Do you remember the first day we met?

I had already debuted; you had just started training. I was 14; you were 15. I was walking by your training room and was impressed by your dancing. After you finished, I couldn’t stop myself from walking in and saying, “Wow. That was really good.” You looked at me, startled, and I remember how cute I briefly thought you looked in that moment.

“Thanks.” After a pause, you added, “I really like your dancing, too.”

I smiled and stuck out my hand. “Kwon Boa. But just call me BoA. Nice to meet you.”

You smiled and shook my hand, and I remember thinking how soft it was. “Jung Yunho,” you said.

And that’s how our friendship began.

Do you remember the first day you saw me cried?

I was stressed about my first Japanese tour; you were preparing for your debut. I was only 16; you were already 17. I wanted to support you and the others with your debut, but I had my own activities to be worried about.

The stress and the feeling of being a terrible friend was too much for my young self, and I remember breaking down one night rehearsal in a room. Somehow, you were the one who heard my soft cries and walked in to save me. Despite your own stress as future leader of what would become one of the most legendary groups in the industry, you were there to encourage me. When I shared how terrible I felt about not being able to provide more support for you, I remember you simply laughing and waving it off.

“Being my friend is huge support enough, Boa,” you assured me.

And that’s how we became best friends.

Do you remember the first time we drank as adults?

I was successful with my Best of Soul compilation album; you were taking the nation by storm with Rising Sun. I was finally 19; you were already 20. You had already tried alcohol, so you knew exactly what types to drink and how much to drink of each kind. I remember we went out to celebrate our respective achievements.

We didn’t know how low my alcohol tolerance was at the time, so I became ridiculously drunk after a few drinks. Despite that though, I remember how you took care of me and made sure I got home safely. Ever since then, you made sure I never drank past my limit whenever we went out with friends.

“Boa, you should never drink without me,” you laughed.

And that’s how I began to depend on you.

Do you remember the first time we got into a huge fight?

I was preparing for my US debut; you were promoting Mirotic. I was 22; you were 23. We were both incredibly stressed by our respective activities, and hardly had time to meet up. Whenever we did, we’d be quiet and more on edge. The texts grew far and few in between, and the calls ended sooner and sooner.

Eventually, we just blew up in each other’s faces. Who started it, what triggered it, what we argued...I don’t recall any of those details. But I do remember the cold, silent war between the two of us, a war that lasted for a few months before our friends helped us realize we missed each other. I remember you reaching out to me first, and me crying at your words.

“I’m sorry, Boa. I miss you. Please forgive me,” you said, your eyes sad and pleading.

And that’s how I knew I couldn’t live without you.

Do you remember the first time you were jealous?

I was beginning to try dating; you were getting over a heartbreak. I was 24; you were 25 (already a decade since we met). I remember the girl who broke your heart, but I promised you I would never mention her name. But I remember how pretty she was, how infatuated you were, and how jealous I was of your affections for her.

To remedy my jealousy, I agreed to go on blind dates my friends set up for me. I met one guy (I also promised you I would never mention his name again) who I really liked and began dating him. A few months later, we got into fights after fights about how you thought I was spending too much time with him and how I thought you were being ridiculous. I eventually realized you were jealous, and in my happiness, I decided to break up with him.

“Good. I always said he was never good enough for you, Boa,” you scoffed.

And that’s how I realized I liked you more than just a friend.

Do you remember when we felt chemistry between us?

I was promoting Only One; you were promoting Catch Me. I was 26; you were 27. When I discovered you’d be my dance partner for certain Only One performances, I remember I was excited but nervous. What if I couldn’t concentrate with you staring so intensely at me? And I was right; I couldn’t. But you were so patient, so calm, and so encouraging, that eventually I learned to mask my emotions and act professional (13 years in the business, and only you could make me feel like a kid again) during the dance.

I remember the intense connection that sparked between us on the stage, and I knew in your eyes that you felt it too. But I knew by your actions after the performances, how embarrassed and awkward you felt. And I knew how you felt about me because of what I overheard you tell Changmin.

“It’s weird dancing with Boa so intimately because she’s my best friend.”

And that’s how I never told you about how I felt about you.

Do you remember when you introduced me to Joo Won?

I was celebrating my 15th debut anniversary; you were about to enlist. To help me feel less lonely when you were gone, you introduced me to your friend Joo Won, who you said reminded you of me. We were both quiet and enjoyed being alone with a good book more often than going out.

Joo Won and I bonded quickly, and by mid-2016, we began dating. I remember how you happy you were for me, how a tiny part of me wished you were less enthusiastic, and how terrible I felt after I wished it.

“Congratulations, Boa. May you two be happy together for a long time,” I remember, with a breaking heart, you saying.

And that’s how I told myself to get over you.

Do you remember any of these moments?

Because I remember each with vivid clarity, and I remember each as though they were yesterday.

Though I am happy with my boyfriend, I cannot help but wonder what could have been between us. But it’s already been a decade and a half since we became friends and nothing has happened; I would be foolish to believe something will ever happen.

So I have stopped waiting. I have moved on.

But I have not forgotten. And I never will.

I will always remember.