“Come on, Yijeong,” Sihyoung and Jaeho banged on the front door, “It’s been two weeks, we’re going out, now!”

               The door swung open and Yijeong was pushed out by Raina, his clothes haphazardly thrown on with one shoe in his hand. His hair was still damp and he looked like he’d been crying in place of sleeping.

               “Take him, please,” Raina began pulling the door closed as the boy stood frozen in front of it. Jaeho rolled his eyes and lifted Yijeong’s leg, pulling the boy’s shoe on. The blonde looked up at Yijeong who was staring straight ahead as if they weren’t even there. This wasn’t good.

               In one swift movement Sihyoung stepped towards the dark haired boy and slapped him hard across the cheek. The force from the hit sent Yijeong falling back onto his rear holding his face.

               “Yijeong, get a grip,” Sihyoung towered over him, “this is no way to go through life. You don’t deserve to feel this way.”

               “I know,” Yijeong breathed still rubbing his cheek, “it’s torture.”

               “Just forget him,” Jaeho fixed his hand into Yijeong’s free one, “we’re going to the planetarium today.”

               They were right, forgetting Kyungil would be for the best. It wasn’t that simple though, he knew it from the moment he accepted the risk that came with being around him. Kyungil was ingrained in him, his routine and life; it wasn’t something he wanted to forget. While, lunch was bittersweet and the bracelet around his wrist felt heavy, they were memories he wanted to keep because at one point they made him happy.

               Kyungil would want him to be happy, right? Just like how he wanted Kyungil to be happy.

               Right?

               Beside him Jaeho nudged Sihyoung playfully, the two of them in their own world. It was easy for them to tell him to forget Kyungil, the man he liked. They were lucky, born within two years of each other, they could be happy.

               They stopped in front of an immense building, the roof covered instead of the usual glass. Yijeong hadn’t been to the planetarium in years, it was a bit childish yet entertaining all the same. In the center of the room was a hologram projector that sent images out onto the black ceiling and the empty space in the room. Throughout the demonstration the stars would shift and their specters would pass through the audience or stop in front of their faces.

               Jaeho and Sihyoung weren’t paying much attention to the show; Jaeho snuggling up to the taller man while the latter somewhat tried to watch. On the other hand, Yijeong was engrossed, every time a star would move he couldn’t help but smile. The difference between the fake stark darkness and the see-through stars made his problems seem so insignificant. He wasn’t really in the empty vacuum of space but the planetarium made it fell so real. It was perfect. It gave him just the space he needed to think.

               Kyungil was the one true love of his life and he knew it even his family knew it. It wasn’t meant to be…not in this lifetime. He wasn’t going to give into his despair anymore; he would live, that didn’t mean he had to love again.

               Love only seemed to bring trouble anyway.

~6 Years ago~

               “Yijeong!” Raina ran into the room, out of breath, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.”

               “What’s wrong?” Yijeong moved his homework aside and sat up on his bed, genuinely concerned. Raina didn’t generally act like this, so befuddled and frazzled. They always went to each other when they had troubles, even though they were six years apart in age, they were the close. With his small stature he could only do so much but he still stood up to anyone who hurt his big sister. He got beat up multiple times from guys who wanted to date her but she showed no interest or girls who were upset she took their boyfriends’ attention away.

               Raina remembered the times he stood in front of her. Even though his head only reached the middle of her chest he was steadfast, determined to protect her. She treated him like an equal because he acted like one and she confided in him things she wouldn’t tell anyone else.  

               “I think I really messed up.”

               Yijeong cocked his head as if to ask her to continue, she would have either way.

               “I fell in love,” she sat down on the end of the bed.

               “Well that’s not really a problem. How old?”

               “Fifteen,” she answered sheepishly, staring into her hands, “that’s not the problem.”        

               Yijeong’s pursed his lips, “that’s legal though.”

               “I know,” she said, raising her voice, “I just said that’s not the problem.”

               Raina sighed and closed her eyes, “I’m sorry. I’m just freaking out.”

               “Raina?” Yijeong moved down the bed next to her, “what’s wrong? I’m getting really worried now.”

               “I fell in love,” she repeated, running her hands up and down her arms in an effort to comfort herself, “and he loved me.”

               “I don’t understand,” Yijeong shook his head. As a boy barely into his teenage years, relationships weren’t his forte and Raina was technically an adult, she shouldn’t need his advice.

               “I’m ah-I’m pretty sure, no, I am pregnant,” she ducked away from his gaze.

               “Why is this an issue?” Yijeong seemed unfazed by the sudden information. In all honesty he was, but she didn’t need criticizing words. She didn’t take to people easily, she could pretend but in reality they were all kept at an arms length. There was nothing more precious than family and all other bonds seemed insignificant to her. From a young age she’d felt like this, not understanding others, their intentions or reasons for acting. It made sense doing things for family, the people who’d been around your whole life and loved you unconditionally. Raina believed this, so, of course Yijeong was shocked by her confession that she fell in love.

               “You can get married and have a family? Why are you so worried?”

               Raina stood up and paced around the small room, “he’s underage, even if we’re legal we cant marry for a few years.”

               She stopped and turned to him, “I don’t want to get married. Even if I love him or I have a child… marriage is my wild card. I’m saving it for something dire.”

               “That’s not what marriage is,” Yijeong was getting more and more confused, her words didn’t make sense anymore. What use was marriage to someone if not to be with the one they loved?

               “I know. I love him and of course I want to marry and live with him, but…” she ran her hands over her stomach, even though it was flat now, in the months to come it would grow with life. “Maybe later. If things work out, maybe it’ll happen. I just want to be sure everyone has a happy ending.”

               “I really don’t understand, you seem to have made up your mind.” Yijeong stood up and gave his older sister a hug, “you’re strong, you’ll be okay no matter what you decide. You deserve to be happy and loved by your soulmate.”

               “Everyone does,” she held him as well, snuggling into his neck, “I love you, Yijeong. You’ll find someone good, wont you? You’ll find a good love?”

               “I will.”

~~

               A few weeks after visiting the planetarium Yijeong found himself being pulled along to various places by Jaeho and Sihyoung. It was always fun and made him forget, if only for a little while.

               “I’m going out,” Yijeong mumbled as he passed by the living room.

               “Oh, where to?” Raina grabbed his hand and pulled him down for a quick peck on the cheek, “Jaeho’s taking you somewhere, right?”

               “We’re going to a club.”

               Raina tightened her grip on his hand, “oh? What ab-“ the words never left , still she regretted it all the same. He knew exactly what she was about to ask and it only made him more aware.

               “It’s fine,” his features flickered, “I’m just going to enjoy myself. Hopefully far away from Jaeho and Sihyoung.”

               “Be careful,” Raina chewed on the corner of as he stepped out of the house, swiftly pulling her handheld to her face once he was gone. She punched in a number and waited for it to connect.

               “Hey,” she looked into the phone, watching the figure on the other end walking around their own house, “I’m getting worried. I think he isn’t doing as well as he says.”

               “There’s only so much we can do…”

               Meanwhile, somewhere downtown, totally oblivious to his sister’s furtive phone call, Yijeong was walking down the sidewalk with his hands stuffed in his pockets. It was always awkward being around Sihyoung and Jaeho because they insisted on pretending not to be what they obviously were. Dating, and happily at that.

               Yijeong wanted to yell at them.

               They arrived at the club and waited in line for entry, all the while Jaeho holding onto Sihyoung’s arm with his other hand around Yijeong’s. Always trying to make him feel included. Sometimes that made it worse.           

               Yijeong could tell Jaeho was itching to dance, “I’m going to sit down. Go enjoy yourselves.”

               Jaeho pouted at him but maneuvered Sihyoung onto the floor leaving Yijeong to wallow by himself. He was unluckily too young to drink which left him little to do aside from people watch. He tried watching Jaeho and Sihyoung but it burned his eyes after a few mere seconds. Instead he let his gaze wander around the room, the envious feelings building up as he saw the happy couples together.

               “Hey, how old are you?”

               God, what a weird way to start a conversation. Like everything in this world, it served a purpose. That purpose was to not get in trouble.

               “18. Yourself?” No names even. Classy.

               “21, want me to buy you a drink?” The man leaned close and smirked, “want a sip of my drink? Stealthy like?”

               Yijeong glanced around, silently clocking the guards and cameras like he’d trained himself due to fear from being around Kyungil. Grinning he grabbed the man’s shot and tipped it back. Immediately he could feel the shock of adrenaline mixed with the sharp foulness of the alcohol. Underage drinking would net him a good number of months doing community service and a large fine.

               “Buy me another?” Yijeong chuckled. Another four shots in, Yijeong was flying high, giggling like a girl as he stumbled next to his new friend. They still hadn’t exchanged names and this late it was too strange to ask. Currently he was shifting between moods, finding himself drawn to the floor no matter what he did. Suddenly he had no coordination yet his body was doing exactly what he wanted. Too bad it wasn’t with the person he wanted.

               Yijeong flipped around in his partners embrace, letting the other’s hands slide down his side and rest on his . It was concerning how nice it felt to be touched by someone, even someone he felt nothing for.

               What would it have felt like if Kyungil touched him this way? Yijeong sniveled and pushed the thought away not only because it made him unhappy but also the person holding him was becoming more aggressive.

               “What?” The song ended and Yijeong pawed at him, trying to push away. His new friend was persistent though, holding him close as the song changed into a slower tempo.

               “What?” He repeated.

               The man nipped at Yijeong’s ear, “why don’t we go somewhere else? How bout a hotel?”

               Ah, yes. Hotels, the bane of every high schooler’s existence. Or couples with infants. Or married people cheating on their spouse. Hotels are probably one of the more complex buildings because while it is a public space, there are private spaces as well. The rooms are equipped with a lock like homes the only difference is the locks in hotels aren’t specified by person but by legal difference in age. DNA is stored by the government, which is how the locks are set up in the first place and hotels are run by the government as well. Also in contrast with normal locks, both people have to touch the use the touchpad before the door will open. If the inhabitants are within the proper limits the door will unlock and they will be permitted into the room.

               Yijeong could go to a hotel with this random guy and they could sleep together in a senseless attempt, for him, to feel better. That’s what it was though. He could do so many things with people who meant nothing to him while the person he wanted to do those things with was out of reach.

               “Sorry, that’s not going to happen,” Sihyoung pried the stranger off Yijeong.

               “Unless your name starts with a ‘K’ and ends with an ‘L’ it’s not going to happen,” Jaeho interjected.

               “It could be.”

               “But it’s not.”

               “Well, . I just spent like thirty dollars buying him drinks, illegally. Who’s gonna pay me back?”              

               “He’s just experienced a horrible break-up. A rebound is not what he needs,”

Jaeho poked him in the chest with his index finger, “I’ll pay you back if that’s what you’re really concerned about.”

               Something resembling empathy flashed across his face, “breakups can be rough. Don’t worry about it. Consider it my gift to you, there are better things than heartbreak. Something good will surely happen soon.”

               “Hm,” Sihyoung countered Yijeong’s weight as he lolled back and forth near him, “I guess he wasn’t so bad. Maybe we should have let them go off together?”

               “No,” Jaeho hissed, flicking the tall man in between the eyes, “he needs-ugh. Let’s just get him home. Raina’s going to be pissed.”