Joy decided that she was tired, far too tired to do anything regardless of how important it was as she laid on her bed. She felt that she was heading towards lethargic even, with everything that was going on in her life. Maybe getting that IV drop wasn’t such a stupid idiot when her manager brought it up yesterday that earned him a smack on the head from her members. Practice, dance practice, vocal training, recording their album. None of that could even beat the core of her being like this to begin with. Sungjae. The name itself brought distress in her heart, messing up her everyday life. Disrupting the control she had over her own life; but now, she can barely wake up in the morning without feeling the urge to curl her fingers inside to puke out last night’s dinner just at the thought of his name. He tore her world upside down, and he had no idea that he was doing so. She could feel tears beginning to form–although she cried until there were no more tears just a few hours before–as she thought of the man. Can she even call such a selfish man like him, a man? He was more like a boy. Her hand moved to wipe away the tears before letting her arm rest on her eyes, covering herself from the sun rays that were slowly peeking through the gap from the curtains.

How dare that do something like that to me.

She thought angrily as her other hand moved to grasp the necklace that hanged around her neck without thinking. Two rings could be seen hanging from the simple chain.

How could he be everything she wanted in a guy and then not soon after? How dare he play with her heart like it was some kind of game and then toss it aside once he was done? How dare he?! How dare he cause such an upsetting feeling to linger in her?! How dare he make her world filled with sunshine and rainbow to only leave her in the rain?! How could she be so stupid to let him in her heart when she knew it was never meant to last? How could she be so stupid to fall for him…?

Joy instantly sat upright as she screamed at nothing, at everything in sight. She tugged the chain around her neck off and threw it across the room, away from her. She didn’t care if her action would leave a mark around her neck, it would just be another scar from the many wounds that marked her neck. In frustration, she pushed off the pillows on her bed as she kept on screaming until her voice went hoarse. Her bed was bare of anything as everything was scattered on the floor, around the room. Tears hit the bed sheet one by one, little by little. Until Joy decided to cry her heart out again, just like every other day, the first of many to come that day. She didn’t know how long she cried because time seemed to stop moving for her. She had lost track of time. A knock was heard from the other side of the door a few minutes since she started crying, maybe seconds, maybe even hours. She didn’t know. She could hear the silent creaking of the door as it was being opened. She didn’t look at the person; she knew it was going to be either one of her members one way or another.

The bed dipped down beside Joy as someone placed a comforting arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer into her embrace. Her head instantly went to the newcomer’s neck as she wept harder than before, for her broken heart. She was then enclosed within the person’s warmth as she rocked them gently, going side to side. They shared no words, nothing was said between them but somehow, it comforted Joy much more compared to all the pretty words that were being said by the people around her. The silence was deafening in a way but it was also soothing. It calmed her down, the storm slowly subsiding into gentle drops of rain as her tears slowly stopped until it just stopped. She could feel the girl with brown coloured hair pushing away her bangs, placing a small peck on her forehead, before wrapping her tighter in her arms. She pulled her arms away to hold onto the younger girl’s hands, pulling her softly to her feet. She looked at the younger girl warmly, before giving her a comforting smile.

“Let’s go, Sooyoung-ah,”

And Joy followed her leader out of the messy and broken room, with tears-stricken eyes and bed hair in all her glory. She looked up to see the rest of her members looking at her, waiting for her patiently to walk over to them. To start a new chapter and leaving the old behind her. Everyone knew that and they knew she needed time to grief before she could finally begin move on, despite of how slow she’d take. And so they wait for her patiently, looking and taking care of her from behind, making sure that they were always there for her to fall back to.

They held their breath as Sooyoung finally looked at them with a smile–not like all those fake smiles from before, no–even if it was a small and hesitant one, a genuine one. They rather have one of that than thousands of forced ones. Everyone instantly broke into smiles before engulfing the tall girl into a hug, tears slowly trailing down their faces from the happiness they were feeling. They could hear the girl wondering at their antics before all five of them broke into laughter, still wrapped within each other. It was probably an ugly sight–five girls crying and laughing–but they all couldn’t care less because they knew they always had each other to fall back to.

Maybe today would be different, Joy thought as she laughed along with the girls.

Maybe, she’d finally be able to move on.

Maybe, just maybe.

*****

Maybe not.

Joy groaned for the umpteenth time that day. Her hands were on her knees as she tried to take in deep breathes, struggling even more than before. She was tired from dancing for their comeback song, `Russian Roulette’ after just half an hour of intense practice. She wasn’t like this before, she knew that. Before, she could practice dancing for hours before she’d even start getting tired due to SM’s intense training. Now, she could barely dance for an hour before gasping for air. Her eyes stared holes into the floor as she could hear their dance instructor getting tired and bored of her antics.

“Oppa, let’s rest for a bit,”

Irene told him before he could start ranting again about how unprofessional Joy was being. The members knew that Joy needed to step back a bit before she could move forward. They knew that it was normal for someo