P.S- Italics are from Chanyeol's P.O.V

It took me another five minutes to gather the courage to leave the bathroom. I stared at the condoms in my hand for two minutes straight and it was only when Chanyeol called out for me that I started to put on my clothes. 

"Babe, are you okay in there?" 

Babe. It sounded so much like how Yixing used to say it. And it freaked me out. 

I tried to relax, repeating to myself that Chanyeol wasn't Yixing. He wouldn't force me to do anything. I'll just go out and tell him. 

Except when I stepped into the room, it was completely different than how I had left it. Okay not completely but it gave the wrong kind of vibes.

"You were in there for a really long time." Chanyeol smiled but I couldn't look at him.

I couldn't look at dozens of red scented candles that he had lit and placed around the room, or at the bed that was made so neatly as if the sheets and the covers were waiting to be messed up. I literally couldn't look anywhere since my eyes were filling up with tears and I was rapidly blinking them back because I can't believe Chanyeol wanted to be with me just to get laid at the earliest opportunity. 

"Baek, what's wrong?" He had drawn the curtains and the room was dimly lit so I doubt he could see my face clearly, but I was frozen to the spot. I didn't know what to do. "Wha- hey, are you- babe, what's the matter?" 

He walked towards me and for a second, I considered running. But it was babe that made me snap.

"What's this, Chanyeol?" I held up the condoms and then threw them at his face. My voice shook with anger. "Is this your big surprise? Do you think I'm that easy-"

"No, no. Baek, it's not-" he looked so taken aback that I wondered if the condoms even were for me. What if he was still with Sandara and bought them here because he didn't want to risk anyone seeing him buy them back home? "I thought you wanted to." 

"When, Chanyeol- when did I ever give you a hint?" 

"Your bucket list -"

"Are you ing serious?" I said, throwing my hands up. "That bucket list was stupid. Just something I made as a joke. And the ? Sure, I wanted to lose my ity before I turned eighteen, but that doesn't mean I'll sleep with the first person I see." 

I shoved past him and the lights as well as the fan so that it would put out all the candles. Chanyeol was staring at me blankly and we stood there for a long time before he spoke up. 

"I'm sorry, Baekhyun." His voice came out all scratchy and he cleared his throat before speaking again. "Please don't make a big deal out of this. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. We don't have to do it if you don't want to."

"This is a big deal! How do you think it makes me feel that you expect us to have five days into our relationship?" I shot back. "How wouldn't I feel pressurized? I don't want you to think I'm a prude or-"

"Baekhyun, calm down." Chanyeol said. "It's not- I mean I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have presumed. Please let it go just this once. I don't want it to mess up what we have." 

"You should have thought of that before you went and bought a ." I muttered.

Chanyeol didn't reply. He just walked over to where I was standing and turned off the fan.

Then slowly, he pulled me into his arms. My hands hung limply to my sides even though I wanted to push him away. And pull him closer at the same time.

"I'm sorry, Baek. Really." When I didn't say anything for a while, he said, "Please, please, don't be mad at me. I swear I won't force you to do anything. I'm an idiot but I like you a lot. I just want to be with you, or no." He exhaled sharply before whispering. "Say something, Baekhyun." 

"You are an idiot." I said, raising my hands to his face and forcing him to look at me. 

"And..?"

"And it's fine. I get why you thought this was a good idea." I hesitated for a moment. "It's just that.. I thought you- I mean, I was scared that this would end up the same way it did with Yixing. I couldn't stand-"

He cut me off with a kiss. A small peck on the lips. 

"I'm really sorry." Chanyeol murmured. "I didn't think of that at all, but believe me Baek, I love you a lot." 

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Say that again." 

"I'm sorry?" 

"No. The last bit."

"I love you."

My heart sped up real quick. Why was he dropping all these bombs today? All at once. Ugh, my poor heart. 

"L-love?" I stuttered. "It's a strong word, Chanyeol."

"I know." He smiled warmly, cupping my face in his hands. "But you're so perfect, I can't help but fall in love with you." 

I managed to nod. Was I supposed to say I loved him too? To be honest, I wasn't there yet and I didn't want to say something I didn't mean. It would sound forced and would only hurt Chanyeol. I liked him a lot. But love..?

It really was a strong word.

"Chanyeol, I don't know what to- I mean-"

"It's okay, Baek." He smiled again and turning off the lights, pulled me to the bed. "I can wait." 

I lay down next to Chanyeol as he spread the quilt over us and turned off the bedside lamp. The room was plunged into darkness and I felt Chanyeol lie down on the bed, leaving a lot of distance between us. 

I didn't move for a while. Just listened to him breathe. Ten minutes later, when he still didn't seem to have fallen asleep, I shifted closer until our legs were touching. Chanyeol turned to his side and I buried my face in his chest. 

"You okay?" I heard him whisper. I nodded in response, my hands moving to his waist, as his smoothed down my hair. 

We stayed like that for the rest of the night. 

Chanyeol woke up before me the next morning. He cleaned up everything and packed all of the stuff that was outside. We had a quick breakfast and by eight, we were ready to leave. Chanyeol was acting pretty normal. I was worried he would be miffed about last night but he was laughing and talking like he always did. 

The only thing that bothered me was that he wasn’t kissing me. At all. There was a lot of physical contact still but… he didn’t even let me kiss him. 

Had I scared him off?

Did he change his mind and had decided he couldn’t wait?

Should I have said that I loved him too?

Or was I just overthinking?

Maybe he was just focused on getting home on time. Half an hour into the drive, I decided to ignore it. If he didn’t want to kiss me, that’s fine. I should give him his space as well. 

“So like once we’re home, can you teach me Ionic Equilibrium?” Chanyeol said. We were still on the highway but it was only a few minutes till we took the exit to the town. “I don’t understand one word. I mean Chemical Equilibrium was so easy!”

“Chemical is a short chapter. There are only two or three major topics in that.” I said. “Ionic on the other hand is vast. It’ll take the entire weekend.”

“Wah, that much?” He glanced at me briefly. "Ugh, fine. Mrs. Lee told me that it’s an important chapter.”

“Don’t worry, Yeol-ah.” I grinned. “I’ll make sure you can solve every one of those difficult questions and- hey! Look at that billboard!” Chanyeol looked up to where I was pointing to the huge New Year’s Eve party advertisement that one of the few hotels in our town had put up. “Free entry for couples, huh? Do you think they’ll let us- what’s wrong, Yeol?”

Chanyeol was looking ahead, gripping the wheel firmly and if I wasn't wrong, he was sweating a bit. Which was the weird part since it was December. 
Chanyeol didn't answer and only pressed down on the accelerator. 

"Hey, don't cross the speed limit!" I said and leaned back in my seat. Chanyeol however didn't slow down. "Chanyeol." He didn't budge but closed his eyes. "Yeol-ah!"

I shouted and that snapped him back to reality. We screeched to a halt, both of us breathing hard. I hesitated before reaching for his hand. As I intertwined our fingers together, he looked at me blankly. 

"What's wrong?" I repeated, gently and he slowly shook his head. "Are you okay? Do you want to stop for a while?" 

"No." He muttered hoarsely. "Let's go." 

"Drive slow, okay?" I said and even though I wasn't convinced he was alright, I let him drive us home. He was quiet for the entire ride. I tried to engage him in conversation but gave up when I realized that I was only distracting him. 

He did drive slow and as a result, we got back only half an hour before my Mom did. I told Chanyeol to stay for some time but he refused.

"I'm tired, Baek. I'll just go home." He had said before heading off. 

"So basically he's been ignoring you ever since you told him you don't want to have ?" Kyungsoo said stuffing fries into his mouth. It was New Years Eve and he'd called me to a McDonald's because he needed to gossip. "That's pretty lame. I mean you need your space, okay? He has no right making you feel bad for saying no."

"I don't think that's it." I said. My burger lay untouched and I was pretty sure all the ice in my coke had melted and made it watery and gross. "He said he loved me-"

"Whoa. Really?"

"Yeah, and I didn't say it back. Do you think that's why?"

"I don't know. He must have felt weird though." Kyungsoo shook his head. "That situation is pretty embarrassing. Why didn't you say you loved him? You do love him. It's very obvious so don't even try to deny."

"I- what! I like him a lot but-"

"That's love you're talking about." 

I shut my mouth. Love? I loved Chanyeol? 

"Look you have all the textbook signs and I know what a- you pretty much don't like people at all so maybe that's why you're having a tough time accepting this but Baek, we all saw you guys perform at the school festival. I can't believe I'm saying something so cheesy but the way you two look at each other.."

I knew what he was talking about. I remembered how unhinged I looked in that video of our performance. It surprised me too. The only reason I was scared of the L word was because I wasn't sure that's what it was. I've never been in love before. How do I know what it's like? 

"D. O?" I took a sip from my drink. It was crap. "What does it feel like? To be in love?"

"Hmm I don't think there's a proper definition of some sort but you're weirdly happy when you're with that person. And you want them to be happy too. Also like you wanna be happy together. You crave their company and stuff."

"Wow. Have you ever been in love?"

"No. My mom told me."

"How nice." I muttered even though my mind was whirring. I did love Chanyeol. If love really was what D. O said it was. "Okay fine. Let's say I do love him, but that doesn't change the fact that he's avoiding me."

"Maybe it's the timing."

"No. I thought so too but ever since we got back he hasn't kissed me at all and we've hung out one time after that. I went up to his place once and his mom told me he was sleeping. Then one time he was out. Yesterday I texted him and he came down to my room but he was just.. I don't know, acting a bit weird like it was bothersome for him to spend some time with me." I took in a deep breath. "And I texted him today as well. He left me at read. He probably thinks I'm not worth it because I'm a prude."

Kyungsoo sighed. "You know it could be something entirely different that's bothering him. Didn't you say he was worried about flunking? What if that's why he's stressed out? Don't over think this so much. Just talk to him."

"He won't talk to me."

"Force him then." Kyungsoo shrugged. "Communication is important in relationships."

I only nodded. I was still thinking about what I should do when Kyungsoo started telling me about a new movie that he wanted to see. I only half listened to what he said.

It wasn't fair on Chanyeol that I was going on with this relationship without being sure of my feelings. What if I didn't love him? Wouldn't that hurt him? But if I was worried about him being hurt did that mean I did love him? Or was it just normal human behaviour?

Not that I was very normal.

D.O's mom c