Hyung, it’s raining again. The sky is grey and with it, it’s making everything else lose their color slowly. It seems to reflect my life lately, always in some shade of grey. As the rain falls heavily onto the empty asphalt, the memories of you that I’ve been blocking so hard starts flowing in my mind. It’s all so overwhelming hyung, and for a second I forget how to breathe. I hold out my hand and feel the rain droplets splatter on my bare arm. They were large and soft, not like small mean droplets that fall hard, prickling your body as it hits you. I remember how much you used to love these days making me appreciate the haunting beauty of rain. But then again, I liked anything you liked. Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to do anything without thinking of you.

I don’t know why I’m out here standing in the rain as it falls all around me oblivious of the fact that it’s drowning me in your memories. The steady drumming of the droplets on the pavements seem to be singing a song. Do you hear, hyung? It’s singing about you. About us. About our first kiss and your shy confession in the rain. Of all our memories, it’s still my favorite. I can’t ever forget how unbelievably beautiful you looked with your light hair stuck to your face hiding half of your dark eyes. I still can’t forget the small smile you gave before you leaned in and kissed the rain droplets on my lips. You swept my hair from my face and placed your hands lightly on my neck and we just stood there with your soft lips on mine, both of us too shy to deepen the kiss and neither of us wanting to let go. When I put my hands on your back and pulled you closer, you buried your head in my shoulder curve and whispered ‘I love you’. It was the happiest moment in my whole life and I close my eyes wanting to relive it over and over again.

I miss you so much hyung. I miss the cuddles under the huge blanket. I miss the coffee we'd drink in my bed during the weekends, talking about mundane things for hours. I miss holding your hand and walking to school. I miss the way our hands fit perfectly and I miss your sweet whispers. I miss your laugh. I miss your bittersweet lips. I miss our countless kisses. Soft and hard. Sweet like cotton candy and bitter like coffee. I miss holding you against the wall, your warm fingers trailing my cold back. I miss your taste, I miss your scent. I miss your soft hands in my hair. I miss the way you touch me. I miss the way you kiss me. I miss you.

Can you kiss me again in the rain? Can you take me in your arms once more?

Rain and tears mingle on my face, salty tracks blending into the fresh rain droplets. It didn’t look like the rain would let up soon and small puddles started to slowly decorate the asphalt. Through one of the pools of rainwater, your familiar face made me freeze. I swear I heard your laugh with a swish of your water gun. I squinted my eyes waiting for the splash of water on my face that never came. Can we go and play in the rain once more? Do you remember those days we'd play in the rain? Right now it sounds so romantic but do you recall all the fights we had there? With water guns of course. And then you'd say I lost. But it's raining after all and we're both wet. But of course I'd lose. I didn't mind losing, unlike you who likes winning at everything. At least then, it wasn't you that I lost.

People still ask me if I'm really okay and I see the pity in their eyes. So I smile and say I am. They say I'll get through this. They say I'll get over you. They say I'll eventually forget you. But the memories of you only get stronger and bolder. I try to not think of you, but I only knew you hyung. You were my home. You were my family. You were my love, my life. You were so beautiful. With your bright hair and equally bright eyes. With your soft pink lips and small hands. I wish I can hold you once again under the rain. Your hair soaking wet, your lips parted, eyes closed, our fingers entwined. You were irresistible. You were perfect. We were perfect. How do I forget that? How do I get over you?

You always use to say that I'm your sunshine but you were my only ray of light on those days. And now I can't get through them. I can't seem to hold on to reality anymore. Without you hyung, I'm really empty. Without you here, it's so dark. Without you, I'm so lost. I can't remember how long I've been standing here in the rain. I'm all wet and it's so cold. I want to go home but without you I can’t find any warmth there too. Hold me in your warm embrace again. Kiss this pain away. Shine your light on me once again.

I need you.

Falling in love with you was so easy. How come trying to stop loving you is this hard? Forgetting you is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do and hyung, I hate myself for that. I try to forget you one day and the next day I'm doing my best to keep your memories, our memories alive.

You taught me what love is. With that shy smile of yours. With the way you'd lightly hold my hand. With the way you'd always laugh at my jokes even when they were really lame. With the way you’d smile into the kiss. With the way your eyes light up whenever we’re together. You showed me how to love. By holding me up when I down. By kissing my scars over and over. By standing by me when no one else did. By telling me that you’d love me forever. And it's so selfish, but hyung, I wish you'd still stay by me.

I loved you since the first day I met you. Maybe then, it was platonically but still the love was real. Even then, deep down, I knew it was you. It was you who would complete me, and you’d be the reason for me to live. Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me and no matter what anyone says, I know that there’s no way I would ever be able to stop loving you. I loved your flaws, your strengths, your bad days and good days and most of all hyung, I loved us.

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Donghyuck opened his eyes not knowing where he was. He shivered despite being covered by a large blanket. He tried to sit up but his whole body was numb. 'You're awake?' Taeyong's voice. Quiet and soft. Hyuck turned right to see Taeyong behind the steering wheel. Ah I'm in the car. He realized. He looked outside. The rain has stopped.

'Hyung, I..'

'You fell asleep infront of the tombstone, in the rain.' His voice was accusing. 'Again.' he said shaking his head.

'I'm sorry, hyung.'  Taeyong's features softened and he lightly patted Hyuck's head. 'Sweetheart, you need to...'

'Let him go. I know. It's just that...' Hyuck's voice trailed off. It felt useless to explain even.

'Yes?'

'The rain reminds me of him so much.'