Expectation
Mad Love
As much as I wanted to be at her side, I understood how complicated it was the situation. Yuri also made her way to accompany me when I went to her cell to wake her up, you know, just in case. As Yuri came back to Archive, I spent the day pretty much trying to ignore Taeyeon the best I could. I left her at the yard during recreation and went inside the Medical Center so no one would bat an eye on us. I also tried to be more attentive towards other doctors and officers to see if they noticed something. Yoona didn't say a thing but it was easy to see her looks at me whenever I was around with her. Apart from that, it seemed I was pretty much safe.
But just like Yuri mentioned, there are rumors. And inmates seem to understand what is going on. My biggest fear is that this rumor could reach officers and then Ho Sung, who would definitely fire me given the nature of those rumors. It isn't so far fetch to him to believe this rumor is true as pretty much everyone here knows Taeyeon is my favorite patient and Ho Sung is no exception.
As the recreation ended, I didn't even bother to follow Taeyeon, the officers did their job to confine her back to her cell. I know she must be finding strange my behavior out of so suddenly, but if I really want to stop the and the rumors from spreading, I have to minimize my encounter with her the best. Even if it hurts me and makes me feel lonely.
I know she has some trust issues, so I was willing to not fully ignore her for the whole day or she might be hurt and angry. I still should see her and talk to her, but now, just a lot less often. So I was just enduring the day till afternoon so I could arrange a situation where I could talk to her about it.
~~*~~
“Cheer up, Tiff.” Yuri tried to cheer me up .
I sighed. “This .”
“You know what you need?” Yuri snapped her fingers suddenly. “A hang out.”
“A hang out?”
“Yes, a hang out. You're with her too much often. Taeyeon this, Taeyeon that...You gotta break free from her. What you need is a hang out. We should go to a club or something.”
That made me completely uncomfortable. “I'm not a clubber type of girl, Yuri.” I shook my head sideways, just shyly walking away from her. “Loud music, can't hear people talking, gross people everywhere… I'm really good at my own place.”
“I'll think of somewhere you can fit. Don't worry, I know a lot of places in this town.”
“Why are you acting like I've already said yes?”
She walked to me, placing her hands over my shoulders. “Remember when you offered me help to deal with my issues?” She brought it up and I frowned my brows.
“Yes.”
“Now, it's my time to help you deal with your issues. Your issues go by the name of Kim Taeyeon and you really need help dealing with that. You said you can't stay away from her...well, you can't, because you're not even trying. You need to know better people. Random people. Have with them -
“I won't have with strangers!”
“Okay, then don't have with them. Just talk to them. Contact your old friends, call them for a night out.” The frown on my brows slowly vanished away as I listened to her words. Honestly, what was the last time I talked to Nicole? Or Bora? It's been a while for sure. What was the last time I had dinner in a nice restaurant other than my couch? I can't even remember.
“It's decided then, we'll hang out. I'll pick you up and we'll have a night out one of these days. Shrug it off, Tiffany, you need some fun yourself. Have that bastard out of your mind for a change.”
I exhaled, not really liking about it. But Yuri was right. If I need to stop having with Taeyeon, I do need to see other people.
So it is decided. I'll have a night out with Yuri.
~~*~~
“Could someone bring Kim Taeyeon to my office, please? Doctor Stephanie Hwang calling.” I asked through the speakers on my office. My plan was to arrange a fake session with Taeyeon so I could explain what is going on without people see me on her calves all times. In my head, it was a good plan and way less obvious.
As she walked inside after a while, I greeted her with a faint smile.
“Decided to have another session this week, Doctor?” Officer Baekhyun was the one speaking. I nodded.
“Yes.”
“A bit unusual.” Is it?
“My patient is showing satisfactory behavior and I was encouraged to have more sessions with her.”
“Oh, okay. It makes sense.”
“Now...please, stay outside.” I asked. He nodded.
“Could you please loose my restrains?” Taeyeon asked before the officers could leave.
“You're not in position to request anything. Just shut up.”
“Always so tendering. Your words could heal wounds, did you know that, officer Byun?” She scoffed.
“Taeyeon...just leave him alone.” I said it, not wanting to make that argument any longer.
“I just don't want to stay cuffed like this.”
“Well, you have to. Standard procedures.” I responded and I noticed her eyes squinting. “Please, officers...leave us alone.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“ it up, Kim!” Officer Byun laughed before leaving us.
I pointed at the chair as Taeyeon was still standing.
“Sit.” She didn't.
She purposely lowered her voice. “Same old Doctor Hwang now? What happened this time?”
I sighed, closing my eyes.
“Are you alright?”
No. My relationship with Taeyeon was discovered by my closest friends and now I have to be extra careful or I could ruin everything for Taeyeon.
Hayeon purchased her ticket to Seoul in order to see Taeyeon and I haven't still talked to her about it. She is coming in two days time and I'm still insecure about all that stuff. Honestly… I don't really know how to cope with all that stuff happening at the same time.
“It's complicated.” I left it out.
“What is complicated?”
I lowered my voice just as she had done before. “We need to stop what we're doing, Taeyeon.”
“Talking?”
“No. You know...it.” I didn't want to deliver the literal word. “Yuri knows about us.”
“She does? Does she know or she just thinks we're doing it?”
“She knows.” I confirmed. “She really knows.” “And people talk. Inmates are spreading rumors about us.” I said even more careful. “If this reaches Ho Sung, I'll be fired.”
“So that's why you're different today, hm...” She then proceeded to sit down.
“I can't let it happen. For my sake. For your sake. It could be just a matter of time till he finds out about us and then it's over.” She stood silent. “So we need to be careful and we need to make sure we aren't feeding this type of rumors in any way.”
“How we are gonna do it? The rumors happen because we're pretty much joined at the hips. But you're my doctor and you're assigned to take care of me and me only. Unless you...” Her eyes got slightly bigger as she seemed to catch up.
“I think it is for the best if...we...” I stopped talking when I saw her lowering her head. “I'll talk to Lee Soon Kyu...” I started. “Ask her to diminish my hours with you.”
“But…”
“We're gonna go back to how we were before. You know, seeing each other just a few times once a week.” I tried to remember myself but honestly, I don't even remember how I managed to only properly see Taeyeon once a week like before. “We'll have our sessions, once or twice week, and we won't be talking during your recreation. Hopefully that will make the rumors die away.”
“So… no visits in my cell...”
“No visits in your cell.”
“No talking?”
“Not outside these walls.”
She lowered her head, her hair hiding her face. “I'm sorry, Taeyeon. I don't like it either, but it might be our only way to still be together. Do you understand?"
She nodded. "Yes." "I'm sorry. I said no one would find out about us but it turns out they did."
My pathetic little heart beat warmly. "We'll be careful from now on. Okay?"
"Okay."
~~*~~
The moment I walked inside the restaurant we agreed to meet, my mind was boiling with thoughts. And for a split of a second there, I was feeling as nervous as my first day on my first job.
I approached the table and I shook my head in a nod as the formal greeting. She did the same, only leaving the word “Doctor” out as she recognized me.
“Hayeon.” I said in return.
She cleared and waited for me to sit down. As soon as we made our order for the waiter, and the field was clear, we resumed our talking. Or that was our intention, because for a moment we were silent, not sure what to say to one another. I remembered what Yuri had advised me, to know her intentions, to know why she decided to visit Taeyeon after her own refusal from before; I just didn’t know how to lead the conversation till that. I decided to go formal again and show my gratitude towards her.
“Thank you, Hayeon, for what you are doing. I’m sure Taeyeon will be glad as well.”
“I would like to thank you for not really saying anything to my family, Doctor Hwang. Taeyeon is a rather controversial issue amongst us and Mom and Dad don’t really like talking about it.” It was easy to see the difference in the relationship Hayeon has with her parents to Taeyeon’s. Hayeon was always trying to defend her Family from any mean outlook and even called them Mom and Dad; Taeyeon called them Mother and Father.
I also found weird that even thought she was a grown up woman, she still has some concerns about what her parents would think of her actions. It’s a little bit childish to be honest. I wonder if due to what happened with Taeyeon, Mr and Mrs Kim overprotected Hayeon.
“You’re an adult with your choices now. Telling your parents would be very childish of me.”
“They treat me like a child sometimes.” Ow, so I wasn’t entirely wrong.
“How so?”
“Well, they aren’t comfortable with me living on my own. I feel like I’m in the age of moving away, living with a roommate or something... but my parents say it would be unnecessary. I think they are afraid of me getting distant from them just like how it happened to Taeyeon. I don't know. But I feel under pressure living with them when all my peers live on their own. I know I should be grateful, but sometimes I miss a little bit of the freedom I would have if I wasn’t living with them.” Totally understandable.
“You’re in your early 20’s. It’s the peak of your youth. It’s totally understandable why you feel the need to experiment and try different things on your own.”
“Mom and Dad don’t see that way. They think I’m wanting to riot, just like Taeyeon did.”
“I can see how Taeyeon’s situation changed your whole life in a certain way.”
She exhaled. “I wish I could remember how it was like when she was still with us. But I don’t. The few memories I have with her are so sparse and so blurry. I r
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