I did posting here

The song I used here : Seventeen - Well

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It is like the another day he wants to cherish. In winter, the cold breeze will always brush his cheek, companying his pace to walk back to reminisce the good memory he has. He does not want to call it as a term of flashback but… he has to call to it as recalling the vivid memories of his. He used to have a good partner that he would never find it anywhere. He has the name. It was Kim Mingyu. Someone that he cherished like the day which snow starts to pile upon the street right now. A white cold blanket that covers the city.

He glances occasionally at the several cafes he has passed by. He finds some couples and good friends to enjoy their time in this cold day. He smiles secretly, finding himself a bit jealous of the sight. He knows he has no one to share a hot chocolate today. All the people he knows, perhaps they had left him alone. But Seungkwan never feel that way. He always set himself to be happy, either alone or by friends. He just needs to treasure the days not like people sees the days, to avoid himself from the agony that has ability to kill people slowly.

He walks in slow tempo, matching his step with the pedestrian that clutches themselves with something they could lean on, either it a thing or someone. Seungkwan feels the air getting colder than it supposes to be. He lowers his head to see the snow that hardening his way. Suddenly a pair of shoes startles him. He lifts up his head and sees someone he desperately longings for.

“It’s been a long time, hm?” That person tugs a smile that lightening his life again. Seungkwan smiles back. A moment when Seungkwan meets him in the snowy day, he feels the world has stopped right away. He knows he hyperboles it but he feels it that way. His centre of the world become that person, as if he is rotating around that latter.

“Mingyu hyung.” He mutters. By a chance he doesn't believe himself for calling him ‘hyung’ but it is a common for being polite to someone who is older than him. Seungkwan is a polite person but back then, he never called that person ‘hyung’.

They was a couple in the past.

“Want a small talk?” Mingyu offers him, anyway Seungkwan bobs his head. Sure he wants a small talk in the cold weather, despite the fact he needs a hot chocolate right now. It will be weird for enjoying a hot cup by himself in the middle of lovebirds or strangers. Afterwards, Mingyu drags him to the nearest one he can find. They sit in the corner where not many will eavesdrop what they are gonna talk about although it is none of people’s business to jump in someone’s conversation abruptly. A cup of cappuccino and hot chocolate, a nice drinks to begin the chat. Seungkwan grips on the handle of the mug, eyes the surroundings, his finger drums on the glass while his mind goes tangled — being so confused how to start the chat.

“How’s life?” Thankfully the older male opens the forum between them. His eyes are on his drink as if he is not 100% agree on having a chit-chat with the latter. Seungkwan pulls his lips upward bitterly.

“Good, as you can see.” He replies. Yeah he tries as possible to look fine in front of people, just like how he set the mind to see the days as the happy one he will remember for his lifetime. Mingyu sniffles and makes a blank expression on his face.

“Good by your lips, but contradicting with your real self.” He nags at him, before sipping  his drink to get rid the coldness away. Seungkwan sniffs back, shaking his head disagreeably.

“It’s true.”

Mingyu jerks away. “I don’t believe you.”

Seungkwan let out a modest giggle. “I don’t ask you to believe what I said, hyung.” He sipped carefully his drink. It is the warmest drink he drink in this winter. He doesn't ask anything more beside it, Mingyu’s presence is a bonus for him after several months he lost contact with the older. Mingyu is still the same one he ever known, childish, clumsy, charismatic and a warm person unless the younger mock him in a joking way. He is far from a naive one, he is a realistic one he ever met but when with Seungkwan, he becomes the one who never pushes the latter to be realistic to fathom the world. He began to understand how to deal with life and their s. Whenever he was with Seungkwan back then, everything was fine.

The latter smiled widely as he pulled Seungkwan into his arm. His lips twitched. “You like it?” The younger nodded. He did not ask for more, only Mingyu in this winter was enough for him.

They cuddled under the moonlight, right on their balcony, Seungkwan let himself leaning on Mingyu. Their hands entangled, as their feeling was knotted and made a sensation that anyone could feel it then called it ‘love’. The taller male caressed his thumb on Seungkwan’s hand gentle. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yes dear, I know it.”

It was one of their nights, a night that they never forgot, a night where they had surpassed any level of the bond-making. Started from a friend, they came in this level. A level that was hard to separate them.

“You move from that apartment?” He asks. The younger stops breathing as the older drags a topic about something related to their mutual memories. He convulses a beam, eyeing the older before his eyes.

“Yes.” He simply retorts.

Mingyu bobs his head. “I see.”

“How’s about your day?” His turn to ask the latter. “Hyung.” He adds, not wanting to make a bad image of his politeness.

He glances at the younger who beaming, a vague mean from his beam that Mingyu can not understand. “Better, I guess.”

“Guess?” He cross-checks what he heard before. He furrows a brow, demanding an explanation of what he means. “Why?”

“I will marry Wonwoo hyung next month.”

Suddenly, a pang stabs on his heart, clenching it hard without letting a piece out of the reach of his broken heart. He supposes to be ready of hearing a name he respects the most.

“Congratulations.” He bitterly says, he gets rid the burden inside his heart swiftly. He shall not show how sad it is for him. He will keep the sadness alone.

Mingyu knows he will say it. Both of them pull a forceful beam, yet both of them mutually keep how worse the decision for them. If only they could rewind the times, they would marry by any chance. Thou they were not so keen of marrying each other, now they regret it.

“Seungkwan.” He stared at the latter sharply. It was a look that he afraid to give towards the latter, but he did not know another way to make it clear between them. “We need to break up.” Those hard words finally slipped out from taller male’s lips. The latter did not shock or hitch his voice up.

“The day is coming.” He replied. Mingyu titled his head. “You—“

“It’s okay, hyung, if we break up now.” He jerked to leave the table and wanted to take some air while walking back to his apartment.

“But I don’t explain the reason yet.” Mingyu made an excuse to see the younger longer. Whereas Seungkwan jiggled his head, then muttered ‘no i know already’ before he left.

He lied. Seungkwan lied. He had no idea why the older broke their relationship yet he refused to demand a reason. He thought it was better to know nothing than know a reason that made him curious for digging more information that related to the reason. By some means — accidentally he found the reason, Mingyu had already a promised wedding which already fixed by his grandparents. He needed to marry Wonwoo in order of fulfilling the promise that his grandparents made with Wonwoo’s grandparents.

As a relief, he knew he could not be a block of attaining the promise. That time he sent away Mingyu from his heart.

Both of them sip their drink in silence. No more chat. A single word can stop their moment from chattering to enjoying the drink.

Seungkwan dusts himself from the air surround him, glancing at his glass. It is empty, no chocolate. It is time to go, than staying a little bit longer that dangers his heart. He smiles at Mingyu. “I need to go.”

The latter remains silent, watching the younger packs his stuff. “Seungkwan, you can be mad at me.”

“No, it doesn't feel good to be mad at you, hyung.” He states, leaving a humble smile in the end. “I just seems happy to meet you even for a while.” He adds. Mingyu confuses at his act. The younger takes so much attention from him unintentionally.

“I hope you can find someone better than me.”

There is a silent, Seungkwan realises it is hard to find someone better than Mingyu. But he must go on living without his existence beside him.

“I will, hyung.” He leaves the older. He gets back on his track to find his way back to home. He tries hard to not let the tears running down on his cheek. It is hard to bear alone. He has no-one to share his woe. It hurts his body itself. He gets off the cafe, tracing back on the street. He is alone.

A faint sound is heard.

❛Tears are falling again
Clueless tears are falling
Why am I missing the you and I of long ago
Well, don’t really know, I don't really know
Tears are falling again
Endless tears are falling
Do I really need to end this with you this time❜

Seungkwan finds himself blankly falling into reverie. He sheds a tear. Well— he finally lets himself crying under the snow shower. He misses Mingyu, part of him can’t really let him go from his side yet he doesn't have any power to make the latter stay. He doesn't have a reason to urge Mingyu choosing him over his family. Seungkwan dislikes the last part, it is not even an option for him.

But then, he prefers to let Mingyu being amenable child for his parents. While in his condition, Seungkwan shall go on living, tries to move on from his past love. He hopes the Heaven will soon give him a cure for his heart. He knows it well.

-끝-