“Hello, I’m Narim. It’s a pleasure to meet you sunbae-nim.”

The girl who has a bright smile greeted him. They had the final screenings for the cast last month and now that it was already finalized, it was already the time to meet the other lead. Jimin suggested to the theatre director to consider casting a newbie. He knows how it was hard for new stage actors and actresses to be casted in such play. He knows that he already became famous and playing the lead role only means that there will be a line of sponsors that are willing to provide for it. And “sponsors means “media”. Media means “fame”. And “fame” means a long line of actresses and actors for auditions.

He came from that phase. And he will never forget every time he falls in line together with others who were all younger and leaner than him. And as he waits for his number to be called inside, he can hear voices who’re belting their voices as high as they can. And as he walks into the room, in front of him where a table of spectators who waits for him to give something that they’ve never seen from the others. Who were raising their brows when he started to sing. And as they flip each page of his resume, he realized…

“Why am I here? Why did I pick this career? Why?”

It was like a chant inside his mind while singing a love song that was an irony to his own sad and pitiful life song. And then one of the men in front will raise his hand. And he knows it. It was always the same. They will raise their hand to make him stop. To make him stop singing with his stupid voice. Like how … Like how Jungkook raises his hand to stop an argument. To stop a “stupid” argument about Jimin’s inferiority with his husband’s successful writer career. And once again, he was interrupted by people who (un)consciously broke his dreams. Again.

“Thanks. That’s great. Just wait outside.”

And with all his strength, he swallows everything he felt in the same time, he smiled and answered,

“Thank you. Thank you very much.”

It was like it was from million years ago, but the hurt he felt back then is the only thing that makes him move forward. Makes him to do something as a gratitude for the good things he had received. It makes him happy. Genuinely happy to see some of those people he helped are all doing well. His smile never leaves as he sees their performances, all of them improved in their craft, all of them are moving towards their goals. But not until he sat on the back of his car, his driver drives along the busy streets. As he enters his house, alone. His smile significantly fades. Because after all these things, he is still hurting.

“Don’t be too formal. We’ll be playing alongside each other. So, just be comfortable. Alright?” He smiled and winked at Narim. He saw her audition piece while he was eating his breakfast. And he thought that she was good. Although there are things to fix, she has the aura of someone who will do her best to learn.

She smiled shyly, a blushed flashed on her cheeks, and she nodded and bowed. “Thank you, sunbae-nim. Please take care of me.” And Jimin smiled again.

They’ve been rehearsing for a month when a man entered the hall. He was wearing a tuxedo. ‘He must be a sponsor.’ Everyone thought not until the theater director looked at the man after he noticed that everyone was looking behind him.

“Oh! Hello!” He cheerily welcomed the man.
Jimin who was inside his dressing room didn’t have any idea on what was happening outside. He was reading the whole script. He has a lot of thing on his plate for the past few weeks because he was helping Hoseok with his studio’s recital next week. It was kind of hectic because it will be the biggest recital for the year. They do it every year and the performance who will have the highest point will be granted with a full scholarship. Taehyung and Yoongi are also collaborating for a new musical. Although Jimin refused to play the lead (in which Yoongi commented, “Well. I’m not even considering you.”) he wanted to help. So he felt guilty because he was just able to scan the whole story and haven’t reviewed the dialogues. He was actually embarrassed when Narim asked him about a certain scene where their characters decided to get married.

“Uhm, sunbae-nim?” Narim started.

“Yes?”

“May I ask a question? Or his it’s not--- Just--- Uhm, I mean. Don’t mind me. Sorry sunbae.” Narim stuttered. As she tried to walk away right after bowing, Jimin laughed.

“Dear. What are you doing? I don’t bite.” Narim looked at him. She was surprised but when she realized that Jimin was looking at her smiling, she smiled shyly.

“Go on.” He encouraged.

“I was just. Just if it’s not a bother. I just want to know how to make this line more expressive?” And she nervously pointed the lines with her index finger.

Jimin who hasn’t reviewed the whole script felt shy and he put his palm on his face to hide it.

That’s why now, he flipped his script and started to read each lines.
The lines were all impressive. It was very realistic. Like a film was playing in front of him. Or maybe it was not really a film, but memories. Memories of a couple who were too in love with each other. Two people who shared a lot of sentiments in life. Who were so sure that everything was moving too fast and though it was alright. Who began to see that there were subtle changes. Subtle that it was so hard to see but very easy to feel. And until the crack became too open, that it was already hard to fix. And when it was time to choose, would they continue to fight? To wait for everything to be fine? Or just—go? The other one had decided. He decided to go.
He didn’t realize that he was shedding tears until a drop fell on the script. He moved his fingers to see if those are real. If was true tears. But he wasn’t able to continue when someone knocked on his door.

“Jimin? Are you in there?” The stage director asked.

He wiped his eyes and fixed his expression. “Yes. I will co--“ The director opened his door and man followed him behind.

“Oh, Jimin. I was searching for you. We have a visitor.” And he directed his hand to the man behind him. He was smiling towards Jimin.

“This is Representative Kim.” Jimin smiled also and bowed as the man did.

“Hello. I’m Park Jimin. Please to meet you.”

“Oh, not really. I’m the one who’s pleased to meet you.” The tall representative replied.

Jimin just smiled and he looked at the director like he was asking who the man was. And as if he got the message, the director laughed.

“Yeah. Sorry, I forgot to tell you. He is Representative Kim. Kim Yugyeom.” The director smiled and looked at the man Kim.

“He’s the writer of the novel Revolutionary Road.”

---

After meeting the writer, Jimin found out that the man is younger than him. He was actually a new writer. But he can already feel that he will be a successful one. Yugyeom is also one of the musical’s sponsors. He is the CEO of his own company which his father entrusted to him. Jimin realized that there are things from the drama series he enjoyed watching before were true. Like Kim Yugyeom. He is kind, talented and very articulate. Yugyeom was very good with his words. Everything became better as he visits every day in the rehearsals to give some pointers. Although Jimin (as what everyone knows) went through a failed marriage, has difficulties in empathizing with his character. He can relate more with the wife’s character. Because like her, she suffers from failures. Her life as an actress was failing and everything were just like pushing her to edge. That’s when Yugyeom became a big help for them. And he likes it very much. He enjoys learning very much. He likes to improve. Because even though he already received compliments that can last until his next life, he still wants to improve. Specially with this role. But then who can blame him, he hates the husband. It was like he was so full of himself. All the attentions were directed to him and never tended to his wife’s struggles.

“Jimin-shi, do you need some help?” Yugyeom leaned down to him. He was sitting on one of the seats in the front row when Yugyeom went to him. They took a break because Jimin was kind of off with his character. And Narim does too. She thinks that the wife was kind of hard-headed and difficult to handle.

“Yeah.” He smiled. He was kind of embarrassed because Yugyeom have been coaching him since a week after they met. “It’s just kind of hard. I just--- I don’t know really.” And he sighed.

Yugyeom smiled and directed his hand to the seat beside him like he was asking a permission to sit. And after Jimin answered, “Of course. I need help.” And he sat and flipped his own copy of script.

“Is there something wrong with the character?”

“Well, no offense. The story is impeccable. But—It’s just that my role is kind of a---“ He kind of hesitated to say but the small smile Yugyeom has was like telling him to ‘go on’ gave him the signal. “He’s actually a jerk coward .”

Yugyeom was just looking at him and after that he smiled. Jimin was contemplating if he needs to apologize when Yugyeom spoke again.

“Tell me something Jimin.” He started. “Have you ever felt this way before?”

Jimin was taken aback for a moment. He never saw it coming. Has he felt that way before?

“It’s fine if you don’t want to answer.”

“No, I---I just.” He stuttered. He never thought that a day may come that he will contemplate with his past feelings. “I think—I never had.”

Yugyeom smiled again. “That’s why you’ll never understand. I will make a guess. You can sympathize better with the wife, right?” Jimin’s eyes widen. And Yugyeon laughed but it wasn't mocking.

“You don’t need to be surprised. I just know.” And he winked.

“How did you know?”

“How? Hmmm. Let’s see. Let’s just say that I’ve seen one before.” And the writer leaned closer to the actor.

“This is our secret. The story is based on a true story.”

Flabbergasted was the right term to express what he felt after hearing it. Did Yugyeom---Did he also get a divorce or separation?

“Relax Jimin-shi. Don’t write your own novel about my life.”

“But, you---you just said that it’s a true---“

“Yes, it is. It is based on a true story of a couple who forgot about their own promise with each other.” The writer looked in front of him. As reminiscing a very lovely couple.

---

One day he went inside a bookstore and saw a lot of people who were looking at the person who’s reading an excerpt. He was knowledgeable about such events to know that the person in front was the writer. He thought that the novel was very interesting and ended to buy a copy. As he walked through to exit the store, he didn’t miss the adoring and affectionate smile that the writer directed to a man. That evening as he flipped to the dedication page, he saw,

‘For Jimin’

And realized that the man who received that adoring and affectionate smile from the writer was Jimin.

He went to all the writer’s book signing that the writer, Jeon Jungkook, already recognizes him.

“Oh! It’s you again.” And he smiled.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m just a big fan, really.”

“No worries. It’s nice to know that you’re willing to read my baby.”

“Yeah. It’s really a wonderful kid you have here.” And they chuckled. “This kid must have wonderful parents.”

Jungkook smiled and blushed a little and he turned to a man’s direction which Yugyeom was sure that he was Jimin.

“Of course. He will not be even see this world without that wonderful and beautiful person.” And Yugyeom must have felt one of the things he had never felt before. To be loved. Yes, his father loves him but he never portrayed it by even a small pat on his back. He just sees his father during executive meetings or family gatherings. His father even forced him to forget about writing because there is no future in writing. But now, he saw something in front of him. That love that Jungkook has for his husband was so intimate like he was intruding something. Jungkook looked so fragile and happy when he was looking at Jimin. Especially when the said man looked at him and smiled together with the reporters who were talking to him.

This went on and on. But also as someone who is a third person. He sees something becoming more and more different. At first it started with Jimin who’s eyes were like always near to tears and then it will express anger. He looks at Jungkook with longing but something was different. Like it was hurting him whenever he looks at his husband. Jungkook was still the same but his stares will be blocked by reporters and by Elise. His agent.

This continued on and little by little, Yugyeom can already notice the change with Jungkook. His stares at Jimin were considerably short and heart-piercing. They started coming to Jungkook’s events late and after arriving, Jimin will go to his usual post. Somewhere that was far from the crowd, far from it’s core, far from it’s center. The center which is Jungkook, his husband.

And after years, Jimin’s appearances during his husband’s events can just be numbered using your fingers. Jungkook sometimes arrives with enormous aura of stress, tiredness and giving up. He also noticed that Elise became more and more close to Jungkook. Not just Elise in that matter but also some girls who must have found the novelist more attractive specially without someone who can remind them that he is already married.

The love that the two emitted before faded and it was like they were just there with each other because they need to. They need people to see that they’re fine. That they’re happy. But they can’t fool Yugyeom because he knows what a genuine love is and what’s not. Based from his experience.

And it didn’t come a shocked when they announced that they got divorce. It was something inevitable with how they were these last five years. Right after the divorce, he heard that Jungkook went away with Elise. He wanted to ask why Elise? He never saw Jungkook looked at her the way he looked at Jimin. The novelist stopped going to book signings or even book launching. He just publishes books that were in a different light from his past works but Jungkook is a genius that’s why those were still best-sellers.

He heard that Jeon Jungkook’s contract with Elise’ publishing house expired and the novelist didn’t renew it.

After a year, his father died. Until his last breath, he never patted his back nor even say something that can wash all his loneliness. But then one day, his father’s secretary talked to him and passed to him a letter. He can’t really remember what was written. The only things he remembers was his father writing about his mistake that he inherited from his father. That his grandfather never expressed his love for him and he promised that he will not do same thing with his child. But he still did. And he was sorry. But Yugyeom has to know that he is loved. That’s when he realized that after all these years, not just smiles and pats on the back can express love. It can also be expressed by hurt and anger. Because after all, that people who can hurt you the most are those who you love the most.

He searched for Jungkook and even used his connections just to find him. And when he’s finally in front of a Jeon Jungkook who drastically changed. He has tired and lonely eyes. He was like tired of everything. He has a beard that was like grown like how pain grew inside of him. The writer was happy to see his fan. He welcomed him with a genuine smile. As Yugyeom entered the house, he saw papers lying around. Some take-out boxes on the dining table.

“Sorry, it’s a mess here.” Jungkook caught his attention from a framed picture of Jungkook which is in grayscale but you can see his genuine happiness.

“No, it’s fine. I should be the one who should apologize for coming without any notice.” Jungkook smiled sadly.

“Well, you could have noticed me if you just know where am I?”

They became silent. Trying to break the ice, Yugyeom pointed to the framed picture.

“That picture’s nice.” Jungkook looked at the picture and smiled.

“Yes, it is. It’s my favorite.” And his stare lingered at the picture. The stare was too familiar for Yugyeom. Like he just witnessed it yesterday.

“It was taken by… Jimin.”

Yugyeom looked at Jungkook. His tone was gravely sad. Like he was about to cry. And then tears began to swell inside his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I think age is already acting. I can’t control my own emotions now.”

“Jungkook, why… why did you leave?” He didn’t know where he got the strength to ask it. Or even the heart because he knew that it can pull a trigger.

The man in front of him looked down and like after years he looked at the younger.

“Why?” He laughed dryly. “It’s also my question after all these time. Why? Why did I leave? Why did I think that since I have to be in love with someone? That since I need to be in love with someone. That maybe I... that I could be in love with someone that is not him?” And he finally let himself be eaten by his loneliness and regret. “But then I just left. I left him. I left after promising that there are so many dreams I need to see with him. That I will share ten lifetimes with him. I am so stupid to throw it all away. I miss every moment with him and moments that we could have together. And I just chose to... And I---"

Yugyeom stood and went to him. He patted his back.

After calming Jungkook, the writer looked at him.

“You know. I never cried in front of anyone. I think I was just able to cry because of you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Maybe because you were the only one who was like watching a romantic movie whenever you see the two of us. Like we were some kind of a teenage romantic drama.”

“Well, you can’t really blame me. Because you were and you two are still.” And he smiled and Jungkook let himself to smile. A grateful smile.

"Thank you. That really helped a lot."