The part until *** is about Kim Jongin and also his past
I'm making it like a diary/journal? like the memories they spent together
Kai ; Kim Jongin


Love that I thought would last forever has set
And even all the many friends I had are leaving me

Its been years since my parents died and my sisters move out to Canada with their husbands and never came back.

Its just me,myself and I

I only had Sehun as my company but not when he continue his studies in the UK.
So yeah,
Its just me here in this country.



 

People called me Kai,I am a dancer and also a ballerina.Well,whatever you called it.
I teach people ballet and perform for musicals.People told me to be a model for fashion shows or an idol but uhm nah I’m good?

I’m depressed because I feel so lonely.
No friends and family by my side.
People around me do talk to me and compliment me but you know,I know I’m selfish so its not enough.Its never enough.
Its just too lonely.

Because I’m getting older
I guess I’m becoming an adult
Why am I so anxious?

Because I care about every little things and get worried easily which I don’t know why.

People linger in the past again today

People nowadays just couldn’t move on that easily,they just keep looking back and keep remembering the memories.


The world goes around just fine even without me

I have nobody else in this world,I’m not worth it.
No one actually care about me.
Even if I’m gone,it doesn’t effect anyone nor the world.
Whenever I saw the river from the bridge,oh how I wish I could jump.
I’m tired.Somebody save me,help me.

Times that I was so happy
Even without anything

Do you remember those days during childhood where we are always happy and no need to worry about other things.
But as soon as we grew up,being happy is just too hard and we need to buy something to make ourselves happy but nah its not enough.


***
"What happened to you? You were doing just fine for the past weeks!" The instructor said.
I just sighed as I listened to her scolding and cover my face with my palm.
She shook her head and told me to rest until the next class and I must teach the kids to practice their dance steps.
And she left.Great.

I laid down on the floor to calm down my mind until I heard a girl scoffed and said "did she just call us kids? I know I'm short but geez I'm 19!"
I laughed silently.No one actually like the instructor because she likes to scold a lot.Like literally a lot.
The students will compliment saying that I'm strong to listen to her scolding and stuff since she is teaching me.

I hear footsteps coming closer and closer to me so I looked up and sat down.
Uhm,okay she is cute.
"Kai subaenim!" she said and waved infront of me.She is calling me subaenim since I'm gonna teach her for some time since her teacher is sick in the hospital.
I said hey and waved back at her."You were doing so well! I guess she is just blind tch" she critized the instructor.
I chuckled and pats her head lightly."Hey shush,how dare you said that and hey think positive yo"
She pouts and just nod her head.I stood up and stretches to start the dance class.



I helped her to do the ballet spin and she keeps on falling."Get some rest,your legs are tired" I told her and helped her to stand up.She winced at the pain and sat down on the chair at the corner of the dance class.I put her leg on my lap and massage her leg in one direction."Are you feeling better now" I looked up at her as her face turned red because of blushing."Y-yes" she stuttered and nods.I chuckled and stood up to sit down beside her."why? why are you doing this to me"she asked."doing what?" I asked her back."Why did you massage my leg" she squels and covers her face.I laughed and shakes my head.She stood up infront of me slowly,cautiously since she is injured "I-I like waltz so teach me subaenim!" she told me as she bowed.I smiled and nods."I will,get enough rest and do the spin first then I'll consider about it" I told her.Her face lights up into a happy smile and hugged me tightly,thanking me happily.I could just laughed.

She is my everything,my happiness.

The next day,when I was on the way walking to the dance class,I heard a girl singing.Her voice sounds familiar so I head inside and saw her.Woah,her voice is just amazing.I clapped my hands when she finished singing and that startled her."Ah! Kai s-subaenim! How long did you s-stand there?" she stuttered and touch her red cheeks.I chuckled and pat her head."Don't worry,your voice sounds amazing" I winked at her teasingly and she shaked me for being a sly fox listening to her singing skills but I keep on complimenting her.

Because everything was for the first time
I was clumsy and filled with butterflies

,I'm late to class.I hope she doesn't mind since I rarely come late to class.Damn it,damn it,damn it.
I ran to class and saw her at the side of the dance class,sitting and it seems like she is drawing something on her sketchbook? I walked closer to her and take the book from her to see what was she drawing."Subaenim! no! d-don't look!" she said and trying to catch the book from me but it is impossible since I'm tall.I look at the book,page by page and I saw ...wha- isn't that me? She draw,me.Me,Kai the dancer."Since you saw it already,I-I like you Kai! I like your dance moves,you look so beautiful and amazing.I don't understand why Miss(the instructor) can't see it and always scold you- and I hugged her tightly before she could finish her words."K-Kai?" she stuttered."I like you too and thank you for understanding me,I'm tired of my boring life and that's why I choose to teach you" I told her.She hugged me back tightly and we stayed like that for a long time,enjoying each other warmth.

I’m still young
I’m still immature

"I bought chicken!!"she said as she put it on the table in the living room.I shouted a "yay" and ran to hug her."Thank you so much my flower" I hugged her tightly and spinned around lightly."Kim Jongin,s-stop! dizzyyy" she said and I stopped spinning while laughing happily.She smiled and take one piece of chicken to give it to me.We ate together,enjoying the food although its quiet.A comfortable silence.We also gave a peck to each other and cuddling on the couch when we have finished eating.



Her teacher has finally well and came back to teach her.I am getting busy too for my musical so we rarely meet each other.We only talked on the phone and texted each other.I missed her so much.Our scedhule is just too packed that there's no time to meet each other.I need her.My happy pill.

My body is getting tired and I'll get sick easily.Damn,I just don't know why and hey great news.Sehun has finally come back here after years studying abroad.I finally have company at home and Sehun is just literally taking care of me so that my life won't be a mess.I missed him so much.I finally felt happy since Sehun has came back,a friend,a person to talk to,I won't be lonely anymore and be happy.He is finally here when I need him.

You're allowed to scream,
you're allowed to cry,
but do not give up.

I keep coughing nowadays which .My chest hurts and its hard for me to breath.I do ate the medicine everyday but I'm not getting healthy.In fact,its getting worse until one unfortunate day.I was coughing so bad in the bathroom and starts to throw up.I breathe in and out slowly and when I open my eyes,there are blood everywhere.I am coughing blood.'W-what h a h a blood' I thought and everything turned black.

Unless you puke,faint or die
Keep going.

When I woke up,I realized that I'm in my bedroom."You have finally awake,thank god" Sehun helped me sat down and hugged me."Eat up and we need to go to the hospital,Kim Jongin" Sehun told me with a serious face."I'm fine" I told him and he gave me the 'are you serious' look on his face."You were coughing blood and you said you're okay? I don't care we need to go now" he pulled me up and helped me to get change.

I've smiled,
I've tried,
but the truth is that I want to die.

I... I have cancer,stage 3.I'm dying.Me,is dying.I'm dying wow.
I-I don't know what to feel.I can't believe that I'm dying.Maybe its because that I am always stressed out and I am depressed.
There is always hope but it seems impossible.Sehun could punch me right now for thinking negatively but my effects are already bad because I am coughing blood and I feel so weak,
How am I gonna tell her.Who is gonna take care of her? I-I don't deserve her.I am nothing.

I wish cancer got cancer and die

It nearly 3 months since I have been in the hospital.Fighting for cancer but it seems like I am losing.Oh well,I'm dying.Sehun told me that a girl came to visit me,its her.Sehun couldn't help but to tell her what happened.Sehun also told me that she love me so much and misses me so much.I'm sorry my flower,I'm not your dream guy like what other girls had always wanted.
 

The doctor allowed me to do anything I wanted to do in my wishlist,all I could think is spending time with Sehun and her.
Spending my last time with my loved ones



You became a faint light between the stars
You became a star

Its been months since I came here.Its been months since I last danced.Its been months since I last teach someone.
I'm gonna miss it,will I be missed when I'm gone? Probably not.
And here I am,in the dance class studio where I always practice and spent time with her.
and there she is,dancing and twirling around.She have improved a lot and I'm proud of her.
She stopped when she saw me and ran to hug me."Oh my god Jongin.I miss you so much" she said and hugged me much more tighter.I hugged her back and said "I miss you the most baby".She cupped my face and looked at me in the eyes."You've gotten thinner Jongin" she pouts as she said that."Oh love,don't give me that look.Let's not think about that and be happy"I told her."H-how? how Kim Jongin?" she said as she looked down.I sighed and pecked her lips.

Do I seem lonely because I am alone?
Why are tears coming?

She keep crying in my arms and I keep kissing her forehead for her to calm down.I wiped her tears away.
"Smile baby~ you look much more beautiful when you smile" I told her and she whined as she hits my arms lightly."You know that I love you so much right?" I smiled and keeps pecking her lips.She chuckles sadly and nodded."I'm so sorry baby,its my fault" I said and keep telling sorry to her."No" she shakes her head."Its not your fault and don't blame yourself" she said and tiptoed her legs to peck my lips.I chuckled and give her a kiss."Such a cutie" I said.."Thank you for coming into my life,I really appreciate it,you make my life much more better" I said again.I could see tears formed in her eyes again.I kissed her tears away."Find someone better than me baby" I told her."No,I don't want.I want you only" she told me."Find someone that could take care of you so that I'll know that you are safe and happy" I said."Pabo" she said."I have a gift for you" I said.She looked up at me and asked what is it.I took her hand lead her to the middle of the dance class and went to the macbook to play my favourite song which is the Piotr Ilych Tchaikovsky - Waltz of the Flowers

"Let's dance waltz,my love" I said and she smiled.One of my hands hold her waist and the other one is holding her hand.We danced back,forth and twirl.We were so close to each other."Don't ever forget this moment and cherish it forever"I whispered into her ears and a tear fell down from her eyes."I love you so much Kim Jongin" I smiled and told her that I love her the most.Although the surrounding is sad,but oh well at least we are with our loved ones.Spending the last time with the loved ones.

We are together for the last time and for the last dance

"I will sing this song
And I will return to you
Your beautiful self again
I will listen to this song with you
And dance for the last time
Remember this moment
Forever if you must
Just one last dance"

Fin



Author's note: The words with colours are quotes meanwhile the different type of font is the lyrics from big bang the last dance.THE END! FINALLY I'VE FINISHED IT LOLOL.I'm sorry,I was busy with school since exams has ended and I'm busy with sports day at schoool asdfghjkl.It took me so long to write this fanfic lol since I'm busy and I can't stop procrastinating heh s0rry.I'm not an expert in writing stories ,I just like english and doing essays but not writing stories lol but I've tried my best because I always wanted to write one T^T I hope you guys liked it and please do comment,suscribe and upvote :D  I'll be updating my next story which is let me love you which the main character are chanyeol x oc,the story was inspired by the song let me love you chanyeol and junggigo collaboration .Well then,have a nice day and take care everyone!