4 years ago

Hye Kyo you’re so stupid!! I kept on repeating over and over as I paced back and forth. My eyes are already puffed from crying that I get surprised there are still tears left for me to cry. Is it probably the 5th batch of tears? No 6th? 7th? I don’t know, I lost count.

“Hye Kyo ah, you’re not stupid. Please don’t call yourself that” Halmeoni brought me a glass of water to drink. She rubbed my back, trying to soothe me “Whatever it is I’m sure you and Joong Ki can fix it.” I looked at her as my tears continued to fall.

“Halmeoni, I’m not so sure” I leaned my head on her shoulders and closed my eyes from exasperation. There was silence and she just kept on rubbing my shoulders for comfort. The silence was deafening that I can’t help but sob even more.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened” Halmeoni finally broke the silence when I stopped from crying, not because there are no more tears left, but because my eyes gave up on me. “You can cry all you want tonight and let it all out but you have to face him tomorrow and fix this. I always believe in the saying ‘Love can and will conquer anything’”.

“He asked me to marry him” I finally found the courage to speak after so much of crying “............................but I said no”

Halmeoni held my face and forced me to look at her “I’m 100% sure that you had your reasons”

“I think he hates me” I felt my voice trembled as I spoke “I broke his heart Halmeoni” my tears started to form as I remember the pain etched on his face. I saw betrayal, rage, confusion and hurt painted all over his face. It’s not that I don’t love him, I do. Very much that I had to turn his offer down because I need to find that missing part. There was just this empty feeling that I need to fill. I love Joong Ki and he made me so, so happy I’m beyond grateful. Every day, there’s something to look forward to because I know he’s in it. He’s my sunshine. My hope. My everything. I knew how much he loved me and I loved him just as much. Even more so to the point of losing myself in the process. So when he popped the question, a part of me wanted to say yes. But a part of me wanted to make myself whole first.

“Of course he felt hurt and betrayed. He loves you that much, that’s why” halmeoni wiped the tears and pulled me in for an embrace.

“I’m so selfish, Halmeoni” this time I can’t help but break into a sob again “’I’m so selfish”

“Aigoo. You’re not” Halmeoni pulled away from our embrace and held my face once more “You were never selfish, my dear. If anything, you always put others before you. I think it’s about time you choose yourself for once” and that’s how my night went by.  I thought I’d cry myself to sleep because of how tired I am but sleep just never came. I was awake for the most part, debating on whether I should talk to him now or give him some space first….I wasn’t sure. But as soon as dawn broke, I got my car keys and went to his place.

I pressed the doorbell three times before I decided to let myself in. I went to his room first to check if he’s there but there’s no Joong Ki inside. He must be with his friends now except I’m not sure whose house. I dialed his phone just to be sure but there was no answer. I decided to go with my gut and head first to Kwang Soo’s place. I dialed his number again and that’s when I heard his phone. , he left his phone. Oh god, he must be super drunk now. And it’s all your fault Hye Kyo! I scold myself. I reached Kwang Soo’s place but there was no sign of life. I dialed his number but it can’t be reached. I called his other friends and they were all out of reach. Then it hit me. Right, all his friends are out of the country now. So where can he possibly be? Yoochun’s! Yes, he must be at Yoochun’s. He’s one person I never really liked because there’s just nothing good Joong Ki can gain from him. But Joong Ki is a loyal man and he never turns his back on his friends regardless whether you’re a hopeless case or not. That’s one of the things I admire about him and another reason for him to make me fall in love all over again. For some reason, when I reached Yoochun’s house, there’s this uneasy feeling. My heart was beating so loud it felt like it’s about to burst anytime soon. It took 2 doorbells before someone got the door.

“Where’s Joong Ki?” I asked Yoo Chun. From where I’m standing, I can clearly smell the alcohol. He was half , drunk like crazy and I didn’t even bother to care. “Where is he?” this time I shouted hoping that he’ll get just a little bit of his sense back,  enough for him to answer me properly.

He eyed me from head to toe and smirked at me. I swear to god it was the worst feeling ever but I knew in my heart that he knows where Joong Ki is. “Make yourself at home, sweetie”

I gave him a glare, sharp enough to kill. Too bad he was so drunk to even notice. I went inside and searched the first floor but there was no Joong Ki. I went upstairs and checked each room but no luck. I seriously thought of killing Yoochun if he’s playing jokes on me now. I was on to the last two rooms when I stopped dead in my tracks. I saw a passed out Joong Ki on the bed. I ran towards him when I froze at what I saw. A woman….there was a woman beside him. , actually. Both of them. The woman was lying half on top of my drunk boyfriend. I wanted to scream at them. Shout. Drag the woman out but none of it happened. Because I was already crying and all I could think of was to get out of that filthy room and get away from those filthy people. I never felt so betrayed my whole life and never felt so much rage for Joong Ki until that night. For the first time, this horrible feeling bothering me all night, the guilt I felt when I saw the pain I caused Joong Ki, all of it was gone like a smoke. It was replaced only with loathe and disgust. That’s when I realized that turning down his offer was the best decision I ever made.

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It’s still dawn when I woke up from my dream. I sat up on my bed and hugged my knees. I’m doing okay. Please don’t worry about me Eomma, Halmeoni. I’ll be fine here. I sighed to myself as I stare at the picture of us three hanged on the wall across my bed. I met him last night and he’s still good looking as ever. I smiled to myself when I remembered how fond Halmeoni is of Joong Ki. She treated Joong Ki like his own grandson and would always admire how pretty his complexion is for a guy. I know how much you love his face. I think he’s doing pretty well with his life now. He actually finished his masters in London. Remember it was always his dream to study abroad? I puckered my lips and pondered on whether I should mention that he has someone now. What’s the point of debating Hye Kyo? Even if you don’t tell Halmeoni, she knows! I thought to myself. Of course, she knows everything. Even when she was still alive, she knows when something’s up. Most especially those nights I come home from our fights. I took a deep breath and told Halmeoni anyway. I think he’s happy now. And I’m also happy for him. Am I? Suddenly I felt something wet slid down my cheeks and realized I was crying again. Oooops sorry. I know you don’t want to see me crying but I’m not. I’m just happy that he has someone. I know I broke his heart too and I’m glad that he has already healed. Eomma, Halmeoni, please guide me from up there okay? I’ll get through this, I promise. I’m a strong woman remember? I wiped my tears from my cheeks and decided to go for a run to clear my mind.

I just finished fixing myself and about to head out to the studio when I noticed a missed call from Mina. I rode my car and dialed her number “Hey. I’m sorry I missed your call, what’s up?”

“Sorry I wasn’t able to check on you last night and see if you got home safe” she muttered, “I got pretty occupied last night with Hyun Sik and Joong Ki oppa”

“No worries” the light turned orange and I pulled the car to a stop “it seems like you enjoyed last night”

“I did, actually” her voice sounded in awe “those two are the closest to me and it’s been a really long time” she reminisced.

I stepped on the gas pedal as soon as the lights hit green “That’s good. Well, I’m almost near the studio”

“Oh yeah about that. I also called to let you know that I’ll be coming in late”

Mina is not the type to be late or be absent unless it’s an emergency “Hmmm. Hangover, I supposed?”

“Yes” she said in a child-like tone caught in the act

I giggled at how she responded. I guess she’s embarrassed now because she’s one of the few people I know who could hold her liquor very well. In fact, I never saw her drunk. Not even tipsy. Not even when she got her heart broken “You know what just take the day off. It’s a Saturday anyway and we don’t have any scheduled shoot”

I sensed her hesitation but I guess my offer was tempting enough “I love you, you know?”

“I know” I smiled in victory, “don’t forget to drink orange juice!”

“Got it, Doctor” I ended the call and parked the car in front of the studio.

As soon as I got inside the studio, I buried myself with work. I finished three calls and proceeded in fixing all shoots scheduled for the coming weeks. I almost forgot that Mina would be holding her photo exhibit in two weeks time. I was going through the schedule when I hear someone come in. Goodness, gracious is that Mina? I told her to rest, didn’t I? I stood up and headed for the door, ready to reprimand her “Why are you here? I told you not to come----”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t informed that I’m not allowed here” my eyes grew big when I realized it was a man’s voice and not Mina’s.

I felt my cheeks grew hot out of embarrassment “Sorry, that was meant for Mina and you’re not Mina”

“Certainly not” he teased

I ushered him to the couch and offered juice but he insisted on getting water instead “She’s at home resting. I guess she had too much alcohol last night”

He shook his head and gave a soft laugh “Yes she did. I didn’t come here looking for Mina” that caught my attention. I looked at his face and saw him smile when my forehead creased “I came from her house actually. She’s still feeling woozy from last night. I’m here to give you company”

That caused me to raised my eyebrows while he stared at me amused. What is he saying? I didn’t know how to respond so we stayed like that for a couple more second and felt the weight of the awkward silence filling the air. Hye Kyo pull yourself together! “Oh you don’t have to” I finally said “I’m fine here and besides, I’m sure you have way more important things to attend to”

“You’re right” I smiled at him and nodded my head in agreement “That’s why I’m here” What? I went still for a moment and another awkward silence filled the room. “Mina asked me to give you company” he explained as he sensed my uneasiness. Is he doing what I think he’s doing? I’m not good at socializing. Mina has covered that part for us two and I have to say that woman has skills. What’s worse is that I’m in my late 20s already and I still don’t know what to do at times when someone expresses interest in me. I guess that’s one thing I’ll never be good at. Not that I experienced it a lot. Of course not. My phone rang and I thanked all the gods I could thank for saving me from this uncomfortable situation.

“Hello?” I answered without checking who was calling.

“Is Hyun Sik oppa there?” it was Mina “I asked him to take you out for lunch since I called in sick today. Sorry, I forgot to tell you earlier” so he must be telling the truth then. I looked at him and he gave me a face that says I told you so.

I gave him a small smile and ran inside my office to give myself some privacy “Yaaa! Are you crazy?”  I shouted loud enough for Mina to wince but still made sure it won’t be heard from where he was sitting.

“Girl, you need to relax alright!” from the tone of her voice I knew that this thing is planned. It’s far from her usual ‘I’m sorry I feel bad for ditching you today please accept my peace offering’ because I can sense that her motive is far from innocent. “Besides I think it will be good for you to meet other people outside business” I knew it. She’s setting me up for a date. Blind dates are not my thing. Partly it’s because I’m just naturally awkward but mainly I just don’t believe in Blind dates. Sure I’m a fan of fairytale stories and there’s this pang of hope inside me that I will find my prince charming someday. I guess life happened and taught me better. Life just don’t work that way. I should know better with my parents who got a divorce not even long before I can even walk and with how my relationship with Joong Ki ended. “Mina you know I can’t stand blind dates right?” I complained.

“Well, it’s not really a blind date since you know who you’re having lunch with” she argued.

I released my breath in exasperation because I know that there’s no point in arguing. Mina has thought of this already and besides, he’s already here. I looked at my glass window and saw him sitting down patiently while browsing through the magazines placed at the side table. “I’m so gonna kill you, you know that?”

“I’ll take that as your thank you then?” he’s not bad after all. He’s good looking, not to mention how toned his body is. Oh god, what am I even thinking? “He’s a good man, don’t worry”

“I’m not doubting that he is. It’s just that I’m not good at this thing” I thought of possible excuses to get out from this and there’s nothing I can think of. Maybe Mina’s right? I should go out more often. Besides how long has it been? Four? Your ex has moved on already Hye Kyo!

“Don’t put too much thinking into this Hye Kyo ah” she warned me as if she read my thoughts “It’s just a simple lunch, nothing more”

I just sighed because there’s nothing more I can say “Alright. I’ll end this convo now because your cousin has been waiting outside for far too long already. I guess that’s not a good impression to give off at the start, right?”

I heard her chuckle at the other end of the line “That’s my girl! Enjoy!”

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We decided to have lunch a few blocks away from the studio as it will save more time. I enjoyed the short walk we had and took the time to appreciate the nice sunny weather. Springtime is my favorite season because it’s just picture perfect. Clear blue sky with matching cherry blossoms everywhere, I mean what more can you ask? It’s been a while the last time I had a nice walk around Seoul. I’ve been busy with shoots after shoot that I can’t even afford myself a walk under this beautiful weather. Waaah what a shame Hye Kyo.

“Such a nice weather we have, isn’t it?” I remembered Hyun Sik asking me. I was so wrapped up in my own bubble that I had not realized that there’s a comfortable silence brewing between us.

“Yes it is” I inhaled the fresh air and looked at his direction “It’s a shame I ‘ve missed  four springs now”

He shook his head and there was silent for a while before he spoke, “I’m assuming spring is your best bet?”

“Yeah, it is” I smiled as I remember why I love spring so much. Halmeoni loves to take a walk and I remember how she would never miss that day when the cherry blossoms bloom at its fullest. She’s always amazed at how it blooms so beautiful that it makes everyone feel light and happy just by merely seeing it.

“Your smile is as beautiful as the cherry blossoms” Huh? My eyes darted towards Hyun Sik. Where did that come from? He softly chuckled when he read confusion written all over my face “You were smiling so bright. I just thought it was as beautiful as the cherry blossoms. I supposed you remembered something beautiful, didn’t you?” Oh, so that was it. I nodded in agreement and thank goodness we’ve reached the Italian restaurant, cutting the awkwardness that starts to build.

We entered the premise and was greeted by a woman. The ambiance gives off an Italian vibe with the color white and brown as its main palette. The walls are made of brick stones and brown wood flooring as the hallways reflects a yellow light. Each section of the wall boasted a classic painting that made my eye drool. Wow, this restaurant is very elegant. I was never a fan of fancy things, let alone fancy restaurants. I grew up in a humble home. We were never well off enough to afford luxury in life but my Eomma and Halmeoni made me wealthy enough with their love. I spotted a few more paintings as I follow the woman ushering us to our table while Hyun Sik was closely following behind.

The woman finally stopped when we reach the near end corner of the hall and pointed towards a table occupied by a man and a woman. The back of the man looked familiar but I can’t pinpoint who and I’m guessing the woman is his girlfriend. For a second I thought the woman who ushered us was mistaken when Hyun Sik thanked her. He placed his hands on the small of my back, causing me to flinch and gestured me to move near the table. I gave him a questioning look because I’m pretty sure I missed that part when he told me we have company for lunch.

He just smiled at me and approached the two people on the table, announcing our arrival “Hyung, I’m sorry we’re late” the man turned at his direction and stood up to give him a pat on the shoulder. That’s when I recognized who the familiar man is because he’s too damn familiar. It was Joong Ki. OMG. I was having a panic attack deep inside and too frozen to decide whether I should run now or what. Joong Ki noticed me and he seemed too surprised to see me. For a couple of seconds, we were just staring at each other. It’s been for years the last time I looked at those eyes. It used to be full of color and happiness when I look at them but now I see nothing. It’s almost like I’m staring at a blank space. It was filled with a cold iciness that made me feel uncomfortable for some reason. A little pang of pain poked my heart. So this is what it feels like huh. When you see your ex-lover after a very long time.

“Oh this is Hye Kyo, she was with Mina last night. Do you remember?” Hyun Sik reminded Joong Ki causing us to break our eye contact. “Hye Kyo this is Seolhyun, Hyung’s fiancee”

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Author's Notes:

WEW. I ended the chapter here because I was thinking of giving you guys a sneak peak to Joong Ki's thoughts just because I'm dying to know what he's thinking. Or maybe a whole preview, we'll see haha. But whatcha think guys?