Dear Seunghyun oppa, 

Hey oppa. We've been friends for 2 years and this letter I'm writing contains my appreciation for what you've done to our friendship, also to myself. Do you remember when we first met? I can't forget that day.

You were standing in front with our teacher, head bowed as your eyes looked only on the floor, hands clasped on your back. She introduced you being our new classmate and given you the time to say your name as you rubbed your nape with a shy smile.

"Annyeong haseyo, Lee Seunghyun imnida." You were saying something about yourself when our eyes met, I was analyzing your face carefully. You took the available chair on my left side and smiled brightly, I knew then that you were, and still are interesting.

After being seatmates for the whole school year, we became close as we're always partners in activities our teachers tell us to do. It's unbelievable that we become best friends considering that we are total opposites. 

You're left, I'm right; you'll say yes, I'll respond no; you're hot and friendly and I'm cold and introvert. We are like two magnets that has the same side; we repel. There are many things that we don't agree with each other yet we're still close as ever. Because despite of our differences, we understand each other and this makes our friendship stronger. 

I was daydreaming, hands both on my cheeks when I saw you passing by with a beam on your face. I was starstrucked that I didn't notice that I was staring. You called my name numerous times but when you poked my cheeks that was when my senses came back."Yah! Jinyoungie!" 

You asked what was wrong but I shook my head saying nothing, that I was just absentminded and smiled slightly. You looked like you didn't believed me but defeatedly accepted my response knowing that you won't have the true answer even after persuasion and sat on your assigned chair and got your notebook to do our homework. 

I can't describe what I felt that day, it was the first time that I felt something like that. I thought I was going down a fever but I know that it was different. It was something special but I keep denying myself. But after contemplating with myself that I feel happy whenever I see you; hearing your sweet voice makes me cringe yet there's a fluttering feeling inside my stomach that I believe everyone calls butterflies. And most of all, I feel contented with you beside me. I admit, I like you.

Your bright smile; your carefree and loud laughter; the way you contradict my opinions; whenever your cheeks turn red in embarrassment, the way your eyes blink when you're nervous are some of the things I like about you. But above all, I like how you're perfectly imperfect. Despite all your flaws and faults, you still have the strength to stand up on your own. 

It was the middle of another school year when you made your way closer to my direction. It was nerve-wracking as I slightly fixed my appearance which you, thankfully didn't notice and I can hear the erratic beat of my heart louder than every step you took closer, hoping you won't hear it. You were wearing your signature smile, happiness etched over your face. I was expecting something happened, sensing your untimely emotion overtook your whole aura. 

Saying I was shock was an understatement, I was stun on the spot. I felt like time froze as I inhaled your scent wrapping my arms around you, hugging you back. It felt like forever when in reality it was just seconds when you let go and faced me.

In that short moment when you open your mouth to say the thing you needed to tell me, everything went silent after your first sentence. My smile faded as your words continously rang inside my mind.

"She said yes..."

Eunhee. Kim Eunhee. The popular girl everyone envy; she has the looks, fame, and she's not the stereotype spoiled brat that anyone expect. In reality, she has good heart. I don't really envy her before since I'm contented with everything I have. But she has the one thing I've been waiting for, your heart. 

She's lucky to have you. A guy that has a weird sense of humor that makes me just laugh with your corny jokes, yet at the same time has the most sincere and gentlest heart. 

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm new to these things. Chest tightening as if my breath was shorten whenever I recall that faithful day. My first love turned to be my first heartbreak. How do I erase this pain? It hurts, not only in my heart but every part of my body. I feel like a dead person coming back to life, without a future to hold and I become numb. Numb enough to ignore the pain and still smile and say 'it's okay' when it's really not. 

I continued being your best friend even though you already have your special someone, Eunhee. I listen to every story you tell, teasing you when you talk about your dates, unaware of the fact that every moment with you something inside me breaks. I'd rather be your friend as long as we are close to each other than go back to the time when we were stranger.

I am grateful with our two-year friendship and I am hoping that nothing will change between us regardless of my feelings for you. I'm happy seeing you happy even if it's with someone else.

Before I forget, one of the reason why I wrote this is to tell you that I'll be leaving the country after our graduation. I will continue my studies abroad so I can be with my family and there are more opportunities to pick for my chosen career.

And it will be a hypocrite of me if I didn't say that one of my reason to go is let myself free of my feelings for you. It will be hard for me to do it if we are always together and seeing you with her reminds me that there'll never be us, because I know deep in myself that even if I already accepted my fate; there's a slight hope saying 'maybe someday'.

I know this is a hard decision, leaving the country where my home is and most importantly, you, my only friend and oppa. Living in a foreign land will be difficult and it may take time to get use knowing full-well that you are not there with me, doing the things we do together, no one will understand me like how you used to; comfort me in my dark times, listening to your heartbeat when we hug each other. I will miss all of those things.

I hope when we see each other again, I can truly smile like how I used to, without feeling the tightening of my chest because of pain instead it will be the reason of excitement and longing for my best friend.

Thank you for everything and I love you.

Your best friend,
Lee Jinyoung