“YiXing.” I pronounced the name of the long-date friend. I ran towards him and he welcomed me in his arms. I hid my face on his face.

“How have you been, little girl?” I could feel my eyes fill up with tears.

“Afraid and alone,” I answered and the first tear fell, just to be followed by others.

“You can cry now. I’m here now.” I let all the tears I had been holding back fall. “You must have been so afraid.” He my hair tenderly. “It must be hard to be alone.” I nodded.

“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I don’t know what’s allowed and what’s not. Thus, I have to be constantly on alert in order not to make any mistake. It is so hard not to flinch and not to cry. I don’t know how to live without rules.” I confided to the only person I really trusted.

“I saw how that man forced you to talk. You know that it isn’t dangerous to talk in the outside? People won’t say that people can’t hurt you because I would be lying. However, you can talk feel. They can’t punish you. Here, if you hurt someone intently, you’ll be the one to receive the punishment.” He explained.

“Is that possible?”

“Those people who mistreated you and the others are doing awful things. When the police caught them, they will face the consequences of their acts.”

“Does that mean that if I talk to JongIn or KyungSoo, no one will come out to punish me? Not even that man?”

“He can’t stop you from talking.”

“Are you sure about it? I got a punishment just by not spending time with him in the table.” I asked, still unsure

“If you aren’t sure, then why don’t you write your own rules and the information of the people you know?” I looked up, confused. “Every day you learn new rules, right?” I nodded. “Write them down and add to the rule the name of the person who gave it to you. If the restrictions and small, hen you can talk to them. The reality is that you can talk to everyone”

“Why?” I asked, slowly understanding his idea.

“Because in the outside world a rule doesn’t apply to everyone. That man wants you to stay alone forever while his wife wants you to make as many friends as possible. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Yes.” I put a little distance between us and smiled truly at him. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’ll always be by your side to help and guide you.”

“I know. That’s why I like you so much.” 

“You talked.” I turned around, looking surprised at JongIn. He, too, was surprised and I got scared to death when I realised the situation. I looked back at YiXing, seeking help to clear the unconventional situation, but he was gone. I frowned confused at his fading and bewildered because he left me alone to deal with JongIn.

“You talked,” JongIn repeated himself. “You can talk.” He seemed to realise something important and smiled openly. I never saw him smiling so brightly. He walked towards me and hugged me tightly. “Now that you can talk again, it’s going to be much easier to get to know each other. You can tell me all of the worries and your question.” I moved away from him and shook my head negatively. I made it clean with signs that I wouldn’t talk. “But why? Your voice is beautiful. It would make everything much easier for you.” I kept on refusing.

“Are you afraid?” He asked and I nodded, starting to tear up. He sighed and I kept my head down, feeling bad for disappointing him. “I won’t force you to talk. It’s your choice anyway. I’ll wait until you’re comfortable with it.” I looked up and he was smiling. “You’re such a crybaby.” He giggled while wiping away my tears. “The dinner is done. Let’s go.” I shook my head. “Aren’t you hungry?” I was, but I wasn’t allowed to eat. Thus, I nodded. “Alright, then. See you after dinner.”

I sighed, relieved. I simply stared at my room, searching for YiXing’s presence. I bit my bottom lip to suppress the upcoming tears and sat down on my bed. I felt so good to see a familiar and trusting person. However, I got myself together and grabbed my beloved notebook and opened it in the second part because the part one was for communicating. I decided to follow YiXing’s suggestion and started writing about the people I knew.

The man

1.He seems an angel, but he’s evil.

2.He lied to his family about me.

3.He forbid me of telling his family the truth and of falling in love.

4.I must be obedient.

5.He wants me to look him in the eyes when he’s talking to me.

6.I hate when he says my name.

7.He forced me to talk.

8.He’s violent with me when DoYeon and JongIn aren’t around.

9.He doesn’t want me to avoid him.

10.His first punishment was the prohibition of eating for two days. 

There was no way I would talk volunteering to him. All of my words would be used against and I didn’t want that. I didn’t trust him anyway, thus there was no point in trying to improve our communication.

JongIn

1.I’m allowed to look him in the eyes.

2.I’m allowed to hold his hand to feel safe.

3.He says I’m his dongsaeng though I’m older.

4.He created a nickname for me: Jin.

5.My curiosity doesn’t bother him and he answers all my questions patiently.

6.He explains how the weird things work.

7.He has never shouted at me.

8.He isn’t like the other men I’ve met.

9.He has never hurt me.

10.He likes to dance.

11.Taemin is his best friend.

12.He allows me to eat as much as I want.

13.He helps to do some things like eating with chopsticks.

14.He treats me well.

15.He told me that he likes a girl. Her name is JiSoo.

16.He knows me well.

17.He doesn’t know that his father is evil.

18.I like his childish smile.

19.He always tries to keep me warm.

20.He feels proud of me when I managed to do things alone.

21.He doesn’t like one of the maids.

22.He has our first photograph together as the background foto of his laptop and his phone.

23.He always cheers me up.

24.He didn’t force me to talk when he found out I could do it.

He had been by my side helping and supporting me ever since I came to his life. I really wanted us to get closer than we already are. I already trusted him, thus out of all the people he was the one who deserved the most to hear my voice.

DoYeon

1.She doesn’t know about his husband’s true intentions with me.

2.She treats me like she treats JongIn.

3.She wants me to make friends.

4.She encourages to adapt to everything.

5.Apparently, I don’t need to follow the usual rules with her.

6.I have to ask her permission to do some things.

7.She teaches me how the several types of relationships work.

8.She gave me a camera.

9.She confuses me sometimes.

10.She believes her husband’s words sadly.

She was lovely and caring, but I just couldn’t trust her enough to talk to her. She might not use my words against me, but she would tell everything to her husband. That was the problem. She was in love and married to the man who could turn my life into a living hell really quick.

KyungSoo

1.He has a melodious voice.

2.He is in my class, just like JongDae and ChanYeol.

3.He has red hair. I find it strange.

4.I felt scared at first, but he is very kind.

5.He takes care of me when JongIn isn’t there.

6.He is always ready to help me to study.

7.He also explains how school works.

8.He allows me to take his hand.

9.He’s younger than me.

10.He’s like my protector in my class.

11.He’s the first friend I have made.

12.He also feels proud of me when I do things alone.

13.I like his calmness.

JongDae

1.He is in my class.

2.He has a huge smile.

3.Even though he didn’t know me, he protected me from the rain when we first met.

4.He approached me first when we met again.

5.He wanted to be my friend.

6.He didn’t get angry when I didn’t answer.

7.ChanYeol is his best friend.

8.He got jealous when he saw me with ChanYeol.

9.He was the first man besides JongIn to hug me.

10.He was very happy and excited to be my friend.

11.He gave me a gift: a notebook so that I can communicate with them by writing with them.

12.He’s a good kind of troublemaker.

13.He’s older than KyungSoo, ChanYeol and I.

14.He suggested a game so that I became comfortable enough to look someone in the eyes.

15.I like his joyful laughter.

16.I liked to spend the lunch break with him and his friends.

17.He holds my hand without me having to ask for it.

18.He was touched when I protected him from LuHan

ChanYeol

1.He didn’t get angry when I took his headphones without his permission.

2.He has a deep voice that scares me a little.

3.He allowed me to use his headphones.

4.He is JongDae’s best friend.

5.He’s the tallest.

6.His height scares me.

7.He always smiles at me just like JongDae.

8.I like his smile.

9.He has very cute ears.

10.He was touched when I protected him from LuHan.

11.I didn’t flinch when he squeezed my cheek.

12.He can do balloons with a chewing gum.

LuHan

1.He’s the oldest one.

2.I thought he was going to punish ChanYeol and JongDae because of me, but he was kidding.

3.He promised me that he would not punish me.

4.I managed to eat alone with his help.

“Lynn,” KyungSoo called a girl of another class who was going in the same direction as us.

“Yes, oppa.” The girl named Lynn stopped and smiled politely at us.

“This is Oh HyeJin. You must know about her.” She nodded.

“Since our classes have P.E. together, I was wondering if you could take her to the balneary with you. she won’t know what to do if I let her there and I can’t go in with her as you must know.” KyungSoo explained the situation.

“Of course, KyungSoo oppa.” She smiled.

“HyeJin, listen carefully to me.” I nodded. “We have Sport now and we have to get changed. Your mother put those close in your bag to change up for this class. Since you’re a girl and I’m a boy, we have to get changed in different rooms. Lynn will take you to the room where girls change their clothes. She’ll help you and I’ll be waiting for you outside, okay? Lynn is very nice and she won’t hurt you. Do you think you can do it?” I wanted to make KyungSoo proud, thus I nodded. “Okay then. Don’t leave her side and come out with her.” I nodded once again. I waved at him and walked towards Lynn. She smiled and started walking towards the changing room. When we got in, a lot of girls were there getting dressed in another uniform. I reminded me of when I and the girls had had to get to take our bath. I followed Lynn and simply mimicked her actions. I changed the t-shirt and put a short on. I wanted to put the jacket on again, but Lynn stopped me.

“For this class, you don’t need it.” I nodded, hoping that she was telling the truth because JongIn had said to never take it off. “Are you ready?”I nodded.

As KyungSoo had said, he was waiting for me when I got out with Lynn. JongDae and Chanyeol were with him. KyungSoo thanked Lynn and we walked to where most of our class was reunited.

“Alright, class. We’ll be playing volleyball today, but before that, you have to run around the field to warm up.” The students groaned unhappily and started running. I wanted to follow KyungSoo, but the teacher held me back. “Since you have a special condition, you’ll be playing in KyungSoo’s team for today. That won’t always be like that. When I’ve noticed that you’re adapted enough in the school, I’ll be putting you in other teams without KyungSoo. Got it?” I nodded, intimidated by the teacher’s presence. “Okay, go run with the others.” I bowed and ran to KyungSoo who waited for me. We started running and quickly we were joined by ChanYeol and JongDae. When we were done, we made our teams and I was with KyungSoo, ChanYeol and JongDae. Some girls got angry because I was the only one who could be in a team with boys while the other girls had to team up with other girls.

“Do you know how to play, HyeJin?” ChanYeol asked and I shook my head.

“Okay. Try to imitate what I’m doing with my hands.” JongDae asked and I tried. He approached me and I reacted badly when I saw his hand coming closer. I simply dropped to the ground and covered my head to protect it from the beating I was about to receive. Soon I was crying silently in order not to upset him anymore.

“HyeJin.” I heard ChanYeol call me, but I prefered to ignore him.

“HyeJin, please look at us,” KyungSoo asked softly and I obeyed. I looked up slowly and they were all kneed in front of me, worry filling their eyes. “JongDae didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t know you were so sensitive to others touching you. It’s just that you didn’t show off the others times I hugged you or held your hand.” JongDae seemed really sorry and sad. “I just wanted to help to get the right position.” I cringed when I felt a hand on my hand which was still on my head.

“We would never hurt you on purpose,” ChanYeol affirmed and showed off his giant smile. He put my hand down and started to my hair. “Am I scaring you now?” I shook my head, surprised of the answer. “You don’t need to be afraid of us. If we ever touched you, it is to show affection and how much we care about you.” I looked at him intently and he never stopped smiling.

“Do you pardon me?”  JongDae asked, pouting. I nodded. ChanYeol helped me get up and I looked at the ground, embarrassed about my behaviour.

“You don’t need to get shy.” KyungSoo hugged me sideways. “Your reaction was totally normal. You were scared.” I nodded and smiled lightly to show them that I was fine. I could see JongDae was still feeling sorry.  I looked at KyungSoo and Chanyeol searching for a suggestion to cheer him up. ChanYeol mumbled ‘Hug’ and KyungSoo approved it. I nodded and walked towards JongDae who was surprised when I hugged him. He hugged me back and smiled openly afterwards.

JongDae

19. He felt bad when he scared me.

Chanyeol

13. He assured me that KyungSoo, JongDae and him would never hurt me on purpose.

14. I liked when he my hair. It was calming.

15. He explained to me that not all touch is bad. There are some like hugs for example that are used to show affection.

They never showed any signs that were bad people. They had always cared that I was feeling well and treated me like their friends. They were always taking care of me and trying to communicate with me. Even if I didn’t talk, they always tried to include me in their conversation. That was what made me feel so welcomed in that school. ChanYeol, KyungSoo and JongDae tried to find a way not to exclude me and treated me like a normal person despite my ‘condition’. They seemed worth to try to talk with.

Someone knocked on the door and hid the notebook immediately.

“Jin, do you want me to make you some company?” JongIn asked and I nodded. He knew I would agree, thus he brought his laptop so that we could see videos on the internet. He sat next to me on my bed and turned the gadget on. I was staring at him, trying to find a way to start talking with him.

“Why are you staring at him?” He asked, laughing.

“Handsome,” I mumbled so low that he couldn’t hear it.

“Did you say something?” He asked, confused. “I swear I heard you talking, but I know that you don’t feel comfortable with it. If you’re forcing yourself to talk because of me, stop it. I’ve already told you that I can wait.” I shook my head several times. “So you talked.” I nodded. “What made you change your decision?” He asked, curious.

“You’re trustworthy,” I mumbled again extremely low.

“Could you please talk a bit louder? I can’t understand you.” He asked gently.

“You’re trustworthy,” I said slightly louder.

“Am I?” I nodded. “Do you trust me?” I nodded again. “So you just talk to people you think you can trust?”

“Yes,” I whispered. JongIn smiled and hugged me sideways.

“Thank you.”

“Why?” I asked confused.

“For trusting me. I realized that you’re living with some strangers. It must be difficult for you to trust us out of nowhere. I’ll do my best to make you feel comfortable in your family.” He promised me and I smiled slightly. “Mom and dad will be so happy.”

“No.” He looked confused at me. “Don’t tell them.”

“Why?” I remained quiet. “Do you not trust them?” I looked down and shook my head slowly.

“They seem nice, but I can’t bring myself to feel comfortable with them as I do with you.” He nodded.

“I understand.”

“I also don’t want to hurt their feelings.” I dared to tell a little lie. My voice was low and quiet during the whole conversation.

“You’re right. Mom would be a bit hurt though she would understand you.” JongIn agreed with me. “I like your voice.” He said out of nowhere. I blushed deeply, not used to being complimented. He laughed. “Though you could speak a bit louder. That’s going to be another thing we’ll be working on.”

“JongIn.” He looked me, encouraging me to keep on. “Do you think I should talk to my friends?”

“Your friends?”

“Kyungsoo-ah, Jongdae oppa and Chanyeol oppa. They are my friends, right?” I asked. slightly worried that I got the type of our relationship wrong.

“Yes, they are.” I sighed relieved. “It’s not up to me to decide, HyeJin. Do you want to talk to them?”

“I don’t know.” I pouted, confused. “It’s just that they make me feel comfortable in school and I think I should thank them in some way.”

“I have an idea. Tomorrow, whenever you’re with them, think about how you’re feeling around them. If you feel happy and relaxed, give it a shot.” I looked horrified to him.

“I don’t want to kill anybody.” He laughed out loud.

“It’s not what I meant. ‘Give it a shot’ is an expression that means to try something.” He ruffled my hair. “You’re so cutely innocent.”

“Is that a compliment? Everyone says that.” 

“Yes, it is. Nowadays, it’s difficult to find someone pure. That’s why I feel the need to protect you so much.” He kissed my forehead and looked deeply in my eyes.

“I hope to have you always in my life.” He revealed, surprising me.

“I hope that too. You make my life more bearable.”

“Let’s make a promise to each other.” I nodded. “Let’s always cheer up each other and always be there for the other.”

“I promise.” I smiled.

I just wanted to take my notebook and write that promise down, but JongIn couldn’t know aboutvmy notes.

Jongin

25. He’s trustworthy.

26. We promised each other that we’ll always cheer up and be there for each other.