"You haven't spoken the entire lunch. Your saliva probably tastes weird now."

"I don't know. Wanna try it?" 

"Yeah, give me a taste." 

Taeyong groaned at the last part. Dropping his spoon on his plate. It's always depressive to overhear any form of conversation from the three subjects of his enmity. It doesn't matter that they're playing around, but Ten is pulling Yuta on the collar, centimeters away, and one wrong move their lips would really touch. 

Hansol hissed at Taeyong's overt reaction and pats the smaller's head, telling him to focus on his food. 

It's still a joke among them and Hansol might have come to go along with it, too. Scolding Taeyong more often than the ordinary knowing that the younger is terrified of him. Johnny would still mention what happened at the dinner table from two months ago. Even their younger friends makes "Hansol" an excuse probably to put Taeyong into silence. 

What died down though, was their mockery regarding Yuta and Taeyong being roommates. The joke probably became boring because they're on talking terms now. Although Taeyong is more strict to Yuta and doesn't let him copy his homeworks unless he gets something in return. Yuta's training schedules might have changed too, because often times he's at home and helping Taeyong with the chores. 

"But isn't Yuten so boring now." Johnny said, scrunching his face. 

"Let's talk about Taeyong." Taeil says  keenly. Clasping his hands together below his chin and Taeyong scowled at him. 

"Right. I needed a scoop on that too." Yuta says, leaning in. He's become too nosy nowadays. Whenever he's being interrogated by little questions, he dodge them by redirecting the topic to someone else. 

Taeyong knows exactly what they're talking about. It was last week when Krystal Jung asked for his number. He isn't the easy type, but she's so hella and Taeyong is just a man, oh well. Originally, it was for a group project and Taeyong would be lying if he said she didn't have effects on him. But now, they're on texting terms and they've had lunch a few times. Last week, Taeyong made it a custom to walk her home too.

"Just pray that I don't get friendzoned because she's basically a Seulgi that prefers pink over blue." Taeyong agonizes, burying his face on his palms. 

"Seulgi and you is error 404 not found, man. It's Krystal Lee now. Don't be dicky. Have balls." Taeil tries to encourage but he's never good with words. 

"Man, only Taeyong gets the hot girls. I'm suing this school, honestly." Johnny grumbles about. Pulling his hair out for emphasis. 

"You gotta give hotdogs a try." Doyoung suggest. 

"You gotta shut up." Kun mimics his tone. 

"Maybe if you were a little quiet, you will." Winwin insinuates. Oblivious as to how much it would offend the other that's dramatically clutching his chest now while the others laugh at him. "It's because you're goodlooking and tall but." He redeems his comment but fails again.

"Ten is talktative too. Does that mean he's never getting a girlfriend?" Johnny challenged. 

"Hey, hey." Ten yells, taken aback. "That was unnecessary. I'm leaving." He stood up, taking the garlic bread on Doyoung's plate and left. 

"I don't want to be a part of the three idiots a.k.a forever single squad." Johnny fakes a gag. 

"Who says we all are?" Yuta pries, smirking wide. 

Taeyong leans in the table to look at him. He's just as intrigued as everyone is, to hear Yuta say that. Is he dating, then? Is he dating his crush now? Taeyong wants to know.

"Wow. So are you dating?" Taeil questions. "Nakamoto! Come back here!" 

"Oh, was it Sooyoung?" Johnny's eyes grew big. 

"Is Yuta hiding something from us?" Hansol wonders, looking at Taeyong. 

Taeyong avoided his gaze. He knows nothing. 

It was 9pm and Taeyong prepares himself for bed. They've had a group dinner after classes. It's Friday night and they have all the weekends, departing as groups and Taeyong also preferred to go home along with Yuta. He looks at the latter sitting on the bed and too engrossed on his phone. Yuta is still in his uniforms. Usually he showers after Taeyong but it's been almost an hour when Taeyong finished. He's been quiet the entire time too. Something Ten had noticed at earlier's lunch at school.

Taeyong makes his way to Yuta's bed and peeks to his screen. It's the game where the main player plays the bait for the other snakes to be bitten and Taeyong never quite understood it. "You didn't come with Doyoung and Jaehyun to the arcade for that?" 

"What's wrong? Did the AC broke again?" 

"The admin told us they replaced it today. You weren't listening." Taeyong snorts and noticed how Yuta nods absent mindedly. He's been distracted for a long while and Taeyong finds himself wanting to chime in every time he notice Yuta in this state. Although he's certain he wouldn't get a word from someone so secretive and restrained. "Hey, Yuta. I'm curious about something. Sure it's not you, so is Ten dating anyone? Or Do--" 

Yuta paused the game and looks up at him. Taeyong leans back at the uncomfortable proximity. "Taeyong... Taeil was right. Make it work out with Krystal." 

"Because she's so pretty?" Taeyong supposed, sitting on Yuta's desk chair. 

"No." Yuta shook his head. "It's because you seem to like her a lot. It's nice." 

Taeyong nods reluctantly. He's never good with expressing his emotions. If it weren't for the girls who approached or confessed to him first, he doubt he would even date anyone. Krystal was a straightforward and told Taeyong she's interested in him without further adieu. Nevertheless, Taeyong doubts things will go smoothly between them. There was one time when Taeyong walks Krystal home and introduced him to her sister but what he got was a scrutinized from head to toe and an "Again? Krystal, Are you serious?" 

Taeyong drags his feet back to his bed and stares at the ceiling. It's just dawns at him now what Krystal's sister was supposed to mean. He really should've listened to Seulgi's warning. 

"Krystal? Her family is rich. So rich that you might want to reconsider it." .
Seulgi told him once. 

"Yuta, I'm going to sleep." 

"Good night Taeyong." 

"It's the last season. I want to watch it in peace. I hope Doyoung does't come around." Taeyong says fast, slouching on the couch. He's at Jaehyun's apartment and waiting for the other to finish setting up the computer to the TV screen. 

"He's on his room." 

"What. This isn't his room?" 

Jaehyun looks at him, amused. "He's roommates with Hansol hyung. You didn't know?" 

"Woah." Taeyong laughs to himself. That can't be the case if Doyoung is in Jaehyun's room 24/7 . "Well, I wish he has a practice or something so he doesn't come here." 

"Doyoung hyung quit at the theatro. He won't be practicing anytime soon." Jaehyun explains, searching for the remote control. 

"What? He what? He quit?" Taeyong queries. It's the only thing Doyoung is interested in other than being a . 

Jaehyun hummed, making his way to the kitchen to get food. "He forced Taeil hyung to replace for him." 

"Why would he do that?" Taeyong shouts. He didn't want to sound incredulous, and Jaehyun isn't one to make things up. Yet, Doyoung leaving the theatro bears an explanation. So he stood up, forgetting about the anime on the T.V screen and makes his way to the door. "Jaehyun, I'm going to talk to him." 

Taeyong didn't wait for a response. For him to quit the theater is most likely not anything big of a story since he'd known Doyoung for being temperamental and often making decisions he regrets and cries to Jaehyun about afterwards. But little or not, Taeyong insist to know. 
 

He knocks to his room and waits when Taeil answers. "Hold on a minute." 

The door swung open and Taeyong asked, "Is Do----" 

"He left just now." Taeil answers promptly. 

"Do you know where he went?" Taeyong asked, biting his bottom lip when Taeil shook his head. "You're like...his roommate." 

"Do you even know where Yuta is?" Taeil shoots him a look.

"In our room crying over Legend Of The Blue Sea." Taeyong says confidently. 

"A drama?" Taeil asked in horror. 

He nods. 

"God. This is why we never let him watch dramas. He gets so into it. He at feelings, Taeyong!" Taeil says dramatically, grasping both his shoulders. "He becomes a better actor than Doyoung when he watch dramas. Never let him watch, I swear. Taeyong, be that ideal roommate and turn the laptop off. Take him out." 

He watches the older with bug-eyes. What of an unamusing request, he thought. Giving the other a quick smile before leaving. Taeil may act upright but he's just as stupid as everyone else. 

Everyone has the right to get emotional over something. Like TV shows, Taeyong admits he'd tear up several times watching anime. Particularly from the last scene of Tokyo Ghoul when Hide died, or when Levi beat up Eren in front of Mikasa even if it's just for the show. So, Yuta,  getting in so deep over a drama isn't the problem. But he noticed him even more reserved and gloomy lately. Taeyong doesn't think Yuta is the one who gets depressed over a little crush, like his little infatuation over Sooyoung that Taeil and Johnny always mentions and poke fun of him about. Most likely, he's droopy and exhausted over football trainings that he gets carried off easily. Or missing his family in Japan. 

What welcomes Taeyong when he enters their room was Yuta coming out of the bathroom. His eyes look swollen and Taeyong fights all his urge to greet back with a question if he's done crying over a mermaid. Most likely they've been staring at each other for seconds until Yuta asked, 

"You said you won't be back till evening?" 

"Don't want me around?"  

Yuta looked so taken aback that Taeyong dismissed his question with a laugh. 

"Yuta, can you come with me to the mall? I need to get something." Taeyong asked, hesitant. Afterall, he listened to Taeil suggestion when he saw Yuta looking like that.

Yuta nods quick. 

The street traffic through the mall is the heaviest during the weekends. Taeyong tries not to sleep to their whole ride in the bus because Yuta didn't even say a word. Too occupied on looking out the window and Taeyong didn't want to bother him. He'd probably bothered Yuta enough already when he ask him for a companion today. 

On their way to the store's department, Taeyong felt so attracted by the window displays of stuffed toy claw machines in the arcades. He was about to ask Yuta to try them but he's reminded how many times it had been that Yuta declined to tag along when Ten and Doyoung asking him to the arcade. So it should be a lot easier for Yuta refuse to him. Taeyong takes it as Yuta being bad with the games and got tired of them, which is likely unavoidable to slip out his mouth when Yuta rejects him. But Yuta doesn't seem like he's in any mood to argue at all. 

They've been strolling the department store for about an hour and Taeyong is vexed at how useless of an accompaniment Yuta is. He needs someone's opinion of what gift to get but Yuta only nods and says "cute" on anything Taeyong shows him. 

Taeyong battles over getting the blue teddy bear that has a basketball shirt on and a cap or the yellow one with a heart on the chest. "The blue has pretty details but the color is too dark. The yellow is really cute too, but it's too plain and boring. What do you think, Yuta?" 

Yuta nods absent-mindedly. "You seem nice. And Krystal seems like a girlfriend who appreciates anything." 

"Girlfriend?" Taeyong scoffs. He was asking for Yuta's judgment about the bear and not his judgment towards his and Krystal's relationship. "Krystal isn't my girlfriend. I just like her. Also, I asked you here for coherent opinions and not for you to have a stiffneck for nodding." 

"Oh." Yuta made an 'o' face. "But aren't you supposed to know what she likes if you like her?" 

Taeyong knitted his brows and remembers his catch with Taeil, so he asked,  "Do you even know what Sooyoung likes?" 

Yuta sneered at the question. "Sooyoung doesn't like anything romantic. She hates movies and books about love stories. She hates the noise. She hates the rain. She hates chocolates." 

"But Yuta, those are things that she dislikes, not the things that she likes. And if there's anything that's not on the list of what she dislikes, don't mean she likes them." Taeyong stand there, watching Yuta inspects through the pile of stuffed animals. He didn't say anything but Taeyong knows he's listening so he continues. "What's the point of knowing what she dislikes? So you know what to avoid? Because I'm sure it isn't anything like, so the both of you can hate things in common. Yuta.... why is there a need for you to feel that you have to tiptoe with everyone around you?" 

Yuta looks at him. But he doesn't seem angry, rather diverted and Taeyong didn't feel sorry about prying. 

"I know it's easy for me to say because I'm not in your place, but, if you like her that much then talk to her. Tell her how you feel, if you must. Because if you don't, then you'll never know how many chances you'll be missing." He urges. Believing that her and Yuta are only lacking communication that made things as complicated as they are now.

"It's not difficult. But it's not easy either. And there are chances I'd rather miss than lose what I have." Yuta says. He walks over Taeyong who's face contorted at the incomprehension, patting the top of his head. Yuta grins wide when Taeyong stepped back a little. "And sorry about that. I was thinking ahead of you and Krystal  being together. I got excited." 

Taeyong made a face that he sure was controlled than what he always does but Yuta still laughed. "Aren't you romantic. Besides, I'm buying a gift for Seulgi. She was sick and missed school for a week." 

"Taeyong." Yuta calls and Taeyong looked up at him. "Are you sure you aren't in love with Seulgi like what you're telling everyone?"

"Yes." Taeyong nods. "I thought we're over this. I'm getting this yellow one so we could go home. You seem tired." 

"You all wanted this. You've all trained for this. Don't make me regret choosing any of you to be in the team." 

"Yes sir!" They chorused. 

He straightens his back when the coach stops in front of him. Yuta and his teammates are lined in the field. The team's coach may not be approachable, but he's attentive and kind. It was infrequent for him to lecture his players so today is a distinct day. Today, Yuta is just as nervous as everyone is. Because the rant was particularly aimed at him.

"I only take game concerns for discussions. So it's either you run in the field for a goal, or you run out the field to quit. See you tomorrow." 

"Yes, sir!" 

The tension eases only when their coach dismissed for the day. Everyone heaving out a sigh only when their coach left. Yuta takes in a deep audible breath. His knees are still hurting because of how many times he tripped on the field in the game; limbs heavy and he finds it hard to even stand straight. Their team lost today. Yuta came in late. Usually, he stays in the field the whole game. Whenever Yuta is running the ball, it was difficult to steal. But today, he was on the bench on the second quarter because of his poor performance. 

Yuta stares blankly on the ground when Jungwoo pats his back, coaxing him. "It's okay, man. Let's do better next time." 

"I'm sorry, man. I was a wack." 

Jungwoo shakes his head. "It's not always that we win. Stop blaming yourself, Nakamoto. Let's work hard for the game next week." 

Yuta forced a smile but it turns out a sad one and watches him leave. Jungwoo is only saying that the lose was fine. But Yuta knows his head is in the game more than anyone in the team. Yuta envies his passion. How his love for football is guaranteed unlike Yuta who isn't as happy as his teammates when in the field. His team mates trust Yuta the most, passing him the ball at any turn. They could've won if Yuta made a goal. But, he never did. 

There was no one in when Yuta gets back to their dorm room. He took a long shower, thinking. It was his fault that they lose and he felt ashamed. He didn't want to attend the game from the beginning. But if he was to ditch it, he wouldn't be able to explain why. It's not like emotional torture is a valid reason to miss a game and use it as an excuse to his coach. As much as he wants to set aside his feelings, he couldn't. Instead, it crushes him completely. That he could feel his chest hurting physically, his lungs tightening until he can't breathe  Originally, he didn't have it this bad. But knowing too much is making him nuts. Yuta just wishes all his uncertainties are wrong. 

Yuta is on the bed, drying his hair when Taeyong burst in the door and slams it close, slumping on his own bed. It's 9 o'clock late and Taeyong is still on his uniforms, just arrived home probably. "What's wrong?" He asked. 

"She lied to me again." Taeyong says, his voice cracked at the last part. 

"What did she do this time?" Yuta asked. The last time Taeyong acted like this was last week, for the same reason. But he never really tell what happened. 

Taeyong looks at him blankly and Yuta thought he'd finally tell what's going on. "Winwin told me you tripped. Is your leg okay?" 

"Ah, yes." Yuta nods. Attempting to hide the wound when Taeyong walks towards him. "They gave me a first aid." 

"Gross." Taeyong scrunched his face at the sight. "Well I wouldn't wanna witness that. I'm just glad I didn't watch the game." 

Yuta playfully jerks his knee towards Taeyong making him screech.

"But hey." Taeyong started, situating himself to sit on Yuta's bed. "What's wrong with you lately?" 

On that question, Yuta is back to feeling uneasy. It was inarguable, whatever is wrong with him. It was as difficult to explain as it is to bear. But Taeyong is there, and he was so entertaining that Yuta always forgets his worries whenever he's around.

"Are you broke? Or is your heart broke? Did Sooyoung turn you down? Tell me." Taeyong demands. 

Yuta glance at him but looks away in an instant. Taeyong's intent gaze was making him uncomfortable. Instead of a proper answer, Yuta rest his head on Taeyong shoulder. "Because you didn't watch my game. I was sad." 

"Yuta, get off." Taeyong says calmly, shoving him away. "That's romantic. Never tell Sooyoung that." 

"Oh. Did I disturbed some---" 

"No. Your face itself is disturbing." Taeyong answers quick, standing up and transfers to his own bed.

Startled, Yuta lifts his head up from Taeyong's shoulder at the sound of the booming voice that enters the room. Johnny remained slacked jaw at the door frame, while Ten and Doyoung force their way in and walk to Yuta's bed. Ten sat on his desk chair while Doyoung stood by the window.

"We came to check on you." Ten tells Yuta seriously.

He laughed because Ten looks like he's about to cry when he leans in to see Yuta's wound. "What can you do about it?" 

"Does it hurt?" Doyoung asked, sitting on his bed. 

For a moment, Yuta looks at him and nods. "It hurts. A lot." 

"They gave you first aid but that could still be infected." Doyoung tells them both.

"Yuta, let's take you to the hospital." Ten agrees, placing a hand on Yuta's uninjured leg. "They could give you proper medication to reduce the pain."

"Hey." Yuta snickered at Ten's extreme worried expression. "It's nothing serious. It's just a wound. I've had them worse before." 

"But you just said it hurts a lot! Or are you lying?!" Ten scowled, pinching him on the leg. 

"Oh, stop stop!" Yuta screeched, glancing around the room. Johnny is still by the doorframe, watching them and Taeyong isn't around anymore ."I'm not lying. It really does hurts but it's something I could take. I'm not a liar. I don't lie to the people I care for." 

"Dickhead!" Ten scoffed, hitting Yuta on the chest. 

Yuta studied Ten's face. But there was nothing else to it than his habitual scolding every time Yuta hurts himself on the game.He avoids to look at Doyoung's direction who's probably staring.

"Where did Taeyong go?" Doyoung asked Johnny. 

"He went to Jaehyun's room. Poor guy found his chance to be alone with Jaehyun and his anime. Go bother them, Doyoung." Johnny says. 

"Yeah go bother them. Intrude their quality time. Since you're good at it." Yuta says in silence. "At pissing off Taeyong." He adds. 

"When did you become interested at pissing him off?" Ten cracks up.

Yuta didn't look when Doyoung moves forward, patting him on the shoulders twice. But he does when Doyoung squeezed him, and he was greeted with a smile. "Get well soon." He says, and they all watch him leave the room to which Johnny followed. 

"Man." Ten calls. "What were you and Taeyong doing when we entered the room?" 

"What?" Yuta momentarily paused and asked in return.

"What were guys doing?" Ten repeats. "You seemed.. Sweet.... I don't know."

"Man, that's." Yuta glowers at him, lost in words.

"Be thankful Doyoung didn't saw that." Ten shook his head. 

"Saw what?"

"He'll be jealous and beat you up. That wouldn't be the only wound you'll be crying about." Ten tells him. "But we still gotta make him choose between Taeyong or Jaehyun. Let's interrogate him later in front of everyone." 

"What are you saying?" Yuta sneered. "Don't be stupid. It's not like he really likes any of them." 

Ten looks at him incredulous. "What do you mean what am I saying? I mean, he's told everyone that. Besides, he's pretty obvious with both of them so." 

Yuta was about to butter up the word "obvious" and Doyoung in one sentence, but Taeyong was bursting in the room with annoyed expression. Ten signals Yuta to dismiss the topic by sending him a glance, and he nods. It's almost funny how Ten takes care of the two the of them; of Yuta's wounds, and of Doyoung's secrets. 

"What happened to you?" Yuta asked Taeyong. 

"Doyoung happened." Taeyong hisses. Rummaging through his closet. 

"Did he bother you again? Johnny told him to bother you. " Yuta says. 

Ten sends him a look that says it was Yuta's idea as well. Putting his lips into a thin line in a teasing manner and Yuta reached out to flick at his forehead. 

"Yuta tried to stop him." Ten adds, controlling his laughter and Yuta flicked him again. And Taeyong was nodding as though he was assured Yuta really did that when he's actually a starter. 

Yuta ends up snickering with Ten but sports a serious face when Taeyong looks at them.  A hoodie folded to his chest, and he asked, "Where are you going this late?" 

"Coffee." Taeyong answers. 

"You're still on your uniforms." 

Taeyong hummed. "Should I get you something?" 

"I'm fine." Yuta says. "Are you going alone?" 

"I don't know." Taeyong answers, leaving them both.

"Sure she's going with Krystal. Or Seulgi." Ten laughed. "Ain't he smooth? Dating two girls. Can't believe Lee Taeyong is a sneaky bastard." 

"Hey don't call him that. He might cry." 

"But dude, I was really worried. And I'm sure you're stupid and still going to attend the training tomorrow." Ten glooms over. He may be rude and sarcastic but being overly worried towards his friends is one of his best quality. This is how he differs from Doyoung. Who wouldn't even flinch unless someone is dying, he might shed a tear or two.

"Yeah, man." Yuta goes along, making a pained expression even when Ten saw right through him in an instant. "It hurts so much but I think pizza will do." 

"Fine fine. Change clothes. I'll wait outside." Ten stood up, groaning in defeat. 

The wound didn't hurt as much as it looks, red and swollen. But if Ten wants to pamper him to the point where he offered himself as Yuta's crutch, then there's no room for refusing. The younger basically carried him from the station to their table at the pizza parlor. 

"If Doyoung finds out we abandoned him, he'll kill us." Ten grumbled about and munches on the pizza. "We really should've asked him to come." 

Ten is clingy. Not caring how much he irks both of them for the sake of getting attention. Ten is like the foundation of this friendship. He wants the three of them to always be together that Yuta is confused if he also likes the idea alone, or if he likes it because it's Ten's.

"I just wanted some alone time with you." 

"Lies. You want to eat everything all to yourself." Ten rolled his eyes. "It's fine though. That. He isn't around. I, sort of, want to ask you something. About Doyoung." 

Yuta looks at him perplexed. He's been thinking about how to dive onto that matter since the car ride but for Ten to start it sounding so hesitant. Just as he was about to ask what's going on, Ten starts talking. 

"Do you know why he quit the theatro?" Ten asked. "He never really told me until I overheard Taeil and Hansol talking about it. I haven't asked him either." 

Yuta bits at his tongue to not repeat the question for an answer. It was a surprise. He was going to rant to Ten as why would he ask him when Doyoung is more laid out to him than he'll ever be to Yuta. But Ten looks just as confused as he is and he probably couldn't grasp either as to why Doyoung would do that. Does it have to do with...

"Well, never mind. He's probably just tired. Remember last year when he almost fainted while performing? He probably didn't want that to happen again. Besides, extra-corricular activities don't do much on academic grades. He's so tired nowadays, I don't know, maybe he needs some rest." Ten supposed, looking convince at his own reasoning.

Yuta is unconvinced that it was it. He doesn't really know Doyoung, but he's performing ever since he was little and just like soccer field and Yuta, he's sure that Doyoung and the stage are inseparable. Despite being his close friend for long years, he's another level more reserved than Yuta is. Doyoung and Yuta could be friends for enjoying the same thing, but to one another, a shoulder isn't free for one to lean on. They never tell each other's troubles unless Ten is involved. It was like an unspoken rule between them. 

Yuta believed all along that he's the only stranger in their friendship. That Doyoung's world is Ten's too and the other way around. That was understandable since they've known each other longer before Yuta arrived . But judging from Ten's uneasiness, it may not be the case and Yuta must've just looked too much into it. Doyoung might have been tight-lipped towards everybody. 

Yuta stopped his train of thoughts when he looked out the glass window and noticed a familiar figure from a distance. It only takes a squint to recognize that it was Taeyong, with what could be Krystal. Yuta couldn't make out what they were doing but....

"Hello, Earth to Yuta. My throat is hurting and you haven't even say a word. Are you even listening?" Ten quibbles, leaning in and blocking Yuta's view with his face. 

"Ye--Yes. Yes." Yuta was pulled out of his trance and stuttered. 

"Alright. Let's go." Ten announce, pocketing his phone. 

"Huh--where are we going?" Yuta asked. Glancing outside but Taeyong is already out of sight. 

"Home? You just said you want to go home, didn't you." Ten shook his head, standing up. "Obviously you needed a rest, man. Not a pizza." 

"Y--Yeah. Let's go home." 

Rather than going home, Ten takes him to a hospital clinic first and his wound was clean the second time. Not only that, Ten demands the doctor to sign Yuta a medical certification so he could be excused from the training for a day or two. Yuta lost his tongue to complain because Ten may be  exaggerating but Yuta is grateful that someone cares. 

 

When Yuta gets back to their apartment, Taeyong who's was standing by the window got startled upon his entrance. Yuta recalls what he saw and was about to ask Taeyong what just happened. 

"Yuta, you went to the clinic alone?" Taeyong asked, worried.

Yuta guesses Taeyong figured by the medicine bag he was holding. His answer died on his throat when he looks at Taeyong and sees his eyes swollen. Yuta can't be wrong about what he saw. 

"You could've asked Ten or Doyoung to accompany you."

"Taeyong," Yuta starts, making Taeyong looks at him. The latter who understands that Yuta saw right through him directs his eyes elsewhere. "Why would she push you away like that? Why, why would she hit you?" 

"What did you saw?" Taeyong asked in stern voice. Looking a mix of pained and angered. As though Yuta had stepped onto his privacy and crushed it completely.

If anything, Yuta wouldn't want to see it either. Taeyong getting helplessly pushed and slapped isn't something he expects to see looking out a pizza store's glass window. Not when he'd seen enough of him going home everyday burdened by the same reason. To see Taeyong getting hurt physically is another thing. 

"Taeyong, you shouldn't let her hurt you like that." Yuta says, trying to reach out to hold his wrist but Taeyong stepped back. As much as he doesn't want to intrude, it doesn't feel right for Yuta to not do anything. Taeyong doesn't deserve to be hurt. "Even if you love her so much. You shouldn't just get used to her treating you that way. Taeyong, you deserve better." 

"Who do you think you are telling me that? You know nothing!" Taeyong let him away. 

It puts Yuta to silence when Taeyong told him that. He should've thought it over and knew his place before trying to in. The anglesare all wrong, and Taeyong was right, because to him, Yuta is just a nobody. 

Thus, Yuta apologized and excuses himself. Taking another leave to the door. If there's any emotion Yuta loathes other than jealousy, it's the feeling of being discarded 

On the upper hand, whenever Yuta feels unwanted, he runs to their younger friends. They are consistently bright and welcoming. Which reminds Yuta of his little sister back in Japan. The excessively warm welcome he got from his first step on the younger's room is almost funny. Yuta was treated like a baby by the people that are actual babies. The youngest, Jisung, who also loves soccer, looked so dear commanding everyone how to treat an injured player. And Yuta was coddled to sleep on Renjun's bed who opts to sleep on the couch for Yuta. 

Candy Crush has never been this frustrating. For half an hour, Yuta is stuck on the same level. It was 3 am when Yuta wakes and comes back to their room. As much as he wants to get back to sleep due fatigue, in addition to the pain reliever tablet that's making him drowsy, but he couldn't just shut-eye to Taeyong not being home at this hour. He felt guilty. Taeyong was in hell, yet Yuta had to made it worse thinking he could help with his careless mouth. 

It's just Yuta who supposes he could be a useful friend, anyway. Last night, Taeyong made it clear that Yuta has no right to pry onto his life. Even so, Yuta is still dialing his number. Taeyong isn't answering, or so might think that Yuta is trying to meddle again. But it doesn't matter as long as he picks up so Yuta can go back to sleep. But his hopes died when he lifts his head and saw Taeyong's phone lying on his bed. 

"Well, damn." Yuta muttered to himself. 

Yuta decides it's time to do something so he stood up to change. Taeyong could just be in Jaehyun's room. Or if he had to talk to Doyoung to see if he knows Taeyong's whereabouts, he'll do it. 

"Jaehyun." Yuta calls, and walks to follow him. Right when he got out of his room, Jaehyun is passing by the hallway. 

"Hyung. Why are you awake at this time? I'm going to jog." Jaehyun tells him. 

"C--can I come with you?" Yuta asked, and entered the elevator. 

"Sure, hyung. But aren't you injured?" 

Yuta only tells Jaehyun his concern once they're outside the dorm building.  Whatever Taeyong never tells just anyone, Jaehyun probably knows. 

"Jaehyun, do you know where Taeyong is?" He asked. 

"Oh, isn't he sleeping?" 

Yuta bit his tongue. So Taeyong isn't on his dorm room. "Actually, I don't know where he went." He admits, and felt even more guilty by the strangled expression Jaehyun let's out.

"Did something happen? I don't have my phone with me." Jaehyun says, worried. "Can you call him?" 

"He left his phone in the room." Yuta answers, and Jaehyun is looking at him with expectant eyes to hear more. "Last night, he was prickly. And I sort of, said things to him, and he took it the wrong way. He got angry." 

"Hyung, you mean he run out last night? Oh my, where could he be?" Jaehyun frets. 

"I thought you'd know." Yuta supposes.

"Hyung, go back up and ask Doyoung hyung or Johnny. I'll jog to the girls dorm and ask the security, maybe he's with Seulgi. Okay?" 

Yuta nods and watches Jaehyun jogs. It's still too early to bother anyone. He stood by the street light and leans on the fence. It's dark and there were no cars on the road. Where could Taeyong possibly be at this time? It's freezing outside but Yuta tries to ignore the cold  that stings the wound on his knee. He hopes Jaehyun can find him on the girls dorm. Most likely, he'll run to Seulgi on situations like this. 

It's not like he wanted to see Krystal pushing Taeyong and slapping him. That wasn't a sight to see. How can Taeyong even tolerate that when Yuta knows him as one of the people with the very least patience in the world. It's not that Yuta wants to see him hit her back. Besides, it's not like he's sure that she did it only because she wanted.  Or maybe Taeyong did something that made her do that. But still, it was unreasonable to hurt someone.He just wishes Taeyong hadn't done anything awful for him to deserve that. He's very restrained and clever,  and isn't stupid like Yuta anyway. 

"Yuta?" 

Yuta searched for the voice and saw Taeyong about to enter the dorm building. "Taeyong!" He calls, and dashed towards him with pained leg. "Wh--what happened to you?"

"Why are you outside at this hour? I thought you were sleeping with the kid--"

"Where did you go?" Yuta cuts him. "I tried calling you but you left your phone." 

Taeyong hummed. "It's dead so I didn't bring it with me. I went to Krystal. I couldn't sleep when something is wrong so." 

Yuta sighed, that sounded rather exhaustion than relief that had Taeyong looking down the ground. "It's good that you made up with her. I just hope that kind of thing don't happen again." 

"Huh?" Taeyong grunts. "I didn't made up with her. I--- I ended things with her. You were right. I shouldn't let myself get hurt like that. Thank you. And I'm sorry for even shouting at y--" 

"You what?" Yuta asked, confused with what could be a very rash decision that Taeyong made. "Taeyong, what if what you feel in the morning, or the next day, isn't the same as you feel right now?"

Those still aren't the right words either. That Yuta is worried Taeyong might tell him off once again. But that doesn't seem like it, when Taeyong looks so down-and-out, keeping still and avoiding his gaze. 

"Then I'll just be hurt, and act like I wasn't. Like you always do." 

Yuta's lips curved into a smirk. That was the biggest ego strike he'd ever heard in awhile. Not matter what situation, Taeyong is still clever and incredulous. 

When they climb back to their dorms, Yuta jumps up to his bed. "I forgot something." He says. 

"What? That your wound is hurting and you have to act it out?" Taeyong supposes. 

"What are you saying?" Yuta looks at him impossibly. "Jaehyun was going for a jog but I told him to look for you instead. I'd text him but he doesn't have his phone with him." 

"Oh?" Taeyong uttered. "That's unfortunate. In the morning I'd tell him you were lying and that I was sleeping soundly on my bed. He keeps on telling me you're nice. I can't wait for him to hate you." 

"This time, I'm really going to hit you." Yuta warns half-heartedly. 

"No ,thanks. Not interested." Taeyong quips. 

"I said hit you! Not hit on you!" 

And Yuta fell asleep with how soothing Taeyong's laugh sounded.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"For how long have you been lying to me?"

"It's not what you think. What do you know?"

"No. I didn't know. But I've been sensing it. It just felt so frustrating that I couldn't fend for myself being treated like a complete stupid." 

"Don't say that. You matter to me that's why I felt so guilty. I wasn't happy."

"And now you're taking a pity on me? What, are you crazy? Or are you making fun of me again?"

"But, it's over now. I'm sorry for what happened." 

"It's not about whether it's over or not. It's about you, who calls yourself my friend, fooling me and faking it all along." 

"You have all the right to be angry. It was all my fault. I did wrong. Again, I'm sorry. Let's talk again another time when you give me another chance to explain." 

"I have nothing to say to you anymore." 

 

 

 

 

 

Keeping the dorm clean became a downhill to have a helping hand. Taeyong is thankful of his roommate's freewill to be of help since school is always a hassle in the middle of the semester. But now, he's back on doing things alone, and a Yuta apologizing to the chores he always claims to "forgot" to do. 

Amidst to this, Taeyong figures Yuta isn't just gloomy because he's been listening a lot to My Chemical Romance, but because he really is. He isn't as talkative either. When before, Taeyong is annoyed by his bright gummy smile, now he'd miss seeing it. 

It's saddening to see Yuta pretending to be playful and laughing around everyone as well. It was obvious that he was faking it, by the way his eyes are dull, or how his lips turn into a thin line immediately after he smiles. He'd gotten quite some scolding from their teachers already for spacing out. Taeyong had heard enough of Ten's exasperation too for Yuta ditching their night outs together with Doyoung. 

These are the little things Taeyong starts to distinguish and he wonders why he even sees.

"Hey, you look like you can't do all that alone. You look tired. I'll give you a hand?" 

Taeyong continues on washing the chicken meat on the sink and gestures Yuta to hand him the tray. How come Taeyong will look tired after sleeping for ten hours straight? That's was a lie, Taeyong knows Yuta leaves the dining table because everyone was there. Everyone Yuta wants to avoid. 

"Can you cut them for me?" Taeyong orders, pointing at the pile of vegetables on the table. 

"Sure."

Taeyong tries not to laugh watching Yuta helplessly cut the tomatoes. He proceeds to the stove and boil the meat. "Doyoung told me you were back on the court yesterday. I fell asleep last night I couldn't congratulate you. So, congrats player number 10."

"I thought you were going to watch yesterday. Seulgi was there too." Yuta says, focusing intently on the knife.

"Hey, is your jersey number 10 because you're in love with Ten?" He wonders.

Yuta choked at the question. "I've been using that number before I even met him. And it's my lucky number. I was born on the 10th month too. It had nothing to do with him." 

"Oh come on!" Taeyong glowers at him. "I've heard you love to watch themed movies. I'm sure you believe in gay love. Ten and you are probably destined." 

Yuta was unmoving and only staring at Taeyong incredulously. "Let me remind you that I am holding a knife." 

Taeyong gestures to zip on his mouth and turned his back on him. He really needs to control his mouth when talking to Yuta now that he's gotten so pissy. In grade school, he remembered getting punched a lot for being mouthy but that was fine, but getting stabbed with a knife probably isn't.  He's lucky Jaehyun entered the kitchen and asked what he can help with and so, he could abandon his current assistant, Yuta. 

He concocts the flavors for the sauces and lets Jaehyun taste it and decide. In addition, he makes a vegetable salad like Yuta requested. Yuta stayed in the kitchen for awhile, eating anything edible he finds on the fridge. It's only when he left when Jaehyun talks. 

"Someone's asking for his number."

"Who? Yuta?" 

Jaehyun hummed. "Yes, someone really pretty in my class has a crush on him."

"Someone has a crush on Yuta?" Taeyong sputters with a laugh. "Has she lost her head?" 

"Oh, honestly I'd say the same thing if someone likes you." Jaehyun says, smiling sheepishly which intends he meant what he said. 

Taeyong ignores the harsh comment but squints his eyes at him although he agrees. Yuta is someone so gentle and patient. Those are the best of his qualities Taeyong began to distinguish now that he doesn't disregard Yuta's presence. He wasn't apathetic, or what Taeyong would like call it, an . He figured Yuta was quiet because prefers to listen. Unlike Taeyong who's probably a total opposite, fretful and nuts, and doubts if there is even any good quality of himself. 

Taeyong doesn't think Yuta is the type to base on appearance. So when Johnny pulled him out of his Algebra class one day to rant about how much of a dimwit Yuta is wasting oppurtunities of getting hot girls being obsessed over someone who doesn't like him back, didn't surprised Taeyong. 

As far as he knows----heard from their friends, Yuta likes her ever since his first year in their middle school. Sooyoung is smart and has a superiority complex, the way Taeyong describes her, so he doesn't really know what Yuta sees in her. Even Seulgi admits having her as a roommate was forbidding. So it must have been an illustration that everyone has a different perspective and preferences from others. It's not like Sooyoung and Yuta are friends either. Nor is she oblivious to Yuta's affection to her. But judging from how the things remained the same between them all these years, it's an obvious outcome whether Yuta makes advances or not. Taeyong thinks that if that's the same footing all these time, Yuta should've changed his mind about her by now.

"Dude, Yiyang is basically a beauty queen." Johnny says for the umpteenth time. 

"She is. But, " Taeyong says finally. He hasn't say anything when Johnny dragged him out to the lockers and only listening. 

"But? She looks like Krystal so she isn't your type either?" Johnny supposes. 

"That's not it." Taeyong sends him a glare. "We don't know what he's going through. I don't wanna talk about it." 

"Since when did you care about what he's going through?" Johnny questioned suddenly. 

"I don't." 

"God, Taeyong. Chill." Johnny chaffed and had to step back at Taeyong's chagrin. "I'm sure Yuta has Ten. He ain't that much of a hermit." 

Taeyong snorts at how clueless Johnny is. Yuta is clearly overusing the excuse of soccer training to avoid everyone including his nonessential rendezvous with any of them. So he doubts Yuta is talking to anywho. 

"But he really did messed up yesterday's game. I'm just glad he didn't get injured again." Johnny says and lets out a heavy sigh. 

Yesterday, Taeyong chose to go home instead of watching the game. He wouldn't want to see a stumbling Yuta on the field. Although their friends might not notice, being Yuta's roommate, Taeyong thinks he quite could cath on that something was wrong with Yuta. As much as he want to ask, he didn't want a hurl back of what he told Yuta before to stop prying. He was concern but he wouldn't want to put his nose on what Yuta doesn't want to tell him. 

"If it's still about Sooyoung, I hope he quits. That's just not healthy anymore. They really have to talk." Johnny adds. 

"If it's a no, she should tell him. Not leave him hanging." Taeyong insinuates. 

"Yuta never tried talking to her so why would Sooyoung?" Johnny shook his head. 

It was a tiring subject indeed. He always imagine putting himself on Yuta's shoes that only leads him to mental aggravation. Taeyong will never understand Yuta. Perhaps, he will never know what he's going through unless he is Yuta. So Taeyong thinks he's lucky despite what happened with his past relationships. Because at the very least, he isn't hopelessly in love with someone impossible. 

Moreover, being his roommate, it was exhausting to see Yuta acting like the perfect company when it's apparent that he's wretched. Taeyong doesn't know when did he start concerning over him to the point where he's mirroring his mood. Jaehyun always ask him what's wrong and tells him to get over it but Taeyong swore he had long forgotten his mishap with Krystal so it's probably just Taeyong and his excessive thinking of what's wrong with Yuta. He wants to yell at Ten and Doyoung letting Yuta alone like this. It shouldn't matter if he tells them off because if they care about Yuta, they should act like the useful friends they're supposed to be. 

"And what about you?" Johnny questions. 

Taeyong realizes he's been staring on the ground holding a frown the whole time. He looks up at him, sporting a poker face. But his voice fails him and cracks a little when he said, "What... do you mean, what about me?"

It's really stupid, the worry that lingers within him. When did he become a fussbudget towards a person he claims he dislikes? He notice how Johnny scans his face and shook his head saying, "Nothing." And hopes he didn't see right through him. 

"Dude, I'm sorry. I thought it would be hilarious to send you as his roommate for the whole year." 

Taeyong is taken a back as to why Johnny is digging this topic suddenly after four months, and how serious his voice sounded. He counts to three and waits for Johnny to laugh, but he lets out an exasperated sigh instead. As though Yuta and Taeyong being roommates had to do with the serious conversation they're having awhile back.

Taeyong wants to ask why he said that, but he's afraid of what he's answer might be. Johnny may seem obtuse and blithe, but he's sharp. He'd known Taeyong for years longer than any of them. That he's able to catch on Taeyong's troubles he couldn't even comprehend himself. Like an open book, Johnny can read him clearly and was never wrong even once. Taeyong wishes Johnny isn't so sensitive when it comes to his own deed.

"I'm really wondering how you can forgive me. After that." Johnny adds. 

But Taeyong tried not to say anything over a matter he never wants to acknowledge. So he pats Johnny on the back and excuses himself to go back to his class. 

 

 

 

 

 "Yuta, that's nasty." 

Yuta isn't really conscious of his surroundings but it changed always having Taeyong around. Whether or not it's a good thing to be observed, which what he thinks he's receiving from him lately, it's profitable to be guided by someone so critical and beautiful like Taeyong. Yuta recalls how akward it felt being neglected by him. But now, Taeyong is kind enough to wipe off blood stains that got to his bangs and laboratory gown  with a tissue. 

"Don't look if you hate it so much." Yuta reminds him. It's a regular practice that they do a dissecting of frogs on every biology class. He volunteered to do it since he doubts Taeyong would even lay a hand on the said organism. Although he'd never partnered or grouped with him on any class activities, today was different because upon hearing the task they'd be doing, Taeyong sends him a blank look for a long time that turns into a pleading look. "How did you get this over with in the past years?" He asked, curious. 

Taeyong walks back to him after washing his hands on the small faucet in the counter. And again, he's wiping the working table clean. "Johnny hates it too. So I work with Doyoung. He does everything on his own." 

It's disappointing how all that exists requires a balance. There's no explanation as to how Taeyong simply talking to him or being around makes him forget his adversity, yet, it comes back in just one mention of a name and hits him hard. It happens more often than it should. But it's not like he could ask for Taeyong not to mention anyone he never wants to hear. That's absurd, he would think. Unless Taeyong would hear the reason and understand. But nevertheless, he might still think it's absurd. Yuta doesn't want to hope.

"There are exotic restaurants that serve them." Yuta says as though it was a new information."I heard frogs taste better than chicken." 

"Don't even ever wanna try." Taeyong concludes. Judging by the amount of coaxing Yuta has given him to touch the frog at least, he would be annoyed by time. But the frown on his face is plainly how disgusted he is by the way Yuta is holding the frog's stomach and cutting it open. 

"Poor frog. What a torture." Yuta muses. Closing his eyes when he finishes. 

"Yuta, how dare you hurt such an innocent being." 

"Mr. Frog, it seemed that Lee Taeyong will miss you. Please visit him on his dream tonight." Yuta stupidly says to a dead frog he just cut open.

"No way!" Taeyong spits, and glowers at the frog instead of Yuta. "Nakamoto Yuta is your murderer." 

Yuta watches Taeyong, amused. The main idea was to laugh, but Taeyong looks so scared and grossed out that it's pitiable. Unaware that he'd had a finger digging inside the frog's stomach for a brief moment until Taeyong points it out. He's just glad he's wearing a two layer plastic gloves because Taeyong was decided he's never going to participate on this experiment so he lends his to Yuta. 

They fell into silence once Yuta began to follow the gruesome steps instructed on the laboratory manual. Taeyong didn't bother to help him understand the instructions either. Yuta felt bad for Taeyong who probably felt so put out and wants to distract him from his stupor, so he asked, "What were you and Luna talking about? I saw you at the lobby." 

Taeyong's face contorts in pain when he glanced at what Yuta was doing, taking the heart out of the frog. "Nonsense. She said Krystal wants me to come over to her house." 

"What for?" 

"To talk?" Taeyong says as though it was the most obvious answer ever. 

Yuta hummed. "So, are you going to?" 

There was a pause before Taeyong shook his head and said, "No." And Yuta felt worried for him.

The experiment was already over but Taeyong still look like all his blood has drained out of his body. When the bell rang for lunch time, he told Yuta he wasn't hungry and will head to the library to study instead. But Yuta isn't having any of that not when Taeyong was complainig how his empty stomach hurts on their first class when they both skipped breakfast to get to school on time. 

He grabs him by the arm with a little force, careful not to hurt him and drags him to the cafeteria. Taeyong must be too wear out to squirm or even complain that it was easy for Yuta to pull Taeyong with him. When they got to their table, Yuta greets everyone and give a brief explanation as to why Taeyong looks wasted. Which they immediately understood. His hand still holding Taeyong when he noticed Johnny staring, and he lets go, excusing himself to order. 

When he gets back with snacks on hand instead of lunch, the sitting arrangement have changed. What used to be two seats available beside one another Yuta guesses reserved for him and Taeyong, the one is occupied with Winwin and Taeyong is now sitting beside Johnny. Yuta tries not to mind and takes a seat, smiling back at Winwin who greeted him. 

"I know someone who loves Pringles too." Ten comments, opening the container before Yuta does. 

Yuta is aware it's a tease directed to Taeyong. That or to Seulgi who isn't even there to hear it. But it can also be just Ten wanting to reveal someone who loves Pringles yet Yuta is up to one too many conclusions. 

"Shut up. You look like the round guy on the logo, not me." Johnny protested, causing everyone in the table to guffaw except for Yuta. And Taeyong who still look lost staring blankly on the almond jelly. 

"God, so defensive." Ten hissed at Johnny, and he sends Yuta a chummy smile. 

Yuta responded with a smile as friendly as possible. Ten seemed pissed off at him last night for having to ditch them once again that had the younger asking if he wants to end their friendship. The question caught him off-guard that he gapes at Ten like a goldfish that had the younger laughing instead. Ten didn't pressed him for an answer and Yuta wouldn't know what to say either. They've been part of his daily life for five years, and it had to be difficult to embrace the change if Ten just decides he doesn't want Yuta around anymore considering how disappointed he must be to how much he refused to their invites. 

Yuta figures Ten doesn't know the truth. He may be closer to Doyoung than Yuta is to any of them, but he's sure Ten wouldn't intend to make him feel uncomfortable. Yuta didn't want to think it's just him having so much trust on Ten. But that's Ten. Ten isn't obscene, unlike.....

Yuta jolts in surprise when Hansol tapped him on the thigh with heavy hands. If he's been spacing out, which is most likely, Hansol is going to point it out and question him. But the older says, "You should've partnered with Taeyong on the experiment. He's really never going to do that." 

"I did. But he kept on watching." Yuta explains and saw Taeyong glance at them from a distance. Probably aware that he's being talked about. 

"That was half of the grade in biology, I'm glad you didn't skip the class today. Unlike what you did last year." Doyoung leans in the table and tells Taeyong. 

"Yuta did everything." Taeyong answers. 

Ten starts the craze, cracking up. That Doyoung followed suit that comments about how dreamy of a couple they are that had everyone in the table laughing. It was surprising how he initiates jokes that involves Yuta, even if it wasn't directly at him, as though there's nothing between them. But Yuta ignored this, and glanced at Taeyong who has a funny expression on his face. 

What surprised him another time is Johnny who looks rather pissed at the situation. Normally, he would be laughing and add up to the mockery. But he clears his throat and says, "Shut up. Taeyong is feeling sick. That wasn't funny." 

That might have sounded a little too serious than Johnny intends to, because even Ten who's a master of retort didn't say anything. Their table fell into an awkward silence. It's a constant custom to feel overprotective towards Taeyong. As though he was the most special. It could be the synthesis of him being exquisite, sloppy, and extremely beautiful. That everyone who sees him will have the desire to keep him from any harm. And Yuta is jealous of that in the case that he doesn't hate Taeyong, he feels the same everyone does for him.

Doyoung, though, pay Johnny no heed and left. When he came back, he hands Taeyong a cup of chocolate coffee. But Yuta doubts it's to console Johnny. Regardless of what went on between them, he'd known Doyoung as someone unwary of what other's think or feel about him. Nor would he consider to please anybody, not even Ten. Taeyong is an exception.

Doyoung tossed a pack of gum to Ten, and then to Yuta ever so casually. Yuta has barely nod for a refusal but Winwin is already taking it to claim as his. 

"Well, thanks." Winwin said, sarcastic. 

"Wouldn't Kun scold you and your ugly teeth for that?" Yuta whispers. 

"Just because you have teeth straighter than your orientation, doesn't give you the right to diss aesthetically handsome people like me. I'm art." Winwin quips. Lewdly chewing the him to emphasize his nonchalance. 

Yuta laughs because that sounds like something Taeyong would say, or should say, rather. Winwin would be very talkative and sadistic if he was better in Korean. "I get it. I get it." 

"You're supposed to disagree, hyung." Winwin whines. "This is why you're so boring. You agree with everything." 

Winwin have several attempts of giving Yuta a chance to be a contradict. For the essence of fun arguments, he would say. But he always fails to remember that and the fun already died when Winwin has to remind him. 

"You are so nice, I'm getting a headache." 

He doesn't agree on that, though. But Yuta simply concedes and accepts everything because he didn't want to cause a problem to anybody. Not a lot of people thinks the way he does, and so he was considered nice in this society. 

"But you really are handsome, what can I do?" 

"Oh, stop it hyung." Winwin became red on the face, hitting Yuta on the shoulder continuously.

Yuta responded by grabbing him on the hips. A literal order to stop him moving. Just then, he glanced at Taeyong who's watching him. He felt conscious yet again because Taeyong might yell at him about something like table manners or to stop manhandling their younger friends, so he opts to look away and focus at whatever is Ten saying instead. 

"There's a new restaurant that opens tonight near the cafe." Ten announced. "Guess who's not coming with us." 

Everyone in the table gave Yuta a knowing glance and starts laughing. Ten, though, pretends he didn't just slander Yuta and avoids his gaze. 

"But still, Yuta did the experiment for T.Y. Ain't that sweet?" Ten digs and Yuta guesses Ten didn't care much about that subject, and rather said it to challenge Johnny. Yuta doesn't understand what's the big deal about it anyway to save a roommate, a friend.

"Everyone else will do that for Taeyong. Except you, probably. Cause you're just as gay." Johnny retorts. 

Ten stared blankly at Johnny, and the latter got hit by Taeyong on the head. Yuta tried not to laugh at Taeyong's insulted expression. 

Yuta is afraid of further questioning because as much as he wants to keep things to himself, he isn't sure how much he can hold his tongue. Especially if he's on a hot seat in front of everyone. So he ends up agreeing to coming out with Ten who's been pestering him for a week now, and Doyoung on the new restaurant Ten always talk about.

The meal weren't expensive and quite appetizing and satisfying for high school students like them who prefers food with cheaper price. There were board games available for the customers free and Yuta finds himself playing Snake and Ladder with his friends. 

"Yuta's turn." Doyoung announced, as if Yuta doesn't know it was his turn to roll the dice. 

It's a ridiculous scene to watch if they have an audience to see this. Doyoung and Yuta pretending they are cordial to one another, and Ten being oblivious to everything. Yuta would've come out really obvious, considering the amount he hesitates to reply whenever Doyoung tries to talk to him or how he can't even look him in the eye. But Doyoung is a masterful at faking it. Which shouldn't surprise Yuta at all but he still is. 

Ten grimaced when he rolled the dice another time and got a one dot. He groaned in defeat, flailing his arms in the air and tossed the dice back to its box instead. "I give up." 

"You are the cutest loser that's ever existed." Doyoung chimes and pinches Ten on the cheeks. Ten though, wasn't even fazed and frowned at him instead. 

If things are still the way it were, Yuta would be mocking them for this scene. But now, he unconsciously evaluate every bits of Doyoung's actions over the top. Yuta hates this mindset. He hates how his brain automatically generates unpleasant ideas over someone important to him. Because the last time he checked, he was only a tiny bit pathetic, not bitter. 

"Hey, so let's talk about Jaehyun bragging to everyone about being in a relationship." Ten says cheekily, poking Yuta's knees under the table. A habit when he wants to associate Yuta on spoofing Doyoung. It's always an awkward experience whenever because Yuta doubts Doyoung wants Yuta to hear anything Ten is trying to make out of him. 

"What did he tell you?" He asked Ten. Doyoung looks so caught but laughed nonetheless. 

"Doyoung hyung finally confessed. What do I do. I'm so gay for him. Blah blah." Ten says comically, mimicking Jaehyun. 

What the f--- Yuta bites back his question. Startled, he leans back on his chair and wonders if he heard them right. Squinting his eyes at Ten and waiting for him to blow up guffawing and reveal that it was a joke. Yuta fell into a deeper confusion when Doyoung looks rather flustered when Ten congratulated him. 

"Hey, but what about Taeyong?" Yuta asked absent-mindedly that caught Doyoung off guard. His eyes distended from what could be frustration. Yuta has never seen him in such a riling estate since Doyoung isn't one to pay attention with whatever goes on around him. The question wasn't intentional, or at least he thought, but it came out difficult that the two of them ends up gazing at each other for a long time. 

"The hell was that?" Ten interrupts and shakes both his hands in front of their faces, he looks at Yuta for a brief moment and says, "and you call me the unnecessary person who says unnecessary things?" 

Yuta directs his gaze at Ten. Lips turning into a sardonic curve as a reflex. He could just spill whatever it is Ten is oblivious about, and wonders how would he react to Doyoung once he finds out. But that would mean he's practically begging for sympathy. And the last thing Yuta wants to be is someone so pathetic. 

"Ten can have him. Or Johnny." Was Doyoung's delinquent answer. 

This time, Yuta refrained his mouth from whatever that is coming and opts to smile  instead. He grins at Ten, to direct the conversation at him completely. If Yuta would choose, he'd leave this place. But he doesn't want Ten to question him, swallowing the fact that Doyoung is going to keep his mouth shut no matter what. 

"Me? And Taeyong?" Ten chokes. "Two good looking people? Wait, let me call him." 

Yuta doesn't want to hear whatever it is Doyoung is going to say anymore and glad that Ten's blaring his voice is keeping his ears busy. It doesn't pull him out of his train of thoughts completely, but at the very least Ten was there to settle in between them.

Ten placed his phone on the table and puts it in a loud speaker with Taeyong on the other line. "Hey, TY. You know that Doyoung and Jaehyun are dating now, right? Which means you and Jaehyun are cancelled."

"So?" Taeyong berates from the other line. It sounded too funny and Yuta imagines the funny faces he could be making by now. 

Ten leans back, placing a hand on his chest in a ridiculous manner. He inhales before saying, "So, let's date?" 

The beeping sound indicates that Taeyong ended the call and the three of them ends up laughing. Ten is dramatically climbing up his seat in fear as though Taeyong is going to come out of his cellphone any time soon. 

"Stop doing that. They'll send our table out." Doyoung tells Ten. 

As though an instinct, Yuta's mood drops again upon the sound of his voice. Like a torture that riles him up regardless of how much he tries to act composed. Such vexation displayed on his face that had Ten asking, "Are you having diarrhea again?" 

A keyword Yuta should've thought earlier and used as an excuse to escape this get-together. That would've been a great alibi from the very beginning because Ten is already standing up, pulling Doyoung with him and gathering his things. 

What Yuta didn't expect was Ten shoving him away from his motorbike and calling him gross. If he'd come here telling Ten that Doyoung is a terrible driver and convinced to ride his motorbike instead, it doesn't seem like it's going to work anymore. 

"Just hop on." 

A pained groan escaped Yuta's mouth sending Doyoung an "Are you serious?" look when he's sure Ten wasn't looking. But anything to get over with tonight's complexity. Yuta drags his feet to Doyoung's motorbike, taking the helmet that's always been there for Yuta to use. 

"Hey, race to the dorm. Bye losers!" Ten singsongs and rev up his engine, driving away. 

No words is exchanged between them once they're on the road. Yuta keeps a cool distance leaning backwards, if before it was fun to cling onto Doyoung just to annoy him. Yuta definitely didn't want this to ever happen again, and is the main reason why he didn't want to join any get-together of the three of them. To call it awkward is an understatement. How can is Ten, who's driving by their side and heckling at them, is still so clueless. 

Ignoring Ten, Doyoung turns to a narrow lane. Yuta holds the steel bar on his back for balance when Doyoung speeds up the engine. Not that he can't drive, but Yuta calls him a terrible driver because he drives faster than necessary. After their last conversation, Yuta declines for a talk. Avoiding him in class, ignoring all his calls and messages. Even when Doyoung said he wants to explain and even when there's a lot of things he wants to ask, Yuta made it clear that he didn't want to discuss or hear anything anymore. It just to be a human that constantly seeks for answers out of curiousity. 

He knew beforehand Doyoung wouldn't open up to Ten about what happened. Yet, he wouldn't opt to shut off Ten's invite to gather the three of them together. Doyoung was clever and would rather agree to it to get Yuta where he wants to. When the driving slows down, Yuta takes this as a cue to speak. 

"So you decided you like and just drop her?" He asked. 

There was a pause and Yuta wonders how much can Doyoung can keep his cool if Yuta continue being the . There has to be a limit to Doyoung being nice and forgiving. And there he was, too angry and damaged to be sensible. 

"I wouldn't want Jaehyun to hear that." Doyoung enunciates in a low voice. "Right now, he's the most important person in my life."

Yuta wants to snort in disbelief. The trust was broken and he doubts Doyoung is up to set forth of anything that isn't a lie. But as though reading his mind, Doyoung continues to speak, 

"I know you don't to believe me anymore. But I want to be there for him as he is always there for me." 

Yuta wants to jump out of the motorbike and yell at Doyoung how much he doesn't care of his another dramatic story. Quietly hoping that he isn't using Jaehyun to play with Yuta's head once again. 

"It's a pity that she didn't like you back." 

Doyoung unhesitatingly says and Yuta wants to take it out on his fist right there and then. But Yuta had to keep his manners and didn't want to go overboard. 

 "You seem like the person she'd love to be with. Someone interesting and kind. A total opposite of all I can be." Doyoung adds. "I know that it's unfair to hide it from you, and again I want to apologize for what happened. I---" 

"Stop." 

"If I could turn back time, I'll avoid this to happen. I wouldn't lie to you. So I wouldn't hurt--" 

"Just stop." 

"Yuta, I'm so sorry. If I have to kneel in front of you, I would ---" 

"Just stop it. Stop. Shut up already." Yuta hissed in spite. At times like this, Yuta is glad Doyoung is a good listener who does just what he told. And it was a muted drive back to the dorm. 

Still tensed, he didn't come up to the dorm immediately and chose to grab coffee at the convenient store nearby. Although he doubts he'll take it out on anybody, he wants to find even bits of composure before facing his roommate. Taeyong worries over the little things and there's no way he's going to sleep in peace if he finds Yuta in this state. The last time he checked, he couldn't withstand Taeyong and always end up complying to him. 

Yuta mustered up all his strength to look calm and collected once he entered their dorm room. His roommate, Taeyong, standing by the huge mirror and looking like an idol on an airport fashionshow with his leather jacket and plain one shirt, black jeans with tied black and red plaid shirt on his hip, black converse shoe and a black snapback, didn't even bother a greeting. Yuta is upset another time and wonders what kind of celestial being Taeyong must be to look that exceptionally attractive that even guys----

"We're you drooling?" 

Yuta was pulled out of his trance, opening his mouth to say something to save him from embarrasment but nothing comes out. Trying to act cool to make up for it, Yuta walks to Taeyong's bed and sat on his bed. And again, staring. 

Before Yuta could even ask where he's going, Taeyong says, "Remember what Luna said the other day? I thought of...reconsidering it." 

Yuta scoffed, eyeing Taeyong from head to toe. "Looking like that? After what she did to you? Are you in it for the ? Well, aren't you ?"

Taeyong's jaw dropped at the forthright question, that Yuta didn't even bat an eye for calling him that and his face fall into a grimace. "Can you, like, watch what you're saying you !" 

He didn't expect Taeyong to be greatly affected by that. Yuta suddenly felt guilty at the amount of bull coming out of his mouth for the night. Taeyong doesn't have to be the receiving end of it either.

Taeyong took his cap off along with his jacket and drops it on the floor. Untying the plaid shirt off his hip and hands it to a confuse Yuta. Hurriedly taking his shirt off in annoyance and undoing his belt. "You really want to see me , don't you?" 

Taken aback, Yuta's eyes grew big. Only now that he noticed the actual situation, him unconsciously watching Taeyong taking off his clothes in a very very close proximity. "T--take this as a reward for how many times you've peeked at me undressing." Yuta daunts and hopes Taeyong didn't hear the way his voice cracked. 

From his stoic expression, Taeyong's face became flustered. He picked the neatly folded clothes on his deck and holds it to cover his chest, looking at Yuta. 

Yuta wants to yell at him for his overt offended reaction as though Yuta is a ert. But when Taeyong run to the comfort room to probably changed back to his sleeping clothes, Yuta feels like he accomplished something. 

He didn't think he'd make Taeyong upset with what he said. It was all over Taeyong's face when he comes out on his sleeping clothes, dragging his towards his bed where Yuta is still sitting. 

"But hey, you should go talk to her if you want to." Yuta coos, clinging on the older's arms as if intimate contact is normal between them. 

"Yuta, just shut up for the night. Please." Taeyong beseeched in a low voice, gesturing Yuta to leave the bed. 

Thought he got used to it, but why does Taeyong telling him off hurts now? Was it the way he said it sounded a little too honest? Yuta bit his bottom lip, anxious over this little conflict. He doesn't want Taeyong to hate him, or worse, to avoid him. To Yuta, Taeyong is a very important friend. It's as though there's something deeper other than the both of them being problematic and sensitive, even if Taeyong is everything he wasn't. Although they may have not started as good friends from the beginning, as presumptuous as it sounds, Yuta believes Taeyong and him needs and understand each other.

"Don't be mad at me, please. I'll do anything." 

It took Yuta's unawares as to what slipped off his mouth when he's supposed to only say it in his head, meanwhile Taeyong looks rather unamused. 

"The last time you told me that you bought me food." 

"Is....that an invite?" Yuta asked inquisitive. Standing up when Taeyong bumped his knees on his. 

"Nah." Taeyong snorts and jumps to his bed face first. He gestures his hands to shoo Yuta away. "I just want to sleep."

Yuta's heart sank. Why must it be so difficult to win Taeyong's trust? He just wants to be a dependable friend that Taeyong needs. Curling his lips into a thin line, Yuta walks back to his own bed, muttering a "Good night, Taeyong." 

"Are you seriously not going to shower before bed?"

"I--m about to." Yuta says defensive, that even sat up to ask him that. 

"Really?" Taeyong doubts, eyeing him from head to toe. 

"What do you want?" Yuta bites.

"You." 

"W---what?" 

"Hoo. Big summer blow out." Laughter errupts in the room coming from Taeyong who seemed too convinced to even laugh at his own joke. 

It made Yuta flustered that Taeyong is making fun of him at this time of night. While it's true Taeyong is laugher, he is mostly sarcastic, yet this time, Taeyong seemed happy. Unlike the previous days that Yuta was sure he's struggling from his break-up. 

Yuta walks over Taeyong. He shrug off the pillow that covers the other's face, pinning Taeyong's hands on the bed. Taeyong's exquisite eyes are staring back at him and Yuta remembered this scene from before, except Taeyong doesn't look this nervous. So immediately, he pulled away. Afraid that he was scaring the other. 

"W---what was that for?" 

"I was just checking if you were drunk." I didn't think you'd be that scared, Yuta wants to add. He turns around, going back to his bed and regretting this kind of playful initiations. Taeyong is sensitive and Yuta should act towards him more carefully. 

When he looks back, Taeyong is already curled up on his bed and enveloped in his blanket when he expected him to be hysterical and pissed at what he did. And Yuta wonders what went wrong. 

"That's a lot." 

"Taeyong likes them." Yuta says another time, putting the fifth jar of nutella on the cart. 

Saturday's training was cancelled due to the heavy rainfall. To the players, it's a silent triumph for a weekend training to be called off because that means they have a day to rest instead of breaking bones inside the football field. The rain only stays in the morning leading the afternoon weather to be gloomy. Yuta doesn't want to deal with his hyper neurons , he doesn't want to overthink any further that gives him a headache. His roommate Taeyong, doesn't seem like he's in the mood to savage Yuta either and it bores him. He's been curled up on his blanket since last night and Yuta wonders if he's still breathing. Yuta was worried that what he did last night is the reason he's put out today. 

It would've been a really nice day if everything went according to his plan. Winwin invited him to play basketball at the towns court where there would be a lot of  player and Yuta already imagined making funny bets with them. Also, maybe he could ask Winwin to take him to Kun's apartment so he could see his Pokemon toy collections since he's been hooked just from Winwin describing it. It'll be more fascinating have his fingers laid on the actual toys other than salivating over the photos. That, if only Jaehyun wasn't exaggerating his cough that had Yuta ends up doing the groceries with Johnny instead. 

"Do you want him to get sick?" Johnny scoffs, putting the jar back to the shelf. He takes them back again, though, upon seeing how empty their cart is in 15 minutes of being in the store. "Honestly, why must they make us do this?" 

Yuta puts his lips into a thin line, nodding. Both him and Johnny knows nothing about the groceries, a common knowledge everyone should've grasped by now. Even when Yuta came here with a little of confidence, using the what-to-buy lists Jaemin texted him for basis, they can't come home having only a stationery, toothpaste, nutella, and hair wax on hand.

"And you told me you have the list with you...... Jaemin's list." Johnny sighed exasperatedly. "You're so smart, Yuta." 

"But you just dragged me here and you were talking with Jaehyun, you should've asked him for the list." Yuta defended, placing a pack of gum on the cart and Johnny looks at him as though he'd given up already. 

"Whatever. Just call Doyoung and ask---" 

"Nope. You're older than me you're supposed to settle this." Yuta reasons although he knew it didn't make sense. He grinned at him wide, clinging on the taller's muscular arms

"Stop it. You're not cute." Johnny snorts, shrugging him off.

Yuta chuckles, pulling off another cute face yet again. "Not as cute as Taeyong?" 

"Why do you keep mentioning him?" Johnny berates, pushing the cart and leaving Yuta behind. "Just take everything you want. Let's have Doyoung take care of the rest. I want to go home." 

He bit his tongue for wanting to laugh Johnny's annoyed expression. "Why are you so pissy today?" He singsongs and dash away when the taller makes a move to hit him. Yuta concludes everyone today is just as gloomy as the weather so he shuts his mouth, taking everything necessary as they pass by the shelves. 

Yuta isn't totally clueless about shopping for groceries since he'd done it a few times with Taeyong. There are bits he remember about what Taeyong discuss about picking fruits and vegetables, although he wishes he'd listen more to what he said instead of simply admiring his face. For another half an hour, their cart was full and Yuta doesn't have to worry about carrying the bags because Johnny is strong. Unlike Taeyong who looks like he's going to stumble back just carrying a bag of watermelon. 

"We're finished." Johnny states but sounded more of like a question. 

"Hey, before we go home, can we pass by the coffee shop?" 

"You know I hate coffee." 

"I know. I know. You hate the smell of coffee." Yuta finished for him. "But you can stay outside. I'll just order a cup for Taeyong. He seemed really cold when I left. I would've just make one for him but I doubt he'd like is so." 

"Huh, why? Why do you need to get him coffee when he's cold?" Johnny inquires and furrows his brows. 

Yuta halts on his step and turned around to face Johnny. Sending him a questioning look for an answer. Today, Johnny seemed really off. But Yuta doesn't get intimated by this. That there's even an urge within that makes him want to pester them whenever his friends are in bad mood. Especially, Johnny, because it doesn't happen too often and he's usually loud and happy. 

"Seriously, Yuta just stop. There's no need for you to please everybody. Stop being nice to everyone." Johnny grunts at him when Yuta tries to cling on his arm again. 

As Yuta expected, it's not him and Taeyong who got tired of that joke. It's their friends who did. For two months unimaginable, they did nothing but to poke fun of him and Taeyong being roommates, with Johnny being the starter. Now that the joke was over and the tables were turned, none of them even wants to swallow that Yuta and Taeyong became good friends. 

"Are you guys close now? Are you dating behind our backs? Come on say, it. To my face. Do you like him? Tell me. " Johnny demands, hands reaching out to Yuta's shoulder to still him. 

There was a confused silence. Either Johnny is on a bad mood thinking crazy, or making fun of him yet again. This isn't the first time Johnny asked him the same question, wearing that serious face and a stern voice. It isn't until Johnny raised a brow at him that he realized he needs to answer that question. 

"Yuta, Taeyong might think you like him if you keep being nice to him." 

Johnny adds, to force the words out of Yuta. But there's no explaining it, no clarification to it. And he senses Johnny's eyes on him, that's either curious or disappointed. He could laugh at this serious discussion Johnny is trying to get him to, if it wasn't a replica of him asking the same question when Johnny asked if he likes Sooyoung years ago. He remembered denying it, even accusing Johnny of being too nosy. But when Yuta breaks, Johnny was the first to worry about him, to console him. And even if Johnny is irksome, he's sharp. He was there for Yuta. As if he knows from the beginning that what he had for her was hopeless. 

"Of course. I like him." Yuta answers asserted. There was a tinge of panic at the way Johnny furrows his brows that he noticed, so he explains, "We are very good friends."

"Good friends?" Johnny repeats, hands reaching up to his forehead to express his dismay. "Yuta, that's not what I'm talking about. See, you don't get it!" 

But Yuta does. He was able to comprehend what Johnny meant. Johnny probably anticipate a confession, but there's none. There's nothing to spill out when Yuta feels this empty and hurt. Because Yuta doesn't know how it feels to like someone else other than Sooyoung. No matter how many times he was hurt and denied by her.

Yuta looks up at Johnny's strangled expression. As though he won't be able to accept it if Yuta lets out a confession. That would be offensive, if it wasn't too silly because Yuta had nothing to admit at all. "You can have him all to yourself." Yuta cracks, laughing immediately when Johnny's face contorts into a funny one.

Johnny hits him on the chest, twice. "That's what you get for hanging around too much with Ten." 

Yuta doesn't say anything, still laughing. That had Yuta wondering if he can tell Johnny his worries, if he can tell what's breaking and tearing him apart. Johnny seemed like somebody who would side on him. Upon the thought, Yuta heaves out a silent sigh that went unnoticed by Johnny. And he really was looking for sympathy? Yuta is pathetic and doesnt trust anyone. 

The bags under his eyes tells Taeyong how much he'd mess up last night. He was up until 3 am reading and crying over a book. Unlike Yuta, who insisted he was reading too, with an Algebra book in hand and Taeyong wants to slap him with it for the sarcasm, even if they slept at the same time, Yuta made it to school for training. 

Taeyong stretches in bed. It's past noon when he glances at the wall clock, 12:47 to be exact. The sweat that forms on his forehead and woke him up. The warm fabric of the comforter is sticky on his chest. The new covers of his bed feels hot on the skin and Taeyong doesn't remember sleeping with a blanket so Yuta probably covered him.  Last night, when he was sure Yuta is asleep, he took his shirt off and went back to bed. As a habit, he reaches out to his phone under the pillow to check it. There were 9 messages and Taeyong squints. Unlike what he expects, because there should only be one goodmorning message from Seulgi of a picture of her puppy.

From: Yukurri

<6:01 am>

Goodmorning are u awake :D

From: Yukurri

<6:49am>

tyong come to class i'll wait for you outside the room

From: Yukurri

<7:12am> 

where are you? im still waiting

From: Yukurri

<7:52am>

why didn't you make it to class? it's sad without you :---(

From: Yukurri

<8:23am> 

can u make it to the next last, tyong? 

From: Yukurri

<9:37am>

where are u really O_____o

From: Yukurri

<10:12am>

call me when u wake up

From: Yukurri

<11:36am > 

i'm having lunch now...

A smile creep up its way on Taeyong's lips reading the messages. He imagines how Yuta would sound and look like saying those words if they are facing each other. He doesn't know when did Yuta's presence became too familiar, that it feels so empty not having him around. But Taeyong wants to prove Johnny wrong, so his heart shouldn't beat into a rapid motion whenever Yuta would smile at him. However, he finds himself dialing Yuta's number. Nervous as he waits for the other to pick up. 

"What do you want?" Taeyong says, trying to sound as stern as possible. But it's a fail when he heard Yuta chuckled from the other line at his sleepy voice, the vibration of his laugh sending shivers straight to Taeyong's whole being. 

"Nothing." Yuta says and ends the call.

Taeyong deemed offended. Nothing what he anticipates Yuta would respond. Groaning, Taeyong jolts his whole body in annoyance and threw his phone on his feet. What of a grave mistake it is to even expect. He's not even 5 minutes awake and he's already this pissed and decides to go back to sleep. 

When he wakes up another time, it's a quarter to five. Yuta is coming home any minute now and he's still angry so Taeyong decides to leave. It was like fate when by the time Taeyong reaches the girl's dorm to bother her, she was coming out entrance.He squints at his bestfriend, wary at the shorts she was wearing. He didn't bother a greeting, tossing his jacket to Seulgi who catches it in surprise. 

"Cover your legs." He commands. 

"Oh...okay." Seulgi complied, looking like a kicked kitten at the scolding. 

"You don't look good on that, mind you." Taeyong berates. He doesn't hold back whenever it's about Seulgi and this matter. 

"Joohyun gave me this. I have to wear it." Seulgi reasons. Shoulders dropping when she figured when it wasn't a valid reason for Taeyong to accept. 

"Where is she? Let me talk to her." 

"Taeyong." She whines, looking up at him. She clings on his arm, letting out a heavy sigh. "Fine, then. Take me to the cafe where she is." 

Taeyong rolled his eyes and insist to take a taxi when they were about to pass by a group of guys by the road. 

"Stop acting like my boyfriend. I have a girlfriend." Seulgi says once they're seated at the backseat, the last part in a low voice. 

Taeyong wonders if he should feign surprise, but opts not to when he glanced on her direction and sees the mortified look on her face. As though such confession is something Taeyong wouldn't acknowledge or understand. So he says, "Seulgi, I'm your bestfriend. I already saw it before you said it. There's nothing for you to feel ashamed about." 

Seulgi looks at him, mouthing a thank you before she starts crying. For a reason Taeyong understands why. Her family looks up to her, have high expectations about her, wants her to graduate and have a stable job, and wants her to marry a man that is successful like her father who is a doctor. But Seulgi always tell her that she can't do all of that, that she wasn't strong enough. This isn't the first time she teared up for the same exact reason. And Taeyong promises he'll always be there for her if she needs him. 

Once they are seated inside the cafe, Taeyong didn't expect Sooyoung to be there on the table and on her laptop who didn't even mind to greet them. Though, his attention was diverted to Seulgi who casually takes Joohyun hands and pecks her on the lips. This shouldn't surprise Taeyong. If he had to think back on gradeschool when Seulgi would run to him, shaking Taeyong's shoulders and telling him about the pretty girls in class before Taeyong could even notice. Or how many times Seulgi whined on him about the guys that's trying to woo her. She was clingy to his girl friends, holding their hands and kissing on the cheeks was Seulgi's habitual candor. Taeyong tried to shake his prediction off his head, but laughs it off whenever his parents would ask how is his relationship with Seulgi going. When on that very day in middle school, she sputtered a dramatic speech to Taeyong on how beautiful Bae Joohyun is and swore she'd do anything to talk to her; add her on facebook, befriend her friends, and smile at her in the hallways. All of that worked, Taeyong supposed. At first, he thinks those were mere admirations, that turned into an uncontrollable fond.

He glanced back at Sooyoung who sighs loud. Eyes trained on her screen and nonchalant about everything and Taeyong wonders if she's even aware that he's there. 
Caught staring, Taeyong sends her an awkward smile to which Sooyoung returns to a rather stiff nod. 

Somehow, Taeyong could quite infer Yuta's infatuation towards Sooyoung. Unlike other pretty faces, there's more to her aura than just being beautiful. The expressions on her eyes are inscrutable, and her presence gives off a mysterious vibe. Like a deep dark sea Yuta couldn't even set foot on, for he might drown. Yuta is simply intrigued, and fascinated, maybe. 

"Taeyong, should I order you something?" 

Pulled out of his trance, Taeyong looks at Joohyun who asked him and wonders how long had she been waiting for his response. "I'm okay. I'm full." 

"Did Seulgi dragged you here? I apologized on her behalf." 

Taeyong opens his mouth to tell Joohyun that he got dragged here indeed, although he really was bored and had nothing to do. Besides, he came to the dorm to ask Seulgi out anywhere and almost missed her. 

"Say no more." Seulgi snarled, covering Taeyong's face with her palms. 

"You're really impossible." Joohyun says, laughing. And if he was able to talk, he'd say the same thing. 

"Because you're too busy. I have no one to play with." Seulgi says, jutting her bottom lip. 

"I told you, I'm busy." Joohyun says, eyes trained on her laptop although it's obvious her attention is completely directed at her.

"When will that project of yours finish, then?" Seulgi asked. 

"If you stop bothering me." 

Seulgi showed her hurt expression on Taeyong, making him laugh and whispers "Sooyoung is smarter she can do it without Joohyun's help." 

"Really impossible." Taeyong repeats with a chuckle. 

"Sooyoung-ah, you're dressed up really pretty. You look like you're going on a date." Seulgi comments with a teasing smile. 

"A blind date?" Joohyun adds, chuckling. 

And Taeyong sits there, thinking how obnoxious that sounded. It was off base, and sounded so wrong for her to ignore Yuta's feelings for years yet give someone who she hasn't even meet a chance. It's not like it was true and Taeyong doubts it too, but still... for her to ignore Yuta all this time irks Taeyong on it's finest. 

"Come on, Taeyong. Let's leave before she beat us up." 

Again, Seulgi drags him outside. Taeyong have no strength to complain even when his head hurts and Seulgi is forcing him to eat that popsicle stick. Not when she looks this happy, and relieved after telling Taeyong her deepest fear. Taeyong is glad Seulgi found someone, to free her from constraining herself and to accept her. That was ideal, and Taeyong have nothing to say anymore. 

"Sooyoung is really scary." Taeyong comments, unmindful. 

"Why, are you interested?" Seulgi squints at her.

"No." Was Taeyong's straight answer. It might have come out mean that had Seulgi laughing.

"By the way, Yuta said you didn't come to school today. What happened to you?"

While it's true that it's seeming like a silent rule, that whenever someone mentions Sooyoung on a conversation, the next person to bring out is Yuta. It's a futile cannon, even when everyone knows the two of them doesn't bear a connection towards each other. Sooyoung doesn't like Yuta, and that's everything about them. 

"I overslept." 

"Something bothering you?" 

Taeyong wouldn't admit, so he shakes off the question. He isn't strong like Seulgi. He wouldn't be able to entertain grave conceptions of what goes on in his head. Some things are better left unsaid. Taeyong can pretend that it doesn't matter at all. This way, Taeyong can keep himself from getting hurt. If it's the way to fend for his heart as his head denies the truth.

"I'm just happy for you." 

"Are you?" The smile painted on Seulgi's lips shows her gratitude. Although she isn't good with words, and so is Taeyong. 

Something inside him feels heavy and he didn't want to affect Seulgi's mood so he sent her home. It's not that he doesn't trust her, or anyone in general. But he'd rather felt secured and far away from anyone's judgment, than be exposed and feel sorry about. 

He admits that he's a coward, by how careful he passed through Johnny's room with it's door half opened. He could hear Johnny's loud voice as he walks by, probably scolding Ten. And Taeyong strides quick to his own room. 

"What are you doing, skipping class and going on a date?" Yuta welcomes him with a flick on the forehead. He opened the door just in time when Taeyong unlocked the knob. Only peeking his head out and not letting Taeyong in.

Taeyong grimaced, scratching his forehead and was about to ask how did he know where he went when Yuta sees through him and says, 

"I saw you walking with Seulgi at the park." 

"Oh. We just went for ice cream. Actually, we were with Joohyun and Sooyoung. They stayed at the cafe." Taeyong says, and intentionally he mentions her. To see what kind of effects it had on Yuta. As though the her name alone can impare him, Yuta's gaze was lost for a second and Taeyong sworn he wasn't okay. Still, he was quick to look back at Taeyong with a neutral expression as though everything was fine. 

Yuta used the back of his palm and lands it solidly to Taeyong's forehead who yelps in surprise. "You're hot." He says. "I mean, you have a fever." 

"D--do I?" Taeyong was fazed when he uses his own hand to feel the temperature on his forehead. His hands felt cold, so he had no idea how bad it is until Yuta said it. He thought he's only having his headache from last night, not a fever. 

"Come in." 

The air on Taeyong's lungs feels hot. He needed a peaceful rest. Not when Yuta is grasping him on the shoulder and guides him to his bed. The proximity rather sets Taeyong's chest into panic. It's difficult to breathe when Yuta is this close. 

"Go to sleep, Taeyong." 

Letting out a scoff, Taeyong falls on his back on the bed. "Aren't you suppose to make me a porridge or something?" 

"Should I?" Yuta sounds inclined that Taeyong smiled to himself before nodding like a maniac. "Can't make them. Should I ask Jaehyun?" 

Taeyong huffed in annoyance and wishes Yuta saw the way he rolled his eyes at the false hope. Not like some time ago, Taeyong finds it fake and annoying when Yuta does him a favor, and now he's asking for it. Taeyong admits he's a fusspot and is hurt by this what could be a little rejection. "Hey, where are you going!?" Taeyong yells. He would assume Yuta is about to make him a porridge like he requested, but Yuta was holding a snapback and most likely leaving the dorm. 

"Why? You're so clingy nowadays." Yuta laughed and stopped by the door. 

Taeyong hides under his pillow. Wary that the color of his face had change and that Yuta might see through him. "Nothing." He mutters, sounding defensive. The butterflies in his stomach went berserk and Taeyong wonders if he felt so sick or it's because of the sound of the vibration of Yuta's soft laughter. "Don't need you. Get out." 

Surprisingly, Yuta's strides were too quick that it startled Taeyong when a heavy weight fell on the side of his bed. Yuta's warm hands fiddling gently on Taeyong's knees. 

Taeyong is glad Yuta doesn't see him under the pillow. Because if he does, he wouldn't understand, he would be disgusted, he would leave Taeyong alone. He jerked his left foot to shove his hand away, the touch of Yuta's finger still hot on his knee. 

"Such a snob." Yuta chuckles, grasping Taeyong on his leg just above his knee.That tickles, and Taeyong jolts up. Glowering at him. To which Yuta laughs at, leaning backwards and saying, "You're so red." 

Taeyong freezes at the comment, looking down. Yuta's hand is still on his leg, but not pressing this time. How is he not going to turn red when all the blood in his body climbs up to his head. 

"I didn't know you were that ticklish. What a cutie." Yuta notes, smiling wide as though the new information is useful. His hand reaches up to Taeyong's face, then to his neck and hands and Taeyong swore at the moment he'd tear up. "But you're really sick. Do you feel cold? I was going out to buy you porridge at the mart, but I don't think you want to be left alone." 

"Stay, then." It was a blunt request and Taeyong is convinced he'd reached another level of crazy when he leans in and rest his head on Yuta's shoulder. He doesn't need a stupid porridge. 

This is insane. Somehow he wishes Yuta would push him back, and tell him to get lost, or that it's gross. However, his strong arms makes their way around Taeyong's body. Not to warm him up, but to make him crazy yet again. And Yuta let's out a relieving sigh and Taeyong knew what it meant. That Yuta is contented to be of help to anyone. To which by means, he'd do this for anyone and not only for Taeyong. And that, he wasn't special at all. 

Taeyong swore he didn't intend to take advantage on that, so he pulled away and lie back to his bed. Which should be the cause of his warmth and comfort, not Yuta's arms. It shouldn't mean everything to Taeyong, if it meant nothing to Yuta. 

Staring at nothing, he could feel Yuta's gaze on him. A worried look that he'd send to everyone who's sick and red caused by the fever, not by emotions. So when Yuta coos and asked him another if he wants to eat a porridge, he nods. Anything to seize the erratic sentiments that's tearing his head apart. To retain the distance there must be between them. 

Fate must be playing games. If he was successful in avoiding Johnny throughout the week, pretending he's asleep whenever he visits him at his room, saying he's on a hurry whenever they meet at the school hallways. Taeyong is glad Joohyun is still busy with her project that he can ask Seulgi to eat lunch with her instead of eating lunch with the guys. But Jaehyun had to be sick again, and ask him to join Johnny to the groceries instead. But it was Jaehyun so how could he say no? 

"This tissue brand is----" 

"Taeyong." Johnny interrupts again, voice sounding too stern and serious this time  Taeyong had been ignoring what he's saying, preceding to the shopping and giving him nonsensical brief description about the products. But Johnny isn't having any of that anymore. "I've always thought you're smart but obviously you're not using your head." 

"What." Taeyong feigns confuse. Johnny wouldn't let him slip this time, he knows. 

"Tell me what is it you're doing." 

Taeyong could say the groceries, but Johnny isn't smiling and it's obvious that he's not having of that. Lately, it was uncontrollable and Taeyong isn't acting according to his plan; to avoid and ignore his feelings. "What am I going to do. It's your fault. You made him my roommate and now I'm ---" 

"You're in love with him?" Johnny interrupts, scoffing. "Taeyong, that's ing absurd. You're absurd." 

"I know.....I know." He agrees. Eyes wandering around the store and avoiding Johnny's gaze. He regrets being too obvious, and Johnny shouldn't have seen through him. And this is the last topic Taeyong wants to talk about. He could just swallow away his feelings anyway. 

"Taeyong, what the actual." Johnny mouths impossibly. "He's in love with Sooyoung."

"Well, you don't have to shove that to my face." Taeyong mutters. But she doesn't like him, he wants to add. But he expects Johnny is in no hesitation to crash Taeyong's ego. He's going to be straightforward as ever that if Taeyong tells him that, he'd call Taeyong presumptuous for even thinking he's a next to Yuta's option. 

"Does it hurt?" Johnny supposes. "Taeyong, Nakamoto Yuta is nice to everyone." Johnny says again, emphasizing the last part. "But he's a wack. Remember that girl he dated when he couldn't ask Sooyoung out? Well, Yuta dropped her in front of everyone's eyes when Sooyoung smiled at him at the hallways. She even transferred school because of embarrassment. Did you forget?" 

"No." Taeyong uttered. He didn't forget, of course. But he wouldn't remember it either if Johnny didn't remind him now. He sees Yuta as a guy with integrity, he was sweet and gentle. He was versatile, that even when Taeyong sets rules inside their dorm room that doesn't suit his character, he's able to bear and help. More importantly, he listens, and therefore, he cares. And his smile is to die for.

"Then what the is wrong with you? Of all people, you're in love with him?" Johnny scoffs. Shaking Taeyong on the shoulders as though it would wake him up from this stupor. 

"You don't have to worry. I won't do anything about it." Taeyong reassures. A promise Johnny wouldn't believe, not even Taeyong himself. He knew it was trouble from the first time he felt flustered when Yuta smiled at him. Or that time when his heart skipped a beat when Yuta placed a hand on the top of his head. Or how his limbs weaken just every time Yuta is near. It's irritating how he became dependent. How his laughter and smiles reduce to half whenever Yuta isn't around. It's difficult to sleep, having a train of thoughts of a mix of excitements and disappointments. It's irrational, and possessive, that Taeyong hates it when Yuta isn't talking to him or smiling for him. Yuta feels like a safe place, yet will set him on fire if he takes the wrong step. 

"Is it so bad?" Johnny ask him, voice dropping on low octaves. He's rather scared than worried. "Taeyong, he doesn't even like boys."

"I know that. And like I said,  it's not like I'm doing anything about it." Taeyong enunciates. Johnny probably thought this over more than he does. 

"Taeyong, I saw you." He says, and Taeyong swallows the lump on his throat at the accusation. Maybe Taeyong appreciates Yuta so much that it's inevitable for anyone not to notice. " So what makes you think he would like you? Are you stupid?" 

"I don't care." Taeyong declares. He'd heard enough for the day. Johnny is worried about him, but it also sounds like the same message of him saying that Taeyong isn't enough for Yuta. He turned around so Johnny wouldn't see the tears in his eyes. He hates being downright pathetic for anyone to see. 

"Why are you crying?" Johnny asked. If he was guilty, he wouldn't show it. So he could prove his point that Taeyong must rethink and wise up. 

"You're breaking my heart before he does." Taeyong choked a sob. It's been a chronic pain before Johnny even mentioned it. Every time he thinks about not being enough, and that he doesn't stand a chance, it breaks him. But Yuta, in a blink of an eye, can make him feel whole and complete. And to hear that coming from someone else's mouth, is a huge slap on Taeyong's face. A wake up call that tells him to quit before it's too late. 

"I'm going to ask permissions to the admin. You're changing rooms with Ten. Surrender your I.D pass on Friday." 

He nods. Anything to make Johnny shut up. Because if Johnny says it's what's best for him, then it's what's best for him. He sees Taeyong as someone helpless and irresponsible, which is most likely to be true. The problem, Taeyong knows, is that he never listens. Seeing how much he'd mess up ignoring what's been told to him. This time, maybe he should consider what Johnny said. 

"It's for you, don't hate me." Johnny reminds. 

He nods again. Of course he knows. There's not a nice way to tell Taeyong that either. If anything, he wishes Yuta himself would say it to his face for him to stop all these delusions. He wishes Yuta would break him sooner. 

The first three days went painfully slow. Taeyong literally stopped talking to Yuta. Not even daring to look at his face for he might give in immediately once he sees Yuta's smile. Yet, he's delusional enough to assume Yuta would come around to coo him. And it's happening, that Taeyong is impressed he hasn't succumb yet. He anticipates Yuta to break whatever distance it is Taeyong is trying to establish. 

One night, when Taeyong was coming out of the shower, Yuta pushed him back in and corners him to the side. Yuta holds his gaze, and there was an evident confusion written on his face. It was simple to go along with his plan if Yuta is simply speaking, but being manhandled is another thing. Yuta's grasp on his wrists is strong this time. Whatever annoyance it is Yuta is trying not to show on his face, Taeyong can feel it with how forceful he's being right now. 

Maybe Yuta is waiting for him to talk first. Not making any movement or losening his grip on Taeyong as though it wasn't an odd position they're in at the moment. But Taeyong wants to believe he isn't easy, so he looked away, his lips tight and zipped. It's goddamn ridiculous. Yuta might see him as someone so ridiculously stupid now. 

"Did I do something?" Yuta asked. 

"No." Taeyong mouths. 

"Look at me." Yuta demands, lifting up Taeyong's chin. 

Taeyong shrugged him away, shaking his head. It's then that Yuta loosens his hold on him, and Taeyong finds his chance to escape. Darting outside the bathroom in case Yuta decides to pull him in again. His heart is beating erratically and wonders if Yuta had heard it. 

There's no safe distance inside the room, where only the two of them are together. And before Yuta could even peek his head out of the bathroom to look for him, Taeyong makes his way out the door. He had to avoid Yuta, not only for Johnny's self explanatory satisfaction, but to avoid any further unwanted emotions. 

When he comes back to their room that night, Yuta was sleeping. Just then, Taeyong let's out a sigh of relief. It's not easy to avoid and ignore Yuta, if he's insanely drawn to him. His body acting on it's own. That when he's sure Yuta isn't looking, Taeyong would find his chance to peek at his face in adoration. Or whenever Yuta speaks, his voice outstands everyone else's and he's the only person Taeyong could hear. If Johnny would ask him the same question on how bad he has it, then the answer is obvious. 

He didn't mean to see it. Taeyong was generous enough when their physics teacher grumbled about forgetting the light bulb that will be used as a sample for his lecture at the storage room. Yet, when he was about to step in, he was strike in surprised when he sees two familiar people in side. It was Yuta, standing and looking at him in shock, and the other is Doyoung who's slightly bent down with a hand on his face. 

"What is going---" The question died in his throat when he sees a bit of blood on Doyoung's face. So he runs to him, holding him up. "What did you do to him?!" He glowered at Yuta who stepped back at his rage. 

"It's nothing. It's my fault." Doyoung tells Taeyong, holding him back. Even at this situation, he's still his apathetic self: his voice calm and face showing no emotion. 

Taeyong had no idea what went on. But one thing is for sure, Yuta punched Doyoung. No matter how impossible of a scenario it is to think of. 

"Taeyong, it's okay." Doyoung muses again.

When he looks at Yuta another time, he was looking away. His brows were furrowed of contrition, and shame that Taeyong had seen just that. There must be a reason behind it, and Taeyong wants to ask. But Yuta is already darting out the room and running away. 

"Yu---Yuta!" He called in an attempt to console. Yuta isn't the type to hurt anybody, or so he believes. Even if it meant intruding, Taeyong wants to know. It takes a lot of control not to run after him.

Silence takes in, with only the loud sound of Doyoung's breathing inside the room. It could be from the pain he's having right now. He'd offer to take him to the clinic, but knowing Doyoung, he would refuse and rather plead for Taeyong not to tell anyone about it. In a weighty tone where all Taeyong could do is agree. 

"So, are you going to tell me what happened? Or is he?" He asked, setting the conversation straight. As he expects, Doyoung wouldn't even open his mouth to answer that very question, what more it is for him to explain it. A tap on the shoulder tells Taeyong that the most he can get from Doyoung is silence. 

"Go back to your class." 

The next person to leave the room is Doyoung, and Taeyong is left there alone with his self-destructive curiosity. For Yuta lift a hand at Doyoung doesn't fit in one sentence. He'd give Yuta the benefit of the doubt, but no friend shall to that to his friend. Maybe he had too much trust in Yuta to act decent at all times. But still, there must be a reason. 

When he went home from school that afternoon, he expects the dorm room to be empty. But surprisingly, Yuta is sitting on his own bed and Taeyong likes to believe he's waiting for him. Battling whether or not he should ask him what happened, but the latter won; Taeyong had to much pride that he wouldn't yield to Yuta's silent treatment. 

Trying to act casual, Taeyong does his customary routine after school. Rearranging his bag and desk, and changing from his uniforms. Although he's aware of Yuta's eyes fixed on him from his first step in the room, he dares not to acknowledge it. He pulled out his luggage below the bed and continues with packing his things. The next day, he's going to transfer to Johnny's room where it isn't suffocating. The sort of comfort Taeyong needs for awhile now. But he's moving out, and already talked to the management of the apartment Kun lives. Although he's still in line waiting for a vacancy. 

"Ten told me you're trading rooms with him." 

His voice was hoarse that Taeyong freezes on his spot for a moment. Hearing the footsteps that walks towards him, Taeyong ignored his trepidation and sinks in the mind that in two days, he doesn't have to obliterate with his feelings and Yuta anymore. "Happy?" He asked. Although he only did that to throw him off. For Yuta might say no and begs for Taeyong to stay. 

What he didn't expect was Yuta pulling him up from his crouching position on the floor and making him seat on the bed. And he was gentle; hands the warmest Taeyong ever felt. And Yuta kneeled in front of him, holding his hands right above his knees. His eyes were red and miserable, and Taeyong wants to know why he cried. 

"Doyoung was in a relationship with Sooyoung. They dated for a year and broke up just recently." Yuta says in a low voice, playing with Taeyong's fingers. 

His face contorts in confusion. Taeyong reckons it's the reason why he punched Doyoung. But that was a selfish attack, Taeyong wants to say he shouldn't have done it either way. But Yuta looks so hurt so he kept his mouth shut, lifting his hands up to Yuta's face instead. This time, he intends to take advantage of the moment. To make Yuta realize that Taeyong is there to understand him. 

"He apologized. Too many times. And every time he does, I feel insulted. Like, why is he's so accustomed to treating me like a fool?"

There are many questions inside Taeyong's head. If Yuta is really in love with Sooyoung, or if he's in love with the pain of the idea of liking her. And Taeyong inhales the smell of beer when Yuta leans in closer, resting his head on Taeyong's chest. He doesn't care about what went on between Doyoung and Sooyoung, but Yuta looks so exhausted and broken that Taeyong aches for him. Without hesitation, he wraps his arms around Yuta's body. Taeyong have no time to ponder whether it's wrong or right when he pulls Yuta closer. Or if his hand is the right hand Yuta is holding right now. But if Yuta is always the first to initiates the touch, then maybe this is okay. That he can interpret it as Yuta likes him too. Taeyong doesn't anymore trust his self control by the time there was a pair of lips on his.