Final.
Not Only Audacious [OS]
“Are you ready?”
I scratched my head, my nervousness wringing at my features when, for a brief moment, saw an expression traced with a settled gloom in front of me. JongHyun quickly gave me reassuring smile, and said:
“Look, if he says no to you, then you can cry on my shoulder and do whatever that girls do to get over a guy. But honestly, anyone would be crazy not to like you!”
“Really?”
“Really. Now go!” JongHyun ushered me into the school library where the boy was last seen today. I glanced over my shoulder, with which JongHyun was inaudibly mouthing, ‘I’ll be right here!’ and motioned me to ‘hurry up and get it over with’, if the wave did not indicate to ‘just go’.
“Just go.”
“I’m really sorry, JongHyun. I’ll hang out with you next time, alright?”
“Yeah no, I understand. We’re talking about your crush here, so just go. He’s waiting for you.”
I turned back with a blurry visage of him and drew a sharp breath, a cold stream of air settling into the root of my lungs. Everything felt so still and quiet, the silence temporarily broken by the flipping page of the books, while just a few metres in front of me, the librarian was stamping books that a petite girl was borrowing. I worked my way into the heart of the library, where a plethora of non-fiction books surrounded me. Edging around the corner of the section, I saw, within the small parameter of the table, Lee JinKi, sitting like a tamed puppet, hunching over the two books he was browsing at the same time.
He was studying. On a beautiful Monday lunch break, and the summer holidays fast-approaching in a couple of weeks, he was studying. Or maybe reading. When he looked up to think, I naturally twisted myself so that my backside figure was stuck against the novels.
God, I looked like a stalker.
A person came by and politely asked to see the section upon where I was standing, and silly me, I’d told him I was sorry, and had inadvertently exposed myself in the open area of the library where JinKi was still looking up. Then he spotted me, a mixture of confusion and curiosity crossing his features. Finally, a smile teased his lips, and said:
“Hey! I didn’t expect you to be here.”
I knocked on the door rampantly, waiting to hear a response from the other side of the door. Silence answered my question. I knocked again; continuing until I heard quick, heavy footsteps sprinting to the door, while shouting an irritated saying,
“I’m coming!”
He swung the door open, the once annoyed look morphing into what seemed to be a questioning slash delighted expression when he had known it was me in my red floral dress, smiling with my hands behind my back. He was dressed in black track pants and a white t-shirt with a red slogan, 'THE RUMOURS ARE TRUE: I KICK ' imprinted over his chest.
“MiYon, what are you doing here? I didn’t expect you to drop by.”
“Oh, I just—I felt really guilty about cancelling our plans at the park to be with JinKi. It’s only school-related, so I hope you’re not upset…”
“Oh, I’m not. Don’t worry about it!” He chuckled half-heartedly.
“Really? Well, umm… I also came here because wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Really? What’s that?”
Silence had closed in between us. Then I said:
“I kind of... want to ask JinKi out, and I need a guy’s opinion on how to go about it. I hope you don't mind...”
JongHyun blinked for a while, absorbing the words I had just said. And in that moment he seemed bereft of speech, and I didn't know why. Then he said, his voice dripping with restless impatience:
“Come in.”
I chuckled sheepishly.
“Ahh, outside’s sort of hot, you know?” I looked over to see what he was doing, “Whatcha doing?”
He let out a toothy grin. “Just studying! It’s better sooner than later, don’t you think?”
“I suppose.”
I realised that I was most likely the one being socially awkward, otherwise—why was I always there when the silence developed?
“Why don’t you sit with me?” JinKi tapped on the seat beside him.
“Ahh, umm… actually, I’m not going to err... be here for long. And it’s a really good thing I’ve caught you anyway because I have... something important to ask... of you.”
I could feel the increasing heart palpitations now.
He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”
We walked over to the dinner table silently while JongHyun poured a glass of coke from a can which was inside the fridge. He turned with a blank expression, glass in hand and had joined me shortly (the can was then placed on the kitchen counter).
“I don’t know why you’re rushing things. You’ve only known him for a couple of months.” JongHyun drank a sip.
“I know…”
JongHyun leaned forward on the dinner table, his head resting on his fist. Through the fizzy coke inside the glass, I could feel him looking at my dress. Or maybe not. Coke wasn't transparent, after all. But it would be a surprise to him anyway, given my casual wear for any typical evening would consist of a simple t-shirt and jeans.
“Do you like him that much?”
I nodded sheepishly.
“How much?” JongHyun lifted his head up and held the half-empty glass of coke towards me. “This much?”
I chuckled.
“More.”
JongHyun turned back and filled more of his glass from the can. It was three quarters full.
“How about this?”
“More!”
I took his hand that was holding the can, and filled his glass until it reached the very top. A drop more would have sent a tasty rainfall against the large perimeter of the dinner table.
“God, I sound so desperate!” I said, suddenly putting my head on my table to avoid JongHyun seeing my face flush crimson. A smile teased his lips, almost descending into a fit of laughter, if you will. But he remained composed, and said:
“Well, if you really want to ask him out...”
“I do.”
“...you have to be confident, MiYon. How you ask him out is up to you--you can't rehearse it, I believe. But I know guys totally dig confidence in a girl, and the girl who actually asks the guy out is considered not only audacious, but attractive, too.”
I lifted my head up. “Really? But what if they’re not physically attractive to begin with?”
“Then… then carrying out that move makes them more attractive than they really are. But of course, it’s the inside that really counts…”
JongHyun fell into a pensive silence.
“…MiYon?”
JinKi's voice broke into my reverie. I made a small leap of surprise, and gave him my full, undivided attention. I smiled tenderly upon his expectant gaze which was fixed on my face. I said:
“Err… I was just wondering whether we have English homework that’s due erm… tomorrow.”
“Oh. No. No, we don’t.” He stated as-a-matter-of-factly, and would have guessed, like shooting in the dark, that his now empty expression was in actuality, disappointment. JinKi continued gazing at me, but not to the extent that he was looking into my soul, no—he seemed as if he was wondering what was going in my head at the moment. And to be honest, I didn’t know what was going on with me, either. This was a boy I had crushed on for years; we were conveniently in the same for every one of our classes, and I had only talked to him when I needed help. He was charming, though—smiled a lot of the little times when we did talk.
“Umm… okay then. Thanks for the heads-up.”
I watched JongHyun as he sipped his coke quietly.
“Well umm… thanks for the heads-up.”
“No problem.” He said curtly, looked at me. “Hope it goes well. Really.”
I smiled warmly. “Me too.”
I shambled the path towards the exit of the library, spotting the backside figure of JongHyun outside the main office (which was the opposite of the library), hands behind his back as he was looking at some random movie poster. I deftly joined at his shoulder, staring at the poster and he shortly gave me a look of bewilderment while the silence enveloped us for the slow seconds that stretched interminably. Observing my blank expression, he asked:
“So what’d he say?”
I smiled. “He said no.”
“Oh!” He placed his arm around my frail shoulders, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” There seemed to be a hint of triumph and delight in the way he spoke, so I turned to him while he released his arm, and quickly noticed his secretive complacent smile switch into a pout. I continued:
“By the way, are you crazy?”
He furrowed his brows very slightly, which almost went unnoticed with his brown hair plastered over it.
“Excuse me?”
“I just mean—when you said,” and I quoted, “’anyone would be crazy not to like you’, are you one of those crazy people?”
JongHyun’s expression was nothing but a flush of embarrassment rising to his face, until it let out a shade of pink. A smile had not crept up onto his face at all. The of the wind walked past us, and this time, JongHyun was the one who had scratched his head. He said:
“Umm... If you really have to know, I’m not crazy at all. In fact,” he took a deep breath, “you could say I’m the least crazy person to ever walk on this earth.”
JongHyun briefly surveyed me before averting his eyes to the ground, an action that I had seen for the first time. But I continued staring at him, heedless of the shrill cry of the bell piercing through our ears. Everyone was now everywhere; some were racing towards their next class, (but more likely a last minute race to the bathroom), others turned heads upon seeing us, our steeled figures in the middle of the busy path. Finally, I held his hand, and said:
“I like you, too.”
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