“So, how did you know about me?” Jaebum asked, watching the subject of his question getting flustered to the question as his cheeks slowly dyed in red. He had been curious about that. It had been about two weeks since they started dating, and they were sitting in the same coffee shop as back then. It had become their unofficial meeting place before going whenever they planned to spend the rest of their day together.

Jaebum effortlessly acted his part as a boyfriend. It was easy imagining himself falling for the other boy. Jinyoung was nice, sweet, and honest. He was always forward with his feelings despite being a quiet person, though not as much as Mark. He didn't say anything about it, it just showed in his eyes, his gestures, everything. Whether it was because he was quiet in nature, or he was just shy around him since he seemed to blush easily whenever he was with Jaebum. And when he did, it creeped all the way to his ears. Jaebum couldn't help but thinking it was cute.

"My friend... he dragged me to watch the university's basketball tournament, saying I should stop confining myself in the library surrounded by books, feel the sunlight against my skin and breathe the fresh air, all those bull. He said I would understand the thrill of watching sport tournament and get addicted if I did. He was right, I did feel the thrill and get addicted, but it was a different thrill, and what I got addicted with wasn't the match, it was you," Jinyoung said, his eyes casted down at his fidgeting fingers. His face was even redder than before and his lips formed a sheepish smile. "I tried to find out more about you afterward. Turned out you were kinda popular that it was a wonder how I never knew about you before, making it an easy task. Thanks for being such a hot, fierce, capable, and charismatic captain, Im Jaebum. You do me a favor."

Jaebum laughed at that. He was aware that many people notice him, but no one ever threw it on his face like that. Jinyoung always did wonder with his cheekiness, an attempt to hide his embarrassment while his face never failed to gave him away, something Jaebum found amusing.

"You owe me one, then. You have to pay for it."

"What do you want?"

"Hmm... I can't think of anything right now. I'll tell you when I have something in my mind."

Jinyoung sighed. "It has a due date, so you better be fast."

Jaebum faked a shocked and hurt expression, which Jinyoung laughed to. "What? I never imagine you as such a petty person!"

"Just be considerate with me, I'm just an ordinary, poor literature student, unlike the mighty Im Jaebum. Please take a pity on me."

Jaebum grinned. "Alright, this mighty Im Jaebum will try to bless you with his kindness. Now, shall we go? The movie is about to start."

"Okay."

They left their seat and went outside. The mellow light of the autumn sun greeted them, along with the scenery filtered with sepia tone and the cold wind that embraced them. Jaebum put his hands inside the pocket of his coat as he walked, and saw Jinyoung did the same. As a couple, they texted and called each other, more than just saying good night before they sleep and typed good morning right after they woke up. They also went on dates like every other couple. However, Jaebum couldn't bring himself to touch the other, even if it was just holding hands. He felt grateful that Jinyoung never pushed him to do it or asked about it, which made him felt bad at the same time. He didn't know if it was guilt that held him back, he just couldn't.

They took the bus and arrived at the cinema fifteen minutes later. They weren't in hurry since they already bought the tickets online, all they had to do was printing them on site. What they were about to watch was a film titled "The Beauty Inside". Jaebum didn't watch romance often, but the plot of this movie gained his interest. And it just turned out Jinyoung wanted to watch it too, so here they were, sitting for two hours throughout the film with popcorn on Jaebum's lap and drinks on each of their side. Once, their hands touched when Jaebum was too absorbed to the film he didn't notice Jinyoung's hand was already reaching for the popcorn when he did the same. He flinched at the contact, and took a glance at Jinyoung when he realized what he just did.

He found Jinyoung looking at him, his eyes unreadable. However, unlike many ways Jaebum had thought he would react, Jinyoung just smiled and returned his attention to the movie, putting the popcorn he had taken into his mouth. Or maybe not, seeing the sadness reflected slightly in his eyes despite the comedic scene shown on the screen. Jaebum wanted to say something, explanation, comforting words, anything, but he couldn't. Not because he was afraid of disturbing the silence inside the theatre, no. It was because there was no explanation he could give to Jinyoung, and no comforting word he could tell the other when the reason of that look in his eyes was him. The only thing he could offer was an apology.

"I'm sorry," Jaebum said, right after they came out of the theatre. Jinyoung threw a puzzled look at him. "What for?"

"You know what for."

Jinyoung softly smiled at him. "You have nothing to apologize for. I don't expect much of this relationship, since I know you don't have the same feelings as I do. You don't have to worry about making me uncomfortable. Even the fact you still stay with me until now makes me feel grateful. I'm the selfish one to keep holding onto you despite knowing that since I only wanted to be with you, so don't mind me. You're already too good for me."

"No, you're not selfish, not even one bit. I'm the one who asked you to go out with me, so I should've done better," Jaebum reached out his hand, clasping its fingers on Jinyoung's sleeve, "I'm sorry that I couldn't."

Jinyoung stared at the hand on his sleeve for a while before looking at him again, a smile still hanging on his face. "If accepting your apology makes you feel better, okay then. I forgive you, Im Jaebum. Now I'm hungry, let's get something to eat."

Jaebum still held onto the other's sleeve, feeling like it shouldn't be left at that, until he gave up since he didn't know what else to say. "Okay."

--

Youngjae's existence had been like a blinding sunlight for Jaebum. He seemed to always spread his radiance to people around him, immersed them with his bright smile, sometimes so bright it hurt Jaebum's eyes. In contrast, Jinyoung was like a serene moonlight. His tranquil glow tenderly calmed people around him, bringing some kind of peacefulness with its steady light. It was never too strong, always gently shined upon Jaebum's eyes sometimes it felt so fragile, melancholic.

Those things made it always comfortable and easy, being with Jinyoung. He just went with the flow, often finding himself putting his past, his regrets, the dream of possible future that might fall upon the other on the back of his mind without realizing it. They were constantly pushed forward though, whenever the nightmares chased him in his sleep, whichever it was. It felt like getting swiped in a horrible hurricane after being gently brushed by the calm breeze. And it happened over and over again.

One thing he could sympathize from the lead character of that movie he watched with Jinyoung was how he became afraid to sleep. The number of his restless nights were catching up that of his dreamless ones. He became scared of sleeping, dreading what might show up in his dream. Those sleepless night took a toll on his body, seemingly growing haggard each day. Even Mark looked worried everytime they see each other in the classes they took together, though he never said anything except asking what happened, once, in the beginning. He was never one to probe, always giving people space when they wanted to keep it to themselves, ready to listen without judgement whenever they wanted to talk. And Jaebum would forever be grateful for that side of him.

He didn't realize how bad it had become until Jinyoung dragged him back to his apartment in one of their meetings at the coffee shop, right after he showed up. After getting forced to open the door of his own apartment, he got dragged straight to his bedroom. He watched in confusion as Jinyoung shoved the cover aside and pushed him to the bed.

"What, are you attacking me now?"

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "You're not leaving this bed until you get your much needed sleep."

Jaebum chuckled at the tone of his voice. "You sound just like my mom!"

"Shut up and close your eyes."

"I don't want to."

Jinyoung sighed. "Now you sound like an elementary brat. Just sleep, Jaebum."

"I don't want to," Jaebum repeated, to which Jinyoung laughed.

"Well, well, kiddo, are you afraid of monsters crawling out from under your bed once you fall asleep?"

"Not literally," Jaebum answered quietly, "but yes."

It seemed Jinyoung hadn't expected that kind of answer, or maybe the seriousness in his voice, looking at his expression. Then his eyes grew softer, and he walked to sit on the bed beside the pillow where Jaebum's head lied.

"Do you want me to sing something?"

The question was so unexpected that it took a while for Jaebum's mind to process it and laughed until his stomach hurt. "Are you seriously treating me like a kid? For real? Might as well offering to read me a story, Mom."

Jinyoung shrugged. "Who knows, maybe this method would work for you, just like the kid you are."

Jaebum chuckled again. "Okay, try me."

And he started singing a song Jaebum didn't know, a western one.

Oh Florida, please be still tonight

Don't disturb this love of mine

Look how she's so serene

You've gotta help me out

And count the stars to form in lines

And find the words we'll sing in time

I want to keep her dreaming

It's my one wish, I won't forget this

‘Cause I'm outdated, overrated

Morning seems so far away

So I'll sing a melody

And hope to God she's listening

Sleeping softly while I sing

And I'll be your memories

Your lullaby for all the times

Hoping that my voice could get it right...

Like everything he was, Jinyoung's voice was calming and pleasant. Jaebum didn't hear the rest of the song since he was already deep into his slumber, more peaceful than he had ever felt these past years since Youngjae was gone. The last thing he felt was the warmth of Jinyoung's palm, gently sweeping the locks of his hair. He didn't know why he was okay with the touch. Maybe he needed it, needing the comfort it brought. What he didn't realize was that he slept with his hand clinging to Jinyoung's grey cardigan, and his lips forming a soft smile.

When he finally opened his eyes, the room was dark, except for the pale moonlight that seeped through the window, shining the room with a dim, silvery glow in contrast of the pitch black shadow it failed to penetrate. He was enveloped by the warmth of the blanket covering him, though he didn’t remember wearing it when he fell asleep. He felt the rough texture of a knitted fabric against his palm, realizing that he had been holding onto it tightly throughout his slumber. He glanced up to find Jinyoung, sleeping soundly despite the uncomfortable position he was in, sitting with his back against the headboard, his head fell forward. His neck would hurt like hell when he woke up, getting strained like that.

Jaebum didn’t know what drove him to sit up against the headboard just like the other, lightly pushed the sleeping boy’s head to lean on his shoulder to make him more comfortable when he couldn’t even touch his hand until now. Maybe it was guilt for making the other slept in such an uncomfortable position, since he kept Jinyoung from going, clinging onto him like that. He could have pulled Jaebum’s hand away and spare himself from unnecessary problems, but Jinyoung was just kind and gentle that way.

Jinyoung shifted in his sleep, adjusting to his new position. It startled Jaebum a little when he heard him speaking, sounding half asleep, “Did you able to have a nice sleep?”

Jaebum felt the corners of his mouth being pulled into a smile. “Yeah, thanks to you.”

“It’s good then,” Jinyoung said. For a moment he didn’t say anything, so Jaebum thought he fell asleep again. But he was startled again when he heard him said, “Call me whenever you feel like you’re on the edge, Jaebum. I’ll be there and sing for you.”

Those words permeated into his heart, oozing warmth that spread through him. He didn’t know why they comforted him this much. At the moment, it somehow felt like his anxieties, his fears, his guilt, and his regrets were being lifted away. He knew it was only momentarily, but he hadn’t felt his heart as light as it did now for years, and he felt like crying in relief at how free it felt. “Thanks,” Jaebum heard his own voice shaking, “Thank you.”

Finally updating after two months, sorry DX I'll try updating regularly and faster from now on, just like my other stories. The song is titled I Swear This Time I Mean It by Mayday Parade, it's a great song. Hope you enjoy this chapter :D