Chapter 1: this was very interesting!!! i was not expecting it to be a simulation/virtual reality(?) scene, so that was creative. :) You described the alleyway well. I also wasn't expecting it to be Jungkook that Jimin was fighting against. The dialogue between the two was very dynamic and i enjoyed it (esp how cheeky Jungkook was being the whole time)
there are just a couple of grammar mistakes instead of "Where does he hide" should be "Where did he hide", "Jimin thanked him on the praise" should be "Jimin thanked him for the praise". They are only minor and I'm sure with enough practice, you will get better!! :)

Chapter 1: brooo aku suka theme cita ni hahhaa
my style