"So, that's all you can say now? Huh?! Tell me!" Elise shouted at Jungkook.

It was months after he left his and Jimin's house in Busan. He lived in his apartment in Seoul where he’d been staying at while he's promoting his book and attending some events. Elise usually stays to spend the night but it was like unspoken rule that she can't live there with him. Yes, he is very selfish. He thought that leaving Jimin might change something but it only made everything worst. He began to drink until he's unconscious. Waking up with a head-breaking hang over. If it wasn't for Elise who was always with him when he's drinking, he'll probably wake up on someone's bed who he might have used to forget the turmoil he's in.

"Please, don't shout." He pleaded. But he knows that the woman had other plans for that night.

" you Jungkook! I've been making a fool of myself after all this time. I even made myself someone's mistress." Elise was already hysterical. Tears flowing and her eyes are red angry. " you and your damn ego!"

"Shut up Elise!" He shouted. He's anger was beginning to take over his rationality. "I didn't even tell you to be with me!"

Elise was surprised. She can't believe the man in front of her who was also the same man who told her that she can be someone that he could love like how he loved his former husband. Together with her tears, she started laughing. She thought that she might get crazy. Well, she was already, because she believed that Jungkook might see her more than as his agent. She thought that the man she was looking at might love him as how he loved Jimin.

She saw everything. She witnessed on how Jungkook looked at Jimin while the shorter man was talking to some reporters. She saw how the two was so deep into each other. But as she witnesses this, she became greedy. She imagined herself as someone who receives those loving stares. Those secretive whispers that promises ten lifetimes being with each other. Those lingering, small touches that makes you feel secured and radiates warmth. She wanted to have that. She wanted it for herself. And as soon she noticed those things began to wither, she tried her best to get in their way. She was blinded to have that kind of love.

"You did.. You didn't what?"

Jungkook was just staring at her. He was furious. He knew that what he did was wrong. But he was, yes, he was so full of ego that he doesn't want to admit that he started everything.

Elise' hysterical laughs started to get louder. " you Jungkook! Fuuuuuuk you!" She shouts without thinking about who might hear her 'sweet' words from outside, while everyone are all headed to bed.

Jungkook hurriedly covered her lips but the woman became stronger due to the strong emotions that she has. She wriggled with force to get out from the man's strong grasp.

"Do you think that if you leave me you can go back to him? Huh?!"

Jungkook was just looking at her. He froze. And he was brought back to time when he was writing the letter that he left for Jimin at their house in Busan. The only letter that only proved that he is a weakling. That proved that the only thing he can do was to go and leave everything they had because he was a big coward.

Seeing this, Elise smirked. "Shame on you Jungkook! You brought me down and I will also drag you with me. You can't go back to him. And if you ever plan to, stop dreaming! He will never accept you!"

---

"She left right after that night. I didn't even try to renew my contract because that's the only thing I can do for her. I also felt sorry because I used her just to prove something." Jungkook told Yugyeom everything that happened to him during these years. The elder had his most difficult time right after realizing what he did to those people who cared for him. Specially Jimin. He realized that he cannot love someone like Jimin because he was the only ONE he could love with his whole heart. Every word he uttered towards his husband were all venomous words that downright ripped them apart.

Now, he wakes up without the warmth that he was so used to feel. Every time that an idea pops up, he remembers that he doesn't have someone to tell to and who will be wholeheartedly happy to celebrate it with him. That every time he looks at his side, there's no camera shutter sound that he was so used to hear. Now, he realized that losing is better because he knows that there will always be someone who's there for him and promise him 'for better and for worse' than winning, without someone who will be waiting for him as he arrives at home with the warmest smile and embrace.

He was crying again. He didn't even care if the younger will see him as someone who's weak.

"Jeon-nim, I think you're not a coward anymore." The writer was surprised. He looked at the younger and saw that he was smiling at him.

"You're not a coward. Because you're not afraid to cry. You're not afraid to tell that you were at fault. It takes great courage to own your mistake." Jungkook tried to smile but he just started to cry again but it made his heart lighter.

"Thank you." He closed his eyes and nodded. "Thank you, Yugyeom for saying that. I think that's what I needed."

After hours of talking, Yugyeom looked at the framed picture again, and the writer noticed it and looked at it also. He was smiling. He can still remember hearing the shutter sound because Jimin forgot to remove the sound, but he stayed still. Jimin even thought that he was so lost in writing. But who could get lost in writing when you know that someone as beautiful as Jimin was breathing at the same house. They were so happy during that time. Without any thoughts, what tragedy will happen to them in the future. Tragedy that was brought by him, and only by him.

"Do you know... I mean.. Uhmm..." The younger was stuttering with his words. Reflecting his uncertainty if it was alright to ask a question that might be forbidden.

"Relax kid. Just ask." He smiled and the younger also relaxed. Getting rid of his worry, he asked.

"Do you have any news about him? About Jimin?"

He smiled sadly as he looked at the picture again. He answered without looking at Yugyeom. "Yes. Of course."

---

Jimin's popularity boosted almost by overnight. He got his commercial success and was critically acclaimed after acting his role in Rent. Jungkook secretly watched every show with the help of Yugyeom so that no one might recognize him. And because he became famous, issues about his failed marriage was brought to light. After signing a contract in Yugyeom's newly established publishing house (Yugyeom told him about this plan right after the younger shared his dream about writing and the writer immediately supported the younger's dream and idea), the younger protected him from reporters. He was thankful because he doesn't want to ruin something again for Jimin. He doesn't want to drag the man down again. And he's sure that the other doesn't want to be linked with him anymore.

He just tried to secretly support the man. Sending some flowers through anyone who could go near to Jimin. Something he couldn’t do before. He can still remember how Jimin almost begged him to stay just for him to watch his show.

Yugyeom asked him if he can use their story as an inspiration, but as the younger uttered the question, he became apprehensive as he noticed the writer became uneasy. But Jungkook shrugged it. The younger was very trustworthy that he knows that he will use it for something good. And he proved himself right as he finished reading Revolutionary Road.

What he didn’t know was Yugyeom’s plans for a musical adaptation. He was so caught up again in writing his new novel with his new positive outlook in life. Primarily, because he already found happiness with Jimin’s success. There might be a tingling greed inside him that he still wanted to be there for the other man’s side. Doing the things that he had never done. Jungkook just found out about it when Yugyeom asked him to see a musical that he heard that the younger had written. The younger was kind of secretive about it. He tried on searching about it but it was like the theater house was also secretive that even the casts were secret. Even though they had open auditions, all the final casts were all kept from the spotlight. That’s why the elder was so astonished to see show’s title and the list of the cast. He was just brought back to reality when someone sat beside him.

---

"So, please Jimin-shi. I might be unreasonable by asking this but I know that you will if you just try to understand the character.” Jimin just stared at the young playwright. Confused by how the younger was almost begging to him. And there’s something in him that brought him back to some Jungkook’s past book events. Like he saw that younger already in the past. But he was just not sure.

He sighed and nodded. Remembering that he should be professional about this. And everyone is working hard for the show and he should also.

“Alright. But…” Yugyeom tilted his head to the side, confused. “You should help me. I want to understand whoever this guy you were inspired with.”

“Of course, Jimin-shi. I know you will entirely recognize it.” And Yugyeom smiled.

It was a week after when he was alone in this house. His parents told him that he wasn’t in his right mind when he said that he might still visit ‘their’ apartment. And he understands, even himself can’t believe that even after what happened he was still attached to the house. Like he’s not ready to relinquish all their memories together. Like how he was when he saw Jungkook’s letter. A letter. He was broken that time. Jungkook was so certain that they don’t have a chance at all. Where he sat when he saw himself with scars. He put his hands on the very table where Jungkook left his letter. He wasn’t sure why his feet dragged him there. Yugyeom asked him to find a place (or someone) that can help him to find the husband’s character in him. He drawn the script from his bag to review it again. With the heart that he held before while reading his former husband’s letter, he read the script. He can’t help himself again to connect with the wife. But as he read the dialogues, he can see again how he and Jungkook fought. Like how they exchanged rancorous words with the same lips which uttered words of love and comfort for each other. But now, even he can’t explain, it was different. Like he was watching a movie, where he wanted to change every line that he vocalized.

Is this the person he was?

He saw the time when he and Jungkook had an argument before the latter’s party for his new published book. Jimin was just so exhausted that time with everything. They were so full of hate. But Jungkook took the role of bigger man. He tried to convince him to speak what he feels. The reason why he is feeling so indifferent towards his husband. Jungkook tried to listen. But he was so stubborn to admit everything, so stubborn that he didn’t say anything. That the latter exploded.

‘If I just said something, would it change something?’ he asked himself crying.

He was so hurt that he heard the person he loves was so soon on giving up already with what they have. But because Jimin was so full of resentment, he left the room without looking back. Without looking back to his husband’s dejected face, tears swelling from his eyes, and pained as he looks at Jimin’s departing shadow. His present self wanted to touch Jungkook. To apologize. To swallow everything he held, to crawl and sit on the latter’s lap, to touch Jungkook’s hands that was wiping his tears, to cupped his face and he will look at him and apologize. Jungkook did everything to understand him.

He remembered when he saw Jungkook’s first novel’s dedication,

‘For Jimin’ was written.

The time when he arrived home after failing his audition, again. His husband even made a fairytale about someone who’s name is Mr. Schmuel and said. 

Jimin you get to be happy!

I give you unlimited time!

Stop temping and go and be happy!

Here's a headshot guy and a new BackStage

Where you're right for something on every page

Take a breath

Take a step

Take a chance

Take your time

Have I mentioned today

How lucky I am

To be in love with you?!

And when the time that he was just there standing while Jungkook was staring at him while talking to the reporters, telling them how fortunate he is to have him as his husband. Or the time when they were just together. Whispering promises of ten lifetimes. And the time when they sealed all these promises when they finally said,

“I do.”

“Jimin-sunbae?” He felt someone shaking him. He opened eyes and saw Narim looking at him with worry in her eyes. “Sunbae, I heard you sobbing and I checked and saw that you’re crying. Did you have a nightmare?”

“Me? Crying?” And he brought his fingertip at his eye and felt water. He was crying. And he remembered his dream.

He smiled sadly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? I heard you…”

“Don’t worry too much. I’m fine now. I … I just…” he looked at Narim, as he continued, “I understand now.”

It was already their first show. Because Jimin’s next musical was highly anticipated, everyone is on the edge hours before the show. Even Jimin was also restless. Because he knows that there’s something about this. After that dream, he forgot all the pain he held for the last five years. People might not understand, but they said, as cliché it is, love works in mysterious ways. He miraculously forgot everything. Like he was a new person. That he even embraced Yugyeom while tearing when he saw him, the next rehearsal they had. The younger was also surprised but as he said that he finally understood, the younger smiled. Relieved and embraced him back while saying,

“I know you will. Thank you.” 

“Jimin? You ready?” The stage director asked as the last five minutes was drawn out.

“I am, certainly.”

---

The announcement before the show was heard. Jungkook can’t even help himself to stay still. It was the first time that he sat there, three rows from the stage. He entered the theater house when all the lights were all turned off. When he saw Jimin’s name and saw the ticket was very near to the stage, he thought that he should not enter. Scared that he might ruin Jimin’s performance if he ever sees him. He knows that the latter doesn’t care about him anymore (especially, when Jimin didn’t comment to news about their relationship. Like he was already erasing that unpleasant part of his life. It hurt him but who is he to complain?) But it was like Yugyeom read his thoughts as he called the elder,

“Don’t even try doing it hyung. Please be there for him. I know that you’ve been supporting him. But do this properly now.”

And now that he’s with Yugyeom, sitting beside him, gave his right shoulder a squeeze, he smiled. He sighed and prepared himself as the show started.

---

"Jimin! That was so wonderful!” The stage director embraced him. And Jimin reciprocated the gratitude that the director gave to him.

“Well, that’s all your hard work director-nim.”

“Thank you Jimin.” They saw some reporters on their way to Jimin. Noticing it, the director said,

“Go, rest. I will handle them for now.” He nodded and he saw Narim being interviewed. He’s sure that it will not take too long for the kid to be famous after their shows.

On his way to his room, he saw someone. It didn’t take him too long to recognize who he is. Yugyeom was with the man.

“Jimin-shi, you’re so great. I was sure that you’ll do it perfectly.” And he looked at the man who was looking at Jimin with his eyes wide open. He wanted to smile. He can even remember the time when that man was also stunned when they first met. He even said that he looked like a god and even a goddess because he was too beautiful. But Yugyeom beat him to it. The younger snickered.

“So, remember when I said that Revolutionary Road was based on a true-life couple?” He nodded. “Uhm, and you said that you wanted to understand the man where the husband was based on…” He directed his hand to the man. “He is the man. The “husband.”

The man was also shocked. He must’ve not known it like how Jimin currently is. Clueless.

“I could be suggesting him to make you understand his story but I think there’s no need for it.”

And now, they just realized that the younger smoothly left the two of them. Like what he did before, the man did the first move.

“Uhm, I … He, I mean, Yugyeom asked me to… to watch. I didn’t know that you will be…”

“That I will be here?” He smiled. “I might believe you if I didn’t hear some rumors that you watch all my shows. Every single one of them.”

Again, the man was so surprised. Jimin just smiled. The man scratched his nape.

“Is that for me?” He noticed the man was holding a bouquet of flowers.

Still surprised, “What?” and realized that Jimin was talking about the bouquet he was holding. “Oh, yeah. You’re so great a while ago.”

“Thank you, Jungkook.” And Jungkook looked at him. He was surprised again. It might look that he’s someone who always gets startled easily. And suddenly tears were swelling from his eyes without knowing. He also noticed that Jimin was shedding tears.

“Why are you crying Jimin?”

“What? Me?”

“Yes, why are you crying?”

“No, I’m not. You’re the one who’s crying.” And both realized that they were crying.

“Do you hate seeing me right now?” Jungkook asked and Jimin looked at him. ‘Is he? Does he hate it? What was he feeling?’ he asked himself.

Jungkook must have thought that he was, because of his lack of response.

“Well, it was really nice that I talked to you again. I should go. You should take a rest now.” And Jungkook started to walk away.

Jimin stayed at that place, listening at the sound of Jungkook’s footsteps. He was back at the time when he suppressed his words. But he wants to change it. This should be the time to voice out all his emotions. Gathering the strength, he opened his lips.

“Why? Why are you here Jungkook?” He heard the footsteps stopped. And he turned around to see the latter was also looking at him.

“Why are you here?”

“I… Yugyeom… He asked me t---“

“No, you have a choice. You saw the cast outside and saw my name.  You had a choice not to enter. So, why Jungkook? Tell me.”

“I …”

“What?”

“I… I wanted to see you.”

Jimin felt weak again. He felt that he was back to his fragile state. While Jungkook was also on a war. His eyes were nervously looking around like he was searching for words.

“I wanted to see you again. To… to watch you doing what you love. To support you. To… to….”

“To watch me? To support me?” Jimin asked. “Why now? Why not before?” He doesn’t want to say it with any resentment. But when that stopped Jungkook to looked around, he might’ve accidentally poured some to his words. The other looked at him with his eyes wide open.

“Why not before when I was begging you to stay with me? When I asked you not to go?”

“I… Jimin…”

“You said I should say what I feel, right? And I’m going to do that.” The man was still looking at him.

He stepped forward. “You saw me crying but you didn’t do anything. You saw me hurting but still, you didn’t do anything at all.” Jimin continued. He knows that he was tearing up again and Jungkook was dumbfounded by his words but he continued.

“You left me with a freaking letter and even packed your things with Elise. Your ‘wonderful’ agent. And now, you want to see me? support me?” He was now in front of Jungkook. All the pent-up emotions were breaking loose.

“Jimin… I know that it’s all my fault. I know that I----“

“Shut up Jungkook. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

And Jungkook smiled sadly. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I will not try explaining anymore.”

“No.” And the latter looked at him. “It’s not only your fault Jungkook.” And Jimin smiled at Jungkook. The man was flabbergasted by his words. He couldn’t believe with what he was seeing.

“It’s not just your fault.” And Jimin released the sob that he was holding back. He let himself cry. Jungkook carefully reached his cheeks, testing the waters, as Jimin didn’t flinch, he wiped the other’s tears while he, himself was also crying.

“Let me forgive myself. You’re right that you’re not the only one who’s hurting because I am also. And I didn’t realize that before. I thought that I was the only one who cried, who was hurt and who suffered. But now I know that it was the both of us.”

“Jimin, no. Stop crying. Please. I did most of it.” Jimin shook his head but Jungkook continued. “Yes, I am. I was the one who left. The one who easily gave up. I chose to save myself.” He really missed caressing Jimin’s face. “But Jimin, believe me when I say that I am mess without you in my life. I can’t live without you.” He brought his other hand to cupped the other’s face.

Jimin tilted his face to feel Jungkook’s warmth and closed his eyes. “Me too.” His arms s around Jungkook’s waist and rested his face on the taller man’s chest.

Releasing the other’s face, Jungkook also embraced his torso until there’s no more space between them. After a moment, Jimin looked up at Jungkook.

“But, can you please wait for me? I still have a lot of things to think about us. I have scars, that I need to heal. Can you plea---“ Jungkook interrupted and smiled.

“Of course, Jimin. I will wait for you.”

“Thank you. I will make sure that it will not take too long. I will be there again.”

“No, Jimin you don’t have to rush. I can wait. Besides, I like ‘us’ now better. I will be better for you.” The other nodded and both smiled.

“So, goodbye for now.” Jimin said after Yugyeom caught them embracing to inform him about the reporters.

“Yes, until tomorrow Jimin.” And they smile at each other.

They may not be the most perfect people in the world. They may have their own sentiments that it will be hard for them to be in peace. But what’s important for them was they learned that it was not wrong to have differences. What’s important is to meet half-way. Until they finally arrived at the middle where they will have a better tomorrow together until ten lifetimes.