Jaejoong POV

Today is the last day of 2011, in few hours soon a new year will come. I sighed with that tought. Tonight I refuse to go out with Yoochun and Junsu. I want to be alone. To have my own time. 2011 has been a tough year for me, and for three of us.

Since the break up, and when three of us make a comeback using JYJ as our group name, we have been critic and hated by our own cassie. We been called selfish and betrayer.

Early 2011 we have been surprised with the news of TVXQ comeback as duo. How they have the heart to use the name again when all of us swear TVXQ is five of us. Only five.

As much I hate to see Junsu pissed off and being attack by our own cassie and ELF, I understand that he might have his own reason. Jung Yunho is the man full of Principe that I ever known.

As half of our cassie give them the support to make their comeback as successful like they used to support TVXQ when we are 5.

As I'm proud of them suddenly I being shocked by his statement. He tells that I never ever try to call him. I still remember that day how I try my best not cry in front of Yoochun and Junsu but finally I burst out in my bed. He cut me too deep with his words, I dont even remember how many times I call him either his old number or new one. It’s been countless and he still on my first speed dial number.

As much I hurt by that but one think makes me thanks him is he the one who said all lies, not our magnae, our baby Shim Changmin. He still keeps his promise to me to protect our magnae.

I let out a heavy sighed as I changed the channel I crossed the channel who show the celebration full with balloons which remind me them once again.

My mind fly to the day I saw their fan cams and yes the cassie were right, he try to much for the song but he way too sad. My baby, Shim Changmin make my tears fall when I saw the eyes that used to smile but that night all I see is pain, sad and lonely. I do hope Yunho and Onew could help him.

By half of the year, I started to worry when I saw Park Yoochun taking almost of the drama offer for him even he sometimes become tired. I know Junsu and I have to depend on him to ensure our cassie didn’t forget us, JYJ.

One day the offer for me come, acting and I accept it even I don’t even confident with my acting skill but I dont want Junsu to worry and Yoochun keep burden himself.

And once again I heard the news that he will acting in drama. I'll feel happy for him but when I get information from the lighting director who also worked with me on Protect The Boss drama that he travel everyday from Japan to Korea and sometimes he injured I do feel sorry for him and I can’t help myself from stalking him faraway.

Yes, thats right Kim Jaejoong has been stalker of Jung Yunho, that the only thing I could do to see him with my eyes when he ignore my invitation thru the PD.

Finally the day that three of us waited come, our first Korean album is published. But again the man I hated the most Lee Soo Man, use his influence to drag us out from the picture. We never had chances to perform even once in any stage. And our song been restrict to be play in radio station.

Promotion, hell no we could done except the press conference. Once again it happen just like promotion of my drama where I can’t even participate except the press conference just because I'm Kim Jaejoong of JYJ. So the last thing I could do is pretend to be strong in front of Yoochun and Junsu.

But still we still had the luck when we managed to do our tour including in Spain. We never knew we have Cassie who supports us here.

But somewhere in October, the list of GDA nominees revealed and as my prediction In Heaven didnt make it because we still in the court case but we knew who hands lay there. Still there a thing surprise me when they also didn’t make it. That time I do wish that Yunho will be alright even Presdient Lee Soo Man hit him but with the responsibilities to protect our magnae I'm afraid he hurt to much.

I let out a heavy sighed again, as I remember that. And lastly the news shocked almost all the cassie when my management revealed that my military service schedule will start at least by year end 2012. I can’t help from being sad as all Cassie become worried for me and yet JYJ is hardly known in Korea.

I always wonder if the fairy god mother really exist cause I want to meet her so she could grant my wish. My two wish, one to perform Live as JYJ again and to meet them, two of them. Jung Yunho and Shim Changmin.

I switched off the television and walked to my bedroom. I lay down on my bed and focus to the ceiling as someone is there. People and cassie might wondering all this while why do we leave them, being too selfish.

Yes, we suppose to leave as 5, not only 3 but I don’t know what happen in the discussion between Jung Yunho and President Lee Soo Man and suddenly he change his decision to stay in there. Our magnae choose to stay with him as he said Yunho hyung might need support. I do respect that.

All knew the main reasons are we are being forced to work out of our strength and the royalties too low. But what everyone knew is I choose to leave SM Entertainment is because of him. Yes Jung Yunho. I want to protect him. I have to, in my discussion our president show ne all the evidences that Yunjae is real. I realized if the pictures release to the paparazzi, we're done. And I know he don’t want this to happen. He has family to protect. His sister life might ruined because of that.

I thought it will be easy for me to leave him but I'm wrong when every night my body shiver in cold and he not beside me to hug me and warmth me up. And hell no its not easy to cry but to smile when the cassie yell his name in front my eyes. Its way too hard to walk among the crowds in the airport without him beside me, protecting me.

I realized from my thought when the hot clear water fall from my eyes uncontrollably right now. I missed him. I want him. Jung Yunho, my boyfriend,my love. I do hope at least once I able to meet him and tell him that I love him and miss him like hell.

I turn myself to the right and try calming myself up biting my lips to muffle my sobbing. I saw our last picture where I'm in his hug and Changmin in mine while Yoochun on his left while Junsu at Changmin right side. Our family picture.

"Yunnie-ah, sorry…I have…… to protect…..you but it way…..too hard for…..me……now. I miss you. I'm ….dangerous person, I can’t be at …..your side. I don’t want…you to be burden….with…my existing.Thank you….you show…me the new world…a world..with love…I…owe…you...too much…This….time…it’s…my….time….to..pay…..back….The...relationship..too…complicated…I'm....sorry...I...Love...you..'I speak to the picture as like he in front of me.I already hiccups and choking with own tears.

"Changmin-ah.....Min...Omma...miss you..forgive hyung....it must be hard...for you...I promise I'll cook for you....before I went to army....I missed you....call me...omma...call Yunho hyung...appa....Changmin-ah I'm...sorry...please be...strong..." I whisper that hardly with my chocking tears.  I do wish all my words could be heard by them now but I know it’s only my imagination.

Slowly I closed my eyes ignore the tears that still running from my eyes and wetting the pillow. I rolled up my body like embryo and try to sleep.

'Kim Jaejoong, I love you.' I am sobbing hard when I heard that familiar whisper on my ears. I miss him too much now, I able to hear his voice in the air now. I just closed my eyes and hope I'll meet him in my dreamland where no one there to stop us.














Hello...actually I never intention to add a new chapter after the ballons...but last week I saw the video fan made...Yunjae video...
Using the For You song, one that Kim Jaejoong perform in Tokyo Dome...I cant stop from posting this....
Sorry to all cassie if the fact is wrong..but i just summary the big event only.....since it's a one shot.....
I lost this sotory while writing 3 times today, so i do hope this one is alright....
So thank You for reading...and dont forget drop yur comments....
Bye....