Several hours had passed by in Tablos’s studio and finally they were getting somewhere. It was a huge relief.

“Hey that sounds cool, play that again.”

“I’m thinking let’s change this…”

“Does this sound stupid to you?”

“Nah, I want to go for a different sound…”

Hanbin had managed to pull together some lyrics and Bobby had mixed a track. They were now putting the two together in what was both an exciting and tedious process.

Things weren’t exactly merry between them and they certainly weren’t talking like normal, but there was a calm, studious feel in the room. They were both silently relieved to discover that despite ongoing tensions they could work together creatively just as well as ever. For two whole hours they had been able to forget their worries and completely focus on the song, figuring out its meaning, how they wanted it to sound, and what mood they wanted it to evoke. Hanbin was the master architect, brilliant at creating unique concepts and finding just the right words and phrases to execute them. Bobby with his wild musical intuition was terrific at adding the just the right beats to give the song energy. They worked in an effortless give and take process, able to pick up easily wherever the other left off because they knew each other’s musical and artistic approach almost as well as they knew their own. No feedback was taken personally - a miracle considering it was all too easy to project unresolved emotions onto the collaboration process – and they listened to each other respectfully and attentively as they took turns recording their verses.

It was a shame they weren’t in a very good place, Bobby lamented to himself as he stepped out of the sound booth to swap with Hanbin, because the creative chemistry flying between them could have led to other excellent things for later that evening…

Everyone went on about their chemistry chemistry on stage but Bobby often secretly wished the fans could see their chemistry when it was just the two of them in the recording studio. He liked to think that would really get the girls going – seeing them both glued to their desks in dark moody studios, looking so intensely thoughtful and serious, slaving away over the art that was hip hop to bring them new and exciting tracks just for their pleasure! The thought never failed to make him smile happily to himself.

A few times when Bobby was busy with his eyes glued to the screen Hanbin snuck the quickest of glances at him, trying to read in his face any hint of what he was really feeling. Bobby seemed ok on the surface but Hanbin knew there was no way his awful outburst before had been forgotten. He was thankful for the work at hand or else there would have been no way to distract himself from the bubbling embarrassment and guilt…

Another 40 minutes passed and it looked like they finally had a complete track.

“Ready?” Hanbin asked. Bobby pressed send on the text he had just finished writing and nodded.

“Hit it.”

 Hanbin pressed play. They both sat in their chairs with arms crossed across their chests, staring into space, listening carefully without exchanging so much as a look or word. Once the last beat finally faded away Hanbin let out a long sigh of satisfaction and relief then leaned forward and buried his face in his arms on the desk. It was good, really good.

Bobby stretched his arms behind his head and indulged in a long happy stretch. He couldn’t help smiling, it felt great to be making music to call their own again. Also, now that things were coming along well and they were both heading into a better mental space, Bobby had decided to tell Hanbin what was on his mind….

He knew it would be hard, and his stomach was churning nervously, but he felt lighter already knowing that soon the misunderstanding between them would be over and forgotten. But before he told Hanbin he just needed to find the words to say it properly…

 “Oh my God, sooo hungry! I need food – I’ll bring you something?”  Bobby asked Hanbin standing up to head downstairs to the kitchen

“Yeah, sure, anything....” Hanbin murmured not taking his eyes off the screen in front of him. Bobby knew that look. Hanbin was fighting the urge to look for problems with the track that no doubt didn’t even exist.

“Hey, don’t touch that song until I get back! It’s good…it’s really good. Ok, Bin?” Hanbin smiled weakly, only meeting Bobby’s eyes shyly for a second and nodded. Before leaving the room Bobby quickly picked up his phone, checking for any replies, then raced down the stairs humming the brand new song.

Hanbin didn’t know how to feel, he was confused. He wandered over to the other side of the studio where he had slept the night before and stood before the giant window. He leant his forehead against the cool glass and took in the sight of the beautiful fields below, the many shades of green and grey of the forest encompassing the property, the mountains mysterious and ashy blue in the distance, and the sky creamy and pink as another stunning sunset rapidly approached…he wanted to go for a long walk, run his hands over a tree trunk or something, find a pine cone and breathe in its musky perfume…that would be nice…..Maybe later if things return to normal with Jiwon…

Though maybe things weren’t as bad as he thought they were. After all there was good news: he was working with Bobby as well as ever, perhaps even better now they had both matured since writing their last album…they had a complete track already, prepared it in record speed and it was ing awesome…and also, they were talking again…

But there was still bad news. His heart sank and he returned to his desk, sitting down with a sigh. There was still something off about Bobby. He didn’t know what it was, but he just felt different, like he was carrying a secret that had aged him ten years or something...It scared him that Bobby was withholding something from him that obviously so important to him.

It was no good. The bad news won out and had stolen the headline. Without the song-writing to distract him catastrophic thoughts and conspiracies begin to flash through his mind again so relentlessly he was almost starting to believe them…

…He doesn’t love you anymore…

…He wants to keep his distance from you…

 …He just wants to be friends…

…He has met someone else….

…He can’t bring himself to tell you…

Stupid, stupid, stupid! He will tell me what’s up when he’s ready…and it WON’T be that! There will be a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he’s been in such a weird mood…

A violent buzz startled Hanbin out of his anxious reverie. He looked down and saw that Bobby had left his phone near the computer keyboard in front of him. The phone had lit up and a short text message from Jinhwan began unfolding across the lock-screen. It was literally only a handful of words but what Hanbin saw sent him into shock. He stood up feeling the floor tilt violently beneath his feet and silence takeover as if he had just tumbled into a sound vacuum. His heart had lost control, pounding away in his chest to the sickening beat of “You were right, you were right, you were right.”

Just then Bobby walked back into the studio munching on a glossy apple, another one in his hand for Hanbin and plenty more snacks tucked under his arms. But Hanbin was standing there…staring at his phone looking like he was about to pass out.

“What’s wro-?” But then he realized what had happened. Jinhwan must have replied to his text and of course, because that is how fate works, Hanbin had read it….

***

Friday Morning….

After the meeting in which YG informed them about their weekend mission Bobby and Hanbin had returned to the dorms in silence. Hanbin headed to the training rooms to finish up and grab the stuff he’d been working on, and Bobby had returned wearily to his room to begin packing. He was shoving clothes into his backpack resentfully as if each piece was personally responsible for his predicament when there was a knock on the door. He looked up to see Jinhwan peering at him from around the doorway with his head cocked to one side questioningly.

 “Hey, you okay…?” Jinhwan asked as he walked in and sat down next to the pile of clothes Bobby was flinging about. Here we go…Trust Jinhwan to sniff out a bad mood from a mile away. He’d probably seen my pathetic face through the walls with his x-ray vision...

“hey, Jinani,” Bobby smiled, trying to hide his sulkiness. He playfully mussed Jinhwan’s perfectly permed ginger hair. Jinhwan swatted his hand away, hating how Bobby always insisted on ruining his hair clearly just when he’d had it done.

“You look awful. Are you jet-lagged?”

“I’m Japan-lagged,” Bobby muttered. Jinhwan nodded knowingly….but he knew there was more to it than that. He could tell just by glancing at Bobby’s downcast side profile that something other than just tiredness had deflated him. There was a weary angriness about him that was out of character for someone who usually tried as best he could to embody his hero Marley’s words: “Don’t worry about a thing. Every little thing is gonna be alright.”

“So…what’s wrong?”

“I just told you. I’m tired,” Bobby grumbled, failing to sound even the littlest bit convincing.

“Ok, I’ll try again. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!!”

“Pfft,” Jinhwan scoffed.

“Arrrgh! Leave me alooone,” Bobby slumping his shoulders and whining at the ceiling. Jinhwan was annoyingly persistent when it came to emotional stuff and he was too frickin’ tired right now to put up a fight. Also he wanted to finish packing quickly so he could nap before driving all the way to the goddamn countryside…

“It’s Hanbin isn’t it?” To Bobby’s horror he felt himself start blushing. “What happened?”

“No, no, no. We’re good…,” he insisted in an unnaturally high tone.

“You’re so bad at lying Jiwon it’s actually a skill. It’s to do with Hanbin. Just tell me, you’re going to be spending a weekend together – get it off your chest now or else the next few days will be hell.” Bobby had almost laughed at how true that was. Hanbin often had very little patience for anyone’s unjustifiable bad moods except his own…

Deciding that he’d won from the look of defeat on Bobby’s face Jinhwan gave him a smug wink and got more comfortable on the bed, crossing his legs and resting his chin on his hands as if waiting for him to tell him a good bed-time story. Bobby hesitated, struggling between keeping his and Hanbin’s business between just them…and asking for the help he genuinely needed…

He caved in. When he finished explaining Jinhwan was understanding about Bobby’s disappointment but totally unfazed when it came to dealing with Hanbin.

“That really , I’m sorry Jiwon, you did your best.” Jinhwan hopped off the bed and gave Bobby a long comforting hug around the middle, resting his fluffy head on Bobby’s shoulder. Then he looked up at Bobby and in a pragmatic tone said “As for Hanbin - just tell him - he’ll want to know.”

“NO! You serious? I just told you I didn’t want to! I don’t know how he’ll react…and I just can’t take it right now if he does or says something that isn’t…”

“…supportive? Yeah, I know. But as I said he’s super sensitive….AND he’s going to pick up real quick that you’re keeping something from him…AND he’s going to want to know why you’re in such a mood…AND If you don’t tell him why he’ll turn into an anxious wreck…AND then you will suffer the full wrath of neurotic Han-”

The apartment front door opened with a click. It was Hanbin back from the training rooms.

“Whatever, I’ll deal with it!”  Bobby hissed and gestured wildly for Jinhwan to leave. Jinhwan simply shrugged as if to say “suit yourself, but I know I am right.”  

“Text me, let me know how it goes,” Jinhwan said quietly as he left the room.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah….” Bobby muttered.

Friday Night…

Bobby knew Jihwan had texted him when he was driving to Tablos’ because the felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket – how did he know it was Jinhwan? He just did - he always knew when a text was from either Jinhwan or Hanbin, they had a certain feel about them. Thankfully he was driving so he couldn’t check it and he knew anyway what it would say. He really didn’t want to have to think about it….he just wanted time to himself and at least two months worth of sleep. He finally forced himself to read it once he had tucked himself into the big comfy bed in one Tablo’s bedrooms.

>>Have you told him yet?<<

Bobby stabbed the phone with his thumbs as he texted Jinhwan back angrily.

>>NO. Are you going to nag me about this ALL weekend??<<

>>So I take it then that Hanbin is coping well with your sulking and bad mood?<<

>>……<<

>>told you so<<

>>go away you’re annoying<<

>>Annoying but right<<

>> srsly…?<<

>>love you too. Good night. Tell him xxx <<

>> !?!!??!! <<

>> 😊 <<

Bobby actually appreciated Jinhwan’s concern and deep down he knew Jinhwan was right – when it came to emotional stuff, Jinhwan was always right. He knew he should just tell hanbin, explain to him why he was so down…why he wasn’t in the mood for this weekend…why he just wanted to be alone…but simply put, he was scared…

It wasn’t until Hanbin’s outburst that Bobby began to seriously consider Jinhwan’s advice. Just as Jinhwan predicted Hanbin was taking his bad mood personally…

“It’s like you don’t care about Ikon anymore! What’s going on? You planning to leave us or something?”

From time to time as he had worked in the studio mixing the track Hanbin’s harsh accusation replayed in his head, making him feel worse with each loop…

He knew he had to do something. So when finishing the track seemed only a matter of minutes away, and Hanbin was getting ready to play it back so they could listen to the final version, he had quickly texted Jinhwan for a final dosage of encouragement.

>>Ok so tell him, you think?? He’s really upset with me and I just don’t want him to be upset anymore…<<

After listening to the final track and before heading downstairs to grab food, Bobby had quickly checked his phone for a reply. Jinhwan hadn’t gotten back to him yet…he was gonna have to do it without his encouragement..

Whilst hungrily digging around in Tablo’s massive walk-in pantry Bobby had been practicing mentally what to say to Hanbin…

“So…look…I’m really sorry I have been in such a mood…It’s just well, something has changed recently…and I’m still getting my head around it…I know it’s not something we really talk about…but I really hope you’ll understand what it means to me…and…..cut me some slack?? Be nice to me?? Cheer me up??...eh, just going to have to freestyle that part….

He had grabbed some more snacks and headed back upstairs, hoping that now they had a song Hanbin would be in a more positive frame of mine and be ready to hear him out…But then he had walked in, seen Hanbin, and all his hopes were gone in a flash.

***

After an agonizing pause in which Bobby stood rooted to the spot in horror he finally darted to the desk, dropping snacks as he went, and grabbed his phone to check the damage.

>>Just tell him be honest…he will find out soon anyway<<

Oh …there were so many ways in which Hanbin could misinterpret that, especially considering he had just accused him of leaving iKON…and clearly Hanbin had taken it the wrong way because when he looked up from his phone Hanbin was white and shocked, staring at him as if he was a total stranger who had just magically popped out of thin air into Tablo’s studio.

 “Hanbin, it’s not what you think…” He said uselessly as Hanbin turned and strode out the door.

“Get in the car - we’re going back,” called Hanbin, his shaky voice echoing in the stairwell. Bobby had to take a seat, his legs felt light and weak. He cradled his face in his hands wondering why the hell he’d let it happen like this…

…Of course, the MOMENT I leave my ing phone, Jinhwan replies and Hanbin HAS to ing see it. Of course….!!!!

As he jogged down the stairs he saw Hanbin striding to the front door with his backpack over his shoulder. Bobby realized Hanbin mustn’t even have unpacked.

Hanbin was hardly thinking, hardly breathing, hardly seeing. He was just a whirlwind of emotion, that was all, it was like he had no body. He was just a hysterical zombie. He opened the front door with a hand that didn’t feel like his own but suddenly Bobby was there pushing him away roughly and slamming the door shut with a bang. Bobby grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him against the wall.

"Hanbin, stop, let's talk....."