PS : L'amour fou, Jiyong = Yves, Seunghyun = Berge, me = dead

P.P.S = Early debut life x based on ysl (2014) 

P.P.P.S : listen to my 8tracks playlist whilst reading & die with me :) 

P.P.P.P.S = This gonna be a 2-3 chapters. 

*

One day Seunghyun asked what did Jiyong had in mind about life after Bigbang? And Jiyong proclaimed that as long as he got to walk through life together with Seunghyun, he doesn't mind anything. And so Seunghyun hope that they would be able to walk to the end of life, together, hand in hand. And Seunghyun's dream (always) do come true.

*

It was a usual night where he was really tired after rehearshing that damn dance with Youngbae and they wounded up at this very underground club with Dongwook hyung that he noticed this very person, this person was his friend from middle school, his friend in music and rap and hiphop, even before he met Youngbae. This particular person was once said to him that he wanted to make music, make it big. And here he was spitting rap, breathe life into people's eardrum and Jiyong suddenly got a lump on his lungs that he can't barely breathe. If it was possible to wear his heart on his sleeve he'd cut it outta his ribcage and present it to him.

"Seunghyun."

"Jiyong, do you hear what I'm saying? I was - I said that maybe we could try perform at club like this to jab our performing skill ya know? I'll tell Dongwook hyung about this, where was he again?"

Youngbae was getting furious because in these past 15 mins, Jiyong still can't stand still and still he didn't get the attention that he wanted so he moved his eyes following Jiyong's and then he found it, the boy that Jiyong was pining so much - Seunghyun.

Jiyong doesn't care anymore, he can't hear anything, he can't se anything beside the fact that everything revolves around him and all the senses that he had, has locked to this boy right there rapping to no diggity.

"Youngbae, it's him."

"Huh?"

"It's Seunghyun hyung."

*

Seunghyun was still as gentle and kind as ever eventough he raps using curse words. They wounded up hanging out altogether with the rest of the gang, and they called themselves as Nuthang. They entouraged around the clubs at night and sometimes when Seungho and Soohyuk had they paycheck, they'd go out for a nice kbbq lunch together. It was nice and fun until it's not. Until Jiyong has found a trouble in Seunghyun. It was June, he realised that he actually like Seunghyun not as friend but he wanted, has been wanting this boy to also like him back and to bring this boy as close as to his arms, he wanted him. So he tried to be subtle, he might as well try, he thinks. Even if Seunghyun would flat out reject him later, at least he won't torturing himself with the continous thought like "does he like me back?" and "does he feels the same?" et cetera. So when Soohyuk and Seungho decided to meet up on their montly kbbq session, he decided that it was now or never.

"Guys, I have a great idea. Let's go on a trip!!"

"Nice one Kyungil, but how do we afford it?"

"Oppa, stop being so skeptic."

"It's okay Chaerin, we all know that Seunghyun right here is a realist don't we? So Jiyong, how do you say?"

"I wasn't a skeptic nor realist, you ers."

"But you love these ers. Okay, I guess that's a good idea hyung, we all have fun together."

"Them we're all in, Seunghyun? Are you in or not?"

And then Jiyong tried to make sure that his very 1st chance didn't slip outta his reach.

"It will be nicer with every nuthang members joining, I'll invite Yulia, Hyun Jung and the rest later, and also you, I supposed."

While everyone didn't seem to be taken a back with his statement so he advert his gaze to Seunghyun's side and he was that he was smiling too.

"Sure, let us go to the damn trip. Busan?"

*

Busan was nice. And he was really grateful for this, to be able to get even closer with his friends, and also he'd be able to see the new side of Seunghyun, the Seunghyun who was not under the dim light of underground clubs, the Seunghyun that is so kind and funny and bashful, which lead him into thinking how would it feel to build a domestic life with Seunghyun? They've been stealing glances and when the others decided to hit the Busan's nightlife, he rejected the offer nicely and decided to go on a walk with Seunghyun. They didn't say much though, over the fact that they flatted out says no to club when it would be a really great opportunity for Seunghyun as an underground rapper.

"I always like Busan, it's quitter in here. I would like to settle down later in a city like this."

settle down

family

domestic life

"Yeah, Busan is nice. Seoul is too crowded and too expensive for my own liking."

"How's the training going?"

"The usual, you know tiring, Youngbae was really moody yesterday that I got to get him a bunch of yanggaeng so that he won't be salty that he can't master the dance so he didn't get a weekend off."

"I see. It must be hard? I mean the hard training and also writing and singing too? I heard they make you write lyrics?"

"Yeah, I'll let you take a look later?"

"Sure"

"Seunghyun, I was wondering that maybe, maybe we could grab coffee or something? I always wanted to talk about my music with you, thought you would understand?"

"Rather than coffee, I'd like something else."

Seunghyun was always subtle, never hide back, so when he saw Seunghyun interlaces their fingers together, he got it.

Jiyong cut the distance between them, and lightly threw Seunghyun's body into fences and locked his lips. 

The kiss was slow and nice, Jiyong had never imagine kissing Seunghyun on this dark alley near a stream like this, but there was flowers blooming, and the weather was not too cold and not too hot, and it was dimmed, and he likes it.

Seunghyun smiles after the kiss, and so did Jiyong.

They ended up running towards each other playing who'll arrive at the motel first, would get free jajangmyeon.

He likes walking at night and also fooling around running on the street with Seunghyun.

He likes sharing jajangmyeon with Seunghyun.

He likes the way their linked fingers looks like.

He likes laying down and doing nothing with Seunghyun.

And the most important thing was He likes Seunghyun.

*

*

Sometimes he wanted to crush the universe, and other times he wanted to bow down to the universe for making his dream come true and also for somehow crushing it. BIGBANG had been in in the business for a decade now, with Seunghyun as his rap partner and they had been going strong ever since. But the fame and the life cycle of this can't be helped. There was always worries, they don't get any younger each day. Jiyong always hate talking about the future of BIGBANG, cause even if he already had planned it in his head from the 4 cubicle of their ty dorm with rats back then, he'll dedicated his life for music and for BIGBANG. For making sure that BIGBANG would always be his #1 priority even before himself, for making sure that s are also equally happy with the result of their music, for taking care of Daesung when he got into scandal and build a new and stronger BIGBANG during alive era, for being a happy supporter for Youngbae when the news of his relationship with Hyorin broke out, for being a really supportive and #1 fan for Seungri that he showed up to his Let's talk about love album signing that when Seungri asked him "what is your name?" he said Jiyongie instead of G-Dragon. Also the same goes with Seunghyun, when it was his time to enlist, Jiyong drove him to their hairstlyist noona's hair salon for Seunghyun to get his military hair cut, he ended up taken a lot of pictures of him there.  He sometimes wonders whethers all of his efforts will pay off? What would BIGBANG do after army? But when Seunghyun said he'll die with the members, and when Seungri was always so hype up in Japan show saying "It's BIGBANG!" to the point that he forgot that he was one of them, also when he was on his final concert in Seoul, s suddenly showed up on stage and they got to sing bad boy and fantastic baby and also they lit the cake togeher. By that, he knew that - they're all in this together.

*

"You're hurting me"

"I was just telling you the truth, the money, fame, and this reputation, free flow of expensive wine would all worn out as soon as we enter our late late 30s."

"Don't, Seunghyun."

"What I was going to say is that I want us to prepare for the fallldown. Do you have anything you wanna do? Open up a business or foundation after this?" after bigbang left unsaid. Seunghyun was afraid to jinx it, afraid that as soon as the word flew outta his mouth, it'll only make it happen faster.

"My world always revolves around you, you know that?"

*

It was stressing the hell out of him, this upcoming full album,  it gonna be their last project as five before they do their mandatory service, and it's killing him. These days his mind didn't do him any better too, he's been anxious about not be able to present his best lyric, not be able to compose and produce good music, not be able to maintain and bring the best and equal portion to the members that he somehow end up getting a girlfriend. Sometimes he can't believe himseldf that he - he cheated on Seunghyun with a girl. But God, this girl was cute, pretty, and kind, just the way he liked it. He was always wanted to have a family, a wife, with two beautiful kids, and he knew if he ever would get married, he might marry this girl. Kiko Mizuhara. It made him happy, he's depressed less, Kiko was so affective and she reassures him a lot until it got messy. They've been together for some quite time (and he still as guilty that he can't bring him self to say this to Seunghyun's face) 

Dispatch took pictures of them while they were going out at Seoul sipping wine and cuddling at the balcony. This is why somehow he got so low that he can't seem to bring himself up, it seems that apart from bringing the band up throughout their careers, he seems to bring them down often. His relationship with kiko got bad, they got hated a lot. "G-Dragon the superstar, idol king of Korea, got into a relationship with a japanese-korean model and were seen on a romantic wine date together last night." It was not the news and the netizen that he hates, he hate him self more, by this he broke everyone's heart, Kiko's because apparently those so called v.i.ps had been commenting bad words like "u deserve to die", "u're ugly", "u don't deserve g-dragon" to Kiko's instagram, and he also sad that he let s down by getting into dating scandal like this and most of all, most of all he can't bring him self to face Seunghyun because God, he did him dirty. He loves Seunghyun and he also loves Kiko. And he is a mess now. He never wanted to die this bad.

Seunghyun ended up get him talk about it. It was a rainy wednesday evening, two weeks after his dating scandal, two weeks after shutting his phone off, two days after having his mom end up visiting and cooking for him, four days after crying and let Dami pet his hair, also 10 days after he got scolded so bad by the yg president that he wish he was deaf. When he touched the button to open his door, he can't bring him self to face Seunghyun.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I love her. But Seunghyun, you're the love of my life."