March 14^th, 2004

 

The last time Lee Soojin saw her best friend was the day he kissed her for the very first time. And her last words to him were a promise:

“What if I’ll never see you again?” Taemin’s hands pulled on her sleeve. Soojin stopped walking, confusion in her eyes. There was a plane to catch. He knew she and her parents had to hurry to the gate. 
“You will. I’m only moving to New York”, she said, although crying felt like a better option than lying to him. It wasn’t that she was thinking she wouldn’t see him again. It was just that she was playing it cool, making her emotions she showed him a big fat lie. She was in total pain and fear. 
“It is only across the ocean”, he said. 
Soojin snickered.

She didn’t want to leave Korea. She didn’t want to leave Taemin. She knew him almost all her life and she was only ten. Still it felt like leaving part of her behind. 
“I’ll come visit you.”
“Your family doesn’t have the money”, he pampered.  
“I know”, she sighed in return.

“That’s why you have to leave in the first place, right? Mama said your daddy had to get a new job in America to take care of his family.” 
Soojin nodded. That was the reason behind it all. 
“You can come visit me”, she suggested then. 
Taemin’s lips formed a thin line. The girl knew what he didn’t want to say aloud. His mother wouldn’t let him come to the U.S.A for her.

It was too dangerous alone and they also couldn’t afford too much luxury so he couldn’t come with his parents either. Thus  not at all. 
“So”, she concluded, “I will probably never see you again.” 
He sighed, nibbling on his lower lip. 
She looked away, too afraid she would burst into tears. 
Taemin stayed silent. Soojin knew he was thinking of a way to make it happen, but there was none. 
“Maybe…”, he spoke softly. “If you audition to become an idol too, maybe we will meet again…” 
“Taemiri”, she mouthed, looking back at him. “I can’t possibly-“ 
“Of course you can!” 
“I’m not you! I can’t dance.” 
“Well, idols sing too.” 

The sad look in his eyes made her hesitate to answer. 
“I’m not much of a singer”, she spoke nonetheless. “I’m good in-“ 
Well what exactly was she good in?
Playing with dolls? Laughing? Having fun? 
Soojin wasn’t Taemin. She didn’t have her whole life planned out.

“You can learn how to sing. Everyone can.” 
Another sigh escaped her lips. 
And then she found myself nod. At this very moment it seemed like the only chance they had.
“If we ever meet again it will be as idols.” 
“Promise?”
“I promise.” 
“Good”, he smiled from ear to ear. “I’ll wait for you.” 

Suddenly he kissed her lips. 

 

 August 26^th, 2006

 

The last time Lee Soojin saw her best friend was the day he kissed her for the very first time. And two years later he kissed her again: 

“I can’t believe I’m in Korea again!”, Soojin exclaimed with happiness. 

She was laying in the grass near the lake, her arms and legs flopped to the sides. Her eyes were closed. 
“I can’t believe your family is financially stable again”, Taemin laughed. He was sitting next to her, his arms wrapped around his legs, enjoying the sunrays as much as she did.

“I’m really surprised they flew back to Korea with me for my birthday.”
He chuckled. “Which reminds me, I baked a cake for you.” 
Soojin opened one eye at him. “A cake?” 
“Yes. Mom helped me.” 
She smiled to herself. “Did you knew I was coming?” 
“Yes”, he snickered.

Now she opened both eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 
“It was supposed to be a surprise!”, he claimed, raising his hands in the air. “I told them I wouldn’t tell you.” 
Soojin puffed her cheeks, closing her eyes again.

“Do you remember how I used to pull you inside the water?”, Taemin then asked. 
“I do”, Soojin smiled, remembering it oh so perfectly. “You refused to swim with me because you were afraid, so I tricked you and pulled you inside.” 
“You have always had a mean side to you”, Soojin said, giggling. 
“Soo”, he snickered. “I’m not mean!” 
“You are!” 
“Am not!” 
“Are!”

Taemin laughed out loud. “Whatever.” 
A moment it stayed silent between the two. 
“Have you… have you auditioned yet?” 
Soojin propped herself on her elbows and looked at him. 
“I did.” 
“And?”

And she failed. Two times. 
In 2005 she went to the international SM Entertainment audition. She got rejected. 
This year she tried again at the open YG Entertainment audition. She got rejected again. 
But she never told him.

“How is it being a trainee?”, she asked instead of giving him an answer. Although, technically, it was an answer. 
“Hectic”, he said. “I’ve only trained for one year, though. I still have a long way to become an idol.”

Soojin sighed. “Now that we actually know we can meet each other without me becoming an idol, I don’t need to audition anymore, do I?” 
He pursed his lips. “I guess not.” 
“But?” 
“No but.”
“There is a but”, she mocked. “I know you!”

He sighed. “But you promised you’d become an idol too. Look at it this way; if you become an idol you will move back to Korea. We can see each other all the time instead of just every few years!” 
“I thought you said being a trainee is hectic?” 
He nodded and then proceeded arguing: “we can make it work! It’ll be a lot easier once you’re back in Seoul!”

Soojin looked away. She could feel his eyes on him. Eventually, she decided to reply. 
“I can’t dismiss my promise, can I?” 
He smiled. 
“I missed that”, Soojin said. 
“What?”

A slight blush crept on her cheeks. “Your smile.”

His smile grew wider. “Aw, you’re so cute!” He leaned towards her petite body, suddenly pinching her cheek. 
“Stop!”, she snapped, looking away before she angrily glared at him. 
Taemin laughed. “You haven’t changed at all.” 
“Yes I did”, she pouted. 
“Nope”, he grinned. 
“I did. I even like a boy now!” 
Taemin furrowed his brows. “Really?”

For a moment Soojin thought he was disgusted, not being into the opposite gender and all, but Soojin was wrong. 
“Have you kissed yet?”, he smirked. 
“N-No”, she stammered, totally embarrassed. 
“Why not?” 
“Because I’m afraid!” 
“To kiss?”

“Yes!”, she exclaimed. “What if I’m doing something wrong?” Everything went out of more trustworthy than she had expected. Because in reality there was no boy she liked – at least not anymore – but her fear was there: true to the guts and annoying at that. 
The thought of wondering if she’d ever get a boyfriend or marry appeared every now and then and when it did it made her scared. 

A lot of her classmates knew about kissing. What it meant, what it was. Some of them even had a boyfriend or girlfriend in primary school! When Soojin heard her friends snicker at her when she told them she didn’t even want a boyfriend she felt humiliated. She wanted her Barbie to have a husband so that she can have baby Barbies but other than that this thought had never crossed her mind until then. Until they laughed about her. That was when she figured something about her way of thinking must have been wrong. 

That was when she wanted to experience a real kiss. A peck on the mouth didn’t seem to fit the other kid’s agender of having a real kiss, she had been told, so she wanted to know what a real one was like. 
And yet she was too afraid of it. 
Kissing seemed to be such a huge deal. Doing it all wrong would be like the end of the world. She would never find a husband and never have children.

“I can teach you”, Taemin blurted. 
Soojin eyes widened. “Taemiri”, she exclaimed. “Don’t say that.” 
“Why not?”, he chuckled. 
“Because”, she said, “because you don’t mean it.” 
“But I do. I have kissed you before”, he said. “What’s the big deal about it?” Taemin laughed, looking at the sky.   
“Taemiri”, she whispered, watching him. 
“Yes?”

“Would you… would you really teach me?” 
Finally, he looked back at her. “Yes.” 
Soojin didn’t know what to say but in the end she didn’t have to reply at all. Taemin sat up, shifting around. He hovered over her and pecked her lips with small kisses with that one small smile on his mouth that spoke a thousand words. 
Her eyes fluttered shut. 
His pecks became longer and soon they weren’t pecks anymore. But just as sudden as he was above her he had stopped. 

Soojin opened her eyes again, cheeks flushed, and looked at a happily grinning Taemin. 
“You look beautiful when you blush”, he said. “I think girls look pretty when they’re blushing”, he continued. “You’re really sure you want me to teach you?” 
She gave a slight nod. 
With that his one hand rose up, his fingers touching her lips with his thumb, experiencing how her lips felt like. 
Taemin came closer again. This time slowly. His lips parted when he brushed them with hers and so Soojin followed his movements and opened just slightly too. 
His hand had moved to her cheek and the other found hers and intertwined their fingers.

His movements stilled. His lips hadn’t moved since he laid them on hers. 
Eventually, he leaned back. “See? That’s all there is to a kiss. It’s easy.” 
Taemin sat back on his behind, smiling like nothing had happened. 

“It feels funny”, Soojin confessed. 
He looked at her. “It does. Especially in my stomach.”