she remembers this horizon. she recalls the hues of pink and purple intertwining, covering the sky as the sun makes his way back home. she hasn’t been back in almost a decade. there’s little to no reason for her to remember details. she didn’t need to remember how cold the walk back to her old flat is when she walks alone, she didn’t need to remember nights when she could not fall asleep because all she could think about was the soft of his voice.

 

it’s been too long since she got back to seoul. she left this city years ago when she decided that one broken heart was all it took for her to leave. the way her heart broke the night she decided that this city is a curse was the way metis realised that zeus never loved her enough the way she did to him. 

 

the night was cold and she trails the same path she walked years ago. she cannot remember exactly where she was or what was around but she remember that this path she’s taking will take her all the way home.

 

somehow in the middle of all, that she finds a house facing a field she used to lay in in the peak of her youth. in her younger years, she filled her nights, laying on grass thinking of the world as a canvas to be drawn. she remembers talking about paris, about the beauty of the himalayas, the magic of ancient ruins in greece. she remembers telling her dreams, and the sights she wished to see to a boy she loved unconditionally.

 

when she was 10, she met taehyung for the first time. he moved into her neighbourhood from the countryside and the boy was shy. he didn’t speak very much. compared to him, she speaks her mind. she was brave, always vocal about what she sees and what she loves. when she was 15, she was not afraid to kiss him on the mouth and line his lips with promises that she was sure that she would love him forever.

 

the thing about young love is that it blazes the heart with the promise of eternity. at the height of youth, no person would think about the ephemerality of time. no young person would think that all is temporary. in that moment when she professed her love for taehyung, there was no measure of time. she really meant the forever she promised when she etched it on his lips.

 

when she told him she loved him, she did not ask for anything in return. she never said he needed to return the feeling. she said it because she just needed him to know. when he professed the same feelings, it was more than she imagined. she truly believed she found her forever in that sculpture of a man. 

 

when she was 18, she still spend her nights laying on the field, back on the grass, hand clasped around taehyung’s who was comfortably laying next to her. they knew how the world waited for them to explore, they both longed to go out there, explore, discover and fall even more in love.

 

when she was 20, it all fell into ruins. she knew then why when metis was engulfed in zeus’s unforgiving stomach, metis rewarded him with the greatest pain. when taehyung broke her heart, she never knew pain like she did back then. she never knew then that she was capable of wanting to inflict him the same pain. 

 

as much as she hated him for ruining her like that, for doing her so cruelly like that, she knew there would always be a part of her that will always love him regardless of how he tore her apart, piece by piece.

 

the only way she knew how to stop herself, was to leave. she packed her bags. say goodbye to whatever she had that she couldnt take with her and she vowed to see the world. she never wanted to come back. this was cursed grounds. seoul brought her up and it broke her into pieces she cannot put into words.

 

and she never did return. until now.

 

she is lying in the field, back on the ground and she takes a whiff of the air. for someone who hasn’t been back in almost 10 years, she still vaguely remember this scent of grass and of the night. she finds herself breaking into a small smile. pulling herself up, she sits up, look in front of her, imagining that time never did pass since back then.

 

“it’s you… isn’t it?” a familiar voice called out and she looked up. it was a familiar voice, a little deeper, a little more careful and she turned to see who it was.

 

taehyung stood before her. almost unchanging since the last time he saw her. his eyes were still as bright as she last remembered, and his skin shone in spite of the darkening night. she did not know what to say, she was wary of the words that might come out of so she stayed silent. maybe if she looked away, if she ignored him, he would disappear. up till now, she is quite convinced that he is not real.

 

“it’s me… you- you remember me, right? it’s taehyung. i’m taehyung.” he continued when she did not respond, sounding a little flustered thinking maybe i shouldn’t have came and say hi.

 

but she is the girl he will love forever. the moment he met her for the first time when he was 10 he knew he would love her forever. she spoke like thunderstorms but to him her words were gentle rainfall. she was his brightest summer and warmest winter. the first time she kissed him, he regretted not kissing her first. when she told him she loved him the first time they kissed, he swore he would love her for longer than she did. when they were 18, aching to see the world, to bathe themselves in the beauty of what awaits, he only thought of the world as the magnificent constellations of her face every time they lay next to each other. 

 

when they were 20 his life fell apart, the family he knew and loved crumbled into pieces and he stood in their ruins trying to piece them all back together. he was beyond recognition, the last remnants of a a foundation now destroyed. he tried his best to keep it together, to keep his family together but there was nothing a 20 year old boy with his own dreams to fill could do. he could not mend his mother’s broken heart or his father’s drunken mind. in the span of a few days, everything he knew vanished. 

 

imagine yourself a 20 year old taehyung. loving the only family that he knows, a family that is now evidently crushed, trying so hard to keep everything in place. the other thing he loved more than himself was her. broken as he is, he saw himself as that. someone beyond repair. it would be more than selfish for him to keep her with him. she wanted the world. she wanted the rush of running in ancient cities, of being cradled in oceans, she wanted adventure. he could not keep her in this city as he tries to keep himself together. he had learn to love her more than anything, more than himself when he was 20 year old. 

 

so when she left him when they were 20, when she left without so much as a goodbye, he watched her leave with his heart on her sleeve. he watch her go and see the world, take everything it could offer and he stayed in this godforsaken city. he stayed behind, gathering pieces of what is left of his old life. of the life he had with his family and with her.

 

“taehyung.” she finally said. for her to have said his name like that, for her to have remembered the way his name roll of her tongue, it healed all wounds he inflicted on himself. he forgotten the years when he would lay in this field on his own, imagining his fingers laced in hers. he forgotten the birthdays he spend alone on the grass in this field longing for the sweet scent of her body. he forgot how everyday he figured that he will love her forever.

 

“how… have you been?” taehyung asked, a smile creeping up his face. it was the same boxy smile she remembered. she had never thought she would ever see him again but it would be a lie if she said she never imagine that one day they would.

 

she practiced for this day, she told herself, she would stay grounded but she will let him know how her heart broke. how she deserved and apology. but now, standing in front of him, all she could remember was how she loved him. how pure, how innocent the love she had for him once was. maybe even now. the way she loved him… it was beyond her. for the past 10 years since she last saw him, she had never loved anyone half as much as she loved him. she had never once met anyone deserving of the kind of love she gifted him. 

 

“good… you?” she replied, a smile slowly reaching up her face. she wanted to be bitter, to walk away but when the best part of your past comes along in your darker years, she couldn’t refuse him.

 

she did not know why but she moved a little to the side, motioned towards the ground and offered taehyung a seat. somehow, it was 2 in the morning now and it feels as if time had travelled back to 15 years ago. 

 

she’s laying by taehyung now, back on the grass and they have their sight focused on the night sky. they are older now; older than when they loved each other with a spirit that only the vigour of youth could muster. but everyone is braver in the dark and maybe tonight the things that are etched in their bones, covered by their flesh, things they have never been brave enough to say - maybe tonight they’ll finally know.