[CHAPTER 37]

"Drifted and Doubts"

"How's Sanghyuk's book looking?" Hongbin asked Jaehwan and Wonshik who just came back to Earth.

"Not looking too good. Some of the pages have been completely burned up. Even Hakyeon's book of fate have never behaved like that..." Jaehwan informed the younger.

Hongbin let out a sigh.

"I think we need to find Taekwoon and sort this out after all. Whether he allows us to get near Sanghyuk or not, we need to figure this mess out and fast."

Jaehwan and Wonshik nodded in agreement. 

"We'll go with you. But how's Hakyeon doing?" Wonshik asked in worries.

They all knew that Hakyeon have been worried sick about Sanghyuk's condition and kept blaming himself for what was happening to the younger. However, Hongbin tried his best to calm Hakyeon down even though he was just as worried as Hakyeon was.

"He needs rest is all I can really say. He's been waking up in the middle of the night a lot because he can't stop worrying about Sanghyuk. I tried to tell him to not worry but... let's be honest, how can we not worry when things have already come to this point?" Hongbin sighed. "Anyways, what did Hyoshin and InGuk say about Sanghyuk or Hakyeon's books?"

"They both agree that the best thing we can do is bring Taekwoon back to Moirae's Edge as soon as possible. Maybe if Taekwoon returns in time, Sanghyuk's book will also revert back to normal... maybe...," Wonshik said in uncertainty. "But it might also already be too late..."

"Cheer up, we can't be too gloomy about this. There's got to be something we can do to make things right again. I just never imagined that our existence here on Earth and our encounters with humans would affect them this greatly..." Jaehwan said with a deep sigh.

"Yeah... maybe it was for the better that we never came to Earth. Maybe it would have been better if I never came here in the first place," Hongbin said in a depressed tone.

"Are you regretting it?" Wonshik asked.

"I don't know... instead of regret, I feel like I'm in guilt of making their lives change so drastically. If it wasn't for our curiosity in the first place, then none of this would have happened. If we had just left things to the way it was, without trying to find some sort of answer that didn't exist, then both Sanghyuk and Hakyeon would have gone back to their normal lives and lived happily. I can't help but think that it might be better for me not to be here..." 

"Is that your final decision?" 

Hongbin looked at Wonshik and Jaehwan with a concerned and wavering look on his face. He bit his lips, wanting to say the words yet at the same time, feared of saying them. He couldn't reply. 

"If that's your decision, we'll support you but what about Cha Hakyeon? He should've forgotten about you when the council erased his memories of you but he still remembered you... doesn't that mean anything to you?" Jaehwan asked. 

Yes, it means a lot. It means the world to me that Hakyeon remembers me. But what can I do? Us being together will only bring sorrows and regret in the end. Why did I have to let my curiosity get the better of me? Why didn't I just mind my own business in the first place and stayed back on Moirae's Edge like I was supposed to? Maybe it would have been better if I never changed and that we never met... Hongbin thought. 

~

Hakyeon went to work like all other days. As much as he didn't want to work, he knew he had to. It was more awkward to stay at home to be honest... It was awkward to face Hongbin for once...

It's not like Hakyeon wanted to be that way but at the moment, all he could think about was Sanghyuk's safety and condition. He knew something was off since the beginning when Sanghyuk eventually had to call for temporary leave but he found out the real reason why Sanghyuk was sick, he couldn't help but resent Hongbin a bit for hiding the truth from him. Hongbin knew how much Hakyeon cares for Sanghyuk like a younger brother yet Hongbin didn't tell him right away and only concealed the truth until Hakyeon eventually caught on. 

Hakyeon have been having restless nights while sleeping and it was difficult to behave normally around Hongbin or Jaehwan and Wonshik. 

He knows that he shouldn't behave that way or act like that towards the three of them but he couldn't help it. It was difficult. 

"Morning, Mr. Cha," Sungjae greeted him the first thing he did when Hakyeon walked to his desk to put his bag down.

"Morning," Hakyeon tried to smile back but he knew it was a weak attempt.

"You have really dark circles under your eyes, are you okay?" 

"Yeah. Just not getting enough sleep," Hakyeon mentions.

"Are you worried about something? My mom always tell me that if I worry too much, I won't be able to sleep properly at night."

"I guess..."

"You should try to drink some Chamomile tea or something. I heard they're good for you when you wish to sleep better at night," Sungjae said.

"I'll try. Thanks," Hakyeon said.

"By the way, have you been able to contact Mr. Han? I wonder how he's doing?" Sungjae asked suddenly.

"He's... still sick."

"Is it really that bad?" 

"Yeah..."

"Have he gone to the hospital or see a doctor?"

"I think so. I don't really know to be honest. I haven't found the chance to see how he's doing lately..."

"I see. I hope he's doing alright. I really want to meet him soon," Sungjae said.

"Thanks. I'm sure he would like to meet you as well."

Hakyeon felt at ease by talking with Sungjae for some reason. He was happy to know that even Sungjae, who's a stranger to Sanghyuk, was wishing the younger good health and hoping Sanghyuk to get better soon. As much as Hakyeon wish Sanghyuk to get better though, he knew that it wasn't just a simple flu that Sanghyuk had but it was something much worse and something which could be possibly incurable. 

After a full day of work and keeping himself preoccupied by giving himself even more work to do after school, Hakyeon finally decided to go home. As he went home though, he noticed the lights were turned off. He opened the doors to a quiet room, hinting very well that Hongbin wasn't around to wait for him like usual.

Hakyeon gulped a bit. 

Where did he go? he immediately wondered. 

Hakyeon took out his phone to scroll through his messages to see if Hongbin left him a message or anything but there was nothing in his inbox. He was tempted to send a message to ask about the younger's whereabouts but he hesitated and gave up after a short moment. What would he say to the younger? Hakyeon's worried but he's also worried about many other things at the same time ... 

"I hate this..." Hakyeon looked around the empty room and started to rummage through the kitchen to prepare dinner. He opened the fridge and started to prepare the ingredients but he stopped for a moment, how much should he prepare? For one person or for two? Will Hongbin be coming back tonight for dinner?

He swallowed nervously and finally decided to pick up his phone again to make his attempt at calling the younger. But just as he did, the doors opened and Hongbin returned. 

"You're back," Hongbin said as he took of his shoes and jacket. 

"Yeah..." Hakyeon averted his eyes from the younger subconsciously. 

"Busy at work today?" Hongbin tried to start a conversation with Hakyeon. 

"Kind of... where... were you?" 

"I was just with Jaehwan and Wonshik."

"They're back?"

"For the time-being."

Hakyeon and Hongbin looked at each other, it was obviously that they were both hesitant to talk to one another. They looked at each other, wanting to say something to continue their conversation but what can they talk about? There was nothing they could talk about anymore... all there was left was Han Sanghyuk and Jung Taekwoon.

Throughout the entire time during dinner, the room was in complete silence and all that could be heard was the sound of the chopsticks clanging against the bowls and the sound of the two of them eating in silence. 

Hakyeon found himself trying to look at Hongbin from time to time, and so did Hongbin but both did not speak much. 

Hongbin noticed the very obvious eyebags underneath the older's eyes. He knew very well that Hakyeon have been having a very difficult time sleeping at night. 

Is it because of me? Hongbin couldn't help but start to wonder.

"I'm going to go to my room and finish up some work," Hakyeon said and got up first from his seat. He took his bowl and placed them in the sink. 

Hongbin couldn't even say a word before Hakyeon retreated back to his room. The younger's stomach clenched nervously and lost all appetite to continue with the meal. The atmosphere was too heavy and the silence between the two of them were starting to kill him inside. Though Hakyeon said he was going to his room to finish up some work, it was very obvious to Hongbin that it was simply an excuse so that the two of them wouldn't have to face each other. 

Is there really no way around this? Do we really have to be like this? Hongbin wonders. 

He peeked into the room and saw Hakyeon fall asleep on the desk. Hongbin grabbed a blanket and placed it over Hakyeon's shoulders. He wanted to do so much for the older and he wanted them to patch up their relationsihp to how it used to be but even Hongbin knew they've finally hit the point where going back to normal, acting as if nothing is wrong, would be impossible.

Frustrated at the situation, Hongbin decided to get out of the house for a breather. 

~

Hongbin went around the neighborhood as well as back and forth between the bookstore and Hakyeon's apartment. He was going to return home a few times whenever he stood in front of the apartment complex. A part of him wanted to go home to see Hakyeon but a part of him knew that going home might just make Hakyeon feel more suffocated. 

So, he went somewhere else instead. Somewhere a bit further. 

Hongbin stood outside of another big building, the apartment complex of Sanghyuk's. 

That day where he found Sanghyuk was by mere coincidence. As Jaehwan and Wonshik was going back and forth between Moirae's Edge and Earth, Hongbin was going to take a quick peek to see if Sanghyuk was doing alright in place of his friends. He didn't want to go at first because of the pouring rain and how dreadful the weather was that day. He would rather have chosen to be with Hakyeon if only the older wasn't busy working that day. So, without much choice, Hongbin went over to Sanghyuk's place to keep watch. But when he got there, he didn't expect to see Sanghyuk standing outside in the pouring rain, completely drenched from top to bottom and in the worst condition possible.

What the hell is he doing outside? Hongbin thought as he watched Sanghyuk cautiously. 

But just a moment later, he noticed the younger wobbling and unsteady. In just a second, Sanghyuk collapsed which Hongbin dashed forward without a single thought of whether or not he was seen by Sanghyuk. 

"Ya! Han Sanghyuk!" he called out. 

Sanghyuk was barely conscious and Hongbin knew that he would have been a fool to just send Sanghyuk home with the way he was. So, he decided to take Sanghyuk back to the bookstore and called Hakyeon to care for the younger instead. 

When Hongbin thought back about that day, he couldn't help but wonder about Sanghyuk's condition after all. If only Taekwoon wasn't there, standing watch at all times, Hongbin would probably gone in there to check up on Sanghyuk. 

Hongbin and Hakyeon's relationship have gone rather unsteady because of the younger as well as Taekwoon's return. But as much as Hongbin wanted to blame those two, Hongbin also couldn't help but think he was also just as responsible for the start of it all. If Hongbin never came to Earth in the first place, Hakyeon would have never met the younger. If he never knew of Taekwoon's existence in Hakyeon's past, Hongbin wouldn't have tried to approach Taekwoon either. Hongbin accidently exposed himself and got caught without thinking.

He scratched his head, lost at what to do or what to think of. Just then, he noticed someone rushed out from Sanghyuk's apartment. It was Taekwoon but something didn't seem right.

Taekwoon ran out in worries, frantic and seemingly in panic. 

What happened? Hongbin shot up in concern to see Taekwoon looking that way. Don't tell me something happened to Sanghyuk...

Hongbin swallowed hard. 

He quietly followed Taekwoon from behind and noticed Taekwoon ran into a convenient store to grab some ice and then dashed to the nearby pharmacy for some medicine. 

Anyone could tell that everything the latter bought wasn't from himself but for Sanghyuk. But why?

Hongbin couldn't stay quiet anymore. He couldn't just sit by and act like nothing was wrong. There was no time and that's all he knew. 

~

Sanghyuk's condition worsened.

This time, it wasn't just the high fevers, lost of voice or anything at all. Sanghyuk was in pain. 

His body was corroding from within. Taekwoon took off Sanghyuk's clothes to see what was going on and the sight terrified him. Sanghyuk's body was infected and covered in black. Starting from his heart and slowly spreading throughout his entire body, Sanghyuk looked as if he was corroding. 

"What the hell is happening?" Taekwoon found his hands shaking and petrified as he tried to figure out what was happening. "Ya, Sanghyuk-ah, can you hear me?"

He tried to call out to the younger multiple times but even though Sanghyuk could hear someone calling out, he couldn't respond. He was in pain, so much that he wish he could scream aloud yet his voice wouldn't allow him. His body was burning from all over, it was so painful that he was in tears. He grasped onto Taekwoon's wrist, clenching on desperately. 

Taekwoon could tell that time was finally up. 

He got up and went out to the kitchen to grab some ice packs to hopefully cool down the heat emitting from Sanghyuk's body. But Sanghyuk's temperature was so high that the ice didn't last. Feared and lost, Taekwoon rushed out of the apartment in panic. 

He loaded up on bulks and bulks of ice, then dashed to the pharmacy to get more medicine, despite knowing very well that normal medicine would not work. He grabbed his keys to open the doors, but his hands were shaking so much that he could hardly grasp onto the keys without feeling weak. He didn't want to imagine, he didn't want to imagine the 'what ifs'...

Just as he opened the doors to see Sanghyuk's condition, someone approached him from behind.

"What is going on here?" Someone held onto the door, preventing Taekwoon from closing it.

Taekwoon turned around to see who it was and to his surprise, it was Hongbin.

"W-what are you doing here?" Taekwoon didn't know how to respond to Hongbin's sudden appearance. Rage? Confusion? Or something else?

Hongbin looked around and pushed Taekwoon forward to go inside of the apartment so that no one would see them. 

"Well? Did something happen to Sanghyuk?" Hongbin asked straightfowardly.

"..." Taekwoon couldn't look Hongbin in the eyes. He was guilty of the situation but he knew there was no hiding it anymore.

"Let me see him."

Taekwoon didn't refuse or fight Hongbin and instead, he led him to Sanghyuk's room. Hongbin was surprised at what was going on. He saw Sanghyuk's condition in reality for the first time and it was worse than before. 

"When did this start?" Hongbin asked.

"Three days ago..." Taekwoon answered obediently.

Hongbin approached Sanghyuk's body to check on it. He was just as terrified at the sight as Taekwoon though.

"What... do we do?" Taekwoon suddenly asked.

Hongbin looked back at Taekwoon, surprised at how panicked Taekwoon was at the moment. He really didn't expect the emotionless Jung Taekwoon to suddenly behave this way. 

"It's just the same," Hongbin said.

"...?" Taekwoon looked up.

"His book of fate. Han Sanghyuk's state right now is just the same as his book at the moment."

"W-what do you mean?" Taekwoon found himself stuttering in fear.

"We found where you hid his book. Hyoshin and InGuk found it in your room but when they found it, it was already changing. Do you remember how Hakyeon's book used to look like?"

Taekwoon nodded and almost didn't dare to imagine.

"Well, it's worse than that. Sanghyuk's future have been completely erased from his story. The cover of his book is smudged with ink and almost nearly impossible to go near it. His pages are now burnt through and we're all at a lost at what's going on. Do you have any ideas?" Hongbin asked.

Taekwoon shook his head, he really had no idea. "I didn't think this would happen... honest. I thought of coming here for a little and after I'm done I would go back and erase Sanghyuk's memory of me being alive at all. I thought I could just bring back things to normal but... things have already become this way. When I found out that Hakyeon knew the truth along with Jaehwan and Wonshik... I couldn't stand it. I wasn't thinking and just prolonged my stay out of anger. Now I-"

"You regret it?" Hongbin asked him.

"I... even if if I never had a good relationship with Sanghyuk, I would never do something to harm him. I only used his book to get to this side so that I can see Hakyeon again but eventually his illness got worse. A few weejss ago, this happened," Taekwoon handed the burnt photo of Sanghyuk with Hakyeon to Hongbin. 

Hongbin looked at the photo with care, "it's all burnt up... just like his book."

"Even I was caught by surprise. This never happened when I went inside of Hakyeon's story and determined his outcome for him but with Sanghyuk... all of this is too strange and terrifying. I never expect to make him become this way," Taekwoon swallowed his guilt and looked at the younger who was in pain, "but what can we do? How can we save him?"

Hongbin never expected to hear such words come out of Taekwoon's mouth. Though he wasn't sure what might have changed Taekwoon's heart or mind, Hongbin knew that Taekwoon truly regretted his actions. He could tell that the latter really wanted to help Sanghyuk recover but the problem was, no one knew what to do because everything has gotten out of hand.

"If I went back to Moirae's Edge, rewrite his memories again, do you think he'll get better?" Taekwoon suggested by himself.

"You're willing to go back?" Hongbin was slightly surprised at the proposal.

"I've thought about it. If I never came here, interfered with humankind or changed their fate, if only I didn't act without thought, then none of this would happen. They would all still be living normally without knowing of my existence but at least they would be happy. I've thought about it for a long time and even with what I did to Hakyeon... I can't blame him for hating me. Because now, I can't help but resent myself and my actions. If only they didn't know me..." Taekwoon said in sorrows.

But Hongbin could relate to those feelings exactly.

"Maybe we really weren't meant to be here in this dimension. This isn't the place where we belong and we weren't supposed to have exposed ourselves to humankind in the first place. If we only stayed out of their business and not let our greed or curiosity in our way, then no one would have gotten hurt, especially Sanghyuk and Hakyeon. We don't have the rights to meddle with other people's stories and their lives. Because we did what we weren't supposed to, innocent people are getting hurt. If only we could turn back time, I would choose to not have met Hakyeon in the first place," Hongbin finally revealed his thoughts. He didn't think that he would do so towards Taekwoon of all people though but it was the same for Taekwoon.

The both of them were meddlers of fate. They were driven by greed and curiosity which eventually brought chaos into other people's lives. It wasn't their intention and they had no ideas of the consequences. However, what was done and what was happening is a proof that it was already too late to start regretting.

"Don't you love Hakyeon? Will you be willing to leave him?" Taekwoon asked the younger.

"I do love him. I love him so much that I only want the best for him. Ever since Sanghyuk got sick, he's been worrying day and night, blaming himself over and over again for everything..."

"It's because I came back..." 

"And me," Hongbin said. "I shouldn't have insisted on reuniting with him like this. It would have been better if he didn't remember me after all. If only I could remain as a fragment of his imaginations, then over time, he would eventually move on and forget about me. At least then, he wouldn't be in so much pain."

If only Hakyeon didn't remember me... those thoughts echoed in Hongbin's mind.

The two of them watched over Sanghyuk in distress and lost at what to do. They never thought that they would eventually sit together like they did at the moment to talk about their situations or reveal their feelings about everything that was happening. Despite the struggles and fights both Taekwoon and Hongbin had with one another, they actually had more in common then they thought.

Now, the only thing that came into their mind was 'what's the best for Hakyeon and Sanghyuk?'

A/N: Do you believe this will be a happy ending or a sad one?  (Sorry for slow updates, I'm currently moving to a new apartment in Tokyo so there's a lot of things to do. The end is near but what will it be?)