Jackson slammed the door to his apartment open and stormed into the room. He could still heard it being closed softly through the ringing rage in his ear. He burned in anger with every steps he took. On the contrary, the sound of footsteps that followed behind him was quiet. Mark had always been that way, and his presence alone could make Jackson feel calm and relaxed. But not this time. It only made him feel more irritated and impatient.

“Now tell me, why can’t I find Jaebum and punch him on the face? Why did you stop me?” Jackson roared in fury as he shooting fire at the other’s expressionless face.

“It’s not your place to meddle in their affair, Jackson.”

“Why? He selfishly hurt Jinyoung! My best friend! I have every right to do that!”

“It might not like what it seems. Jaebum is hurting too, Jackson, I can see it. There must be something you, me, and Jinyoung don’t know. He must’ve had a reason to do that.” There was a slight sadness passing through the pair of eyes that looked back at Jackson, and it infuriated him even more. How can he sympathize with that jerk? Why is he taking Jaebum’s side, not mine? I am his boyfriend, not him!

“What reason? No reason could justify his selfish act! Why can’t you just admit he is an that only played with Jinyoung’s feelings? There’s no possible explanation other than that! And now he have the guts to act like he was hurting as much as Jinyoung? He’s just a heartless, manipulative bastard!”

Mark’s gaze darkened. “Watch your mouth, Jackson,” he said with a dangerously low voice, “I understand why you’re angry, but you have no right to say that. You don’t know anything about him. He is the last person in this earth who would do something like that.”

Jackson should’ve took it as a warning, yet he ignored it and snickered. “Of course, you always knows him the best, he’s all you care about. Jaebum is perfect, he would never do wrong, right? Jinyoung should feel lucky he could be his boyfriend even only for a while. And you’re so smart you’re always right about everything. Why don’t you go out with Jaebum instead?”

Only when a loud bang echoed in the room Jackson realized he went too far. Mark’s fist landed on the wall, his chest and shoulder rose and fell heavily. He clenched his jaw tightly, and he pierced Jackson’s heart with his glare, ireful and hurt.

“I won’t let you insult me and my best friend on my face, Jackson, and I’m not gonna put up with this useless argument. Like I said, you don’t know anything about him, and it turns out you don’t know me as well as I thought you do,” he said, letting his fist fell to his side. Three spots of crimson red stained the olive wall where his knuckles were. Jackson’s eyes widened in horror and concern, and he grabbed the other’s scraped hand in reflex. “Mark, your hand…”

His sentence was cut as Mark jerk his hand off of his grip. The rejection caught him off guard and before he could say anything, Mark muttered a bye and left him alone with his guilt. He slumped back into the couch.

Now he had done it. He let his jealousy and insecurities got the better out of him in his anger. He had always been jealous of Jaebum. He envied the years Jaebum spent with Mark that only the two of them knew. He disliked the fact Jaebum knew the Mark he didn’t know, that Jaebum knew Mark better than he was. He hated the times Mark told him he was worried about Jaebum. And he detested himself for feeling that way when Jaebum was also his friend.

He just couldn’t help feeling anxieties growing inside him. He was scared Mark would eventually think that Jaebum could understand him better than Jackson. He feared with how much Mark felt concerned over Jaebum his importance only stood on second place in Mark’s heart. He knew he was being petty, when he also had a friend that always with him way before Jaebum knew Mark. But even that was feeding on his uneasiness as he felt that Mark didn’t love him enough to feel the way he did.

That was just how he always was, living with constant trivial insecurities which he hid behind his jolly and outgoing behavior. They weren’t his facade or shield or anything but his true personality. Being around people truly made him happy and brushed away his gloomy thoughts. That was why he loved to socialize, because when he was alone, his anxieties would eat him alive, like what people actually thought about him. Was he too noisy? Was he annoying? Did everyone only acted like they loved being around him when they actually fed up with him?

However, Mark was different. When being around others made him feel triumphantly joyful, Mark’s calmness soothed him in a way no one ever did. Mark always said whatever was in his mind, stood firm in what was right and wrong, and he never lied, whether it was sweet or bitter, so Jackson never doubt him. Mark was mature and reliable it made Jackson wanted to depend on someone for the first time. When he told him all his insecurities, Mark only listened to him quietly. He never said empty comforting words, there was never a slight of pity in his eyes. He only said, “Thanks for telling me,” before he hugged him, and Jackson felt safe in his arms, all his worries dissipated. That was why he loved Mark.

As his love for Mark deepened, the amount of insecurities concerning Mark increased, and those were the things he couldn’t tell Mark. He was afraid Mark would leave him if he knew everything. He had no means to make it go away, so it grew inside him. It kept growing stems and tendrils, snaking its way around his heart, binding it tightly. But now, thanks to it slipping out in his spite, it seemed like it could become reality. Mark might leave him. He clenched his hand over his aching heart as he curled on the couch, wailing in regret.

--

“Let’s grab something to eat, I’m hungry,” said Mark as he slung his bag on his shoulder. The class had just ended, and most of the students were doing the same as him. Jaebum stared at him, frowning before he sighed.

“Mark, it’s been more than a week, almost two weeks even, since last time I saw you with Jackson. You haven’t made up yet?”

Mark didn’t answer. Yeah, it had been twelve days since the fight, to be exact. He knew, he was counting while missing the other each days.

“What happened between you two actually? You even hurt your hand,” Jaebum said, glancing at the scabs still marring his hand, which he quickly hid inside his pocket.

“Nothing important, don’t mind it,” Mark tried to shrug it off. However, Jaebum wouldn’t have it.

“Tell me, is it because of me?” Jaebum curved his mouth to a smile that was both sad and relinquished, “He’s mad at me, right? I know he’s gonna be.”

“...yeah.” Mark wondered why he even contemplating on saying the truth or not when he already knew what he was going to do anyway. Sometimes he wanted to curse himself for not being able to lie. However, no matter how much he thought about it, he would always choose to say the truth anytime. He just hated lying more than anything.

“Why did you have to fight because of something like that? You know he have the right to get mad at me,” Jaebum frowned even deeper. Mark sighed.

“Well, I do understand why he was angry, that’s not why I’m upset. However it doesn’t justify him accusing you whatever he wants. I can’t stand him judging you like that when he doesn’t know what you’ve been going through. You would never hurt Jinyoung like that without reason, am I right?”

Sadness was painted all over the eyes beneath the curtain of pitch-black hair that was casted down. “You’re right, but I still don’t deserve your trust. It’s because of my selfishness that I broke his heart.”

“Well, you might be right, but I also know that you honestly don’t want to be separated from him. That breaking up with Jinyoung hurts you as much as it does to him,” Mark said, putting his hand on Jaebum’s shoulder. “Look at you, you’re nowhere near fine. You looks like your soul had left you to become the empty shell you are before you met Jinyoung, if not worse. You know, the time you were with him, was the first time I saw your eyes looked so alive since Youngjae left.”

Jaebum smiled bitterly in acknowledgment. “If you’re the one who say that, then there’s no way it’s not the truth.”

Mark’s gaze softened, feeling his heart breaking seeing his best friend looking so frail. “You love him,” he said. He didn’t say it because he just realized it, no, he knew it since long ago. With how Jaebum looked and smiled at Jinyoung it was impossible for him not to notice it, maybe even before Jaebum himself became aware of it. He just wanted to tell Jaebum that he knew, so he didn’t have the need to burden himself to tell him that. Mark understood that with his past and his personality, it was going to be hard for him to admit he fell in love with Jinyoung to someone else. He was the one who always thought that he didn’t have the right to love anyone, afterall.

Jaebum looked back at Mark again. When he did, his eyes were b with the pain, the sorrow, and the longing he felt in his heart. And even though it wasn’t a question, he still answered, “I do,” in a brittle voice, as if he wanted so much to let it out because it weighed his heart so heavily and it was too to bear it all alone. He seemed like he was about to broke down. Mark pulled his right hand to wrap it with both of his own and rub it gently.

“I won’t push you to tell me your reason for breaking up with Jinyoung. Just know that when everything feels too hard, I’ll always be there to listen.”

It was faint, but it was still there, the sincere smile that was formed on Jaebum’s lips. “Thanks. And as much as I’m grateful you’re standing up for me, I still think that it’s better that you make up with Jackson. I don’t want to be the cause of your fight. I know you miss him, Mark. You’ve been looking at your phone way more frequent than before, and you’re just staring without doing anything. Just call him. And you know yourself how sensitive and insecure he could be. I don’t want anyone to be hurt because of me anymore.”

Mark didn’t need to think much to know Jaebum was right. That was also what he had been worried about. Only his stubbornness held him back from calling or seeing Jackson. And the other thing Jaebum got right was how much he missed Jackson. He missed him so much it hurt.

“I will.”

--

Jackson lay unmoved on his bed, staring at the ceiling as the room echoed sappy love songs that flowed through the small speaker beside his bed. He was still clad in his sleeping attire, black t-shirt and boxers, his jaw rough with the growing bristle of unshaven facial hair. He didn’t feel like cleaning himself up, didn’t feel like eating, didn’t feel like doing anything at all. There was only one thing he wanted.

Mark.

The days Jackson spent without seeing Mark, not knowing whether the crimson haired male he loved so much would come back to him again or not, seemed like a torture. He found it hard to breathe, and he truly felt like he was suffocating with fear. He knew he should’ve gone to Mark, begging for his forgiveness no matter what it took. Yet what if Mark rejected his apology and thought he had enough of him? It would really be the end, and it was what he was afraid the most. That was why he still hadn’t made any attempt to see or even call Mark. He knew he was being a coward, but he just couldn’t.

Despite his fear, his longing toward Mark was also growing immensely deep he felt like drowning in the pool of despair. He missed Mark so much that he started wearing Mark’s clothes that were left behind at his place. Mark always wore oversized clothes, which became quite a fit on his bulky frame. It gained him weird glances from his friends since all Mark’s clothes were bright colored while he only wore black, but he didn’t care. Being around his friends couldn’t bring him joy again. Only Mark could.

He didn’t even have anyone to lean on anymore. Beside Mark, the only one he could tell about his problems was Jinyoung. However, he knew very well that he couldn’t depend on Jinyoung this time, the guy already had enough on his plate right now. He had been so sad and upset since the break up, and if he know Jackson and Mark were fighting because of him, he would feel guilty and it would add to his burden. So he blamed it all on Jaebum and resented him more, even though he knew it was wrong. Again he was just doing what made Mark mad at him to begin with, and it made him feel even more guilty.

Despite the rather high volume of the song he played, he could still hear the door of this apartment being knocked. He ignored it, not wanting to deal with the neighbors’ complaints over the noise he made. After a while, the knocking stopped, and he sighed in relief. But then it was his phone’s turn to ring.

He grunted in annoyance, reaching for his phone. He dragged his thumb over the green symbol he had known by instinct without looking at the phone, and put it on his ear.

“Hello?” he said, not hiding his irritation. However, the voice that came through the speaker was the familiar one he never expected to hear, yet it made his heart clenched from yearning for hearing it too much.

“Open the door.”

Jackson got up in a flash, running to the door still holding his phone over his ear. He opened the door, revealing the person who made his heart ache for taking every curves of the beautiful feature with his eyes, hearing the melodious voice embraced his ears, feeling the warmth of the velvety skin against his own, inhaling the sweetest scent he ever smelled and filled his lungs with it. He didn’t realize he was just staring for a whole minute, frozen on the doorstep, until Mark broke the silence and said, “Can I come in?”

Jackson still couldn’t find his voice amidst his astonishment, and like a robot he just stepped aside to let the guy in without a word. A mass of crimson silky hair swaying in front of Jackson’s eyes as he passed him by, and wanted so, so bad to touch it, missing how it felt on his fingers. He absent-mindedly tailed Mark to the living room after closing the door, still too stunned with Mark’s unexpected appearance. However, he was jolted to a stop when suddenly Mark turned around and face him, capturing Jackson’s gaze with his own.

“Don’t you have something to say to me?”

Jackson was taken aback by the question. For a moment he didn’t understand what the other meant, until he remembered the cause of his suffering for more than a week, and his mistake. He casted his eyes down with guilt, and said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that no matter how much I’m mad at Jaebum. And I even said those bad things to you. I’m so sorry.”

He closed his eyes, afraid of what would come next. Then to his surprise, he felt a pair of slender arms circling around his waist, and the next moment he felt strands of sleek hair tickling his cheek, with the sweet scent of apple he had became very familiar of hitting his nose.

“I forgive you,” he heard Mark said. He felt his eyes b with tears of relief as he wrapped his own arms around Mark tightly and pulled him closer, craving to feel every inch of his lover against him. Mark leaned back a bit to press his lips against Jackson’s and he felt lightheaded like he was dreaming, still found it hard to believe. Mark pulled away, smiling, and Jackson’s world brightened in a way even the sun couldn’t.

“Took you long enough to say that. I’ve been waiting, you know,” Mark said as he wiped the the tears that managed to escape Jackson’s cheek, trickling down his cheek. He caught the hand with his own, surprised to feel a part of it rough against his palm. He pulled it down and turned it over to find the hard layer of dry blood scattered over the usually unblemished skin, and he felt regret crumpling his heart.

“I’m sorry. I’m afraid that after the fight you would think you’ve had enough of me, and everything would end the moment you see me. I don’t want it,” he said timidly.

Mark’s eyes widened before squinting in disbelief. “What? You think I’m such a narrow minded person to leave you after just one fight?”

“No! Of course not!” Jackson quickly said, “It’s just me and my fear. I don’t have the confidence that I deserve you, that you would want to stay with me. I don’t even know what you see in me to say you love me.”

Mark’s gaze softened as he raised his free hand to gently Jackson’s hair, all the way to his cheek. “You’re precious as you are, Jackson. You’re sweet, caring, and gentle. You painted colors in my grayscale world. After meeting you, I realized how dull my life is. You balances me, being the total opposite of me. You care about all the people around you, you make everyone happy just with your presence. You always reach out your hand first, no matter who they are, to get to know them better. Not many people can do that, you know? Whenever you’re crushed by your fears, it leaves me frustrated because why can’t you see the amazing person you are? I’m glad that you’re the person I fall for, and I’m proud that such an incredible person loves me back.”

Jackson was overly stunned by the confession, and he couldn’t find a word to say. He never thought that Mark thought of him that way, and he found it too good to believe. However, Mark didn’t do lie, he knew that very well, so no matter how much he doubted it he knew it was all true. Mark chuckled, his eyes giving away the conflict he had inside him. Mark kissed him again.

“Don’t think too much. The only thing you have to believe in is that I love you the most, and nothing in this world can change it. I will say it no matter how many times it takes until you completely believe me. I love you, Jackson Wang, I really do.”

Jackson let the corner of his mouth rose. He never felt his heart as light as it had ever been before. He leaned forward, sighing in happiness when his lips met with another pair, the taste he had been missing so much these past week.

“I love you too, Mark Tuan, more than anyone else in this world.”

It's Markson everyone! Instead of a spin-off, I decided to make them an extra. Hope you like it!