[CHAPTER 38]

"Torn Inside"

Hongbin stayed behind to watch over Sanghyuk with Taekwoon. It was no longer about being able to trust Taekwoon or not, but it was mainly due to the fact that even Taekwoon looked unstable by himself. Maybe it's because Hongbin understood very well about Taekwoon's uncertainties that the two of them were able to have a proper conversation with one another.

"Here," Taekwoon offered a cup of tea to Hongbin as the two of them sat down in the living room.

"Thanks," Hongbin took the cup of tea and sipped it. It was calm and soothing, even for a split second, Hongbin felt at ease.

"Did Hyoshin or InGuk mention anything about me?"

"What do you think?"

"I guess so..." Taekwoon sighed. "I'll return. I don't plan on staying here any more. There's no use being here when things have already gotten so out of hand but once I leave, how can we guarantee that Sanghyuk will return to normal?"

"That's the problem. I thought that by bringing you back to Moirae's Edge, everything will revert to normal but seeing as to how things are right now, it doesn't feel that way at all. Anyways, those two as well as Jaehwan and Wonshik, have been racking their brains out to find a solution as well so we need to be patient."

"Patient? How? How much longer will we have to wait until Sanghyuk's time runs out? Can we really afford to wait?" Taekwoon asked.

Hongbin looked into his cup of tea, speechless because he knew the answer. Taekwoon's right, they can't wait and there was no use at being patient with their current predicament.

"What about you? Will you be going back to Moirae's Edge?" Taekwoon asked Hongbin.

"I..." Hongbin gulped. "Probably..."

"Did you talk to Hakyeon about it?"

"Not yet. At first, we both understood that whatever our decision is at the end that we'd respect that but..."

"Now? Did something happen?"

"You can say that. Because of Sanghyuk, Hakyeon have been really worried and losing sleep because he's feeling guilty about Sanghyuk's state. He knows that our being here on Earth has something to do with why Sanghyuk hasn't recovered yet. He knows about Sanghyuk's book as well... so, things have been awkward between the two of us."

"Is he angry at you? Me?"

"All of us to be honest. He doesn't say it aloud, but I can tell. I think you know how Hakyeon is when he's upset at someone right? He doesn't say anything, pretends as if there's nothing wrong and just stays quiet the entire time... it's more worrying than when he breaks down and cry or something," Hongbin said.

"That part of him still hasn't changed huh?" Taekwoon sighed.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Hongbin said.

"Hmm?"

"Do you um, love Hakyeon?"

Taekwoon looked at Hongbin bewildered for a second at where the sudden question popped out of. He let out a deep sigh and looked straight at Hongbin.

"I thought I did," he told the younger.

"You thought? What do you mean?" Hongbin tilted his head in confusion.

"I admit that the time I spent with Hakyeon in the beginning was memorable and there was a point in time where I really thought I fell in love with him. If it wasn't because of my mission, I really might have thrown everything away to be with him because he's the first and only person that brought such light into my life. But in the end, I couldn't let go of my greed for power. Rather than love, I wanted recognition from the facility and the Goddesses. I decided to throw everything away in order to get what I wanted. When I found out that Hakyeon eventually moved on and fell in love with you instead, I was jealous. I was angry that he was able to just forget and throw everything away in order to be with you. Narcissistic to say this but I thought I was irreplaceable in his heart. So, when I came here again to erase him, and with the way he talked to me, I got even more irritated."

"How were you going to kill Hakyeon in the first place? Why did you wait? You could've done it even before I came back. You had all this time, but you didn't," Hongbin didn't really understand the other's motives.

"I thought I wanted to kill Hakyeon and end his fate once and for all so that he doesn't get the chance to fall in love with anyone. But... when I saw him again, I can't help but admit that I softened up just by seeing him. Maybe it's because I first met him when we were much younger that when I saw him again, I had a lot of flashbacks to the past. I keep saying that I'll end him but at the same time, I couldn't."

"Then why didn't you just come back to Moirae's? Why are you dragging this out for so long?"

"You're right. I should've just went back but a part of me didn't want to either."

Taekwoon stood up from his seat and placed his cup on the table. He walked up to the patio and looked into the sky.

"I wanted to stay here. I wanted to exist in this city. I didn't want to go back," Taekwoon revealed. "You and I both know now that those who are born on Moirae's Edge doesn't have an existence. We don't have a book of fate like humans do nor do we have a future. Our future is unknown, and we can't control what we want to do. If I went back to Moirae's Edge, what will await me? More research and more studies? Being here on Earth, living like humankinds... I felt like I had a life outside of the facility. I felt like I could live for once without having my life be predetermined for me and ordering me what to do. I wanted power before but now, I want freedom. That's why I was so reluctant to go back. Except, I never knew that my persistence would eventually lead to hurting someone in return," Taekwoon's expression grew solemn and his voice dimmed down.

Hongbin knew exactly how the older felt and he could relate to those feelings of wanting to be free for once. If he could choose, he would choose to stay just like Taekwoon did. But now, he wasn't so sure anymore.

Their persistence in finding existence have caused pain to those involved. It was neither of their intentions of hurting anyone, but the truth lied before them.

Is there really no way around this? Is there really nothing we can do to fix this?

* * * * * *

It's hot. My throat hurts... I... can't get up...

Sanghyuk woke up time after time from the pain he felt. He knew by now that his illness was far more worse than a simple flu or cold. His body felt like it was on fire and he couldn't even stay conscious for long without fainting back into slumber. Amongst his drowsy state, he wished he could shout out for help but even his voice wouldn't come out anymore.

Where's Taekwoon-hyung?

Usually, Taekwoon would be around to see how he was doing. It was surprising at first for the younger but eventually, he couldn't help but look forward to Taekwoon's company even if the older was a silent one. He turned his head slowly around the room to see if the older was around but Taekwoon was nowhere to be found.

Sanghyuk could feel that something was wrong with him as he felt the fire wrapping around his entire body. He lifted his arms up a little and to his surprise, his skin was turning into black and dark rouge, as if he was rusting away. In an instant, he wanted to scream in surprise and he started to tremble in fear.

What's going on? What's happening to me? Taekwoon-hyung...

There was no one to help him. All that was left to think was the fact that he had some sort of disease that was causing him to become this way. Just then, he heard muttering from outside.

Hyung? He tried to focus on the noise outside of his bedroom doors and he could hear a little bit of Taekwoon's voice.

"Don't you love Hakyeon?" Sanghyuk heard Taekwoon asking that to someone.

Is someone outside? the younger thought as he tried to concentrate even more into the conversation.

"I do but what can I do? If it wasn't for us being here... none of this would have happened in the first place. We shouldn't have come," another person answered.

Who?

An unfamiliar voice to Sanghyuk. But then, the younger had a strange feeling as if he's heard that voice once before.

"Ya! Han Sanghyuk!"

"This... voice..." Sanghyuk remembers.

It was the same voice as the one who saved him from the rain that one time when he fainted in front of his apartment. It was the same person as the one who must have brought him to Hakyeon. If so, does that mean that the owner of the voice knows Hakyeon? What about Taekwoon? Does this person know Taekwoon as well?

Who... the younger wonders as he drifted back into slumber.

* * * * * *

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The alarm went off that morning. It was the weekend, but sun shined brightly through the window curtains that it was rather blinding.

Hakyeon woke up from the alarm and noticed a blanket placed over his shoulders. It must have been Hongbin...

He took off the blanket and looked at his bed. There was no one sleeping there and seemingly untouched. Hakyeon got up from his chair and folded the blanket neatly as he placed it back where it belongs. He went out of the bedroom and noticed that no one was around. Hongbin wasn't sleeping in the bedroom and he wasn't sleeping on the couch either.

Did he go somewhere? Hakyeon wonders.

He didn't expect to not be able to see Hongbin the first thing in the morning, usually it's the opposite. It's usually Hakyeon who has to wake up first thing in the morning in order to prepare for work. Somehow, not being able to see Hongbin once he woke up was rather strange for Hakyeon. The older couldn't help but feel uneasy...

Hakyeon looked at the clock as it read 8 a.m. Where could the younger have gone so early in the morning? Or did Hongbin leave last night and not return?

There were so many scenarios that ran through Hakyeon's mind that he didn't know which one was right.

Even after breakfast, Hongbin didn't return. Hakyeon started to feel a bit strange knowing that Hongbin wasn't around so he got changed and decided to go out instead. He headed for the bookstore to see if the younger stayed there overnight.

Clank. Clank. Clank.

The tin cans of the bookstore hit one another as Hakyeon opened the doors.

It's been awhile since Hakyeon went inside of the bookstore. The last time he came was because Sanghyuk was staying there temporarily when Hongbin found the younger collapsed on the streets.

Hakyeon went upstairs and saw no one was around as well. Not even Jaehwan or Wonshik who had supposedly returned to Earth from Moirae's Edge.

Where are they? Hakyeon wondered.

He looked around to see if he could find any clues of the younger's whereabouts but the dust around the bookstore was a good indication that no one came here in a long time. That's when Hakyeon got worried again.

He didn't think that not having Hongbin around suddenly would make him feel this way...

Clank. Clank. Clank.

Hakyeon jumped and dashed towards the door. He was expecting to see Hongbin or Jaehwan and Wonshik but instead, it was another familiar face.

"Sungjae?" Hakyeon was surprised.

"Mr. Cha? What are you doing here?" Sungjae asked.

"I should be asking you that."

"I saw this building from outside and was wondering what it was. It looks like a bookstore of some sort but there are no books?" the younger teacher asked as he looked around to notice empty shelves everywhere.

"Uh yeah... it's not open."

"Oh..." Sungjae said in a disappointed tone. "What are you doing here?"

"This is my store. Well, it's supposed to be."

"Really? When will it open?"

"Not sure."

"Huh?"

"Forget it. It's a long story. What are you up to? Isn't your neighborhood far from here?"

"Oh! I forgot. I was going to ask you a few questions about my report before I submit it to the principal, so I was going to head over to your place. Mr. Lee gave me your address and I was going to call you before I do to ask if you could help me... sorry for coming uninvited," Sungjae said with an apologetic puppy face on.

"Don't worry. Come, I'll see what I can do," Hakyeon offered.

Hakyeon spent about two full hours helping Sungjae revise the report as well as grading the younger teacher's student's homework. Since Sungjae was still new to the job, Hakyeon did a lot of advising to help the younger.

"Thanks so much!" Sungjae exclaimed in exhaustion. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"No worries. Is there anything else I can help you with?" Hakyeon asked.

"Hmm... are you doing anything today?"

"No, not really," Hakyeon said even though his mind was actually preoccupied by Hongbin's whereabouts.

"Can you show me around? I'm still fairly new here in Kwangju, so I don't know where anything is."

"You're originally from Seoul, right?" Hakyeon asked.

"Mhmm. It's busy in Seoul but too busy at times for me to want to go out. So, I decided to transfer here instead."

"Do you like it here?"

"Yeah! It's great and I love how peaceful it is here."

"That's good to hear."

"You're not from here either, right? I remember hearing from Mr. Lee that you're originally from Changwon?" the younger asked.

"Yeah."

"Why'd you come here? Isn't this too far from where you're from?"

"Personal reasons... I rather not talk about it," Hakyeon said honestly.

"Oh. Sorry," Sungjae apologized.

"Don't worry. Anyways, are there any places you want to go to in particular?" Hakyeon asked.

"Yeah!"

That Saturday became a full day of Hakyeon showing Sungjae around the city. The city that Hakyeon have been living in for a long time now as if it was his new home. Yet, he realized that he really didn't explore around as much as he should've. Along his small tour with Sungjae around Kwangju, Hakyeon found many new places that he's never been to or even heard of despite the fact that there were quite a lot of tourist nearby. That's when Hakyeon realized how much he really doesn't go out during his free time. After a long day of touring around the city, it was finally time to go home.

"Thanks for today, hyung," Sungjae said happily. "It's okay to call you hyung, right?"

"Heh, yeah. It's actually weirder when you call me Mr. Cha even when we're outside of school," Hakyeon said.

"You finally smiled," the younger commented.

"Huh?"

"You didn't notice? The entire day, you looked as if you're preoccupied by something. Ever since I started working at the school, I've never really seen you smile happily or genuinely. I thought it was because you didn't like me..."

"That's not it."

"Is it because of Mr. Han?" Sungjae asked.

"Yes and no. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," Hakyeon found himself apologizing to the younger.

"No, don't worry about it. I'm just glad that you're finally smiling. You must have been thinking a lot about things so I'm glad that you're alright."

"Thanks."

"I don't want to pry into your business too much but if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know! I'll do anything to the best of my abilities as a thanks for showing me around," Sungjae offered.

"I'll think about it, thank you Sungjae-ah."

It was the first time Hakyeon didn't feel annoyed or insecure about Sungjae being around. When the younger first started working in the school, Hakyeon couldn't help but think that Sungjae was replacing Sanghyuk forever. He couldn't help but feel annoyed that Sungjae was sitting at Sanghyuk's desk or teaching Sanghyuk's classes. But after today, after an entire day of getting to know Sungjae, he realized that the younger wasn't a bad person after all. It was childish of him to behave to distantly towards Sungjae who only wanted the best for everyone.

* * * * * *

Hakyeon made his way home and walked by the convenience store to grab some snacks. He had already eaten dinner with Sungjae earlier, so he felt like having a light dessert or after dinner snack. Just as he walked around, he noticed that the bookstore lights were on.

He hurried his way towards the store and as he pushed the doors open, he saw Hongbin standing there and dusting the shelves.

Hongbin turned around to the sound of the tin cans and noticed that it was Hakyeon.

"Hakyeon?" Hongbin was rather surprised since he didn't think that he would actually see the older around.

Hakyeon stood there for a good minute without a word. He simply stared at Hongbin and figuring out whether or not he was hallucinating.

"Hakyeon?" Hongbin called out again in worries at the older being rather silent.

"Where were you?" Hakyeon finally asked.

"Huh?"

"Where did you go this morning? Or where did you stay last night?" the older continued his interrogations.

"N-nowhere in particular," Hongbin lied.

Hakyeon stared at the younger in silence, knowing very well when the younger was hiding something from him.

"It's getting late, you should go home," Hongbin tried to change the subject.

"What about you? Aren't you going to go home too?" Hakyeon found himself uneased of the fact that Hongbin sounded so distant for a second. His heart ached a bit when Hongbin suggested that Hakyeon to return home and possibly... alone.

"I um..."

"Well?"

"I've got somethings to do so I won't be going back tonight."

"Where are you going then?"

Hongbin found himself in a tricky situation. He wanted to tell Hakyeon but at the same time, he didn't. After all, he was planning on staying at Sanghyuk's place to take care of the other with Taekwoon as they sort out their situation together without having to worry Hakyeon even further. If Hakyeon knew how bad Sanghyuk's condition have become, he would definitely go insane with self-blame.

"I just have to go somewhere with Jaehwan and Wonshik," Hongbin used his friends who were not around as an excuse.

Hakyeon stared at the younger for a moment.

"Come home," the older said in a rather serious and demanding tone.

"What?" Hongbin was rather confused.

"I said, come home. Don't go anywhere tonight."

"That's... a bit..."

"I said don't go anywhere," Hakyeon finally bursted out. "I know things are not the way they were before, and it's been awkward lately between the two of us. I know that I'm wrong for shutting you out and making you feel awkward. I'm sorry but I can't stand this. When I woke up this morning and you weren't there... when I went out all day long and you didn't even give me a single call... I... I thought you disappeared on me. I hate this!"

"Hakyeon-ah..." Hongbin could see Hakyeon break down from frustrations.

"I've been worried sick about Sanghyuk and I know I shouldn't have blamed you on things that you didn't do. I'm selfish but I can't help it. I just hate the feeling of you not being there next to me when I need you."

"Sorry..." Hongbin caressed Hakyeon's hair and patted the older to settle him down.

Hakyeon stepped forward and leaned in to bury his face in the younger's shoulders as he tried to calm himself down.

"Please, don't go anywhere. I don't know what I can do anymore without you here. Stay by my side," Hakyeon said.

"I..."

Hongbin couldn't say it.

He was torn inside. On other hand, he was relieved to hear that Hakyeon needed and still loves him but on the other side, he knew that him being next to the older is a bad idea.

After all, he's already decided to leave.