ONE

"Hey Seungkwan go out of your room now!" I heard my roommates calling for me outside. 

"C'mon Seungkwan its not the end of the world, you " yeah, its easy for you to say that cause you never have been to this situation.

"Seungkwan, just go out of your ing room or I'd kick you out there. Quit all those ing drama" you never stand on my shoes that's why you all acting like this. 

"You never even eat. Are you planning to kill yourself?" Minghao shouted behind the securely enclosed door.

I'm thinking about it too. I stood from my messy bed and went to my drawer. Inside it was a little blade I've got from Soonyoung's shave. I'm sharpening it for too many days. I place my index finger in the edge of blade, and later removing it, letting drop of blood to flow. I didn't feel any pain at all. It's just a small bruise. I positioned the blade near my wrist, cutting those dried scratch from last two days cuts. The blade's cold edge touch my dead skin. I've cut my wrist about 20 times, satisfying myself. I never even feel any pain. I saw how the blood stained in the shirt I'm wearing past one week ago. I went to cabinet to find another shirt but the sight displeased me.

Me... and him. Our pictures. Our couple stuffs. His gift for me. Our memories. I immediately close the cabinet, struggling myself not to shed any tear, but I guess my eyes betrayed me. I started to cry quietly. Only the sound of the wind entering in my window could be recognized. I finally stop crying, maybe my eyes are too damn tired. I've looked at myself at the mirror, mesmerizing my dead look. I've lost a lot of weight. My chubby cheeks before are now deeply low, my messy hair ,my eyes are red and swollen, my collarbones are actually easily too be seen now. I looked down at my wrist again. Still blood flowing. I removed my shirt, place it to my wrist and tie to properly. I looked up and see my upper body, I really lost too much weight. I can see that there are some abs forming to my abdomen. I ignored it, the fact that I don't give a damn to myself. I've looked to my other drawers to search for shirts but I've found nothing. Maybe its time for me to maybe go outside for a while. I looked to my room, dark, cold, mess everywhere. I picked up some trash, place used clothes to the basket, and clean everything. I later then leave my room to wash these clothes.