Chaelin is red, Sandara is blue, Bom is purple.

Don’t go, don’t say that you’re gonna leave me behind
Don’t leave me in your memories

April fifth seemed like a dream to everyone, even them - the people that have been the closest to her. Chaelin wanted to say she didn't see it coming but she did, she saw it coming. She saw it coming and she couldn't stop it. 

She couldn't stop the youngest member from leaving the group. From leaving the company. 

She wanted to stop it, she wanted to say "don't go," over and over and maybe she did. She wanted her to stay but instead, she watched her go. The nightmares that polluted her for days after, leading into months was a struggle for her. The other members coped with the loss of their youngest member in different ways.

Chaelin coped by writing and composing music for her group to continue on as three, even if it pained her as the leader, as their closest friend, to watch them slowly fall apart. Then, that slowly fell apart too.

Don’t look into my eyes that can’t hold onto you
Just don’t go, don’t be fooled
Don’t fall for such a little temptation

Chaelin never showed weakness, even when Minzy had left the company as a whole. Her routine was unhealthy, even more so for someone with the life of an idol, but she managed it well.  She'd stay up until the morning hours, writing lyrics in complete frustration, scribbling them out when she didn't want what was written. At one point, her whole paper was fulled with black, everything being scribbled out.

It was too much for one person to take. 

She should have been more quick to realize that the youngest wasn't happy in her position. It pains her to remember the time Minzy had come to her with her worries, asking what would happen if she were to ever leave. Chaelin thought it was normal, wanting to quit sometimes was unavoidable but she didn't think the younger was serious about wanting to go.

"I was just wondering, unnie," Minzy had said with the smile that charmed almost anyone who came across her. "It's just me thinking again!" 

Chaelin wished she heard the pain behind the words spoken because she could have helped, could have done something to keep them together as four. 

I failed as a leader and a friend.

The thought polluted her constantly, even when she was out and about, looking like she was having the time of her life. She was, in fact, not having the time of her life. She was wondering where the three would go from there on.

When Chaelin finally thought of something to write about, she found out that there would be no summer debut like promised to everyone. Sandara and Bom were just as surprised as she was and from there, 2NE1 was slowly breaking under her grasp. Chaelin couldn't keep the pieces together. 

Not everything is forever
When the winter’s over, the spring comes again, you know this
Just don’t go,

Then the talks about their contracts started. Chaelin supposed everyone would stay, she didn't see why they couldn't continue as three with the youngest always in their memory. 

When today is over
I think tomorrow will be different
I don’t know if I can live well without you

Sandara sat down and talked with her that evening, saying she would renew her contract with the company. It gave Chaelin some hope that they, 2NE1, wasn't crumbling down completely. "We're a family, Chaelin. We always have been and we always will, I don't think I can live well without you, you're a great leader." Sandara had said and Chaelin smiled genuinely for the first time in awhile.

That was until she met with Bom later that evening. Bom told her that she was still thinking but she wasn't sure. The doubt from Bom made Chaelin doubtful that the older woman she bonded with so well wanted to stay.  Perhaps Sandara had been wrong, Chaelin thought to herself as she watched Bom's figure leave her sights.

Maybe they weren't as close as she had thought.

Until the day we meet again, goodbye goodbye
Until the far-off day we meet again, goodbye goodbye

Chaelin felt a thrill she hadn't in awhile while filming for her US debut, the thrill of filming a music video and being hyped was something she missed. She felt as if she could have done better but she was pleased with everything that had come from it. Then, when their CEO suggested she go on her "Hello es" tour in the United States, she agreed. A chance to see fans from all over made her giddy but what she wasn't excited about was singing 2NE1's songs.

The other members weren't there, she felt like it didn't feel right to do it by herself. So, she embarked to the United States where she partied, had fun with her Amer