Hey! I'm back kind of... I already posted this chapter but I chickened out and erased it so here I am. Thank you so much for subscribing to my fic it means so much to me!!! I hope you enjoy it!!

The chapter title is from the song Up All Night by Lee Hi.

Many years have passed and hearing his name still hurts.
 

Nothing has felt the same since he escaped his small town and moved to Seoul. Everyday goes by in a blur. All of his passion got out of soul little by little. He's numb.
 

Johnny thinks he should've gotten over what happened by now. He's tried everything from drinking alarming amounts of water to going out into nature and absolutely nothing has helped eased the pain. His past is always lingering at the back of his head, waiting for it to rear its ugly head and attack him when he least expects it.

At the end of the day, he lies on his worn mattress and stares up at the ceiling. With hands clasped behind his head, his mind travels to his past. His thought about the people who once made him feel safe, the people who wronged him, the betrayal. He likes to tell himself that he's fine, he's doing better, the nightmares aren't as reoccurring as they used to be. The pain is not as overbearing, he's able to work now with only minimal trouble. Before, just getting out of bed was a struggle. His heart felt so heavy it brought him physical pain. He searched endlessly for answers only to find himself hurting more after recieving them.

When he was sleeping, he was reliving his trauma with no excruciating detail left behind. Sometimes they would take on different scenarios. They would take horrific twists, showing Johnny what life would be like if he forgave his ex-lover and stayed with him forever or how Johnny was at fault for the things that were out of his control. Those dreams left him waking up more tired than he felt before he fell asleep. 

Now as he sits alone in a small cafe, looking out the window at the bustling streets of Seoul, he decides that now is the time that he turns over a new leaf. While he still isn't fully recovered, he thinks that now is the right time to start rebuilding himself. He looks down at the self-help book he bought the other day at the book store. He cracks a smile thinking about the lively cashier at the store. Taeyong. Johnny wonders if he would ever see him again. He misses him already.  He makes him feel human again.