My heart is beating super fast. Not only did I tell the girl whom I’ve been having a crush on since SIXTEEN my feelings, but I’m totally embarrassed. I still feel like a fool and there’s nowhere for me to go. I want to run away and forget what just happened. But, I’m blocked in and Sana is standing in front of me, holding my hand and starring at me with all seriousness. Without second thinking, I slowly close my eyes. I hear Sana say my name, “Kim Dahyun”. Her breathing becomes heavier and closer. I don’t know whether to open my eyes or not. I’m cornered, my back touches the door and Sana’s lips press against mines. We share an intimate kiss. I squeeze her hand gently. The warmth from her lips radiate to mines. My lips instantly become glossed with her saliva and lipstick mixture. I can feel our pointed noses touching each other’s soft faces. I don’t know how to form my lips since this is my first time kissing someone. Better yet, the first time ever kissing, and from a girl! The thought of having my first kiss with Sana makes me overwhelmed with the feelings of confusion, excitement, joy, and happiness. Well, confusion at first because I didn’t think she felt the same way I felt towards her. I now know she likes me more than a friend also. Plus, I overthink things a lot and the kiss has to prove I must mean more to her. The radiating warmth slowly vanishes and I instantly open my eyes. I burst out laughing and immediately cover my face with my hands then clench them together. “Why are you laughing” Sana asks surprised. Totally speechless, I continue to smile like a goof. “I have feelings for you too, …just wasn’t sure when to tell you, besides, even though at times I can be outspoken, I actually have a difficult time expressing my true feelings” Sana says shyly. “Sometimes I do certain things to you because I want to test you” she says nervously. What do you mean test me?? I say curiously with one brow raised. “Well, to see how you’d react and if its any different than the other members, and to see if you’d do what I predict of you in my imagination” Sana utters in one breath. Whoa, I didn’t think you would think of me that much?! I mean I think of you every night before I sleep…I say jokingly but not really. Sana-unnie smiles back at me with bright eyes. AHH, I see, no wonder you always tease, blow kisses, and mess with me, all to test me, hmmm, I chuckle. Breaking the intimacy, I clear my throat and turn around and unlock the door. We both go back to the dance floor where people are dancing but none of the members are there. I spot them laughing and chatting at the secluded section that was meant for TWICE. “Where have you two been?” Nayeon yells. Jihyo butts in “yeah, is everything okay? Dahyun-a you grabbed Sana and ran off.” All suspicious eyes were starring at me like I’m the culprit, waiting for me to reply. I hesitate for a second before thinking of an excuse. Sana and I reply at the same time interrupting each other …“Dubu threw up”, “I needed Sana, I drank too much and wasn’t feeling well”. The members look at us weirdly like what the heck is going on and laugh. “UHHH okay”, they reply and laugh. I feel less nervous as their eyes start to wander and stare elsewhere. I take a quick look at Sana and she looks back at me like OH MY GOSH. Mina looks at Sana as if she really knows what happened. We gather our bags and head home (the dorm). We are all exhausted and our feet are sore from the hardcore dancing. It feels like we just had dance practice and our shoes are so hot they could burn the soles, but with heels instead. We sit in the van quietly on the way back. Nearly all of us are sleeping and resting our eyes. I peer ahead, feeling dazed, and stare at the front view. Sana is sitting next to me with her head on my shoulder, resting. I slip my hand into hers, cupping her hand tightly, until we arrive at the dorm.

I don’t know what to make of last night…Was Sana-unnie kissing me for real? Like was her confession true?! I pinch myself to double check that I’m not dreaming and that last night did happen. I can’t help but smile so hard to the point where my cheeks hurt because now I know the truth. I was so worried at first that she didn’t feel the same way. I haven’t had feelings for someone in a long time. And the last time I did was before SIXTEEN. But I don’t think that counts since it’s considered a silly “crush”. Besides I wasn’t sure if I liked girls then, since I kept denying it. And I have these really strong feelings for Sana. Now, I only hope it isn’t awkward from hereon, since we technically have to do everything together. I wonder what seeing Sana-unnie later is going to be like. Hopefully we both don’t feel weird and act awkward. Or else the other members would probably notice there is something going on between us. My thoughts break when Chaeng asks me how last night at the club was. I dislike lying especially to the members, but I have to keep Sana and I a secret for now. “IT WAS FUN!!! Wish you and Tzuyu could’ve gone, we danced so much, it was a crazy night” I say ecstatically. Like a delusional being, I start talking to myself in my mind, it was a crazy night alright…haha. I do want to tell Chae, but I feel like if I tell her she’s either going to be shocked or abruptly say “GAYYYY, I KNEW IT!”. Chae and I vibe on the same relative wavelength, and we understand each other so well. The thought of her saying that cracks me up for some reason. Even though Chaengie is quiet most of the time, I know deep down, she is like me. I get up from bed and to grab something to eat. I explore the fridge finding something edible. I sit down and eat some leftover kimbap. Oh! Sana-unnie, hi! I say happily. Sana looks at me and cutely smiles and doesn’t say much and grabs a drink and leaves. Well, that was awkward. Sadness manager calls us to go to the living room. Today’s schedule is dance rehearsal/practice at 2PM. Since we are expanding overseas, our schedules are packed. There’s so much going on, and on top of that, we all have different schedules too. We have to go to the company later to practice for our TWICELAND tour in Thailand. The image of Sana dancing to Beyonces Partition replays in my mind. I can’t get over the fact of how perfect she is. I’m always feeling ever so weak for her. But why earlier when we saw each other, she barely said anything to me. I feel sad. Sana-unnie makes me sad today. I feel like a child and I want to cry at the same time. I laugh at myself, because it feels like my crush rejected me and I’m in denial. I shrug off the feeling and change and get ready for practice. The feeling of regret dawns on me. The regret of confessing my feelings, the regret of initiating the hand grab, the regret of my actions!!!!!

We’ve been at practice for about 4 hours now. I’m starving. Its hot, my clothes are sweaty, and I reek of rotten flowers. I take a break and go to the water fountain. “What time is it?” Sana asks. It’s SAIDA time, I utter out loud and walk away. Sana follows me with distance, but I don’t bother to look at her, because of our kitchen incident earlier at home. I grab a cup and pour myself water but end up giving her the cup instead, she thanks me and drinks it and gives me the cup back with half the water left. We share a cup of water. “What’s wrong?” she says. We both confessed our feelings yesterday, so from this point on we should be honest right? I look at her and make a pouty face, “you is what’s wrong”, I say with seriousness but break out in a smile after. Sana laughs and brushes my cheek with her long fingers and nips my cheek. She starts singing cutely “Cheer up baby, Cheer up baby”. I hide my smile and laugh again, forgetting the whole kitchen situation. “Sorry about earlier, if it was awkward, I didn’t know what to say to you, and I was tired..please don’t feel as if I’m avoiding you, I would never!” Sana says apologetically. Sana leans in for a sorry hug but quickly jolts her body back and turns around in a full circle. “What are you two doing?” Momoring asks sleepily. I give the water cup to Momo and walk back to the practice room without answering her.

Since we are preparing to travel overseas, I ask the managers if it would be okay if I went home to visit my parents for two days and pack some things. Sadness manager said it was okay and that Pinky oppa could drop me off later in Seongnam at my parent’s house. It’s been a while since I’ve been home. I miss my parents a lot. Even though Seoul isn’t far from my hometown, I haven’t had the time. The other unnies haven’t been home either. The last time I visited home was during Chuseok. J-line spent Chuseok at the dorm altogether, but the rest of the members went home to spend it with family. Sana had texted me that same day and wished she came along with me to my parents house. I grab fresh clothes and my towel to take a quick shower before going home. I finish showering and feel refreshed. I go to my room to pack a jacket and some small accessories to bring home. I feel the presence of someone standing by the door. I speedily turn around and do my “NOOOO,NOOO,NOOOOO” aegyo, pointing my fingers at her and shaking my hips. A longhaired beauty peaks in and out of sight and lastly bursts into laughter. “I heard you’re going home for a couple days”, Sana says. Oh yeah, I am to visit my parents and to pack some things. Sana sits on my bed and fiddles with my blankets. I look at her innocent brown eyes, and she whispers with her head facing downward…”I’ll miss you”. I sit next to her and put my arm around her shoulders to comfort her. I can hear the sadness in the way she speaks. Her eyeballs begin to fill with tears. I whisper back, “I’ll miss you too, I won’t be gone for long”, I reassure her. Without hesitating, “do you want to come with me…?” Sana looks at me and cheerfully smiles, “OKAY!”. Don’t pack too much, I have clothes at home you can borrow. Sana silently leaves to pack herself a bag. I go to the kitchen to get some Pocari to put in my bag for the car ride. I’m excited I’m going home later. I didn’t tell my parents yet, so it’ll be a surprise and they don’t know Sana-unnie will be with me. Are you ready? I put on my shoes and call out at the same time. Sana comes running to the door and we both join Pinky oppa in the van. I take a Pocari from my bag and offer it to Sana. She takes a sip and passes it back to me. The drive isn’t too bad because we were able to beat traffic, it takes about 25 minutes to get to my parents house.

We arrive at my parent’s house. I ring the doorbell and stand in front of the camera with Sana. Since I wanted to surprise my mom, I tell Sana to quickly dance with me to “Knock Knock”. We both laugh and do the knock knock gesture and sing “KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK ON MY DOOR”, while waiting for my mom to buzz us in, I can hear my mom hilariously laughing over the intercom. I stand still and make a T with my body waving my arms side to side “neomu hae” with a pouty face. She seems to enjoy this entertainment because she still hasn’t buzzed us in, haha. I go closer to the camera and grab my cheeks “DUBU DUBU DUBU”. My mom finally buzzes us in. I tightly hug her. Mom, Sana-unnie came with me today, I’ll be home for a couple days. Sana-unnie is going to be staying too. I should’ve told my mom earlier, that way she could prepare extra sheets and a bed. But its okay, since I’m a grown up now, I’ll have to cater to Sana myself. I walk towards my room, there’s a tag outside my door with my name “KIM DA HYUN”. I enter my room and turn on the light. My room is the same as the last time I was home. I carry both our bags into my room and hang it on the wall hook. My bed is on the left against the wall decorated with red and white striped blankets, pink pillows, and plush friends. There’s a family photo of my brother, parents, and I on my desk. Cards and letters from fans decorate my wall along with some posters of my childhood idols. There are cute little accessories that I’ve collected over the years displayed on my desk with dusty old books. At the other corner is my piano; I love playing the piano as it helps me to relax. Sana-unnie analyzes my room and stares at all my photos from the past. She stands against the wall reading fan letters and looking through the cards my friends gave me. I stare at her in amazement because I didn’t think my room would be that interesting to her. Sana makes herself comfortable on my bed and pets all my plush dolls. She hugs the last doll and lies on my pillow. “Your room isn’t what I imagined it to be” she says expressionless. Sana-unnie stares at my eyes and gestures her forefinger in a hook motion calling me. “Come here” she says alluringly. Are you crazy?? I say with clenched teeth. I look at her with wide-eyes and go to silently close and lock the door. Sana gives up and buries her head in my pillow. Usually my mom doesn’t bother me and does her own thing, but STILL is SANA CRAZY!? What if I get caught by my mom? I go to the corner and sit down to play the piano. My fingers tread lightly like back in my church days when I used to play. Can you play an instrument? I ask Sana. I’m so focused on playing the piano, for a second I forget about Sana and stop playing and turn around. Sana-unnie is fast asleep; she looks so peaceful and beautiful. An angel has landed on my bed hallelujah! I lie facing next to her and cover us both in my blanket so we don’t get sick. Her face is perfect, her round eyes, long eyelashes, the peach-fuzz on her forehead, her clean and symmetrical eyebrows, her pointy nose, and thin pink lips. I trace my fingers against her arm and let it rest on her hip and I push myself closer to her. I can feel the air exiting her nostrils then hitting my nose. I gently peck her on the lips. I can hear the TV from my parent’s room and I suddenly awake half eye open. I must’ve fallen asleep too. I look at Sana. She immediately closes her eyes as if she wasn’t starring at me, but I caught her. I laugh out loud, feeling so embarrassed. “Good morning” Sana says jokingly, “I was watching you sleep, but I didn’t want to disturb you, also I’m hungry”. ERGHHHH, I say and yawn at the same time and stretch my arms and legs before getting up. I check the time and it’s around 10 PM. I uncover the blanket and we both get up. How long have you been starring at me sleeping? I curiously ask her. “Is that weird? Dahyunn-a you’re too cute to not look at, and besides I fell asleep too, and yeahhhhhhhh….” she says. What do you want to eat, are you craving anything? “Let eat spicy ramen with tteokbokki! Sana suggests. “I go to the kitchen to see if my mom cooked anything earlier. I check the fridge and there is dak gomtang but its not spicy, some leftover kimbap, and bulgogi with lettuce. I proceed to cut the kimchi and pass the plate to Sana as she watches me. She puts it on the table. “I can cook the ramen” she jolts, reaching for the pot. I give Sana the tteokbokki and instant ramen package. Sana adds water, then the tteokbokki to allow it to boil. Then she adds the ramen, the powder, and dried veggies. I let her cook the ramen while I heat the rest of the food. Hehe, she looks like an adorable chipmunk, even with her face swollen from sleeping. We both sit down at the dinner table, across from each other. Everything looks so simple and delicious, some kimbap, a hot pot of spicy ramen with tteokbokki, a side plate of kimchi, and bulgogi with lettuce. “Chal-mok-ke-sum-ni-da” we both say in unison. I grab a piece of lettuce and put some bulgogi on it with some kimchi and wrap it for Sana. She opens and I feed it to her “MMM so good” shaking her head up and down. Sana makes me a huge lettuce wrap with a lot of bulgogi and pushes it into my mouth. I slowly chew, trying not to choke at the same time. We both slurp and enjoy the hot ramen with tteokbokki. Simple meals are always the best! We finish our delicious dinner and clear the table. Sana wipes down the table and I begin to wash the dishes. We both work together to get things done quicker.

I walk back to my room and Sana follows behind me patting my with both her hands. I don’t mind it and allow her to do it. I think out of all the members Nayeon-nnie loves to grab, touch, squeeze, and pat our butts. Probably why I give her a one squeeze a day ticket, since she’s always squeezing and grabbing my . Sana relaxes and I go to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and I hear the knob turn. Sana walks in and closes the door behind her. Does she want to brush her teeth with me too? Haha. I grab a new brush for Sana in the mirror cabinet and she starts brushing her teeth next to me. She is so pretty. I smile at her in the mirror with toothpaste foaming from my mouth. She silently laughs and returns a smile with toothpaste on her lips too and them seductively. We both rinse and clean our faces and tip-toe back to my room. I close the door and lock it and Sana grabs me aggressively and hugs me tightly. I grasp for air and tickle her stomach. AH I cant breathe, I whisper to her. She lets me go and kisses me hard on my forehead. I grab some clean clothes for Sana to change into. I also grab a foldable futon from my closet along with clean sheets and an extra blanket. Sana faces the wall and takes off her clothes and I see her beautiful along with her curves. I look away and start to set up my bed. “What are you doing? She asks perplexed. Oh, I’ll take the floor and you can sleep on my bed. Sana copies my aegyo and points at me and says “NOOO, NOO, NOOO, I thought we were sleeping…together?” Feeling innocently shy, I laugh and tell her no. “You slept next to me earlier, so what’s the matter…?” I give her an excuse, I just want you to sleep comfortably in my bed. We make eye contact but I suddenly feel awkward. I try to act more natural and comfortable but Sana looks directly at me and blurts “I sleep comfortably with you next to me”. I blush and joke with her “you just want me all to yourself! Don’t be selfish, haha.” Sana looks at me in a ‘fine forget you’ then look. “Well, I can’t have you this way at the dorm with the unnies there, and you share a room with Tzuyu and Chaeyoung, so I can’t lay with you however I please” she says feeling slightly annoyed and turning away from me to face the wall. I think she’s mad at me. Sorry, I say right away, but she ignores me. I give into her demand and crawl into my bed next to her. I playfully poke her back, I’m sorry I repeat over and over. I scoot closer to her and kiss her neck and she flinches. Sana finally turns around and faces me. She stares at me for a good second, and blows air into my face. I slightly close my eyes and crinkle my eyebrows and her finger falls into my nostril. I guess this is her way of forgiving and being playful with me too if she isn’t grabbing my . Sana pokes my playfully, and I allow her because I don’t want her to be mad. I get up from bed and turn off the lights and click the night light switch. I crawl back into bed with Sana and pull the blanket to cover us both. Her arm reaches for me in the sheets and our hands crash. Her hands press my back, pulling me closer to her. I’m so close to her I can smell her flowery scent. I can feel her warmth pressing against my bare skin. I can feel her heartbeat as I lay my hand on her chest. I can hear our breaths synchronizing. Sana’s hand my back like an instrument. It’s soothing and I think I might fall asleep faster tonight. I wouldn’t need to think of Sana tonight, because I’m already in her arms. I open my eyes to get a better look at her. Its not completely dark, but I can see her silhouette and the make of her face. Her beady eyes meet my sleepy eyes. She’s thinking of something with a half smile on her face. I ask her what, whispering. “I know what you did earlier, you’re not sneaky…” she says secretly. I cover my mouth and laugh, what did I do earlier? “I may sleep talk sometimes, but I’m also a light sleeper, but you sneaked a kiss earlier”, Sana murmured. I raise my hands to my face to cover myself, I feel so embarrassed, I’ve been caught. That was my second kiss with Sana, and I still get nervous and anxious when we have skinship. Sana stops my back and moves my hand away from my face. Her thumb and index finger cups my right cheek and jawline and the rest of her fingers grasp my neck. I close my eyes, and her lips approach mines again. Our lips share a sweet and gentle dance. I feel like a baby cub. Sana coddles me to sleep, my eyes shut, and I feel completely safe.

It’s 11 AM, but I wake to my phone vibrating against my table. I check to see who it is. I got a missed call and texts from the managers and a text from Tzuyu asking if I can bring some of my mom’s kimchi back. They’re coming to my parent’s house to pick us up later around 2PM. I look at Sana and she’s sleeping like a little cute bunny with open. Her face is somewhat swollen but she always gets that way. I get up from bed but startle Sana, and she wakes too. She checks her phone and I fold the futon, sheets, blanket, and tuck them away in my closet. I grab some summer clothes, mostly tank tops and shorts from my closet that I want to bring with me to Thailand. And start packing in case if I forget later. I approach my piano playing it one last time before I have to go back to Seoul. Sana sits next to me watching me and listens to the tunes I play. Do you know how to play? Sana shakes her head and smiles indicating she doesn’t have the slightest clue. She laughs and leans her head on my shoulder. I take her hand putting it below mines and guide her fingers, pressing the keys to create music. And she is surprisingly amazed that she is playing the piano.

I sit at the table with Sana joining my parents for breakfast. I’m happy spending time with the people I love at one table. The only person missing is my brother. He is still in the army and rarely comes home. Lately we’ve both have been busy, so I feel grateful that sadness and pinky manager let me visit home for a couple days. I eat my breakfast cheerfully. There’s chocopies and my mom cooked eggs, hotdogs, and ham. I pour a glass of milk for Sana and then for myself.

“How’s everything girls?” my mom asks. “It’s good, we’ve been super exhausted and busy lately because of the Knock Knock promotion, but it ended last week” Sana replies. I add to Sana’s response, “sorry we didn’t come out to eat last night with you, we fell asleep.” “Oh its okay, I understand, I figured you two must’ve been tired” my mom says sympathetically. Mom, what are you and dad going to do later? “Probably grocery shop for food” she says looking at me. I cut the conversation short and tell my parents that I’ll be leaving around 2 PM back to Seoul. I thank my parents for the food and Sana bows, thanking them also.

We go back to my room and I gather some last minute things. I pick up some traveling accessories like the converter, soap bars, some motion sickness meds, and vitamins. I stuff all these things into my bag. Pinky oppa is calling me, “Dahyun, I’m almost to your house, 5 minutes”. Sana unhooks her bag from the wall and she waves and tells my room goodbye. We both walk out to the living room. I greet my parents and tell them I’ll see them next time. Nearly forgetting about Tzuyu’s kimchi, I speed to the kitchen to grab the container in the fridge. I slip on my shoes, and hug my parent's goodbye. My mom tells us to take care of ourselves and to get plenty of rest. Sana bows politely and hugs my mom and waves goodbye to my dad, thanking them again. We both get into the van and head back to Seoul.