be thrown away to the sides when things got too much?

Heeyeon chuckled and Joohyun got distracted from her own thoughts, paying attention once again to the girl who had flopped on the dirty floor.

“My life is already a living hell, Bae. I chased after you like a madwoman, but you won’t even spare me a glance. Then I found out you have been having this secret rendezvous with a nerd from the music club. Was it all fun and games for you, toying with people’s hearts? Are we all just numbers to be added in your tally?”

Her words flipped a switch within Joohyun, who immediately straightened up. There was a sense of potent guilt chipping in her heart, but she paid no heed to it. She tried to seek for her anger again, hoping that it would fuel her argument but images of a girl with the warmest eyes and the kindest heart filled her senses again, clouding her better judgement.

“No, Seungwan is not like that for me. Seungwan is different. I lo-”

The sound of the restroom door being slammed caused them to jump, expecting a teacher to walk in. Instead, the freshman, Kim Yerim walked in instead. She scanned her surroundings and shook her head, unimpressed. Joohyun bit her tongue, holding back questions because she knew the look in Yerim’s eyes.

As expected, when Yerim raised her eyes to meet Joohyun’s, she saw the usual swirl of disappointment, sadness and anger mixed in one.

“This is why Seungwan unnie doesn’t want to tell you anything, you’re a huge piece of .”

Joohyun backed away while Yerim walked over to Heeyeon, helping her up by tugging her roughly. She was definitely not doing it out of affection when she led Heeyeon to the door and pushed her out, before closing it again with a loud bang. Joohyun just watched her actions with a blank look on her face, knowing what was coming when Yerim strode at her and dug a finger in her shoulder.

“If you think you’re helping Seungwan unnie, you couldn’t be more wrong. She can take care of herself, you hear me? She has me and Taeyeon unnie looking out for her, you can just piss off.”

Nobody could talk to Joohyun like that, nobody. But Yerim was not simply nobody, so Joohyun just lowered her head. She refused to apologize, but she would not forgive herself if Yerim left the place hating her.

“It had been going on for weeks, Yerim! I can’t just let anyone hurt Seungwan like that and get away with it. She’ll pay for everything she did to Seungwan, I’ll make sure of it.”

Yerim looked disgusted with her. “Paying for her actions? Shouldn’t she do that to Seungwan unnie instead of you? And whose fault was it in the first place? Who was the one who played with people’s hearts like they’re robots instead of actual human beings who are capable of getting hurt? All these years, Seungwan unnie is the who one who has been paying for your sins, unnie.”

Uttered from Yerim’s lips, the word ‘unnie’ was filled with poignant hatred, and Joohyun winced at this, already regretting what transpired between them. She took a step forward, wanting to reach out to Yerim but she was shoved back instead. Joohyun wordlessly opened and closed , trying to offer her explanation but none came. There were tears pooling in Yerim’s eyes, ones Joohyun had not seen for years. Shame and pain washed over her entire being.

“I don’t know you anymore, unnie. After mom and Kyuhyun oppa left, you’re the only family I have left in this world but I can’t even call you ‘unnie’ in public - heck, you don’t even want to be seen with me. I want to talk to you and tell you about my day, but I don’t think you even remember you have a sister, do you? All you care about is your image, oh, and the girls who throw themselves at you.”

Yerim paused, her breath heavy in the silence that fell between the two siblings. The gathered tears finally dropped and Joohyun wanted so badly to wipe them and wrap Yerim in her arms, but she had lost the rights to do so a long time ago. Yerim let out a harsh laugh and wiped her cheeks using the back of her palm.

“You said you love me and Seungwan unnie, but you can keep it to yourself, unnie. We don’t want your dirty love that’s born only out of some stupid obligation from the past.”

With that, she her heels and walked away from Joohyun.

Joohyun would stand in her place and stared at the spot Yerim stood at for a long moment before she let out a hollow scream and punched the wall next to her.

*

13-year-old Seungwan came home to the sight of a moving lorry parked in front of her house and she rushed in the house, wondering what had happened. Her mother was busy packing what remained of their belongings while her father was in a heated discussion with the movers.

“Daddy…?”

When he saw his daughter approaching, Mr. Son’s expression softened, and he dismissed the workers before walking over to Seungwan.

“Hey baby. Go in your room and check whether the movers have gotten everything packed.”

“But…why are we suddenly moving? I want to stay here! Joohyun is just next door, daddy.”

Mr. Son’s face turned solemn again when Joohyun’s name was mentioned.

“Listen. Seungwan, we’re just going to move to the other side of the town. It’s only about 20 minutes away from here. You can attend your high school with Joohyun and meet all your friends still, okay? Although…it would be best if you stay away from Joohyun completely.”

“But why! Joohyun is my best friend!”

“Honey, your father and I want the best for you. Please understand this. And we’ll talk more later, okay? For now, just check on your belongings and make sure you’re ready to follow us to our new house in 10 minutes.”

Her mother suddenly appeared as Seungwan started shouting and to say that she was confused would be an understatement. She was upset that they were suddenly moving with no prior notice or discussion whatsoever with her, so she did the opposite of what she was told. She ran out of the house into her neighbour – Joohyun’s house and she found her best friend standing at the yard, looking at the movers in front of Seungwan’s house. Her gaze was hollow and Seungwan was terrified since the Joohyun she knew was always full of life.

She ran over to Joohyun and started to tug her friend’s arm.

“Hyun. Hyun. Why weren’t you in school today?”

Joohyun tugged her arm back from Seungwan’s hold and that was the first time Seungwan got hurt because of Joohyun, although it would not be the last.

“Go away Seungwan. I know your parents don’t want you to befriend me anymore.”

“Hyun, why are you acting this way? Did you pull a prank on my parents? Is it because we’re suddenly moving? Hyun.”

Joohyun laughed and it scared Seungwan. Joohyun’s laugh usually sounded like it was composed by the heaven just for Seungwan but today, it was the soundtrack of Seungwan’s heart being shredded to pieces.

“My father, no, my late father was the head of a mafia organisation, Seungwan. He was shot to death two days ago and my mother went missing in the same night. My brother is the most likely candidate to replace his position and my whole family is under police’s radar now. Do you think any parents would want their children near me?”

*

Joohyun tightened her grip on the steering wheel as flashes of memories from the past ran through her mind or more specifically, the first time she lost Seungwan. They still attended the same school and albeit Seungwan’s effort to talk to her, she ignored the girl every time. She became a loner for a while, and no one wanted to talk to her - except for a certain Kang Seulgi who sat beside her in class. Seulgi was never bothered by the whispers and rumours abound about Joohyun; she treated Joohyun the way she normally did, knowing that Joohyun needed the support more than ever, even if she would never admit it out loud.

School was hell for Joohyun and while Seulgi made it more bearable, Joohyun snapped one day when she heard a girl spreading rumours about how her father was a bad father to her and her siblings. She could listen to everything about her father being a vicious murderer, cunning thief or the cruel head of mafia organisation but calling Bae Jongdae as a bad father?

Before she knew it, she had already raised her hand, ready to strike the girl when she saw the girl ducked and whimpered in fear. That was when Joohyun realized her true status in the school.

People did not avoid her because they hated her, they were afraid of her.

Ever since she got the enlightenment, she did not hesitate to use it to her advantage. She abused it shamelessly and only Seulgi, who became her friend when she was at her lowest managed to see past the façade she put in front of everyone. Joohyun quickly rose in the school’s social ladder when even the teachers feared her and treated her like she was the school’s queen.

It was a normal reaction, considering everyone knew that the whole Bae family had been vouched for by their late father’s organisation, not to mention that her older brother was currently employed as the right-hand man for the new leader. Joohyun would bet her limbs that even the police were aware of this connection, not that it mattered. The organisation had police force in their payroll.

Unfortunately, with power, came enemies. She learned this the hard way with her father’s passing and it was a knowledge that bogged her down the most.

Joohyun could not bring herself to have a real relationship with anyone, for fear that their lives would be threatened simply by being connected to her or her family. She would never forgive herself if anyone she loved got hurt because of her. She had even told Seulgi many times over the years that she should stay away but Seulgi was unfazed; she reasoned that she had no money nor importance, so why would they try to get her?

Reluctant but grateful, Joohyun accepted this reasoning and opened herself up to Seulgi slowly, adding Joy into the fold when the fearless girl began dating Seulgi. They were the only people who knew who Joohyun really was and grounded her most of the time, keeping her from going too far with her self-destructive streak.

Meanwhile there was Joohyun and Kyuhyun own’s little sister, Yerim. Her older brother and sister chose to protect her by changing her family name to their mother’s family name. Kyuhyun had urged Joohyun to change hers as well but Joohyun knew there would be no use, not since she was already a teenager when her family’s name was dirtied by mud. It would be better to just wear it and use it to her advantage rather than pretending the open secret was not out.<