Chasing Her

Chapter 8

She meant to say more in her defense, that she wasn’t some wishy-washy girl that believed that if she wanted something, it would naturally come her way. However, Ah Reum did not feel like it was necessary to explain her entire life story, or at least, the bits and pieces of it that she’s aware of, to Sehun’s ex-girlfriend. Da Eun wouldn’t understand; Ah Reum had realized that when she did not even give her a chance to explain why she had spoken to her in the first place.

Ah Reum’s eyes narrowed to the side; through her peripheral vision, she noticed the girl scrunching her face in a mix of disgust and anguish. Her arms fell limply to her sides, and for the first time that day, Da Eun looked vulnerable, like a puppy cowering in fear because of the torturous sounds of lightning meeting the ground. That was not how Ah Reum remembered her. In her memories, Da Eun was calm and collected, a girl blessed with confidence and poise. If there was anyone out there who could match Sehun, it was undoubtedly her.

Truthfully, them arguing was not a part of the five situations Ah Reum pictured in her mind, though it did come close at number nine. She sought out Da Eun, not because she wished to invalidate her existence in Sehun’s life nor that she wished to gloat and mock her for being dumped, but rather because she wanted to ask if Da Eun was okay. Honestly, it was in Ah Reum’s best interest to stay away from her unless she wanted to be slapped; nonetheless, despite how horrible Da Eun made her feel, Ah Reum felt like if she had left Da Eun alone, something terribly wrong was going to happen, and that was something she really did not want. They weren’t necessarily friends; however, Ah Reum did not feel any anger towards her, and she had always assumed that if it weren’t for Sehun, they would’ve become great friends.

Her eyes stung each time she blinked. They were still red from yesterday, but she felt accomplished with how well she had hidden them. No one had come up to her and asked about it, and she wanted to keep it that way.

Then again, it was unusual to her. One day, she sees herself in the mirror, and then the next, she sees someone else’s reflection. She felt like a fraud. It was her skin—her bones—but nevertheless, there was something amiss. Ah Reum felt like she was slowly going crazy. If she had forgotten her memories of back then, shouldn’t she be more ecstatic? After all, she no longer had to feel as if she was just running around in circles in a house of mirrors, looking for that one mirror that wasn’t distorted, and yet, she continued to run, not because she was looking for a mirror, but possibly because she was running from something.

What was it? The truth? If it was that, then she already knew about it. The reality of what happened to their town had escaped the confinements of her forgotten memories. They were as clear as day, not an ounce of fog left to mask it in mystery. As much as she wanted to forget about it and seal it away like she once did, it was irrefutable that she could not. Ah Reum was not aware of the reason why they were hidden from her in the first place, but since she found out, then it must mean something. There must be something she must do now that she knew.

Ah Reum heaved a sigh, her eyes momentarily meeting Da Eun’s before the latter looked away. “Da Eun. I didn’t wish to speak to you so that we could argue,” she assured her, a frown gracing her features the second Da Eun sent a dubious look her way. “I know I got a bit insensitive earlier, so I apologize for that, but I wanted to ask you something.”

Da Eun stared at her, hatred burning in her eyes. Her body trembled under Ah Reum’s gaze, but she stood her ground, refusing to let anyone belittle her again. Now she deeply regretted not going home. It was one thing to run into a random student from their school and then another thing to run into Park Ah Reum herself.

She was visibly upset, distraught even, but she refused to let it show. “What now?” Da Eun hissed.

Ah Reum did not let Da Eun’s tone scare her. If anything, the way she responded made her more fired up, more determined to hear her answer.

“Why did you let it happen?”

Her eyes widened at what she heard. She willed herself to respond, but her mind drew a blank. This was her chance to tell Ah Reum everything, to put all the blame on her and let her mind rest from all the chaos, all of the overthinking.

Her voice was caught in . Was it hesitance? Da Eun didn’t know; it was as if she no longer knew anything, including herself. Why did she let Sehun go without a fight? Why did she let him walk away without hearing what she had to say? Most of all, why did she assume that what happened was all Ah Reum’s fault?

Her legs almost gave out on her, her vision blurring at the same time. Ah Reum now looked like a dot to her, but she didn’t miss the look of concern on her face. This wasn’t what Da Eun wanted. She did not want Ah Reum to pity her or anything; all she wanted to do was put the blame on someone. She could never settle with the thought that Sehun breaking up with her was because of her inadequacy or because she could never measure up to the high standards that Ah Reum’s presence left in Sehun’s heart.

She shook her head at the thought, and the tears finally streamed down her face. What was she doing looking for reasons to make herself feel better? The answer was right in front of her.

She was simply a replacement.

He could’ve had anyone take up that role, but she became infatuated with the thought that out of everyone in their school, he had enlisted her for it. It was as if she was born for this role, pretending everything was fine between them. They were the perfect couple, after all. Two geniuses who had miraculously ended up together. No force should have been able to invade their bubble.

No one could find a fault in their relationship; Ah Reum had tried, but she failed.

The fact of the matter was that they used each other. Sehun sought her out to repel Ah Reum, and she used him to forget about Zitao. They lied to one another about their feelings, and now that she thought about it, the words of love they once uttered to one another’s ears, were directed towards other people. They used each other for convenience, saying they loved one another because they could never actually say it to the recipients of their affections.

Da Eun cried that night because she ended up as the loser. Breaking up with her meant that he was finally ready to confront his feelings head-on, something she could never do. He no longer needed her for convenience, and she no longer had him to turn to. She did not have anyone to confess her innermost feelings to. She was alone once again.

Sehun broke up with her because she was…not Ah Reum.

The reason she didn’t fight for him? That was quite obvious too.

Da Eun wiped her tears away and looked at Ah Reum firmly. Why Ah Reum asked this specific question, she did not know. However, it did help her realize what she had been trying not to see.

“I didn’t love him,” she said bitterly.

He wasn’t Zitao.

The words left so easily, and the heavy weight on her shoulders had immediately disappeared. Da Eun expected Ah Reum to be happy, but rather than that, she looked absolutely horrified.

Ah Reum did not see that coming. She was always jealous of them. They looked like they deeply cared about one another, and her perceptive eyes could never spot insincerity in Da Eun’s eyes. She really looked like she was infatuated with Sehun, and it just was not possible to fake love. Her heart wept for Sehun; she had seen the way he brightened up when he talked about her. Hearing Da Eun tell her upfront that she felt nothing for her best friend scared her.

Still, who was she to judge Da Eun? She was exactly the same as her.

Once upon a time, she had met a boy with eyes as radiant as the stars in the sky and another with a smile as illustrious as the sun. Despite their beauty, the sky could only radiate one light source at a time, so when the sun disappeared, the sky looked to the stars for its brightness. However, the sky knew that the stars were no feasible substitute for the sun even though the sun is a star too. Because the sun never came back, the sky covered its absence with clouds during the day and relied on the stars at night. The sea of stars brought light, but it was minimal, and the sky couldn’t conceal that bitter taste of truth to itself any longer.

Da Eun cleared and scratched her head in confusion. Wasn’t this the moment Park Ah Reum was supposed to pounce on her and claw at her face for making a fool out of her? That was not exactly the ideal situation, but Da Eun thought how Ah Reum acted was unusual. For one, why was she alone, or rather than that, how did she manage to bypass her security?

She chuckled to herself. Even at a time like this, she was still able to crack a joke.

If Da Eun knew one thing about Ah Reum, it was that she was never alone. She would always have someone by her side, and if and when she didn’t, that’s when she knew there was something wrong. Hanging out with Sehun and being his “girlfriend” gave her insight on what to expect from her. It was interesting, to say the least.

Ah Reum had Yerim and Sooyoung latched onto her at school while Seulgi lingered from time to time. More often than not, it was Ah Reum who looked for her, almost as if she was trying to get the other two off her trail.

The second reason was the sudden change in her attitude. Ah Reum seemed less upbeat and more low-spirited. Her gloominess could be due to the surprise Da Eun left for her to see yesterday, but it looked like more than that to her. She looked like she was troubled by something bigger, and it irritated her that she didn’t know what it was.

They locked eyes, Da Eun determined to question her; whereas, Ah Reum was just looking forward to ending this conversation and getting back home to collapse from exhaustion on her bed.

Da Eun crossed her arms, her eyes still gazing intently at her. She was going to get the answer to this question whether the brunette decided to answer her the first time or not. “Why is your whole life a lie, Ah Reum? Enlighten me, please,” Da Eun challenged, hoping that provoking her would lead to a response.

Ah Reum shrunk even further. “I…” Her voice wavered, a sigh threatening to escape her lips. “I didn’t like the definition of myself that I was given,” she said flatly. “How do you get someone you care about to stay by your side? I’ve never been an expert at that.”

Da Eun was taken aback. “What do you mean?” she nearly shouted.

“I’m sure Sehun has told you already, but my father left me when I was a child,” Ah Reum revealed, no trace of sadness evident in her voice. “At the time, I wasn’t sure why, but I suspected that the fault was mine, so I decided I would change.”

Da Eun could have sworn she saw her frown, but the smile she was so used to seeing appeared on her face rather quickly. It was almost frightening the way she could do that. It made Da Eun think of all the times she saw Ah Reum so happy. Had they been lies?

“Pretending not to know or understand a thing resulted in me getting Sehun’s attention more often. I changed my definition of my own accord, allowing those around me to trample me. However…” Ah Reum drew a sharp breath as she wrapped her arms around her as if to protect herself from something. “I had no right to change it in the first place.”

The way she said it sent shivers down Da Eun’s spine. There was something terribly wrong with the way Ah Reum was acting, and even though she kept a poker face, Da Eun had a feeling that she was shaking inside.

Da Eun hesitated to speak. What if she said something appalling unintentionally?

“So, what are you going to do from now on?” she asked in a small voice.

“I’ll grow, and I won’t let anyone snap my stem.”

…

<New Unread Message>

Baekhyun: I don’t think I can fall asleep until I tell you this. I always wanted to take at least one picture with you before I left, and I don’t know if you remember it, but you looked really beautiful the day before spring break. That was the day I managed to snap a picture with you secretly, and you know what? All this time, you say you’ve had your sights on him, but are you sure about that? As far as I know, ever since then or even before that, he’s been looking at you, Ah Reum. It’s you that has been looking the other way.

…

Confrontations were not exactly his strong suit. If anything, he avoided them.

Anything and everything that involved his old man was what Sehun did not want to be a part of. He was dead to him. A man that had the nerve to claim his love for his wife was eternal until the moment alcohol entered his lungs and incapacitated his ability to think of the one he loved? Sehun believed that man had no right to be called “father”. Heck, that man did not even deserve to be related to them, but he was, much to Sehun’s dismay.

Ever since the day he found out about the affair, he could never look at him the same way. The good memories he had of him had been wiped out of his memory like they never happened. They were blurry and distorted, each marked with bright red x marks and audio obstructed by static. The man that once held a portion of his heart was now ironically one of the reasons why he refused to give his heart to anyone.

Sehun never understood why his mother refused to say a thing concerning the matter. He expected her to be the most upset about what happened, and yet, she stayed quiet and let her son mull over that incident and put the blame on the man he once used to call his father. They never gave him nor Seo Ah an explanation, but the latter seemed to understand what happened and said nothing along with his mother. Sehun didn’t know if she didn’t care or if she had to just feign ignorance to it to display her maturity.

In that home of his, he was the crazy one.

All he wanted to do was wait for Ah Reum to show up, so they could talk. He would tell her the truth this time. Everything. Their past, who Yixing really is, and then he could convey his feelings for her. He had been holding back this whole time because she was hurling her affection towards the wrong guy and because he couldn’t do anything for her when she was suffering the most. He just watched. He let her fall for someone she should have never fallen in love with. He let her fall into a pit of self-denial, a state she had catatonically been in for the past ten years, but worst of all? He let her fall.

Sehun can never forgive himself for letting that happen. He was there. He could’ve prevented it, or better yet, it could have been him instead. Ah Reum’s situation wasn’t particularly the best at the time. Her father wasn’t there, her mother fell into depression, and her grandmother would do everything she could to erase their existence from the world. If Jiyoung lost Ah Reum too, who knows what she would have done?

He hastened his pace, his heart beating faster with each step. It was nerve-wracking, to say the least. He wasn’t particularly gifted at confessing to people. That was Ah Reum’s thing. He was more like an individual who waited for someone to approach him, and if he found out that they liked him, and he felt the same way as them, then he would ask them out. Then again, he wasn’t experienced at dating either. Da Eun was his first girlfriend and even that? That was all pretending. He never had to fear rejection because it was already ensured. He turned down Ah Reum all those times because he knew what the outcome would be. She would soon find out the truth, and then, that’s when he would get his first bite of reality, simply because he wasn’t the Prince Charming in her fairytale.

Sehun already planned out what he was going to do. He’d sit down and pretend to sketch some new drawings for his portfolio while he waited for her to turn up.

He hadn’t seen her that whole day, and it was hurting him. It was as if she was intentionally avoiding him. Sehun would understand if she was avoiding him because he had done something wrong; however, any recent fights of theirs did not come to his mind. They were on good terms on his birthday, or at least, he’d assumed. After all, it was all fine up until she didn’t show up at his party.

Was it something he had done? He shook his head at the thought.

The tragedy that befell their town was nothing more than a fable now. The newspapers that had written about what happened were all bought off by someone he would assume is incredibly wealthy, and the few people that had known about it