[Warning; Gigantic chapter ahead]
Please read the author's note :)

n contrary to the cheerful, welcoming sounds he was so used to hear upon waking up in the morning, Sung Gyu was greeted by the grumbles coming from the direction of the kitchen over the soft pitter-patter of the rain outside. It took him a moment to adjust himself to the odd morning greetings and it finally occurred to him that it was no longer Eunji mingling about in the house running errands for him like she did the past few days, but the unexpected guest, his own mother.

She hated it when he trotted into the kitchen, half-asleep and unclean from the slumber and look through the content of the refrigerator as if he had starved for a week. She’d always complain and push him back into his room until he walked out clean and ready for work; thus bearing it in mind, he went straight to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and shaved in a semi-conscious state, drifting back and fro in his sleep, followed by a long warm shower, dressed up for work in a crisp white shirt, a navy blue suit and stuffed his tie into his pocket before he entered the kitchen, prim and proper, already prepared for a long day of work. Miru was already up and eating porridge with a sour face as his mother stood by the stove, explaining to her the reasons why she should eat healthily in the morning. It was a strange sight, after having witnessed Eunji carrying Miru around the kitchen so many times, letting her feast on a breakfast she desired. It was obvious that Miru would rather have her making them breakfast than her grandmother, yet was stuck with no routes of escape. It made him smile.

“Ah, there you are” his mother greeted him upon seeing him standing by the doorway with a goofy smile and a crumpled collar. She placed the pot of piping hot porridge on the table, wiped her hands off on the apron and gave him a dissatisfied look.

“Sung gyu-ah, come over here” she said, yet she walked to him, herself. He stood up straight, and on her tip toes, since he was a lot taller than her petite height, she proceeded to tug at his collar and complained.

“Is this how you go to work every day? Is this shirt even pressed? Do you ever brush your hair? And didn’t you ever consider getting a haircut? Ayy, it has grown over your eyes!”

He chuckled as she went on grumbling and repairing all the damages of his appearance. He missed this. He missed her. All her grumbles and complaints. Her motherly scolding and her cooking and her company. He missed it all.

“What are you laughing about?” She asked him, a frown appeared between her eyes.

“No, nothing…just” he shrugged, moved closer, and wrapped his hands around her, bringing her into his embrace. He missed this too. “Mum…I missed you…”

His mother wasn’t the kind to openly show affection; it’s always been his father’s part. She often found it uneasy when Sung gyu, so much like his father himself, loved her immensely and showed it to her without hesitation. At a complete loss, she patted on his back and pulled away, grumbling something about him being a big baby to make her do him some favor or the other. It made him laugh, and while she continued to complain while putting the tie around his neck, which she had somehow located, crumpled in his pocket; Sung Gyu couldn’t help but stare down at her fondly, realizing that it’s been a year, or even longer, since a woman did his tie for him.

“And you should eat something a little healthier than these cereal and bread, Sung Gyu” his mother continued as she mingled around the kitchen. Sung Gyu sat beside Miru, having a strange combination of coffee and chicken porridge for breakfast while simultaneously watching his daughter struggling to eat under her grandmother’s pressure despite her preferences. She was a lot matured for a three-year-old, doing so well with pretense, not complaining and not asking for anything else for her meal. A trait she had inherited from her mother, he figured.

“The house was a mess. I had to clean the entire refrigerator! Do you not ever throw away the left-over side dishes? Are they even left overs? Do you ever eat them?”

Sung Gyu raised his eyebrows at Miru as she pouted at him miserably, holding back his laughter. Of course he knew his mother had caught up with something. The house wasn’t messy at all, and the fridge was much cleaner, except for the remainder of side dishes his mother sent him quite some time ago. The laundry was folded neatly and most were in their designated place in the closet; even the bathroom was clean as marble, all in courtesy of Eunji. It was obvious that she was trying to clear her suspicions of a woman’s intrusion in his life, right off his own words. He remained quiet the whole time, thus, finished his breakfast and whispered to Miru rather subtly that he’d get her a sandwich on the way to school. Then he disposed of the dirty dishes into the sink, hugged his mother once more, kissed her on her cheek and dodged it when she tried to slap off that cheeky smile. His mother seemed like she despised being showered with love this way, but he knew for a certainty, she secretly enjoyed it all.

Upon leaving the flat, Miru in his arms, his suitcase in one hand and her bag in the other with his mother following after him, he naturally looked over at the flat which was eight steps ahead of his own. The door remained sturdy and intact, the hallway was quiet. Though he had a raging urge to walk over, knock on that door and wait until she’d reveal herself to him, Sung Gyu refrained. He had promised himself to not to expect too much from her. Nonetheless it was his concern about her still fleeting disposition which always kept her bound to him.

Sung Gyu stared longingly at the way she went the previous day, carrying her promises and beautiful smiles, perhaps, expecting for the door to open and for her to step out and make his day brighter. He thought of the night before, of them, sitting together, engaged in a moment of unspoken intimacy. Things would have taken a different course had he been brave enough. Yet, he knew better of himself to not to pursue that path any sooner. Eunji still needed her time to heal. Thus, with the intent of visiting her later in the night, perhaps, to recreate the events of the previous night, he turned away and continued on his way.

While at work, however, he couldn’t keep her off his mind. More than mere thoughts of her, he had worries, heaps of them. He had let her off his radar for an entire day. He hadn’t seen her leave for work, hadn’t asked of how she felt that morning, hadn’t observed her behavior, hadn’t given her the necessary attention, not even a promise to contact her over the phone. He couldn’t take any personal calls during working hours, though his hands were straining to do so. During lunch, his mother phoned him to inform him that she was taking Miru over to his aunt’s place with Howon to see his new-born baby, and as soon as the phone-call ended after fifteen minutes of her telling him about the plans for the day, he soon located Eunji’s number and rang her. It straight went to voice mail. It was then he went into a frenzy, trying to call her number on and on a few times, having each time going into voice mail. He panicked, and couldn’t wait to get off work so that he could just run home, crash in through her door and make sure she’s in the protection of his arms. Even during the time after lunch and before work ended, he sent her text message after a text message, asking for her whereabouts, asking for her well-being; and much to his utter disdain, none of the messages were returned. It was as if she had suddenly disappeared the face of the earth, like an out-lived dream. Just like Hayoung. It horrified him.

Due to the heavy rain, the traffic was thick that evening; with vehicles barely moving past another. Sung Gyu wished he could just leave his jeep behind and run through the streets like a mad man, all the way home, just to see her well and safe. Although all sorts of scenarios appeared in his mind, he tried his best to keep himself sane, forcing on himself solely positive thoughts; that she might be at home, purposefully winding him up for attention, because she knew he would be like this. That she’d run out of credit on her phone, and that she’s accidentally left her phone somewhere, or even lost it. Anything. Anything would be fine as long as she was safe.

It took him good two hours to finally arrive at the metropolitan towers. The rain was so much as a heavy storm at that point, swaying the trees back and forth, obscuring the way before him by the rushed, stormy downpour. He parked the car in the underground parking lot, grabbed his belongings and awaited the lift to arrive. When it didn’t, when ten seconds felt like ten whole minutes for him, he took a flight of two staircases up on feet to the flat five more levels above, and took the lift to climb the remainder. Once he arrived at the corridor, their corridor, the corridor where Eunji had passed by him as he was in an equally panic-stricken frenzy due to one trouble or the other, giving him a long, cold stare as if he had fallen into deep insanity, he rushed his way down to his house. He had indeed so, alright. And the cause was her.

He counted to ten with each slow step, willing himself to not to explode and do something completely ridiculous in front of her. Positive thoughts. He convinced himself of all the positive scenarios in explanation to the turn of events. Soon, he arrived at his own apartment, found the door unlocked, and he stepped inside in relief and heart-felt contentment, hoping to find her mingling about in the house like she always did, only to realize that it was his mother who had returned home early along with Miru, and was now in the kitchen, trying to clean an already spotless counter. He hated himself for hating that sight of her and not fulfilling his expectations of seeing the other woman he loved.

“Oh, there you are” she greeted with a straight face, two kitchen towels in both hands. She then gave him a strange look, full of confusion and concern, a look which certainly meant that he didn’t looks so good himself.

“Are you okay? Are you sick somewhere?”

At the sound of his mother’s calming tone, his heart-rate went down, just momentarily. He pressed both his hands on the doorframe and hung his head, every breath he took were long and exhausted. Uneven.

“No” Pant. He raised his head and searched in her eyes, in case she had something to lead the way. “No…I…I can’t find Eunji”

“Eunji?” His mother repeated as if it was a name unheard of. “You mean your friend from yesterday? Why? Did you lose her?”

‘Lose her’ came to him as a word too sensitive to acknowledge her sudden disappearance. He couldn’t have possibly lost her. He still had her. She’s only disappeared out of his radar, from the clear distance to his senses, like a terrified little bunny hiding away.

“I can’t contact her. She’s not answering her phone or replying to my texts, she didn’t even call me like she promised, ah damn it!”

“Sung Gyu” Called his mother sternly, and that shut him up. Although he wanted to snap at her, although he was no longer a little boy who went silent after a mother’s order, his mother still had the ability to impose complete control over him. He stared at her, dumbfounded, and watched her as she abandoned the kitchen towels on the cabinet and made her way towards him.

“Calm down first” she said in a gentler voice, her hand reached his arm and squeezed him tightly. “Panicking like this will take you nowhere. Just come down, take a few deep breaths, and try again. She’d be fine.”

He followed as she said; took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes and pictured her smile in his mind. Then he counted to ten, and loosened his grip on the doorframe which had already made his pale skin red and raw. He looked up at his mother once more, and in a calmer voice, he said; “Mum, look after Mimi for me, I have to find her”

Sung gyu thought she would snap. He expected her to. But she didn’t. Instead, she smiled at him gently and touched his cheek, warm fingers against cold. “Don’t worry now, mum’s got your back” she said.

~*~

Eunji wasn’t in her flat. Nor was she on the rooftop, in the lobby, or the supermarket. She was just nowhere in the vicinity of the apartment towers; like she had actually disappeared from the face of the earth. He tried to contact her over and over again, on her mobile, through messages; and when nothing worked, he called doctor Jang, only to learn that he had no idea of her whereabouts but he’d search, and inform him if anything. Afterwards, in a complete loss, taken by fear, exhaustion and utter misery, Sung Gyu walked outside to the curbs of the apartment building, searched through the rain for an approaching silhouette through the rain, waiting for her to come through, and paced back and forth on the driveway. Hours passed with him just sitting there in the rain on the dirty stone benches like an abandoned child waiting for his mother to return. Still in his suit, his tie crooked, his shirt and pants stuck to his skin by the heavy rain and his slightly grown dark hair caked onto his forehead above his eyes; Sung gyu projected the likes of a completely disoriented mad man. He gained confused glances from the passers-by, passing motor bicycles and cars slowed down, probably wondering if he had fallen into complete insanity. At some points he’d stand and walk to and fro across the street before the driveway, then he’d walk a bit further down the street, getting annoyed glances from the women carrying umbrellas when he peeked into them, hoping it was her. The rain gradually died without a slightest trace of her, and by then he was already considering contacting the police to report a disappearance. A few minutes later, when the rain was nothing but a cold drizzle drifting off in the wind, he sat on the bench by the driveway, his head in his hands, fingers threaded through his hair and eyes, tired and shut tight; waiting for the god to do his miracles. And just as if his pleas have been heard, his phone began to ring a few seconds later.

In a panic-stricken hustle, he didn’t even check the caller’s identity when he retrieved his phone from inside his damp jacket pocket. He answered it immediately, and his voice, though not intended, came out angry, rough and loud.

“Eunji, where are you?!?”

It was quiet on the other end, followed by a static sound and a broken voice as if they were speaking from under water. He narrowed his eyes and tried to catch that sound as much as possible, fear building up inside him, all sorts of wild scenarios in his mind. He tried again.

“Do you hear me? Eunji?”

Then the voice became clearer on the other end. He could almost hear the sound of his breaking heart.

“Sung gyu Oppa? Oppa, hey!”

It wasn’t the voice he was longing to hear at that very moment; but a voice he’d been longing to hear a week ago. He couldn’t think of any worse way the timing could be. Sung gyu wanted to hate her for doing this to him. But how could she know? How could she?

He buried his face in his free hand, and threaded his fingers through his wet hair, tugging at it in exasperation. But when he spoke, he kept his voice soft and clear.

“Hayoung-ah”

“Oppa” Hayoung replied in her usual cheery voice. “You’ve been trying to contact me the past few days. I was in a place without phone reserve all that time, I’m sorry! Is everything alright over there?”

He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. She’d worried about him. She was concerned. He could capture the sincerity in her voice. But she’s been in a place with no phone reserve. He immediately pictured her on the golden sandy beach, in a flimsy bathing suit and a hand draped around Myung Soo’s shoulder, a perfect example of a summer magazine pictorial. He could almost imagine where this place without phone reserve might be. On top of a far-away mountain, perhaps; full of exotic scents and fruits and all sorts of wildly adventures. Or a tropical island full of indigenous people where phones weren’t really a thing. Or maybe even in a ing tree house on top of the world’s tallest ing tree. And here he was, angry, damp and exhausted, his heart breaking every passing second, waiting for a woman, who wasn’t his wife, to return.

But he showed no sign of her bad timing. He remembered himself trying to contact her million times, just to hear her voice and prove to himself of her existence just so that she wouldn’t end up becoming a mere dream to him. But while he had desperately attempted to stop her from fading away, in her mind, he already had.

“Everything is fine” he said in a steady voice. “I just wanted to…” wanted to what? He wanted to what? All he wanted was to hear her voice, but he couldn’t possibly admit to that. He couldn’t sound like a desperate ex-boyfriend who fretted over their long-gone relationship while she had the time of her life. “…I just wanted to know when you’d return” he retorted, and cleared his throat. This hadn’t ever occurred to him once, but-, “I want to go ahead with the divorce proceedings”

Even the very words, as they left his mouth, left a soreness behind with him. When he had loved her, kissed her, married her; not once had he thought that they’d ever come to this day.

“Oh…” Hayoung sounded genuinely crestfallen. Although it might have indicated that she was hesitant of going ahead with a divorce, he knew that they had no going back, and though he had never thought about it, this was the only way. “Okay” she continued, quickly composing herself. “We’re in Bali right now, and we can’t really predict a day of our return. Yet we can discuss over the phone and proceed if you would like to”

Bali. She was in Bali. In a state of anger, misery and complete exasperation, Sung Gyu’s persistence snapped. He felt as if he was about to combust. Never had he wanted to file divorce with her before; but her, taking it so easily and lightly, and not even returning to Korea to go ahead with something so important, he wanted nothing better.

“Okay fine” he sighed, and refrained himself from yelling at her. “I’ll talk to Sung Yeol first. And about…Miru…” He added, bearing in mind it was a sensitive matter.

“I told you” Hayoung interjected before he could continue. “Miru is your baby. She might be my whole life, but I know that I would never make a good mother as much as a perfect father you are for her. There is no question. You win her custody. I’m willing to give it to you”

“But are you not going to even look out for her?” he breezed, slowly losing his composure. Hearing that whole explanation the first time was fine; it hurt, but it didn’t anger him. The second time, however, he heard it along with the realization. The blatant realization that her entrusting her life to him was a trick, a beautiful white lie and another way of telling him that she had given up on her.

“She has you” Hayoung said.

He went quiet at that. He wasn’t even sure that she had him. Sung Gyu was a father, and a father was all that he could ever be for her. When she would grow up, become an older girl, a woman, he would still be her father. How could he bring her out to the vast world out there? A man who still searched for warmth in his mother’s arms and was desperate for love, how could he bring up a girl child by himself?

Nonetheless, he also realized two things all at once. One was that he had already taken up Miru’s responsibility along with the knowledge that Hayoung was never going to be her mother again. And for the second, he had high expectations of another woman playing the role of a mother for her. Two equally devastating realizations. He remained quiet, and listened to the sound of his own breath.

“Sung Gyu-Oppa” Hayoung’s voice suddenly came from the other end. “Are you, perhaps, seeing someone now?”

He looked over at the dark road on his right almost naturally, at the swaying dark silhouettes, at the hurriedly moving illuminance of the passing vehicles, and held his breath. He could have denied it, but his actions were speaking otherwise, though she couldn’t see the look in his eyes from the other end.

Since he was taking too long to form a verbal response of himself, Hayoung spoke in his stead.

“You were obviously not expecting me when I phoned you earlier” she explained, and Sung Gyu finally tore his gaze from watching the empty, dark road. “Eunji, now, was it?”

His grip on the phone tightened until his knuckles turned white, wondering if he even had to explain himself to the ex-wife who abandoned him in the face of uncertainty, giving his sincere love no value at all. Yet, he didn’t speak. Though he had so much to tell her right at that very moment, Sung Gyu refrained.

“Look, Oppa” Hayoung continued in a softer tone. “I’m not mad at you, or upset in any way, if that’s what you think”

“It doesn’t concern me” Sung Gyu said in a stern voice, regaining his sturdy composure. “Hayoung, when you left us that day, did you once think about Miru? About me? About us?”

A moment of quiet passed, and he could hear Hayoung breathing out to the phone; “Oh god”

“Answer me” Sung Gyu spoke fiercely. “What did I do wrong for you to leave me for that-that bastard? True, I might have given you motherhood a little too soon. But I married you. I gave you my whole ing heart! Why did you leave me then? Was I not enough? Did I not love you enough?”

Hayoung was silent on the other end, perhaps contemplating, perhaps repenting, perhaps recalling their better days and wondering herself what exactly beckoned her to do what she did. Yet, as she always would, she had an answer. An answer that Sung Gyu almost couldn’t reject.

“No” She sighed, and her voice suddenly sounded so small, devoid of all the power. “Sung gyu Oppa…it wasn’t about you. It’s me…”

“Enlighten me, then”

Hayoung took an audible breath on the other end before she continued. “It’s…it’s just that…the new life was all too much for me. You were wonderful, and I loved you, I loved the whole…whole thing while it lasted. I loved Miru. I loved having her. I loved how our lives completely changed. But as times passed, I realized I was slowly losing myself. I had never been the one to settle down for anything, Oppa. I wanted to tell you that, but your love for me was so immense that I couldn’t bring myself to say it. But I wanted to leave so many times. I wanted to escape this whole new life. The pressure. The responsibilities. They all made me a different person, and I hated it. It turned me into a different person. All I wanted was my old life back”

Sung Gyu allowed her words to sink into his mind. “So you got your old life back? He asked her. “With Myung Soo?”

“Oppa…” she sighed, almost giving up. “I told you. I never want to settle. It’s not about the man that I’m with. It could be Myung Soo. It could be you. Yet I’m never going to settle for anyone. I’d rather have my freedom instead”

“So…” Sung Gyu whispered, his voice trembling as he spoke. “Did I keep you captive? Did I suffocate you?”

“Of course not!” Hayoung returned, and it was the tone of her voice which brought him relief, relief that it wasn’t his fault to begin with. “Oppa. You loved me. And that set me free”

“Oh…” Sung Gyu pursed his lips, and a single tear rolled down his pale, cold cheek.

“Listen, Oppa” Hayoung went on as he only remained in complete silence, listening to her, to all the words he wanted to hear. “I want you to move on with your life. Consider me as just a phase of your life, a memory, perhaps, and simply move on. I want you to stop holding yourself back for my sake and not giving yourself all that love you truly deserve. You deserve that love. You deserve so much more than I could have ever given you. I want you to pursue it. I want you to give that opportunity to embrace your love to someone who really truly loves you back the best way she could. Someone who loves you a lot more than she loves herself”

He couldn’t respond; at least not verbally, for just how much her words had moved him. All the wrath and resentment he had developed over her vanished the very second, replaced by longing, despair and misery. A thick knot formed in his throat, hindering him from voicing out his emotions. Instead, like a broken little child waiting for his life to change its course, Sung Gyu broke out a slightest sob. At that point, all he could think of was Miru.

“Oppa? Oh, Oppa…”

“What about Miru then?” He finally managed in a stiff croak. He sobbed loudly and wiped his tear stained face on his damp shirt sleeve. “Miru, she’s forgotten you. She doesn’t remember what you were like and…and I have to keep reminding her that you remember her and that you still love her; Hayoung, what am I going to tell her?”

“Let her forget me then” Hayoung responded without a beat. So bold. So straightforward. But he knew that it still hurt her inside. “I’m not a mother worth remembering. I never loved her enough. Just find her a mother who’d love her more than I would ever do”

“H-Hayoung-ah…”

“It’s alright Oppa...things are going to be okay”

Sung Gyu bit on his lower lip and shook his head to himself, in denial that things between them were finally coming to a complete closure. “Are you…are you going to be okay?”

“I am okay” she responded sternly, though her voice trembled as she spoke. “I’m okay…I’ve got to go now, Oppa. We spoke for too long. I hope you find your happiness soon…”

“S-so…so it all ends here then…”

A moment of hesitation, and Hayoung’s voice came; bold and crystal clear. “It all ends here. Thank you for everything, Oppa. I loved you, if it’s any consolation. I have always loved you…”

The call ended there before he could say anything further, before even he could say goodbye. The closure they’ve been lagging behind had finally come upon them under unlikely circumstances, and had now given him a sense of finality. If there was ever a possibility of her returning and of them to going back to where they started, it had now utterly and completely dissipated, ended with not even a final farewell, thrown away as if it was never significant between them. Sung gyu sat on the bench even after the drizzle became stronger and the wind started howling again. His lips trembled, eyes watered, a tight knot of sorrow and anxiety was blocking his breath. He persisted, nonetheless; although he hardly established what was going on at that moment. He buried his face in his hands after a while, when he could take it no longer, when he felt like he would explode if he suppressed himself in this manner for so long. He cried his heart out; tiny inaudible whimpers hidden beneath those stiff, unmanly sobs. He cried for the loss of his love. For the woman who brought the much-necessary closure into their long-broken relationship simply over a phone call from a place where they didn’t even have telephone reserve. For the woman who had disappeared without a trace of her, who had possibly dissolved into the thin air, evaporated even, not leaving a single lead behind for him to find her. He cried out his frustration. He cried out his misery. He cried until there wasn’t any more reasons to cry upon. Afterwards, he just sat there with his hair fisted in his fingers, just focusing on the sound of his breath, eyes tracing the silhouettes beneath him, of himself, as the vehicles passed by. Due to the sound of the drizzle, he couldn’t hear much. It was only the howling of the wind, hum of the vehicles, and the still echoing sound of his own desperate sobs in his head. Sung Gyu couldn’t believe how pathetic he had become.

A few minutes passed, and he raised his head only in response to the unbearable bright light coming from the road to his right, only to see a night-bus approaching to a halt. It remained there, the headlights almost blinding him in the dark, cold night. Passengers climbed out one after the other, the doors snapped close, and the bus proceeded to move on its way through the drizzle like a massive nightly warrior. He had a hunch. Perhaps it was his intuition, perhaps it was solely his wishful thinking; yet Sung Gyu couldn’t dare rip his gaze off the stop where the bus just halted. Though he hardly ever traveled in one, he knew for a fact that it was the last bus for the day. He watched through the darkness, his eyes squinted, searching through the approaching dark figures, ethereal in the illuminance of the street lights. The silhouettes moved closer, closer and closer. And among them, there was her.

Eunji had always been a girl not so hard to notice. Even in a room full of people, she easily stood out like a star. He could recognize her even from a considerable distance. He knew how she walked, how her hands swayed back and forth with every step, how her hair slowly danced in the breeze. He knew how she always carried herself, an aesthetically magical creature one could never take their eyes off. At that moment, when the fear, panic and uncertainty washed away, being replaced with love and fulfillment, Eunji seemed so beautiful in his eyes than ever before. He could have run to her, grabbed her in his arms and just exclaim how much he missed her for just a few hours they’ve been set apart by fate and time. But he held on. Just a little closer. Just a little more.

Eunji noticed him from a fair distance. Perhaps it was hard not to. A strange man on the verge of pure insanity, crumpled damp clothes, wet hair, skin appalled, eyes red and raw, and raindrops sliding down his face like tears. He was probably an eye sore for her.

She just stood there on the driveway when they were close enough to each other; a distance where they could see themselves quite clearly to notice all the oddities and rough edges. Sung Gyu immediately took in the sight of her in unusual attire. A skirt, a sweater, knee-high boots, and make-up smudged around her eyes. A bright red umbrella was shielding her from the drizzle, a pink leather hand bag hung on her side, a piece of accessory he had never seen her carrying before. Where could she have been? And not picking up his phone calls? Not responding to a single text message? Just where on earth was she? Dressed in a strange way she hardly did; so odd and mysterious. The thoughts in his mind were running wild. And all these thoughts angered him; an anger which built and grew and nurtured inside him in a matter of seconds. He clenched his hands on the either sides and held in his urge to just snap in disappointment. She rather calmly, looked up and down on him and took in his appearance, a confused furrow in her eyes.

“You look horrible…what are you doing here?” She looked up at Sung gyu and asked.

He clenched his fists even more so, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“What else? I was waiting for you” he returned in the calmest voice he could muster.

“F-for…?”

“Where were you” Sung Gyu exclaimed breezily, and this time his voice was rougher, stronger. “Where the hell were you the whole day?”

Eunji’s glassy eyes stared up at him, confused, terrified. “I was at the nursing home, with mum”

“You could have answered my calls, at least” he muttered in an angry hiss. “You could have responded to a single one of my messages”

“Well, I was busy…and they didn’t have phone reserve”

Busy. And what the was wrong with phones which didn’t have reserve in the twenty first century? And why was it only him who had to hear that silly excuse when the women he loved couldn’t even bother to return his phone call? He scoffed and rolled his eyes heavenwards, a gesture which he supposed came upon him as a way of hiding his anger, the anger which was bubbling inside him against everything, everyone who turned him into this pathetic person; hoping for things to happen, expecting things, wearing his heart on his sleeve, ever ready to give it to them when they most need it and never have the favor returned, not even by a single phone call, and blatantly ignored.

“Were you…” Eunji started slowly, and Sung Gyu looked down to meet her eyes. She looked disoriented, perhaps, by the devious look in his eyes. Both her hands tightened around the umbrella, and she solely stared down at her boot-clad feet. “Were you…waiting for me…the whole time?”

It angered him so much, her even asking him the obvious question. What other man would do this for her? Panic, run completely crazy, pace the road in a state of utmost insanity in the stormy downpour, just waiting and waiting for her to appear through the darkness and save him from his senseless self. Would Woohyun ever do this for her? Would her father, ever? It was him, only him. Giving so much for the women he loved and expecting nothing in return. His hands formed tight fists on the either sides, and he pressed them both on his temples as if that simple gesture would make things go away. Then he groaned loudly, dropped his hands, taken by his wrath and frustration, and took two hurried steps towards her.

“Of course I ing waited for you! I’ve been waiting for you, standing here for hours, I tried so many times to contact you, I sent you message after message, I ran completely bat crazy for you, yet you took your sweet ing time to come back to me and now you ask if I waited for you?” He gasped for air, and ran both his hands through his hair, frustrated at himself for being this way. “Ah Jesus!”

“Y-you didn’t have to…” Eunji muttered, silencing him. Her hands grasped onto the umbrella even tighter as if the mere gesture was giving her strength. “I was only away for a few hours; why do you have to be like this?”

Sung Gyu was rendered speechless. Surely she wasn’t catching up with anything. Surely she wasn’t seeing what was so obvious. Nor could he blame her. She wasn’t the weak one between the two of them. It’s always been him. And her, she’s only been the weakness, his weakness, and for her perception, what he was, was the protector. How could she ever even imagine, then? Becoming the weak one wasn’t his part to play. It was hers.

“Don’t do that again” he responded, his voice was stiff and so unlike his through the howl of the rain. “Don’t ever disappear on me like that”

“I was only seeing my mum, I told you” Eunji returned defensively. “My mum doesn’t come and visit me, you know. We’ve been separated for too long and I want to see my mother just like you do, okay?”

“Then you should have told me!” Sung Gyu snapped, not taking note of the innuendo in her words, an unintended accusation. “You should have told me so I won’t be worried sick like this. Do you even know how scared I was?”

Eunji stared at him as if he just said something completely outrageous. Her pupils dilated, and the umbrella raised even higher as she brought her hands to her face. What did that gesture mean? He wanted to decipher her Morse codes of reactions. He wanted to read through her, but her eyes gave nothing away. She only became distant, stranger, like a retreating dream. He was suddenly afraid he wouldn’t be able to hold her back from disappearing again, in this fretful moment of obliviousness and confusion.

“I was just…visiting my mother…” Eunji whispered, genuine remorse in her eyes. “I’m sorry I worried you….” She took a step back then, still facing him, still holding onto the umbrella so hard as the rain pattered on its bright red taffeta surface. One step after another, retreating from him, from his confusing stance, the emotions she couldn’t understand. “I’ve been too much trouble already…you don’t have to be like this. I should…I should just…”

Another step backwards, moving further and further away from him, just like he had feared she would. He hated himself for not being able to control himself, for not holding back his emotions, for failing her and scaring her away. He hated himself for having fallen in too deep, so much so that he couldn’t even understand his innermost emotions himself. He hated himself for loving her, and not being able to protect her and give her the best. Nonetheless, he also knew that if he held himself back like this, right now, she would retreat to her shell and he would never be able to bring her out again. He had his chance, and he had succeeded so far until he blew it so deliberately, disappointingly, and now if he let her turn back and leave, she would never know the truth of his intentions; that it wasn’t for his sister that he was doing this, but to see her pair of beautiful eyes which instinctively stole his heart, brilliant and alive, for the rest of his life.

Sung Gyu let out a frustrated sigh and ran both his hands down his face. “Eunji, please don’t do this…”

“I am not doing anything” She muttered and continued to walk away from him. The rain crashed harder, and the umbrella in her hands began to sway in the wind dangerously; it was as if the storm could carry her across the sky despite how much she fought against it; yet she persevered. Her strength was remarkable at that moment. Perhaps it was the drive she was getting from the wrath she’s built, he couldn’t tell. Yet it sent her further and further away from him, slowly slipping away from his grasp.

“Eunji, no” he muttered and took a few uncertain steps towards her. She halted, her back still turned to him, and she twisted around only the slightest, just so she could catch a glance of him standing in the rain, drenched, broken, exhausted, heart in his hands, holding out just for her. She turned around to face him then, quietly scrutinizing him like she always did; in the lobby, in the corridor, in the laundry room, trying to read through him as if he were a complex collection of poetry. Her hair swayed breezily in the wind; some of it flew right across her face, giving her an ethereal aura, standing under the dim light, flushed red by the color of her umbrella and slightly damped by the drizzle. She looked out of this world at that moment; a magical being, awaiting patiently for miracles to take their course.

Sung Gyu’s persistence snapped just as he stood there, a few feet away from her, watching her as she watched him. Taken strongly by mixed emotions or love, sorrow, remorse and determination, he breezed through the rain towards her as would a knight in shining armor, ducked under the umbrella, a gesture so violent that it almost sent it flying in the wind and cupped her face in both his hands. Despite the look of fear and confusion clouding in her eyes, the slight tremble of her lips and the crimson dusting of her cheeks, he became braver, stronger, all ready to give his entire heart to her. He fluttered his eyes close, leaned closer to her, and in a fleeting moment where the entire world stood still, he claimed her lips as his own.

He kissed her, deep, long and beautiful; feeling her wholly, every single touch, every single breath, every single movement executed hauntingly beautiful and precise. He was conscious of everything, although the moment itself was illusory. He was conscious of the tenderness of her lips, the warmth of her skin, the scent of her hair, and the slight tremble of her hands as she struggled to keep them shielded from the rain despite everything. It was a battle she was losing so easily, unable to keep up with all the wonderful feelings he was giving her with a single touch of lips. The strength in her hands disappeared when his own found their own minds and began to wander upon her in all the right directions. One hands slipped behind her head and his fingers threaded through her hair in a gentle touch, as if had he grasped so hard it would break her. Another slipped past the curve of her neck, the slope of her shoulder, down her arms, then behind her, wrapping around her waist and bringing them closer than they’d ever been. Her hands had descended as she had lost herself in his arms, the umbrella flying across the driveway in the strong winds, soon forgotten, exposing her to the relentless downpour, dampening her completely, yet she didn’t seem to have taken notice of it as she still remained lost in his world.

He tilted his head, parted her lips with his own and tasted her sweet saccharine taste which intoxicated him, sending him in a senseless frenzy. He soon lost himself in the moment, the emotions seeping past him in an endless rush, breaking through the boundaries after having been suppressed for far too long. He smiled when her hands moved on their own, ascended up his waist, his arms, finally wrapping around his neck and pulling them even closer to each other. He could feel her warm skin against him, chest pressed against his own, the beating of their hearts in sync with one another. He had almost lifted her off the ground as would a true knight, sweeping a princess right off her feet. She had her eyes closed the entire time, giving him the leeway to explore her, to reach deep into her soul, into places he had never been to. The rain continued to crash, and he tasted tears on her lips along with the touch of the rain, and concerned, he pulled away the slightest, brought his hands around her neck and lifted her face towards him.

“You’re crying” he whispered, and the tip of his nose brushed against her warm cheek in a magical touch. Eunji sobbed softly, a heart-breaking allusion that he may have gone too far. But when she looked up at him, met his gaze, a small, shy smile forming upon her lips like a far-fetched dream; Sung Gyu whole-heartedly drank in the look in her eyes. Enchanted, contented, and very much alive. She shook her head, and a hand reached out to his cheek, descending down to the edge of his mouth, traced the shape of his lips before slipping behind him and bringing them even closer. Sung Gyu breathed in her scent, sweet, warm and beautiful, tilted his head, and claimed her lips once more.

The umbrella was soon forgotten. So were the intentions, so were the qualms, uncertainties, and misconceptions, leaving dreams, hopes and desires behind. As the moment unfolded, as their hearts entangled as one, they moved on from one phase of their lives to another, folded a new chapter, and he found the lost pieces of himself in her, as if she’d been carrying a part of him in her the whole time. He became conscious of the fact that he was finally coming into terms with it; with moving on, finding love, and living. The one thing he had been afraid to acknowledge let alone pursue this entire time, he had finally come around to accept as the sheer reality. He had found the love of his life, and he had claimed her to be his own; Just like this. Just now.

~*~

Sung Gyu decided it wasn’t the best idea to return to his own home, drenched in the rain head to toe, looking so much like a ship wreck and face an uneasy interrogation from his mother. He agreed to stay over at Eunji’s for a while, at least until his clothes dried out and settled, until he looked good enough to return to his mother and her watchful gaze. Upon returning to Eunji’s, blushed crimson after a shared moment of intimacy, Sung Gyu, being the shy and conservative person he was, tried his best to not to acknowledge what just transpired and acted as if everything was fine between them. Nonetheless, there were the things which were just as difficult to ignore; like the taste of her lips on his, still tingling as a gentle reminder of their most dynamic moment of intimacy so far. It was hard to ignore the fact that they have finally come to accept the truth they’ve been lagging behind the entire time, perhaps, ever since Eunji moved into his house. The emotions from that moment were still fresh in his mind, still looming around, searching for a moment to take him over once more, and him suppressing them like trying to cage a flock of hungry birds. He could crash through the doors and clutch onto her any moment now, even as she busied herself in the bathroom, and kiss her deep and long again. He wouldn’t care anymore, who he was, what they were or where they stood in time. He didn’t care he was a married man with an impending divorce with a four-year-old child left under care of his mother, he wouldn’t care he was only the voluntary protector of a depressive girl, trying to continuously save her life. None of it mattered when he lost himself in those deep set of eyes as if they were a parallel universe, another plane of mystic wonders, hidden away in a world of her own. All that mattered to him at times like that was how his heart lost its pace at the very sight of her, completely and utterly in love.

He paced the living room of her house which wasn’t much different from hers when it comes to the set up. The living room was a tiny, claustrophobic space which was big enough only to house a single sofa, a flat screen TV and a cabinet full of framed photographs and a few ornaments and trophies. The house was spotless and clean, if he wasn’t able to take note of these the last time he came here. There were no piles of unfolded clothes on the sofa, no broken bits of kids’ toys littering the floor. The carpet wasn’t stained, the furniture was nicely arranged unlike in his own house, carefully placed so that Miru wouldn’t accidentally knock her head on the tables. From the direction of the bedroom, he could hear the faint hum of the shower. There was a narrow corridor leading there, just like it was in his flat, branching out to the two bedrooms and a bathroom. The kitchen was in the same place as his own; clean, spotless. Not a single dirty dish or fast food container in the sight. He walked around the house with a towel resting on his still damp shoulders, trying to kill time until she returned. He was at a loss of what to do afterwards. Should he apologize for his impulsive behavior? Tell her that he didn’t mean to be so blatant and thoughtless and weave her into something she probably never wanted? But then he recalled that moment, how she gasped and whimpered into every touch and every move, like a contented little kitten, how she smiled as she cried, as she fell into pieces and melted into his arms, graceful, and enchanting. Of course she wanted it. She wanted it as much as he did, there was no question about that. Just what exactly was he fretting about? He was uncertain himself.

Perhaps he should go home, leaving her be with a wonderful memory to cherish on. He hoped that the reminiscences he just gave her would be strong enough to keep her happy and steady for all times he would be away from her, at least until his mother left to Jeonju and she moved in back into his house. He could check on her every once in a while, without having to flinch in embarrassment like a high school student every time he caught the sight of her plump lips, the very lips that he kissed. He could come knocking on her door once in a while, check on her well-being and run back into his own home, and be as cringe worthy as he could be once he was on his own, not disconcerting himself while he was in her company. Everything sounded better for him right at that moment. He felt so ashamed to even look her in the eyes, to catch that shine in them and be reminded every single touch and movement he had made in claiming her his own, like a haunting trajectory keeping him up on his toes every second he would be with her.

The bedroom door opened with a creak while he stood in the middle of the living room, deep in contemplation. He was in a conspiring dilemma between the two ideals of making up an excuse to escape or remaining there to see where the accounts of the night will lead to. The matter itself was so profound that it took him a few minutes to realize that there was the sound of footsteps coming from the direction of the corridor. The moment the realization hit him, nonetheless, he panicked, as if he was about to be caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing, looked around at his surrounding and soon threw the towel over his head before continuing to vigorously dry his still damp hair.

“Oh! Your hair isn’t dry yet?” Came Eunji’s voice behind him, and he whipped around and pretended to be surprised by her sudden appearance. His hands paused, fingers buried in the towel which still covered his head, and looked her up and down, feeling the pace of his heart increase. “O-oh you…I didn’t even see you there”

Eunji chuckled heartily, put away the towel she had draped on her shoulders and comfortably settled into the sofa seat behind him.

She was in shorts and an oversized T-shirt with a slogan probably related to one of the boy-bands she followed, her hair slightly wet after a shower and her skin rubbed pink in all the right places; a pleasing sight to his eyes. Her sweet scent of strawberries and summer wafted around the small expanse of the room, making his head spin, all the emotions from earlier slowly coming to life. His eyes naturally took in the sight of her lips, he cheeks, her smile, and he soon looked away, afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep himself sane.

From where she sat, Eunji cleared audibly, beckoning Sung Gyu to look at her. Having gained the attention that she needed, she stared up at him, quite audaciously, her eyes quietly scrutinizing every move he made, he breath he took, and finally let out a sigh. “No this wouldn’t do”

Sung Gyu furrowed his brows, concerned. Was it about what happened before? Was it about him being so brave and impulsive and claiming her his own. He searched in her eyes, in her gestures, trying to grasp the threads of her ever-changing dispositions. She brought her feet up to the sofa and grasped onto them securely. From under her bangs, she looked at him, and then, as if she was blinded by his sight, she turned away. Sung Gyu let the towel rest on his head and took a step towards her. “Eunji, what is it?”

She looked up at him, and instead of doing that looking and turning away routine from seconds ago, she stared straight up at him, and bit her lip, hard, to stop herself from breaking into a smile. “Oh god” She said, pressed both her hands to her face and began to sway to and fro like a winded-up doll. Sung Gyu was having a hard time coming into terms with her strange behavior. Was she having a mental break down or was it another one of her depressive episodes? Like they usually did right after something good happened?

But no. She finally dropped her hands while Sung Gyu kept watching her, his mind busy trying to form a spontaneous crisis plan, and she said; “I think I should never stay over at your house again”

Sung Gyu turned towards her and took a few more steps in her direction that he stood at the foot of the sofa, staring down at her worriedly. He thought it was because what he just did was a great mistake. Taking advantage of her, even though it was impetuous, something which came over him in a state of emotional frenzy. He thought it was because she hated it, hated him for doing that, and now wanted him out of her life.

“Oh Eunji…I’m sorry, I didn’t-I mean, I shouldn’t have…” His voice was dripping or remorse, getting smaller and smaller with every word he said. Suddenly he wanted to escape this tiny confines which seemed to shrink by every passing second, almost suffocating them. The towel was still on his head, long forgotten. His face contorted with worry and regret. “Maybe I should just go”

Eunji looked up at him, biting her lips yet again. But she didn’t look a least bit upset, or heart-broken, or even remotely contrite as he was. No. She seemed more…cheerful? And amused even. She was suppressing her laughter.

But she couldn’t hold it any longer. Perhaps it was the confused look in his eyes, or the soft tint on his cheeks which was a stark contrast to his pale skin. Whatever it was, she couldn’t hold herself back. She broke out in laughter. Loud, hysteric and delightful. Her head was thrown back, and a hand covered her widely open mouth as her crescent moon eyes were hidden under her overgrown bangs. She looked beautiful even if she looked like a mess. The most perfect mess there has ever been.

“W-what?” Sung Gyu mumbled, trying to fight his own pleasure, which he supposed he got from her spontaneous laughter. He sat down next to her on the sofa, leaned closer, and searched in her soft brown eyes. “Eunji what is it?”

“Oh, Sung Gyu-Ssi” She mused, finally stopping her hysterics. Then she looked deep into his eyes; a look so intimidating and thrilling at the same time, and her irises glimmered in a fiery golden flame, like a reflection to his soul. She pulled back then, and tried to hide a smile. “I still don’t think I should stay over at yours again” She said, words so much in contrast to the emotions they carried.

“But why?” Sung gyu asked, still perplexed of her behavior. He moved closer then, and clasped both his hands before him. “Eunji, I still can’t let you stay alone. You might be okay now, but you still have a long way to go…your pills haven’t ended yet. The only time I’d leave you on your own is when your pills stop.”

The look of amusement slowly dissipated, and soon in those eyes was an emotion he had never seen before. A look so earnest, tender and beautiful. It sent a thrilling warmth prickling through his skin, and when she smiled, he could swear, his world stopped in time.

“Sung Gyu-Ssi…” she said, and her small, delicate hands moved towards him as he watched only, and only her. “You know very well why I can’t” She said, and her fingers grasped onto the towel which rested on his hair like a hood, giving him a hideous look. She lowered it behind his neck, and left it on the either of his shoulders.

“I don’t” Sung Gyu said, his voice slowly losing its strength. He himself lost his will under her intense gaze, yet he persevered. “I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t, Eunji…Nothing has changed…”

Eunji stared at him even longer, her brown eyes almost melting into his. He could feel the shift of the atmosphere between them. The cheerful demeanor he carried slowly flited away, and awash in warmth, hope and unworldly-ness, he continued to stare back at her, every word her eyes seemed to say became his strength and his weakness. As it always was, from the day she so effortlessly entrusted her life to him, walked in through the doors to his heart and changed his life forever, Eunji became his weakness.

“No” She whispered, and the sound of her breath alone made his heart beat harder, and he found himself leaning into her touches as if he had been hungry for them for so long. She traced the angelic contours of his skin, the creases on the corners of his eyes, and his eyelashes, dark, long and elegant, resting on the apples of his cheeks when he smiled. Her fingers danced across his skin, every light touch giving him a completely different, inexplicable emotion. They ran through his hair and brushed away the slightly damp bangs over his eyes. The tip of her finger slid down the graceful curve of his nose, descending downwards to his cheeks which still haven’t lost the baby fats, down his jaws, then finally, finally tracing the shape of his lips. Sung Gyu gulped. And when she sighed, Eunji’s breath slightly touched his skin. “No…Sung Gyu-Ssi…” She whispered, and when she moved closer to him, eyes fluttering shut and closing the gap between them, he responded by moving even nearer that the tips of their noses touched. His hand moved up to her and cupped her neck tenderly. The other grasped onto her hand and held it close and their fingers intervened, holding onto each other in a warm grasp. They moved closer and closer until their breath collided and entangled as one. “No…” she whispered and smiled, the movement brushing her lips against his. “…Everything has changed…”

The moment their lips met, their arrangement changed completely. They no longer were the man who saved her life and the woman entrusted her life to him. The universe shifted, and paved path for something yet more magical, stronger, beautiful and everlasting. He could feel it in the gentle heat wafting around them, a superior energy which bound them together and built a whole new system which was meant only for their two hearts to share. He could grasp her intense scent of strawberries and summer with every breath, and the tips of his fingers played a heated dance across her soft skin. Even with his eyes closed, he could see her shine brilliantly. The touch opened the floodgates, and all the pent up emotions came rushing back and swamped between them. His lips parted and his tongue darted along her teeth at which point she granted his wishes with no effort. He brought them even closer to each other, his hand coiled on the back of her neck, feeling the tips of her hairline prickling his skin. The other which grasped her hand slowly withdrew; and as her freed fingers had their own subtle adventures up his stomach and his chest, his own hand s behind her and felt her in urgent touches. They found momentum as they kissed even further; passionate and firm. The moment shifted and the intensity raised. The kiss so much as intensified into a something more intimate, sensual, even, if it could ever be more. His tongue tasted her warm cavern, her own danced along. She whimpered, he gasped, and ever so slowly, even without his knowledge, Eunji’s fingers began to pull his tie out its knot and tug on the tiny buttons of his shirt. They came undone, just as their exhilaration did; one after the other, revealing a smooth reddened patch of skin, intensely beautiful and entrancing. She pulled away from his lips just for a split of a second, and as he tried to catch his breath, he could see her, flushed but breathtaking, her eyes admiring the sight of his exposed skin; the swell of his chest, the smooth curve of his neckline and the collarbones as if she’s completely mesmerized. Her fingertips touched him there, and the electrifying touch sent a mixture of frantic signals into his mind, a beacon for him to pursue her, this path, even further. The hand behind her neck pulled her closer to him, and with his head tilted to a side, he kissed her lips, them leaving a glistening trail behind as she let out a tiny, excited gasp. He left small butterfly kisses on every patch of skin he could find with his eyes closed. The corners of her lips, her puffed cheeks, her jaw, the lobe of her ear, the bit of skin behind it, the shell of her ears, the tip of her nose, her forehead and the middle of her brows where a small frown had formed. He returned to kissing her lips yet again and descended down to her neck where he breathed her in and remained trying to grasp the sound of her wildly beating heart. His hand had slid up her T-Shirt, feeling her warm skin under the pads of his fingertips. She took this moment for an adventure of her own. She kissed along the elegant curve of his neck, the collarbones and buried her face in the crook of his neck, breathing, drinking in his intense scent. Her fingers tugged at the collars of his shirt, and she pulled them apart, revealing the glorious swells and slopes of his chest, and the dreamy, unworldly look in her eyes seemed to say all the tales her words refused to imply. He leaned into her yet again, and fumbled at her lips in a lazy, sloppy kiss. She pulled away and put both her hands around him. She didn’t have to speak. Her eyes did simply indicate everything she wanted to say. He understood her. The looks in those beautiful eyes he always loved weren’t so hard for him to read. He let out a long, heavy breath, brought them even closer, and his free hand slowly touched her cheek, her their gently. “Are you sure?” He whispered. Eunji smiled, moved closer, and kissed him long on his lips.

It was then that he finally climbed off the sofa onto his feet, and with his shirt and tie dangling loosely over him, he brought her into his arms and heaved her up, her head resting on his shoulder, hands holding onto him tightly around his neck. His other hand remained under her knees as her feet dangled freely in the air. He looked down at the girl cradled in his arms, he looked into those eyes and savored the delicious sight buried in them; daring, desirable and intense. He had never adored how much her eyes could communicate her innermost desires as much as he did at that very moment. He kissed her yet again on her lazy bangs, gave her the warmest smile ever, and soon he walked across the living room, down the narrow corridor, into her bedroom and kicked the door close behind them.

~*~

Sung Gyu’s entire world has changed in a matter of two weeks. He realized this as he lied in bed in the afterglow of their love making later in the night. It was only that he was having a difficulty of coming into terms with this sudden change of directions; as if he had skipped from one route to another, completely confusing himself as he went. There were the wrong choices he had made. Then there were the right ones which went blatantly wrong in the end. The thing about these was that he could never tell what was right or wrong until he could see the impending end of them, and despite being unable to foresee these downfalls, it was already too late to do anything about them. Sung Gyu hated making choices, thus. He hated doing anything new, making decisions, shifting his life from his usual course, leading into something different. The end of the tunnel was always unforeseeable. Nonetheless, he was almost certain, through all experiences of life, through growing up with them, through having matured amongst them, that no choice came without failure and regret.

And that’s what he feared now, as he lied in the bed next to her, the newest change in his life, the one big force, the whirlwind which shifted the direction of his sails. The ship was now heading into unknown lands; a place filled of doubts and uncertainties, a heap of unknown wonders, waiting for him to unveil. But what if they ended up being not what he expected? He knew, being himself, he would make things work no matter how difficult the new alters in life might be. He met Hayoung right after a break up, he found his fate in their encounter. He fell in love with her, and he found beauty within them. They had a child, built a life together; her realized then that it’s all he always needed in life. But the ship had let its sails on loose, eventually hitting on massive reefs, sending him tumbling back into the stormy seas. This new direction, though he’d certainly make most out of it as he could, would it also lead him into dark caves and rocky shallow seas? He was afraid of what the future held in store for him. If anything, he wasn’t sure if he could take yet another heartbreak, yet another woman leaving him hanging, broken and exhausted, afraid to love again. Hayoung had split him apart, and that sharp pain had grown and nurtured over the time that he naturally had numbed to it. But as he basked in the warmth of another woman’s embrace, the woman he now loved whole heartedly, he realized, the pain had eventually dissipated and gone away. They always do. They disappear, and a new one would start. It was like a normal routine for him. His heart was used to it. But then, Eunji was different. He saved her. He gave life to her, and she also had, in return, given life to him.

So was he going to risk it, let everything change, and lose her in the end?

It scared him. Even if the look in her eyes seemed to scream sincerity; that she truly loved him, cared for him, and had no real hopes to leave him like they all did, Sung Gyu’s broken heart couldn’t trust her so easily. He was already looking for other ways of stopping the disaster from happening, deeming that it would be less painful to endure than it would be to suffer when she’d leave. Eunji was a brilliant woman. Beautiful. Witty. Talented. And she loved Miru immensely, in a way that Hayoung has never had. It was as if she fit all the characteristics Hayoung mentioned in her criteria for him. It wasn’t about her, he knew. If Eunji was willing to stay, he’d give her his entire heart to him. He’d give everything. He’d do whatever it takes to keep her happy and out of harm’s way. But it was also evident that he wasn’t exactly someone who was worthy of her love. He was someone who was abandoned by so many women he loved, and the last one did leave him with a child to care on his own. Eunji, still young, able and beautiful, still in the place to find someone who would actually complete her, would she be willing to take up a sad, broken man to cherish and love for the rest of her life? And if he blindly expected her to, she’d leave him, just the same, with a heavily wounded heart. And what would that make of him?

Sung Gyu wanted to stop everything before they even started. He wanted to pull this off as a great mistake, though it never was. To him, loving Eunji was one of the most fulfilling choices he’s ever made, and he never regretted a second of it. But for her sake, and for his own selfish gain, for his fear of losing her, for loving her, he had to let go. This wasn’t the kind of a change he could expect to happen in his life.

The night was quiet, and the hum of the air condition dominated the quiet expanse. He could hear her calm, even breath against the crook of his neck as she napped soundly in his arms. She was exhausted. The night was too long, and this was exactly the kind of rest that she needed. When she slept, she looked so much like a child. She was precisely the child he had imagined for her life to be, trembling inside, fearing the insecurities and the horrifying truths of reality. This was the child he had struggled so much to save. And he had; he could say by how calm her breathing was, by how peaceful she looked as she drifted off to faraway lands in her dream. There wasn’t a frown, or a stiff line on her lips. She was relaxed, happy and fulfilled. She was alive. And words couldn’t explain how much just that, meant to him. She was a child he was afraid he would break.

He lied sideways on the bed, buried under her soft pink quilts, her hands lazily wrapped around his waist and her breath tenderly kissing the bare skin of his chest. He ran his free hand down her arm, then upwards, a pacifying gesture which seemed to help her relax even further. Then he let his fingers brush through her hair, feeling her scalp with the tips of them and allowing her hair tangle through. Then he’d touch her cheek; just caress them, tenderly, lovingly, adoring the dreamy stance in her face and the pastel pink dusting on either of them. He smiled at her, though she could hardly see anything in her sleep. But the longer he watched her, his smile seemed turn into a sad smile, then into a frown, eventually into a look of despair. His negative emotions never seemed to leave him be, and all that they kept implying to him was this. What he did was wrong. He was a man with a child, a divorcee, and emotionally exhausted. He was in no position to be a strength to a girl like Eunji. He was going to break her, ruin her, letting everything he did to go in vain, and all he’d done up to this point would add up to just nothing at all.

His head that he rested on his folded hand as he watched her sleep in his embrace, soon fell back to bury in the fluffy feathery pillows, and Eunji moved along with him, whimpering softly in protest of the startling movement and buried herself further into the side of his chest. Her hand laid limply across his chest, and he was certain she could feel the beat of his heart underneath. He laid back and stared up at the roof above him, deep in his thought; his hand in his hair, a gesture which clearly implied his unspoken frustration. What was he going to do from this point? Where were they going to go? There were just too many problems that he didn’t yet want to face, and eventually would have to. And Eunji entering his life like this, in all her beautiful ways, was a major one of them.

He should have stuck to his initial intention, which was to stop another one of his sister happening. The fact of the matter was that he had always feared death ever since his sister happened, ever since he day he saw her struggling to catch one last breath that night when he brought her down from the noose. That image of her, lying lifeless on the cold ground, gasping for a tiny catch of breath to live another seconds was forever imprinted in his mind, it was haunting his living dreams, and it was the reason why he wanted to save her; because in his mind, nobody deserved to see someone taking their dying breath. Nor did anyone deserve to induce their own dying breath. Both were two devastating circumstances and reasons which led him to do what he had done. But the eventual turn of the events became completely different from his expectation. The one he saved the life of was one enchanting woman. There was no helping himself when it came down to loving her. It happened, just as it would, naturally, spontaneously, beautifully. Who was he to blame then? The only thing he really blamed himself for was not being able to hold himself back from making an impulsive decision and pursuing her without second thought. Just loving her would have been enough. But him, selfishly, even, expected something more.

He shouldn’t have done that. He shouldn’t have persuaded her. He shouldn’t have led her on the wrong way. Instead, when identifying the shift of their relationship, he should have held his ground and stopped her. Told her that it was wrong. That he never wanted this, wanted her…. though all that he really truly wanted was her.

He looked down at her, and his fingers slowly traced the beautiful contours of her face, her eyes hidden beneath those messy bangs, the shape of her lips and the bridge of her nose. The delicate details of her which made her so compelling to his eyes.

Oh he wanted her…he truly, indisputably did. But that, that was the mistake, that was where he went all wrong. He listened to his heart rather than to his conscious which knew all the right things to do. His heart loved her, needed her, wanted her, while his conscious knew that it was wrong.

That was what which echoed in his mind repeatedly as he tried to find all the good reasons to decide against his consciousness. ‘You did wrong, you did wrong, you’re going to destroy her, how dare you take advantage of a girl like her? Did you think she’d actually love you? Accept you? Sung gyu, you’re a divorcee. You have a child!’

He tried to hold onto the decision of his heart and not be affected by all the negativities surrounding him. What’s done was done. There was no going back. He had loved her, he had owned her, and that left him no space to make amendments. But the voice of his conscious at that moment was so loud that he could hardly ignore it. Like a howling of the wind in a stormy sea. He could no longer hear the rumble of the air conditioner, or the sound of her even breath. All he could hear was his guilty conscious, continuously accusing him of having committed something so wrong. It wasn’t long before he finally gave in…

…And he did.

He looked down at Eunji for one final fleeting moment, touched her cheek tenderly and felt a thick knot forming in his throat. He didn’t want to leave her like this, not after having made her his own and himself hers in an intimate communion. But he had to. It was only the right way.

“I’m sorry, Eunji…I’m sorry” he whispered, and kissed her softly on the crown of her head before he gently put away the arm which rested on him lifelessly and extricated himself from her embrace. Without her warmth against him, he felt cold, empty, lost. But he moved further away from him, knowing well that if he didn’t, now, he just never would.

Sung Gyu fumbled blindly in the semi-darkened room, gathered his clothes which were messily strewn about and put them on as quietly as he could. Then he silently stood by the end of the bed, just watching her as she quietly dozed away, so beautiful, so pacifying. He could watch her all day. But the very sight of her attacked his self-righteousness endlessly, forcing him to move on. So he stepped away from her. One step backwards, then another. He had successfully made it to the door he had closed in a mystified frenzy hours ago and was all about to wrench it open when he was interrupted by the rustle of the sheets behind him. He froze, his hand resting on the brass handle of the door, and his heart stopped beating, the knot in his throat growing bigger and bigger until it pained and tears welled up in his eyes.

“S-Sung Gyu-Ssi?” Came Eunji’s sleepy voice behind him, and it was a beacon which immediately dragged him back to the middle of the room. He couldn’t leave now. Not without an explanation.

Eunji was sitting up among the pale pink covers, her quilt held against her bare chest and eyes squinted in the mild light, trying to find the silhouette of him, quietly lingering in the darkness. It didn’t take her long to find him, and her eyes immediately gained life.

“Sung gyu…Ssi.” She added honorifics hesitantly. “Are you leaving already? Is everything fine?”

He stared at Eunji for a few quiet seconds, utterly lost and dejected, unable to form a response. How could he leave her now? As she sat before her, so breathtaking and beautiful. If anything, all he wanted to do at that moment was not to leave her but crawl back under the covers and have her yet again. But he couldn’t. He had to escape.

“Eunji…” he started, pursed his lips and stared down at his bare feet for a moment, contemplating his next moves.

“Hmm? Why, is something wrong?”

He wanted to grab at his hair and yell at himself for seeing this as wrong. What was wrong there anyway? He loved a beautiful woman. He found the lost pieces of himself within her. He made love to her and sealed a deal. What was so wrong in that?

Everything. His conscious replied.

“N-No... I mean, I mean yes…Eunji” he said, and finally lifted his gaze, only to see her watching him, concern and worry clouding her face. The look in her eyes broke him inside, realizing that it was him who caused it. But he also understood that he had to persist. He walked back to her bed then, and as she watched him, he sat down by her feet, remained quiet for a moment, just watching the shadows on the wall and he let out a sigh.

“Eunji, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that” he said in a voice which didn’t match his disposition.

“Shouldn’t have done what?” She asked him as if she was clueless of what he implied.

“I shouldn’t have…” he hesitated, and ran his fingers through his hair exasperatedly. “I shouldn’t have lured you into anything…”

“Lured me?” Eunji repeated as if it was a sour phrase on her lips. “You didn’t lure me into anything. It’s what I wanted, we both wanted…” Eunji grasped onto the quilt tighter against her chest and shifted towards him. The proximity made him uncomfortable. He didn’t want her any closer or he’d lose his stance. As if she understood his silent pleas, she stopped. “Why are you having this kind of thoughts anyway?”

“Because what we did was wrong, don’t you see?” He said, and let out a groan as he didn’t mean to raise his voice and make Eunji upset. He sighed, and rubbed his palm against his face. “Eunji we really shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. This was never my true intention. All from the beginning, what I meant to do was saving you…”

“But you did” Eunji whispered.

And Sung Gyu shook his head. “Not like this…”

It took a moment for the reality to dawn on her; and he could see it as she realized the truth. Her face darkened, and the confused frown turned into an angry glare, her lips quivered, and she moved away from him as if the proximity stung her.

“So you…it was all for your sister, wasn’t it? You only wanted to compensate for not saving your sister…”

Sung gyu wanted to deny, that it wasn’t entirely the truth. But he couldn’t bring himself to. If it what she should believe, then that was that. Anything to bring her out of the trap he had put her into.

“I’m sorry” he whispered in the end.

“All you wanted was to not feel guilty when another person dies when you could have saved her. That’s what it was, wasn’t it?”

Sung Gyu looked up to face her, and saw the tears welling in her eyes, her hands trembling slightly as she tried to keep herself from breaking miserably. This is what he had done to her, and it was what he would do, regardless, if he persisted. He would break her. He would beckon her to leave.

“It’s not…it’s not exactly it…” he tried, but his voice cracked, and he looked away, feeling himself already dispatched from the little bubble they shared.

“Then what is it if this…” she gestured at around her. “…this wasn’t your intention, what was it?”

“It’s that…” he tried to gather his words, and thought long and hard what he should say. “It’s that…I’m…”

“You know what, Sung Gyu-Ssi?” She interrupted him, then, and he looked, exhausted of himself. “I don’t want to see you or hear your excuses. This is enough”

He parted his lips to respond, but she went on without taking a moment to breath. “I already know what this is about. Save a suicidal girl, compensate yourself for feeling guilty of not saving your sister, and the moment you realized that something has happened, that something has changed, it hit you that what you were doing was wrong. And why? Not because of the intentions. Not because of the initial plans. It just suddenly occurred to you that I was still a suicidal girl, a crazy depressive who was still likely to throw herself down the building anytime, and you would have to keep on saving her, you would have keep on doing this, and YOU didn’t want to have a depressive like me in your peaceful little life! That’s what it’s all about, Sung Gyu-Ssi. I know so…” she trailed off then, and tears which welled in her eyes began to fall listlessly down her pale cheeks. “…And…and I don’t want to hear it coming from you…”

“No, Eunji” He whispered, stood up and looked down at her in pure frustration. “It’s not at all about-!” He started, but he lost his words just as they came simply by the ridiculousness of what she just said. Of course he would save her time and time again. He would save her, love her, protect her, if it was all what it takes. But a girl like Eunji deserves more than what he had to give her. She deserved a better life, a better person to love, a person who had his heart only for her and didn’t come with a whole package of a broken marriage, loneliness and misery like he did. She deserved much, much more.

“Look” he said, and took a deep breath. “I don’t mind if you are depressive or suicidal or anything, because I believe, no, I KNOW that you’re not any of this. You are as perfect as you are. It’s about me. I’m old and married and I’m unable to give you what you expect. Do you not understand? I am not the one who should be standing here, ready to accept your heart. It’s just not right”

“But why not…? Why not, Sung Gyu-Ssi?”

He lost himself completely at that point. She had to understand him. She was so much better than that. She just had to.

“Well for one, if it hasn’t occurred to you already, I have a child!”

His voice raised angrily at the last phrase, which left Eunji startled for a few seconds, and that was when he realized that he just lost her, completely, for once and for all. Eunji retreated, just like she always did. Not only to her quiet shell of solidarity, but also away from him, her head lowered in defeat. It broke him to see her like this; and to know that he caused her to be this way, even more so. But there was no making amendments now. He made a point, but it just wasn’t the right way to do it. Nonetheless, he had altered the path of his sails yet again and was heading back into the familiar waters, leaving behind the way to an unknown paradise. He was going the right way.

“Go” Eunji mumbled, her voice so small and childlike, so unlike herself. She sounded so much like the little life hiding underneath. And it destroyed him. “Go…I don’t want to see you again…”

And that’s what he did. He followed her words for one last time. He looked down at her, and he could hear the sound of his breaking heart. Never did he want to leave her shattered like this. All he had always wanted was to make her happy, to prove to her that there was always someone waiting for her, loving her, despite circumstances. But he was too much of a coward to achieve something so memorable. Just like that time he lost in the battle of trying to give his dying sister another breath to live, he lost in trying to save her. He failed, and left her to her misery yet again.

Once having returned to his own home, Sung Gyu closed the door behind him, leaned against it and covered his face with both his trembling hands. If nothing broke him in the company of the girl he loved, they certainly did, when he had returned to the darkened confines of his own. His soul shattered into millions of angry shards which prickled him, and the miserable cries which escaped weren’t of his own voice. He gasped for air, he tried to keep himself down as much as he could, afraid his voice would be carried across the hall for her to hear. He slid down the door and landed on the floor, lost and broken, drowning in his own pit of dread and remorse, unable to come to the surface once more. His tears hid behind the palms which covered his face, his cries were muffled, but the convulse of his shoulders and the very sight of him implied the miserable state he was in. And the one person who would understand him the most just stood there, watching him.

“S-Sung Gyu…?” His mother called from the living room, and he was so ashamed that he couldn’t even raise his head. He whimpered loudly, and buried his face even further.

“Sung Gyu…. Sung Gyu what is it?”

She was standing right above him, now, yet he still refused to speak. A warm hand landed on his head then, and massaged his scalp in an earnest touch, which broke him just the same.

“M-mum…” he sobbed, so much like the twenty-five-year-old Sung Gyu did upon learning of his sister’s death. And his mother understood him. She stayed strong to comfort him. She crouched down before him and brought his head to snuggle against the crook of her neck. He breathed in her scent of motherly love and held onto her as if she was his dear life.

“Mum…I lost her…”

“Ssh…it’s okay, sweetheart, It’s okay…”

“I lost her, mum”

“Hush now, Mum’s got you”

~*~

Sung Gyu told his mother everything. Later that night when his troubled mind had finally found its peace, the two of them sat in the living room, her on the sofa, him on the floor beside her with his head leaning against her, mugs of warm coffee in their hands, Sung Gyu told his mother about the woman who entrusted her life to him and how he saved her, how he found his life in her and how he fell in love with her, all the way to the events from today, minus the bits she didn’t need to know, to the turn of events which led him to the point where they stood now; separated, heartbroken and confused. After all was said and done, he sat beside her quietly, deep in his thoughts, so many things flooding his mind as he stared at the roof above him. Having his mother around at a time like this was pacifying. For someone who hated open affection gave him all the care he needed at that time, like she always did when he needed it the most. Her hand was in his hair, slowly him, and her quietness gave him a moment to gather his thoughts, to prepare his mind to absorb whatever she had to say afterwards. Miru was already asleep in his room after having been put to bed by his mother. She didn’t ask him anything which she must have deemed to trigger him. Instead, she let him speak his heart out. She listened. She paid attention. She responded carefully at every point she had to. She allowed him to relief himself, and it made him feel so much better.

“Mum” he called out after a while, and his eyes remained to be focused on the roof above them. “What do I do now?”

His mother continued to run her tiny frail fingers through his hair as she spoke. “It’s all up to you, Sung Gyu. Whether you make it up to her, whether you let her go, it’s all up to you…”

He tilted his head, and with his lips pursed, he nodded his head. A moment later then, he looked up to face her. “Mum…do you think she likes me? Am I likeable enough?”

His mother smiled, yet her eyes glowered down at him. “Of course you are likeable, Sung Gyu, if she doesn’t like you, she’s missing out on something great, and it’s all her loss!”

Coming from his mother as expected, the sincerity of her words made him smile. But the truth always scared him. Did she really like him? Was he enough? Was he worthy of her love? Or was it yet another one-time thing for her to abandon him yet again with another believable excuse?

Or was she different than he thought she was?

He chuckled softly, reached over and took her hand in his. Comparing to his, her hand was tiny, fragile, and delicate. Those were the same hands which used to be much stronger; holding him, preparing his favorite dishes, playing with him, carrying the weight of his world. They were a pair of capable hands which were now slowly losing their strength. He stared down at the wrinkles formed on them, and the tip of his fingers traced them along.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing”

Silence.

“Sung Gyu-ah…”

“Hm?” Sung Gyu looked up, a small smile curved on his lips. “Yeah, mum?”

She smiled back at him, and the hand in his own grasped onto his fingers so tightly, startling him, and brought it into her lap before she turned back to him, her smiled replaced with a frown.

“Sung Gyu…I am not getting any younger…”

His heart constricted at the sound of her voice, at the sense which they carried. He hated this conversation; of her leaving, of her dying the same way both his father and sister did. Sung gyu lived his life for years, convinced that death was yet far, far away from him, like it was something which didn’t happen to just anyone. For him, death wasn’t that simple. People didn’t die so easily. There was medicine to cure even the most dangerous sickness, and ways to heal the most lethal wounds. There were methods to avoid accidents, and he hardly even imagined people actually had the guts to kill themselves. Death was a concept which was basically non-existent in his life, until the passing of his dad happened, followed by his sister’s endless attempts of suicide. He realized, thus, how death was almost too close, too easy to happen, and that horrified him.

“Mum…” he cried, but she shook her head and held his hand even stronger.

“I can’t make promises that I would live a very long life. Your father went so early, your sister decided to go earlier. I can’t ever tell how long I have left”

He went quiet, unable to form a response and urging for her to continue.

“And I don’t want to leave you behind like this, on your own with a daughter and nobody to turn to when you needed it. It breaks my heart to see you like this, Sung gyu-ah. And it’s not even the first time, now is it? It keeps on happening. You fall in love, she leaves, you fall in love again, she leaves”

“Mum…you don’t have to put it like that” he mumbled, feeling slightly ashamed.

“But that’s how it is, isn’t it?” She pointed out firmly. “I have witnessed this enough times to recognize the pattern, and I hate it”

Sung Gyu groaned loudly and buried his face in his hands. This was a conversation he had never shared with his mother. There were a couple of times when she had initiated the topic but every time Sung Gyu had changed the direction of the conversation, or simply walked away. This was the first time he had dunk head first into it, and this once, for the first time ever, he acknowledged the fact that he really needed it.

“So do you think there’s something wrong with me, mum? That they all leave me?” He inquired her, and she gave him a look so intense, as if he had just insulted her. Maybe he had, because he was her son, and he carried a bit of her in himself.

“Of course not, Sung Gyu…” she said, yet she sounded quite hesitant, as if she wasn’t being entirely true to herself. And then she added in almost an afterthought; “I mean, at least not from the outside, not at first glance…”

“Mum” Sung Gyu whined and sat up, all prepared to argue against her claim. But the look in her eyes stopped him. That look of genuine worry and concern, worried for her son who could never make his love work.

She pulled him up by his arm then, and he understood what she meant. He slid up and into the sofa beside her, she moved closer, took both his hands in the small, frail ones of hers and laid them in her lap.

“Listen, Son” She started, her eyes looking up into his eyes and right into his soul. “Before everything else, you have got to stop thinking so little of yourself. That you might not be good enough, that you have to give more, do more, that they deserve a lot more than you are capable of delivering. This comes right back at you as your biggest mistake. It’s not them who would feel you weren’t doing enough. It’s you. And you would keep trying time and time again, you’d keep blaming yourself, you’d stop seeing your true worth, and when this happens, they leave you. You need to give yourself a break, Sung gyu. Not everyone out there is born perfect, but for the ones who love you, you’re perfect as you are”

As emotional as her words made him feel, it also brought him the difficulty of actually believing them. He hated to have that insight of himself; to hear what he had been actually projecting. It was possible that he had given so much for them, it was possible that it might have been a little excessive from his part, but he had never really felt that way, or that he hadn’t given enough either. For Sung Gyu, it was a part of his responsibility, as a lover, as a husband, as a father, as a son; and not once did he feel, slightly even, bothered or burdened by it. If anything, he never even felt that it might be a reason for someone to leave him. Did that even make sense? Does doing things for the one you love would actually provide them a reason to leave him?

As if Sung Gyu’s mother figured how his mind worked, before even he could argue in return, she gave him a long intimidating look, the look which had always stopped him from talking back.

“Sung Gyu I know what you’re thinking” she said, tutted and shook her head in disapproval. “The thing is, you would never understand that what you do is wrong. In our eyes, it’s always right, isn’t it? But for the others, it shows a side of you. A side where you’re insecure, a side where you are dubious and petrified and doing everything to stop someone from slipping away, you know. You’re showing them that you’re scared they’d eventually leave you. You’re showing you’re afraid that anything you might do would scare them away, and that you’re not trusting them enough to stay with you. Do you understand what I mean…?”

Sung gyu was confused. Was it really what he was projecting? Or were these his true innermost emotions he always denied to have and refused to admit to because of his own self-consciousness, yet naturally showed when he wasn’t mindful of his bearings? He tried to open his mouth and deny everything she said, yet again, like he always did. But at a moment when he was emotionally strangled and mildly startled by the complexity of the situation, he was finally coming to an understanding that all that she said might even be the truth.

He probably was scared, insecure and afraid to trust people. He probably lived his whole life convinced that people he loved would always leave him, just like his father did, and his sister, an ample number of girlfriends and his wife. And this belief itself had driven him to do everything within his possibility to let this from happening, an excessive amount of care and affection which eventually made his worries ever so obvious, making the others tired of his diffidence, leading them to leave him. It was a connection of events, a chained reaction. And the apparent core was him.

“You should stop feeling so little and start trusting people, Sung Gyu. You have to have more faith in yourself. You have to be more confident.” His mother continued as she blindly massaged his hand in both of hers. “You don’t have to do so much to force people to stay in your life. It drives me crazy at times. You’re always scared if I would leave you. As if you can’t imagine a life without anyone, because you think just so little of yourself. That’s why people don’t feel obligated to stay with you. Just by trying to keep them in your life, you’re also driving them away from you”

“Then…” he started, his eyes downcast, looking down at the wrinkles in her clammy hands. “What should I do, mum? I’m confused myself”

“Relax” she said, looking up at him. “Stop giving yourself a hard time, stop trying to be more than you already are and let people to see the truest version of you. Trust them. Have faith in them. Have faith in yourself. And most importantly, don’t force love on them, let them feel what you can deliver just naturally. Let them find a reason in you for them to stay with you as long as they wish to…” Sung Gyu was looking at her with so much of fondness and compassion that he could feel his heart picking up, and he felt warm in his eyes. His mother always knew the right things to say. She always saw him right through. It was only that he refused, every time, to hear her out, to listen to what she had to say. She smiled then, and cupped his face in both her hands. “Sung Gyu-ah, people don’t stay in your life forever. But make sure that, every second they spend with you is precious, every second they spend with you feel like forever. That way you can make anything last much longer...”

“M-mum…” he whispered, and pulled her into a warm embrace. He buried his face in her hair, and felt her relax into his arms; her warmth was pacifying, and her touch familiar and comforting. It brought back a recollection of memories from his childhood, from his past, and made him realize that there was no denying in the fact that he was indeed a fool for love.

“I understand you, Sung Gyu” His mother continued and her muffled voice left a warm trail behind him. “If you feel small, vulnerable and insecure. I understand where all that comes from, and I regret terribly for letting that happen to you. You saw your sister dying. You had to take up the responsibility as the only man in the family in such a young age. You were brought up all pampered and showered with love that you had a hard time coming into terms with all of these negative emotions. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop these from happening. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you happier…”

“No, mum” Sung gyu whispered and pulled away from her. His mother had her cheeks stained with tears, and it made her old age so much obvious. He wiped the stains with trembling hands and tried to force out a smile despite his struggle to hold back his tears. “What…what were bound to happen, they happened. Just like mum said, nothing lasts forever. So the best way to go about is to make every second spent together feel like forever, isn’t it? So let’s live happily, okay? Let’s make things last long”

“Yes” Nodded his mother, and her mood gradually shifted, which made everything better. “And that’s why you, my son, are going to stop being an idiot and make things work between you and the Eunji girl. You love her, don’t you?”

“W-Well…” Sung Gyu’s cheek reddened, and his cheeky smile made everything much more obvious than they were.

“Then what are you waiting for?” She exclaimed accusingly. “You love her, then you have her! I don’t know what is so complicated about this. She loves you too, surely. I don’t think anyone else would actually put the effort to clean this pig sty. I know I wouldn’t. And to say that she actually cleaned the whole house, cooked for you, took care of Miru, looked after you…that takes real effort Sung Gyu. Having raised you for thirty-one years, I know. So it’s obvious. It’s love”

Sung Gyu laughed loudly, hysterically, with his head thrown back and his eyes shining and his voice echoing in the quiet, dark room. He could feel that the weight on his shoulders had finally been lifted after having had this much needed conversation, and he felt lighter, much contented. He was happy. He also realized that he did, indeed love Eunji very, very much. He realized that this time around, he was going to make her his forever.

“So do I go now? Like this?” He asked his mother, almost sliding off the seat. But then she grabbed him and held him back. “Aish! What have I taught this child, even? No!” She smacked lightly on his head, and then she caressed the place she hit him. “Give it some time. Okay? You’ve had a rough day already, so take a long rest, give it more thought and go for it when the time feels right”

Sung Gyu smiled and reclined back into the sofa, snuggling against his mother. “Okay”

“And no, you’re not going to be a big baby and cuddle with me” she exclaimed, seeing his true intentions as to his overly affectionate snuggles and smacked lightly on his arms. “Go, go. You need a shower before everything…”

He pulled at his shirt and smelled himself, but all he could catch were the traces of his cologne, a slight hint of his mother’s balm patches and Eunji scent of strawberries and warm summers. “I don’t stink” He said.

“Miru was waiting for you” Said his mother, changing the subject, a fond smile on her lips. “I told her that you were going to fetch your friend….” She trailed off then, and her features became milder, a strange smile appeared on her lips. “I think you should speak to Miru about her…Sung Gyu. She would like to know…”

Later that night, after having a shower and changing into pajamas, he crawled under the covers, quietly so as to not to make a single sound which could startle her, and lied down next to his daughter. Miru looked so much like Hayoung as she slept. In fact, she carried so much of her within herself, as if she was a miniature version of her. If it was any other time, Sung Gyu would have missed her, gotten emotional over her and would have done the mistake of calling her on the phone in hopes of hearing her voice just to remind himself that she still did exist. Tonight, however, it was different. Tonight he finally came to accept the reality, the truth he had always refused to see. It was the high time that he moved on from her, close that chapter, that phase in life, and start anew. It was the time that he started seeing his daughter in an all new light. Not as the life he’s been entrusted with, but as his very own daughter whom he loved.

So he pulled her into his arms, and Miru comfortably snuggled into his chest, into his embrace. He ran his fingers through her curls like he always did every night, putting her to sleep, and kissed her long on the crown of her head.

“You don’t mind if daddy loved again, do you, Mimi?” He whispered into her curls. “Do you mind having a new mummy?”

He went quiet right after, and waited for a response as if he would actually get one from a soundly sleeping child. But all that he received in response was the silence of the long night, the pitter-patter of the rain outside and the sound of the soft, even breath of his child.

~*~

He gave it two days, two days to settle into his new life; yet had he spent not a second without thinking of her. He missed her, immensely, and had considered ample of times to go crashing into her house and confess his profound love for her. Every time he felt he couldn’t hold back any longer, he would go to her house and pace in front of her front door until the initial emotion would pass. Myriad times had he taken sneak peeks from the crack of his door, desperate to catch a single glimpse of her. Yet he promised himself to not to overdo it. This time, he had to be considerate, of himself, of his daughter, of her. This time he had to give time for it to grow and nurture and become significant. Thus no matter how much he was dying to see her, hold her, kiss her. He refrained. Two days, he kept reminding himself. Two days.

But the time-out didn’t mean that he wasn’t giving her the necessary attention. Although he couldn’t directly communicate with her, he found the other means. He talked to doctor Jang, he spoke of her improvement and learned from him of the progress of her pills. Eunji’s dosage had decreased, which was a good sign, and much for his amazement, she had attended her therapy session and had not projected any kind of discomfiture. Sung Gyu had feared that their parting could have affected her negatively, recalling how she retrieved into her shell the moment he raised his voice at her, but for someone whose emotions were so evident, with her eyes being the mirrors to her soul, Eunji hadn’t even showed a sign of a fall-out, as if she hadn’t even deemed it as one. And that came to Sung Gyu as a good sign.

On the second day, he was already making plans on how to approach her. He had thought of many ways, some of which came corny and even borderline creepy. He thought of going to her house with a bouquet of roses and chocolates, dressed impeccably, and get down on his knees before her, asking for forgiveness, but the whole set up seemed like a real nightmare. He was sure, given that it was Jung Eunji, he wouldn’t see the end of it. Then he thought of forgetting this ever happened and straight up ask her out on a date. But then it occurred to him, the consequences which would follow. Questions to answer, apologies to make. He didn’t think it would lead them straight to the bed so much as to another full-fledged, teary argument, and he didn’t want that. He also thought of just calling her over the phone, but it wasn’t flashy enough. He wanted to do something more extravagant. It was after much thought that he finally came to a conclusion.

So that evening, with much reluctance, bearing in mind that it had to be done, he located the dimwit-ex-boyfriend Woohyun’s number (which he had secretly saved on his phone) in hopes he would contribute without question.

Sung Gyu was lying across the bed while Miru ran around the room in her pajamas with ‘Princess’ the cat in her hand, waiting for the dreaded phone-call to end. Woohyun picked up on the seventh ring, and the sound of his voice, though not suspecting, intimidated him.

“Hello? It’s Nam Woohyun” he said politely, not a least bit taken by the sudden unknown caller.

“Ah, Nam Woohyun-Ssi” Sung Gyu said, playing along his ploy, and buried his fingers in his hair. “Um, I’m Kim Sung Gyu. I got to know you from a friend…you make music, right?”

“Yes I do…I think I might know who you’re referring to” and rather haughtily he added. “He brags quite a lot about me. I mean, I’m not even that exceptional, so to speak” Followed by his overly-staged laughter and it made him cringe.

“Right” Sung Gyu said, suppressing his urge to bash at his obtuseness. “Yeah, so I make music myself and I wanted someone to do my sound recording? I heard you had connections. What’s her name again, Jung Ji Eun? Jung…something?”

It was hard to play clueless to this extent and he even felt like breaking into giggles. It wasn’t helping that Woohyun was being even more of a dimwit than he already was.

“Jung Eunji? Ah...yes, she is a recording artist. A good one at that. She’s also my gorgeous and very talented girlfriend”

Sung Gyu didn’t know if to laugh or cry. After even having gotten dumped in the worst possible way in a crowded place, at an ice cream stall, no less, this guy still had the nerve to stick to his stupid lies. Sung Gyu knew for a fact that his interactions with Eunji had ceased considerably by now, being limited to simple exchanges of monosyllables and pleasantries. And him making such an imperceptive claim only made him more of an idiot, and it was hilarious.

Gorgeous and very talented? Bet he didn’t mention that when he got his friends to kidnap her.

Sung Gyu yet again refrained himself from making an impulsive remark and played along. “So um…Woohyun-Ssi…Where do I find this place?”

~*~

And that’s how Sung Gyu ended up on the road, in his car, in the afternoon next day, dressed impeccably in an expensive jacket and a fancy hair do with Miru buckled up behind him, so many plans in his mind. He wasn’t sure of how he was going to go about with it in the beginning, when he woke up with the resolve of winning her back in his hands; nor did he have any idea, when he walked out of his room, all nice and dandy to find Miru hopping around in a tutu skirt she had insisted to wear, nor when she skipped over to him and asked where they were going.

“To a recording studio” He had answered without much thought as Miru climbed into his lap and he helped her into her boots.

“What is a recording studio?” She inquired.

“It’s a place where people sing and make music”

“Then are we going to sing and make music too?” Miru asked him.

And that’s the moment when the most brilliant idea occurred to him.

It wasn’t that impressive, so to say, though he felt quite proud of himself for having come up with it. But it definitely did seem bold and romantic in his mind, something that he wouldn’t have done previously, something which definitely meant that he was indeed folding a new chapter in life. It would be small, insignificant, even; but for Sung Gyu, it would be a huge milestone, a big adventure. Even the very thoughts of it made his hands clammy in nervousness.

After a drive of about thirty minutes, they came to a different part of the city which looked like the heart of the kind of people who chased their dreams. The walls were covered in colorful graffiti, and those weren’t just the ordinary drawings; they were motivational quotes about people who dreamt about going big. There were groups of people dressed in strange attire and heavy make-up, carrying musical instruments and even playing, in every corner; all lost in their own worlds. Some were chatting loudly, some passed by giving him odd looks as he drove along. The more he looked around and drank in the essence of this place, the more he could imagine Eunji to be here, walking those roads, making her kind of music, chasing her dreams. He could associate her with the likes of these people; her with bandana on her head, oversized second-hand T-shirts with logos of bands of all sorts. It was almost as if he had finally walked into the unfamiliar part of her universe for the first time, and it made the moment very intimate. It made him content.

The record studio was situated in the far end of the street, a small, imperceptible affair with grey walls and tall blackened windows which obscured the view inside. Surrounding the building were a few shops and a bakery a few feet away, yet this one stood out the most, perhaps for being the tallest among them, or perhaps for being the one which caught him the most. He looked up at the construction with squinted eyes, and it suddenly made him giddy and anxious. It was as if he was an intruder of a place he had never known to exist. A little universe of her own. Yet he could see her there. He could see so much of her personality related to it. Those blank grey walls, the windows which couldn’t be seen through unless you took a closer look. It seemed to be screaming out the essence of her.

“Daddy, where are we?” Miru asked from beside him. She had unbuckled herself from the child-seat, somehow, and was easing into the front seat from the gap in the middle so she could have a closer look at her new surroundings. Her soft curls brushed against him as she slipped through, and soon she was leaning over the dashboard as the afternoon sun glimmered on her curious brown eyes.

“We’re at the recording studio” He replied, sounding slightly dreamy himself.

“Is that the recording studio?” She asked, pointing at the same building he was staring at.

“Yup”

“Whoa!” She stared at the lonely grey building in pure fascination, completely gripped by it that it gave him the impression that Miru too, despite her young age, could see the young woman behind it herself. It seemed to speak so much of her.

“Daddy, let’s go!” She suddenly exclaimed, startling Sung Gyu who was trying to gather his courage for the next step. It was his first time actually putting an effort in winning back the heart of a woman he loved, and it was making him feel all sorts of things that even the smallest sound made him jittery.

“Just a moment” He said.

“Daddy! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

Miru, as usual, was persistent to have another one of her little adventures. She was being so loud and the jeep began to shake with her tiny excited jumps. In the end, he had to gather his courage as much as possible and finally give in.

“Okay, fine” He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he helped the little girl out of the vehicle. Like a butterfly set out from being held captive, she ran off in her own liberty. If it was before, he would have thought of Hayoung, the girl who flew away from him. But no, he didn’t. Instead he only watched his baby girl flying off on her own little adventures, lips curved into a fond smile.

With every step he took towards the entrance, Sung Gyu’s anxiety grew. His hands were clammy, and the strides became shorter, slower, his mind in a complete mess. Although he tried to tally it all down to being there a ‘first time for everything’, Sung Gyu incidentally felt so gullible that he could hardly take another step when he was just a few inches away from the narrow iron door. Miru was on a side with her hands cupped on the glass, peaking in. Her tutu skirt had fled up, and her hair was in a mess. Nonetheless nothing stopped her from being curious about almost everything. Yet as excited as she was, Sung Gyu needed her support on this mission of great difficulty.

He walked over to where the child was, crouched down and turned her around to face him.

“Aren’t we going to sing daddy?” Was the first thing she wanted to know, which earned a smile from him.

“Not yet, Mimi” he whispered, and when she opened to make a loud remark, Sung Gyu widened his eyes and pressed a finger on his pouted lips. “Ssh, Mimi has to be quiet”

Miru followed the gesture of shushing someone, her eyes widened gravely and repeated in a whisper. “Are we going to sing daddy?”

Sung Gyu shook his head. “First we have to do something” he whispered and gestured her closer as if he had a big secret to share. She followed him, and with a rather grave face, she listened attentively to the rather confidential information that he passed onto her. She understood her task perfectly well, as expected from a girl too smart for her age, and as Sung Gyu hid gullibly behind a wall, Miru ran to the iron door as fast as her little feet would take her, and began to bash obnoxiously on it with both her hands. Finding exhilaration on it, she did this a few times, and ran straight back to her father when he beckoned her over. Then they waited for a quiet moment, anticipating. A few seconds later, the door opened, and Sung Gyu’s heart dropped dead at the sight of her.

Eunji emerged from the doorway, dressed in a short skirt and ankle boots, an oversized shirt tucked in messily and her hair cascaded beautifully behind her. The very appearance of her almost distracted him from his main objective. It took him a while to return to his senses, and as she stepped out into the street walk, he pulled his phone out and quickly dropped her a surprising text.

‘I’m on the other side of the street’

Sure enough his car was parked there, and her walking all the way there would buy them time to sneak in. He waited one gullible moment, waiting her to retrieve her phone and see what he has sent. The message arrived shortly. He watched her with a wildly beating heart, closely observing her reaction as she pulled out her phone and read the message with a frown. The seconds which followed after felt like years for him. And then it happened.

She smiled. Her smile was brighter than all the summers he had lived through, her eyes filled up which she started to wipe off with her finger tips, and then she broke into a series of crying laughter. It was such a beautiful sight, and he felt his heart swell up. She was beautiful. And he could just stand here, hide from her eyes and watch her all day. But he knew little Miru could grow cranky in a matter of seconds. He picked her up in to his arms and quietly signaled her to stay silent.

Eunji looked over at the either sides of the road, her wide eyes searching for a familiar face. Sung Gyu could have ran over to her, hugged her, kissed her, made everything much easier. But then that won’t be momentous enough. It had to be a moment worth cherishing.

A split of a second passed and Eunji recognized the sleek black jeep almost immediately. The sight of her eyes lightening up was mesmerizing, and he stood there, stupefied as if it just hit him, hard, just how much he loved these pair of eyes. Just how much he missed them.

Sung Gyu had always thought that her eyes were the prettiest.

He waited until she crossed the empty road and made her way towards the vehicle. Once she was a considerable distance away from the door, he counted to Miru in a whisper. He counted to three and soon ran on light steps towards the door, wrenched it open and slipped in.

The inside of the studio still spoke so much of her. The spotless lobby area was taken most use of despite the size. There was a tattered old cushion which was still well tended to, kept on one side. A potted plant was placed leading to the narrow corridor. The walls were pale white, the carpet was red, and the sound of the old air conditioning system made a low rumble, giving this place life. Miru took the lead by dragging him away through the corridor and the first door which came into her line of sight caught her attention. On the door, on a hand-written placard it said “Studio A”, and as it seemed, it was the only functioning one with its lights from the entire corridor. It was the right place.

With his heart beating in his throat, he pulled open the door which made a comfortable creak, and took in the set-up of the studio in one long glance. There were the controls boards, head phones, all those led lights and little knobs lining the controlling system also occupied with two roller chairs. Right before it was the recording unit with a single mike stand in the middle, lightened dimly and separated by a thick, sizeable glass panel. Inside the unit were a number of musical instruments. A drum set, a few guitars, a keyboard set, and so on. Miru was looking around in awe, taking in the sight of her new surroundings with large, curious eyes. She wanted to try everything, observe what all the many knobs on the control system and all those bright lights did, what she could hear through those high tech headsets. But Sung Gyu hadn’t much time to spear either. He had to get on with it before Eunji comes.

“Come on, Mimi” he whispered, picked Miru up from where she was attempting to grab a pair of headsets from the stand, pushed open the door to the recording unit and shuffled inside.

In the jeep parked on the other side of the street, on the passenger seat was a flimsy pink sheet of paper passing a message written in his messy hand writing. ‘Meet me in the studio’ it said.

It couldn’t take her long to find it, see it, read it, swoon, get exhilarated, dab at her teary eyes, laugh as she cried, hop around maybe, and come running back in side. Sung Gyu had approximated seven minutes’ maximum for the entire process, which brought him enough time to prepare for the moment. But Eunji took ten.

Sung Gyu could sing well. He had a good voice, but by the lack of practice and being totally tone deaf, his singing didn’t really come off in the quality of recording music. But what he could offer was enough. For the moment, it had to do. The song choice was poor too, with lots of high notes he couldn’t drag without cracking miserably in the middle and he couldn’t even get the tune right. But Miru enjoyed the part of singing immensely. She even wanted to put on the head set and pretend to be a soulful singer while Sung Gyu went on and on about how he wanted to be a butterfly. It was a disaster, but a beautiful disaster. A disaster which was worth every second of it. He wouldn’t mind being a butterfly after all.

The door to ‘Studio A’ opened slowly, and Sung Gyu braced himself for the unforgettable moment. He went on singing rather gullibly, nonetheless. Miru was screaming on top of her lungs, and his voice kept cracking by the mixture of emotions. Eunji’s head peeked in, and she rushed inside in a frenzy as if taken by the greatest surprise ever. Perhaps it was. It wasn’t just every day that Kim Sung gyu would come to a recording studio, sporting his terrible singing abilities and making a complete fool out of himself. But seeing her reaction, he couldn’t help smiling widely. Now, right now was the most beautiful she had ever been.

Both her trembling hands covered , he could only see her eyes which were round with surprise, shining like stars with tears. The initial shock took long to wear off, followed by her exhilarated laughter and hopping up and down in disbelief. She bent down in an attempt to contain herself and her hair was all over the place. Then she stood up straight, continued her hopping, and Sung Gyu stopped singing about being a butterfly. He didn’t have to, because there were plenty fluttering away in his heart.

When Eunji pushed open the door to the unit, Sung Gyu helped Miru off the headset and set her down on the floor. She wasn’t taking much interest in her father, and was soon off exploring all the new things which caught her eye. What caught Sung Gyu’s eyes the most however was the woman standing before him; shy, surprised and beautiful. He stared down at her for a long moment, drinking in the sight of her, taking in her being alive and standing right in front of him, and fell in love all over again.

“Hi” He said.

“Hi” she greeted back.

Silence.

“That was some really crappy singing you did” Eunji said, and despite her words, there was a brilliant smile on her lips, her eyes shined incessantly, very much alive.

“It was, now, wasn’t it?”

Eunji didn’t respond to that. She just stared up at him, disbelief still evident in her eyes as if it was difficult to come into terms with seeing him standing right there in her studio.

“How did you find me?” She asked him.

“I had to take serious measures” He grinned.

“Like what?”

Sung Gyu frowned. “I had to call Nam Woohyun”

Eunji fell into a series of loud hysterics in response, her head thrown back, eyes shut tight, definitely enjoying herself. It was quite a sight that he solely watched her, smiling to himself until she came down from her high. Once she did, she looked at Sung Gyu as if he had grown two horns, and then laughed again.

“I didn’t find it funny talking to him” Sung Gyu pointed out as her laughter slowly came to a stop. “He and his big head. And apparently you’re his gorgeous and very talented girlfriend!”

Eunji laughed even more at that and he couldn’t help smiling while she wasn’t watching and played his part with a blank look rest of the time.

“I mean; I can’t even believe that you have such a terrible taste in men…that’s just disappointing”

Eunji stopped laughing at this remark. She looked up with a straight face, playing along with his childish ploy herself and took a step ahead towards him. “Oh yeah? So who are the men coming in a good taste?” Her eye brows were raised challengingly, hands crossed across her chest, and this posture of her itself made him bold, gave him drive.

“Well, I don’t know” Sung Gyu raised his eye brows himself took a step ahead. “There are plenty of good men out there”

Eunji took another step towards him while continuing her challenging face. “Define good men?”

Sung Gyu’s lip raised from one end in a smirk, knowing that he had won this round. “That’s easy” he said, took another step towards her that they were standing so close, almost touching and when she looked up at him, his smile became milder, and his hands raised to cup her face in both his hands.

“Just love me” he whispered to her, leaned down and caught her lips in a long, blissful kiss.

Eunji threw her hands around him, bringing them closer, and making their hearts to beat in sync as one. Sung Gyu’s own hands traveled downwards to wrap around her waist, and almost pulled her off her feet. Her lips tasted just as same as he remembered. Sweet and intoxicating. It made his head swivel and beckoned him to go even deeper, longer. He kissed her until he became breathless, powerless, and her lost and melting in his arms.

They didn’t speak afterwards. They just didn’t have to, as their eyes shared all the little notes they’ve missed out on. Sung gyu found life in her deep brown irises, dilated under the soft light, simply breathtaking and going deep right into her soul. His hand moved upwards, caressed her cheek and ran through her hair, enjoying its soft, silken texture tangled around his fingers. Her eyes fluttered close as the tip of his nose brushed against her when his head tilted to a side; but all before he could lean in and claim her lips again, the door to ‘Studio A’ flung open. A rather flabbergasted Nam Woohyun stood by the doorway.

Sung Gyu took this the moment to get back to him, finally finding the opportunity he missed out on the last time. He raised his brows at him, enjoying the startled, perplexed look he carried, then narrowed his eyes accompanied by a smirk which he imagined to be the most condescending look he could ever muster. Eunji had turned to look at who the intruder was. Sung Gyu pressed his fingers under her chin and beckoned her to face him again. After stealing one last look of the now completely livid Nam Woohyun, he fluttered his eyes close and pressed his lips onto hers.

Sung Gyu kissed her until the sound of the falling cassettes and CD cases came, followed by shrilled cussing and the loud screech of the door. He kissed her until he was certain the bastard was out of sight. He kissed her until she smiled onto his lips in delight. He kissed her until he had given her all he could and had it enough. Then he pulled away, took a step back, and gave her his most brilliant smile.

“That solved the last problem” Sung Gyu commented looking over at the doorway which was now devoid of intruders and back at the girl who held his heart. She looked beautiful; her cheeks dusted pink, her lips reddened, her eyes shining brilliantly. His hand reached out to her and began to fix her lousy bangs while she only watched him.

“I didn’t think I’d ever come around to say this but…” he trailed off, bit his lip and looked straight into her soul. “…I love you...” Sung Gyu sighed and his hand wandered downwards. She caught it in her own and held it warmly in both of hers.

Eunji, without saying anything, just held onto his hand and smiled.

“And well…I don’t know. The road from this point on is pretty unclear. Wherever it will take us, whatever it will be, Eunji. I promise you, I will make us last forever…does that sound good to you?”

She nodded in response, a bright smile spreading upon her lips.

They remained in their own little universe for as long as it lasted, hands linked, gazes held, lost long in their little bubble of a moment, yet it all so much as broke but evaporated when a loud noise from somewhere in the room erupted, and Sung Gyu jumped, startled out of his skin and whipped around only to see his daughter bashing obnoxiously on a base drum, imagining she made the best kind of music. Eunji began to laugh at her cuteness. The tutu skirt, pink boots, curly hair and the determined look on her face made quite a sight, and although Sung Gyu grew irritated by it all, Eunji’s cheerful laughter washed it all off.

While the two watched Miru play her drums, Sung Gyu hugged Eunji from behind, wrapped his hands around her and leaned in towards her neck. He kissed her there on the smooth curve, breathed in her scent and whispered into her ear, allowing his lips to brush against her skin; “Mum said she’d keep Mimi for the day”

Eunji jumped slightly at his words. She turned her head slightly to catch his eyes, and soon looked away. “But she’d be lonely”

“She’s going to see some kittens” he continued, his voice dropping into a throaty whisper which definitely meant something. “I’m sure she’d be okay…Eunji”

“Mmm” Eunji pulled away from his arms, turned around and looked up into his eyes in a daring gaze. “Well then, I’ll agree on that only on one condition”

“And that is?” Sung Gyu raised his brows.

Eunji’s fingers began to trace the shape of his lips, and continued down his neck, leaving a delicious trail behind her. “After we drop her off to see the cats; we’ll go home, draw the curtains close, take the phones off the hooks, lock all the doors, and you would make mad, mad love to me all night long. How does that sound to you?”

Sung Gyu’s skin prickled at her touch, yet he managed to give her a smile the best way a man in his state could give.

“Sounds promising to me” He replied, dipped down and kissed her once more.

~*~

Sung Gyu’s life pretty much overturned from that point. He found momentum in loving her, building a life with her, and everything fell into place in the most perfect way. Eunji moved into his house, not like she did earlier but with all her clothes and belongings, even the little knick-knacks which soon filled up the little space which they called home. Eunji healed pretty soon, despite her occasional mood swings and breakdowns which became less and less frequent until there were none for a very, very long time. Her pills were stopped a month later, and doctor Jang spoke to him so proudly of the notable change which came upon her, all thanks to Sung Gyu. Sung Gyu on the other hand was contented beyond words. His mother supported him in every possible way though she was quiet most of the time. She moved into Seoul and resided at his aunt’s place which was only a small drive away, which was all good. She was right under thirty minutes away when he was in need of an emergency mother’s cuddles. All the other times he got cuddles from Eunji, among many other things. He Soon got a promotion at his office, and they moved into a bigger apartment, still in the metropolitan towers since they couldn’t find the heart to leave the place. Eunji’s business also picked up after she did a record for an indie band which rocketed high in the field, bringing her immense recognition. It shot higher when Woohyun, who had finally found a girlfriend and his true talent in singing ballads, debuted under an entertainment agency, sang an OST for a drama and recommended the studio to just about everyone, and all was good for her. Four months later, Hayoung returned, and it was a roller coaster of emotions for him, yet he persevered, for Miru, for Eunji, and they finally divorced officially, for the better and the worst. She returned to her travels soon after and they kept minimal contact until there was nothing at all.

Despite the odd bits of it, life was good for him. Life was certainly good. He found good in even the worst moments possible He found the strength to glide through them. He figured, just as he had promised himself before, moments lasted longer when he saw them as forever. And they were beautiful.

A year into their lives, on a fine summer afternoon, Sung Gyu and Eunji sat huddled in the sofa seat while Miru busied herself with running from one end of the room to the other, him peeling clementine and her pulling the wedges apart and feeding them to Sung Gyu and the child. Miru would run a circle in her superman cape and devil horns, enjoying her freedom like a butterfly, and return only to have a wedge of clementine before running off yet again. The routine continued for a while until they came to the last of the clementine. Sung Gyu peeled the fruit with so much of concentration, his brows furrowed and lips in a straight line. Eunji watched him for a moment rather fondly, then looked over at Miru who was having the time of her life. There was a strange glimmer in her eyes which Sung Gyu failed to take note of as he worked on the rather complicated task in hand.

“Oppa” She called after a while, and Sung Gyu hummed distractedly, his hands still working on the fruit.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about something lately”

“Hm?” Sung Gyu finally pulled off the last of the peel, passed the fruit into Eunji’s hands and looked up to meet her eyes. It was then that he caught the strange glimmer in them.

“Hey” he took her hand in his which still smelled like tangerine. “Is everything okay?”

Eunji smiled and stared at him affectionately, hoping he would catch up with what she was trying to tell him. Miru came running towards them, and with her smile still curved on her lips, Eunji pulled the fruit apart and fed a wedge to the girl.

“Eunji, what is it?” Sung Gyu pushed on.

“No…It’s nothing, just” Eunji dropped the fruit into the plate, and Sung Gyu’s arm ran around her shoulder, bringing them even closer. She snuggled into his chest and took a deep breath.

“I want to be Mimi’s mother…I want to give her a sister or a brother…Oppa, is it too much to ask for?”

There was silence, the kind of quietness which followed after a questionable claim, but during that, Sung Gyu was thinking, trying to process the information he just received. But his mind was hazy, unclear. His thoughts were all stacked up, messy and all over the place. His hand slowly found its way into her hair, and his fingers tangled through before pulling her closer to him. He kissed long on her head and let out a sigh.

“Of course it’s not…” He whispered, his voice thick with emotion. He thought it would never come, he thought this question would be never asked. He thought everything of his desires would forever remain buried deep in his heart because they never came up, never seemed to matter to them. “Eunji…we never talked about this…”

“Maybe we should, maybe we should now” Eunji whispered and ran a hand up his chest, and his gaze met hers. Her eyes were glowing, and he knew what that meant. Hope.

“Maybe there was never even anything to talk about” Sung Gyu said and pulled away from her, only slightly to place a warm hand on her neck. “Because we both wanted it the whole time, didn’t we? I want to have a child with you, Eunji. I always wanted to, and I still do”

“You…do?” Eunji whispered in return. Sung Gyu nodded, his eyes welled up and he leaned down to kiss her softly on the lips. “I’d never be happier. Be Mimi’s mother, Eunji, be my wife, be the mother to my children...I’d never be happier…”

He kissed her yet again, and pulled away only when Miru came to them, asking for more clementine. Then, sitting together, holding onto each other, with all the promises of never letting go of each other, making every moment spent their forever, Sung Gyu and Eunji watched their child, her happiness, cheers and laughter; they watched the little world they built together unfold beautifully than ever before.

~Fin~

Author's note

Yet another story of mine comes to an end like this. I don't know how many of you read it, enjoyed it and gained something out of it, yet I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. This was a huge challenge I gladly took over, and the out come was better than i imagined. The journey through this was short but beautiful.

This is a special piece for me, mostly because of the premise and the characters I have created. I can relate to the premise myself, had you known me personally, you would know. That being said, I'd like to share with you what must be one of the biggest achievments of my life.

Aftr years and years of struggling, I was finally able to fight off depression, and on the day of my birthday (Which was the previous update) I finished my pills, and was able to live my life freely. I haven't had a major mental breakdown since (except for the really small, day-to-day ones which happen to all of us) and every second of my life, I try to live happier. I try to live in the best way I can.

I learned about Eunji's period of depression as well and I was proud and and happy to hear that she also fought it off herself, just in the same way that i did. The thing that I learned was that we should become stronger, fight harder to defeat the vicious demons and build a wall surrounding us impenetrable that the demons can't break through. It's impossible to achieve that mental stability on our own. That's what we have friends and family for. Not everyone's family stand with them. I don't know. Mine didn't, because the had a hard time coping with it and i don't blame them. The ones who truly helped me through were my friends. I never regret talking to you all during my hardest times. I still remember how desperate I was, and scared they would win over me. But that decision i made at that time took me a long way. Because of that, i'm still here, writing for you, talking with you, making memories with you, and nothing has ever felt better than that.

There are so many people here that I'm thankful for, kind hearted people whom I met through this small, limited space yet mean so muh to me. Though I wouldn't name them, they would certainly know who they are. ALl of you who stayed with me, encouraged me, were concerned of me, helped me through, I'll be forever grateful for you. You deserve a special place in my heart. I don't know how to repay you other than writing all these stories for you. I'll try to be better and beter until I could give you the best. I'll try hard to protect this life that you tried so hard to protect. Thank you for being here, being my friends. Thank you.

On an end note, i will continue to write more. Yet my ability doesn't limit to this. I want to support you the same way you supported me, so if there's anyone who need a helping hand, someone to speak to, someone to listen to you, i'm just a message away, though I lived on the other side of the world. Talk to me about anything and everything. Your worries, your insecures, or even about what makes you happy. I promise i'll be there to help you.

If you don't know where to find me, look me up on twitter, Instagram and facebook. I go by the same name so it shouldn't be so hard. Also it will be accompanied by a 'Gyu'/'Kyu'. Don't hesitate to talk to me. I'm all ears. :)

Hope all of you are doing well and I hope you would continue to be with me. And remember that you all are beautiful people and I love you a lot.

Loads and loads of love,

Achini.