When the phone rang for the fifth time, Joy was just about to get up, search for it, and chuck it at Seulgi. Screw being respectful to people older than you. She was trying to take a stupid nap, but the stupid phone kept ringing, and Seulgi was stupidly insisting on not picking it up. It was enough to drive Joy up the wall and throw respect out the window.

With the last ounce of restraint in her, the younger girl pleaded with gritted teeth, “Seul, can you please pick up your phone already? I’m trying to sleep.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Seulgi said.

Joy raised her head, and her jaw clenched when she saw the older girl looking at the phone ringing in her hands. “PICK UP THE PHONE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.”

“I said I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the older repeated adamantly.

Almost in tears, Joy groaned and face planted into her pillow. “At least get out of the room,” she ordered, her voice muffled.

Suddenly, the phone stopped ringing.

Joy sighed in relief. “Oh, thank Go-”

It began ringing again.

“THAT’S IT.”

The younger jumped out of bed and lunged for the phone. Startled, Seulgi could barely defend herself before her phone was snatched out of her hands.

“I’m going to pick it up myself,” Joy growled before she looked down at the caller ID. Suddenly, her face twisted in confusion. “It’s Kai. Why aren’t you picking up?”

Seulgi tried to yank the phone back, but Joy held it out of her reach. “Give it back, Joy,” sternly ordered the older girl.

But Joy refused. “Not until you explain why you aren’t picking up his call. He’s been calling you for the past few minutes, and he’s going to keep calling until you pick up.”

“Or until he becomes busy, which I’m waiting for. Now give it back.” Seulgi tried to jump for her phone, but Joy quickly hid it behind her back. The phone stopped ringing again.

“How long has this been going on?”

Seulgi paused. “What do you mean?”

“How long has he been trying to contact you and how long have you been avoiding him?”

The unusual firmness in Joy’s voice stopped Seulgi from retorting, “None of your business.” Instead, she meekly answered, “Maybe a week?”

Joy sighed. At that moment, the same ringtone started playing. Before Seulgi could stop her, Joy answered the call. “Hello?” she said hurriedly, whipping around so that her back was facing the older girl.

“HEY!” Seulgi tried to forcefully take the phone back, but Joy’s height made it difficult. Eventually, she gave up, huffing and crossing her arms as she listened to Joy speak.

“Yes, this is Joy. Sorry if you were expecting Seulgi. I had to pick up because she refused to,” Joy explained then paused. A few moments later, she was nodding and saying, “Yeah, I will.”

Suddenly, the phone was pressed up against Seulgi’s ear. She tried to pull away, but Joy held her head in place, forcing her to listen to the velvety voice she hated to admit she missed.

“Seul, is that you?”

She swallowed the large lump in as she debated whether to answer or not. Before she could make up her mind, she heard the other person sigh. “Okay, well, if you’re not going to talk, it’s fine. I’ll just say everything I have to and want to say. Just please listen.”

How did he know she was there? The question ran a marathon through her head.

“Seul, I miss you.”

She immediately in a breath, overwhelmed by the emotions brought on by the one statement.

“I miss talking to you after rehearsals, texting at 3 in the morning, complaining about the difficult dance routines that we secretly love. I hate that we don’t talk anymore. I hate how you’ve been avoiding me. I don’t know why and I hate it. If it’s something I did, I’m sorry. Just please…” His voice dropped even lower. “Please talk to me, Seul.”

Seulgi’s hand reached up to hold her phone on her own will. She didn’t even notice Joy letting go of her head and her phone or quietly leaving the room.

She took a deep breath and exhaled softly. “I’m sorry,” were the first words that spilled out of . “I didn’t mean to not respond,” she lied. “I was just really busy. You know how busy we can get preparing for a comeback.”

“Yeah, but we’ve always made time for each other in the past,” he insisted. “Why are you pushing me away now?”

Again, she sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, Jongin,” was all she could say. “I didn’t mean to.”

They remained silent, both unable to hang up but also unable to speak, both waiting to see who would give in first.

“Seul, I-- it’s not because I’m dating Soojung, right?”

Bullseye. But instead of agreeing and admitting her true feelings, she laughed it off. “No, it’s not like that. I meant it when I said I was happy for you.”

Another pregnant pause reigned before he finally said, “Okay.” He didn’t sound very convinced. “You know you’re very important to me, right?”

Seulgi scolded her heart from dully thumping. She wasn’t important enough, she reminded herself. She wasn’t the most important person in his life. “Yeah,” she said shortly and softly.

“I don’t want to lose you, Seul. If there’s anything wrong, please tell me, okay? If there’s anything I can do to help, I’ll do it immediately.”

Will you break up with her then? The forbidden question surfaced from her thoughts before she immediately felt guilty and terrible. “Okay,” she said, again shortly and softly.

For a few moments, neither of them spoke. Seulgi was reminded of their trainee years, the nights when they would spend hours talking on the phone despite needing to sleep. Their phone calls were filled with either words or silence. Many times, they just listened to each other’s breathing (his heavy and labored, hers steady and nearly silent) before they agreed to hang up. Sometimes, they would fall asleep without ending the call.

“I have to go now, Seul, but please pick up my calls. And please don’t ignore me when I wave and say hello.”

Guilt bloomed in her heart. So he had noticed her pretending to be occupied when he waved and greeted her group. Swallowing again, she nodded before she realized he couldn’t see her.

“Okay. You should go now, Kai.”

Her use of his stage name caught them both by surprise. She never called him by his stage name unless they were in front of a camera or on stage. She wasn’t sure why decided to use it, but she instinctively knew it felt appropriate. It felt like a way to distance and protect herself from him.

He seemed to realize it too. “Yeah, I-- I’ll go.” Was it just her or did he sound more lost and sad than when he first called? “Good luck on your comeback.”

Before she could stop him, before she could apologize or explain, the beep informed her that he had already hung up.

4.2.17

Yikes, it's been too long since I updated. I wrote this a long time ago too, back when I was briefly obsessed with the song that inspired this oneshot, but I never had time to update. 

My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Psalm 25:15