CHAPTER TEN

I’m getting onto my bike after class when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around. It’s him.

“Hey” - he says, and just like that I lose all the feeling in my face.

“Hi - I say, trying not to sound nervous - What’s up?”

“Would you like a ride? Or maybe to just hangout before I have to meet my mom for dinner? I have her car until then.”

The prospect of parting with him makes my shoulders fall already.

“Yeah. I’d love to. What’s on your agenda?”

“I’m smoking a J with Little Yoonie.”

“Come again?”

“Come on, tie up your bike, I’ll explain. And my friend Crystal is coming, is that cool?”

I nod and follow him to his car, where we find a rich-looking girl leaning against the car, annoyed.

“Sorry, I was getting my friend!”

For some reason her annoyance evaporates as soon as she studies me.

“Oh. Okay, then. Let’s go!”

His mom’s car is a (much) older Toyota SUV, and the odometer says 200,000 miles. I feel dizzy and uncomfortable next to him, like everything I’m doing is wrong, but I try to play it cool.

“So, you know Kwakyang Cemetery?” - he asks in that cool, low, smoky voice.

“I mean, vaguely.”

“Well, it’s one of the oldest around, and it’s supposedly got all these ghosts. There’s one girl, Little Yoonie, who’s really famous.”

“Tell me about this famous ghost.”

“Sure thing. Her dad managed the best hotel in Seoul in the late 1800s, and she’d always come down and put on dance shows and make all the guests fall in love with her…until she died of pneumonia. They made a statue of her at her grave, and people say she comes around and sits there sometimes. That’s why all the visitors leave toys there.”

I’m getting lost in his voice so thoroughly, it’s hard to pay attention.

“And so you come here and smoke because…”

“I don’t know, I guess I’ve always been drawn to cemeteries. If you couldn’t tell by my emo- clothes, at least - he laughs - But seriously: what happens to us? Why are we here? What’s the point of it all? These are the things I think about.” His voice drifts off - Anyway, it’s also just a pretty place to hangout, so when I’m in the mood to get high I usually come here.”

“So you’re Kyuhyun’s straight friend, right?” - Crystal asks out of nowhere, looking lost in thought. I exchange a look with Kyuhyun, then nod.

“Um…yeah, I guess. Why?”

“Just curious - she says as she stares out the window - What is being straight like these days, anyway? It seems so…boring.”

Kyuhyun looks over at me.

“Crystal, here, has been turned off from the after a few too many bad breakups.” - he explains, smiling. She nods.

“Hell yes, I was turned off, and I’m not looking back. At least girls will dump you before they break your heart, and not cheat on you for six months while acting like everything is fine. If I’m going to get ruined, I’d might as well get a good shopping partner out of the mix.”

I laugh.

“I mean, I guess it is boring - I say - Especially in the Capital city. There’s a bit of a blueprint: find someone in college you can stomach to be around, settle down at twenty four, get a nice job, move into the starter house, pop out a kid. They all live the same lives, and do the same things. Especially in my circle.”

“Then why is it still your circle?” - she asks, chomping on her gum. I just stare out at the road, wondering where the drive will end.

“Good question.”

Soon he turns into the main street and disappears down a tiny road flanked by graves and mossy, sprawling oaks. We pull up beside a beautiful statue of a little girl behind a gate, and sure enough a pile of rain-ruined plush toys is behind the gate. He parks on the grass and takes out a joint.

“Wanna share?” - he asks, motioning at the joint.

“Sure.”

We pass it back it forth, and all the while I am praying he doesn’t notice the way I jump whenever his skin touches mine.

“But the saddest thing about Yoonie - he says soon, his voice matching the smoke swirling around the car - is that after she died, her parents got so depressed that they lost everything and moved back to the country, where they were from. So she was alone. She had nobody to come see her. That’s another reason people leave the toys. And hey, look…the snake drawn next to her picture...now see the tattoo here, on my shoulder I told you I had a thing for tragic beauties...”

I watch him, and it’s like the cemetery was invented for him. His inky tattoo, his dark eyes, his voice so quiet I can barely understand…he was made to be sitting here right now, next to me, in this cemetery. He is so y I cannot handle it.

I look around at all the graves and notice many of the people died in their twenties and thirties. As the light filters down through the oaks I wonder what ran through their minds when they knew it was the end; what they must’ve thought when they looked up at the ceiling and knew the curtain was about to close on them. Were they sad, were they relieved, were they regretful? On their deathbeds, when everything was roaring and coming into focus, were they worried about things such as the opinions of strangers about the quickly-developing love they felt for someone who was the same gender as them?

“You’re very smart - I say soon, wanting to giggle for some reason - Weird, but smart.”

“Thank you” - he says with a smile that is so sly, so y, it makes my throb. For a few moments all is silent, and I want to grab him so badly I can’t process it.

“God - a voice says, and I remember Crystal is in the car with us - Can you guys just make out already? This tension is making me feel even more single than I already am.”

We both laugh. For some reason her statement doesn’t terrify me, like I expected. It just makes me happy.

Soon Kyuhyun pulls the car into gear to leave, but I stop him.

“Wait, we need to leave something - I say - For Yoonie.”

“I have a deck of cards in the back? - Kyuhyun says - Maybe she can play, if she gets sick of the whole ‘haunting Seoul’ thing?”

“Perfect idea.”

Crystal finds the cards, and I hop out and give them to Yoonie. And then we drive away.

“By the way - Crystal says soon - please don’t date.”

I throw a look at Kyuhyun, who glances back at her.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you’re both already too hot on your own, and a combination like that would make the ing world explode.”

The ride home is wistful and sad, and not because of the cemetery: for some reason I don’t want to go home alone, without him. It’s pulling at my soul already. Even sitting next to him, I can already feel the separation. I catch him stealing glances over at me a few times, but why? He’s so hard to gauge. I couldn’t even read women…how am I supposed to start over and learn how to read guys instead?

He drops me off at my bike, and it is nearly impossible not to reach out and kiss him. I say goodbye to Crystal, who blushes. Then I turn to Kyuhyun.

“Text me tonight?”

“Are you crazy? - he smiles - I’m texting you as soon as you close this door.”

“I’m holding you to it.”

“Please do.”

I slam the door and he drives away. Sure enough, as soon as his car turns around the corner my phone pings:

If Crystal wasn’t in the car, I’m pretty sure I would’ve had my first cemetery hookup today.

I smile and tap a response.

For Little Yoonie’s sake, thank God we didn’t.

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