The first thing Joshua does Monday morning is text Jeonghan.

 

 

Joshua

09:14

Good morning :)

 

 

Jeonghan doesn’t answer.

 

 

 

 

 

Joshua is freaking out. It’s been two hours since he messaged Jeonghan, and he still hasn’t answered. He hasn’t even seen it. Thousands of thoughts flying through his head; did something happen to him? Is he sick? Hurt? Did someone steal his phone? Is he sleeping with someone?

 

 

He wouldn’t.

 

 

He’s tried calling him four times during these two hours, and each time Jeonghan doesn’t answer, his worry only grows. He tries thinking about something else. He cleans his apartment so it will be nice when his students show up, he makes tea and even watches a bad reality TV-show. However, nothing works to distract him.

 

 

His thoughts just keep flying back to Jeonghan.

 

 

He just wanted to send his crush a sweet ‘good morning’ text, and this is what he ends up with. Mountains of worry.

 

 

He’s so deep in thought that when his phone vibrates in his hands, he jumps. He has probably never answered a phone call as quickly as he does when he sees Jeonghan’s name flash on the screen.

 

“Hello? Who is this?” Jeonghan greets before he can ask him What the hell is going on, are you okay?

 

“It’s Joshua,” Jeonghan makes an oh sound on the other end, and it dawns on Joshua that he hasn’t given Jeonghan his number. “I just… Are you all right? You haven’t responded to any of my calls.”

 

“I was asleep.”

 

Of course. He should have thought of that. It’s still morning. Even if it’s Monday. He’s not at work, so why would Jeonghan be?

 

His mind is racing, trying to conjure up a tangible reason for calling. He doesn’t want to say he was worried Jeonghan was lying dead in a ditch somewhere. He wants him to like him, after all. He doesn’t want to seem stupid, or paranoid.

 

He clears his throat. “I just wondered if you wanted to meet today or something. I start work at two.”

 

 

Jeonghan makes a sound that’s somewhere between a hum and a groan. Joshua can’t help but feel horrible for possibly waking Jeonghan, if not waking him up then making him think this early in the morning.

 

 

“I don’t know. I would love to get to know you more, Josh, but my whole body is kind of aching. Also, I don’t really know where I am right now.”

 

 

Joshua frowns. How can Jeonghan not know where he is? Why is he hurting? Worry swells in him, and his voice is slightly panicked as he questions Jeonghan. “What do you mean you don’t know where you are? Did something happen? I’ll come for you, just tell me what you see!”

 

 

“Chill, dude. I’m fine, nothing’s happened. I’m with at some girl’s place, someone I met last night. I’m just hungover,” Jeonghan laughs, and although Joshua is relieved he is okay, the worry is now replaced with anger, bubbling and boiling in the pits of his abdomen.

 

 

What the hell is he doing with a girl?

 

 

He probably wouldn’t be this upset about it if it wasn’t for the fact that just yesterday Jeonghan had told him that he couldn’t see him because of his marriage. And now he finds out that on that same night Jeonghan has slept with a random girl?

 

 

Is Jeonghan really just creeped out by Joshua? Is he scared? Joshua did try to make it seem he is happy just being friends. Which he is. As long as Jeonghan is happy. Which he is not. Is that it?  Does Jeonghan know that Joshua knows? Does he know Joshua is trying to save him? Does he not want to be saved?

 

 

“Joshua?” Jeonghan’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts and back to reality.

 

 

And all of a sudden, Joshua doesn’t know what to say. He knows very well what he wants to say. But he won’t.

 

 

“I’ve got to go, Jeonghan. Bye.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although near completely hopeless, Hansol is probably Joshua’s favorite student. He is nice, as well as a good conversationalist. Who knows why he keeps paying for guitar lessons when most of them consist mostly of the two of them just talking. Not that he’s complaining, though. Money is nice, too.

 

 

So when Hansol comes to his place that afternoon for his lesson, he is relieved. He needs someone to vent to, about various things, and he has a feeling Seungcheol won’t understand.

 

 

The lesson starts normally, with Joshua trying to position Hansol’s hands correctly on the instrument. His wrist is crooked around the guitar neck and he strums way too hard. The chords are all mixed up, with the C lacking a finger, and A and G getting confused every time. It’s not long before they decide to call it a day and just chat instead, like they usually do.

 

 

Joshua makes them each a cup of coffee, with cream and sugar for himself, just sugar for Hansol. They settle on the sofa, coffee cups in hand, and Hansol starts talking straight away. Joshua sits in silence and listens. Well, he tries to. His mind is so occupied with his own situation it’s a miracle he managed to keep his head straight the past hours with his other students.

 

 

“How ‘bout you, Josh? What’s up with you?” Joshua snaps back to reality when Hansol says his name. He assumes Hansol is done talking about how he’s doing and he rejoices. Although he really likes Hansol and finds his stories interesting, he is itching to speak about everything he’s feeling.

 

 

“Okay, so here’s the deal. There’s this guy, right?” For some reason he expects Hansol to somehow know exactly who he’s talking about, but of course he doesn’t. “And he is just so… Amazing. I’ve only met him thrice by now, but I swear, Hansol, he is the one.”

 

 

Hansol’s reaction, like he expected, is way different from Seungcheol’s. Where Seungcheol was creeped out and skeptical, Hansol looks to be totally up to speed with Joshua. His eyes are glittering, and his teeth are exposed in a beaming smile.

 

 

“That’s great, Josh!” Hansol tells him, and he sounds genuinely excited for Joshua. His confidence in his project boosts immediately.

 

 

“Right! The only problem is… he’s kind of married.”

 

 

Hansol’s smile drops instantly. He leans back on the sofa, away from Joshua, and a deep frown takes over his face. His lips purse and his brows furrow as he exhales and closes his eyes.

 

 

“Josh…” Hansol starts, but Joshua cuts him off before he can say more.

 

 

“It’s not like you think, Hansol! It’s not a good marriage, like, at all. It’s so obvious he wants out. I’m just… trying to help him,” Joshua explains, looking pleadingly at Hansol. He needs Hansol to understand, needs someone on his side.

 

 

Hansol’s expression changes, to a more worried one. “A bad marriage? Like, an abusive one?”

 

 

“Yes! No. I don’t know,” he says, and Hansol looks more and more confused. “I don’t really know if it’s abusive, but I know it’s not good. I just want him to be happy.”

 

 

He looks down on his hands, resting on his lap. He can only hope that Hansol understands how he’s feeling, that he sympathizes with him.

 

 

When he looks up at Hansol again, the younger’s expression has once again changed, this time into an understanding half smile.

 

 

He gets it.

 

 

“Look, Josh, I know what it’s like to be in love. I know how you feel. However, if you’re looking for some advice, I would say… Don’t do something before you know the entire story, okay?” Hansol places a hand on Joshua’s shoulder, and even though it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, Joshua is glad someone understands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, Joshua wants to call Jeonghan again. But he doesn’t. Because it’s way too soon. Because he met Jeonghan literally two days ago. He doesn’t want Jeonghan to think he’s obsessed, or something.

 

At the same time, he really wants to hear Jeonghan’s voice.

 

I will.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is he doing.

 

 

The right thing.

 

 

It’s cold.

 

 

A small sacrifice.

 

 

He huffs at his own thoughts. A cloud of white breath appears in the cold air, and disappears at once. The sun went down hours ago, so the only thing he has to warm himself is his coat and fingerless gloves. Who ever thought fingerless gloves was a good idea, anyway?

 

 

Another hit of wind blows past him, and he is quick to pull up the hood of his coat over his head. He presses himself closer to the building behind him, for some reason hoping it will cover him in any way.

 

 

He pulls out his phone to check the time. 18:46. Just about thirty minutes since he decided to go to Jeonghan’s place. He is slightly worried that it is too soon, that him coming here will weird Jeonghan out. It is only yesterday that he called Jeonghan, after all. And even though he couldn’t stop thinking about the other all night and all day, that doesn’t mean it’s the same for Jeonghan.

 

 

Don’t be stupid. He needs me. He wants me. He said so.

 

 

He had found Jeonghan’s address on the internet, so he isn’t totally sure if he should trust he is in the right place. His doubt is only made stronger when another five minutes pass and Jeonghan still hasn’t showed up. He wouldn’t mind waiting if it wasn’t for the fact that he has currently lost feeling in all his toes. Luckily, it’s a nice neighborhood. The only thing that could have possibly made the night worse would have been if he would have to be worried about getting mugged.

 

 

Another minute passes, and Joshua starts to wonder if this really is a good idea. Jeonghan might not even live here, he might be freezing his off for nothing.

It’s not even snowing. How annoying.

 

 

However, as he exhales for the nth time and looks around once more before going home, he spots something. A body, a dark silhouette down the road. And he knows who it is.

 

 

It’s him. I knew it.

 

 

As Jeonghan walks closer to him, Joshua can’t stop the smile creeping up on his face. It’s just something about Jeonghan that makes him feel so nice, so glad.

 

 

Jeonghan finally looks up when they’re just a couple of meters away from each other. Confusion paints his features, eyes wide and brows high. His cheeks are flushed deliciously pink and his body is enveloped in a coat that is way too big to look good on anyone, but somehow, it makes Jeonghan’s face look extra tiny and absolutely adorable.

 

 

“Joshua?” Jeonghan greets him, as he looks around him nervously. “What are you doing here?”

 

 

I wanted to see you.

 

 

“I was just passing by. My friend lives that way,” He points the direction opposite to the one Jeonghan comes from and flashes his best smile. Jeonghan doesn’t quite look like he believes him, and a tiny alarm sounds in Joshua’s head, but he keeps the smile. And sure enough, soon Jeonghan’s expression of disbelief melts into a soft grin.

 

 

Neither of them know what to say after that, and Joshua just stands and looks up at Jeonghan’s face.

 

 

Say something, you idiot!

 

 

Jeonghan clears his throat and points to the apartment building they’re standing by. “Do you want to come inside? I have coffee.”

 

 

Jeonghan sounds hesitant, like he is asking out of courtesy. It makes Joshua feel slightly worried for a second, but he shakes it off. They only met two days ago, of course Jeonghan is cautious.

 

 

“Yeah, I would love to!”

 

 

 

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Boring chapter, I know...

I just really needed to get this out of my system, but I promise next chapter will be better! Not really, though, I can't promise it will be better, but I promise I will try super hard to make it better.

Thank you~