Chasing Her

Chapter Five

Lying is a force of habit.

White lies come out much more efficiently than the truth ever does. No one really comprehends why, but it temporarily dismisses them from the hardships of life until they’re alone and the lie tackles them instead of assisting them in their time of need. Lies become a person’s truth. That’s how it usually is, and yet their lie to others becomes their lie to themselves, strangely becoming their lifeline to remain sane. The only truth evident in the end is that the lie affects the person doing so more than the person being told the lie to.

A lie can’t hurt its passing victim. That’s the sad truth they can’t acknowledge. The lie doesn’t sink into their mind, disturb them every second they blink, and make them feel as if they’re walking in quicksand. The fact is: it doesn’t affect them. They can live their lives normally without thinking about it until another person exposes the shameless person’s lies. That’s when they blow things out of proportion as if it ever mattered to them, as if they’ve never told a lie their entire life.

Lies become someone’s defense mechanism, their shield from the world’s derisive words because sometimes simply telling the truth does not solve anything, and instead of mending things, everything gets worse. Their lies are the only things that can guard them as telling the truth or accepting the truth is already hard enough.

In spite of that, the world operates simply:

Lie: get hurt.

Tell the truth: get hurt.

On the other hand, for others, lying is easy–refreshing rather. They can spend their days lying and never feel contrition for anyone they’ve hurt. While their lies leave scars on their victims, it’s nothing but a mere mosquito bite to them. It’ll bother them, but it won’t last forever.

Da Eun supposes she’s the first type, but if someone were to ask her why that’s so, she would most likely throw a lie in so that no one can decipher what her words mean. Explaining her feelings to someone is a difficult thing to do, especially if she can’t translate the gibberish in her mind that inconveniences her to no end. Besides, she’s smart, self-sufficient, and strong. She can handle it herself.

Not really.

As smart as Da Eun is, she still falls stupidly in love with boys who could never return her affection. Like her mother once said, she falls for anyone who gives her attention. ‘Their attention is the pit you continuously, irrationally come across’ she had said the night Da Eun found out about what Zitao was doing without her knowing. Her mother was livid that night. Her rage was incomparable to all of those times Da Eun got an A- instead of an A+ or when she brought Yura to her house, and the ‘brat,’ termed by her second brother, caused a fire in the house that nearly killed them both. The anger her mom displayed that night was assorted with the lethal ingredients of vexation, inconceivable silence, melancholy, and disappointment. To say that she was just angry was an oversimplification.

All around the school, she was known as an independent person simply because she relies on no one but herself, but when Sehun knocked down her walls and invaded her life, she knew that no amount of convincing can get him out of her mind. She resisted him at first because she knew that he was being pursued by Ah Reum, who he strangely did not like. Da Eun believed Sehun was just playing hard-to-get, but when he opened up about his issues with the ‘shrill’ girl, she pushed aside those thoughts and let him play her like a monopoly game.

To say that she’s strong, it just sounds so wrong to her.

For years, even when she promised her parents that nothing like that would happen again, it did. She fell for Oh Sehun’s trap the moment he laid it out for her. He gave her the attention she was deprived of when her parents who swore they loved her, gave her nothing but silence for one stupid decision she made. He complimented her art, spent most of his free time with her, and made her feel special even if she was just her, when she doesn’t have anything to offer him, and when Ah Reum seems like a better prospect for him.

Before the ‘Zitao’ incident, her childhood was moderately decent. In contrast to Ah Reum’s melodrama of a past, as Sehun once let slip out, her childhood wasn’t bad. Unlike other children, Da Eun was heartened by the fact that her family was complete, and they all adored each other. She got her fair share of attention from her loving parents despite there being three of them battling for their parents’ love and approval. Even if the attention her brothers received were all over the place, one brother beating the other in terms of attention, hers always remained the same. That was supposedly the grandeur of being the youngest child, and on top of all that, the only daughter her parents have. She was their treasure. They’d convinced her of that, and most times, it got to her head.

The first time she saw Ah Reum, she thought the brunette was exceptionally beautiful that it was almost as if an angel graced them with her presence. She was always smiling, as Da Eun noticed, and a certain boy’s gaze always followed her wherever she went. It looked like love to her, but Ah Reum never noticed.

Her attention was set on Sehun, who rarely gave her the time of day. She would always try to talk to him, but he would ignore her, left for his fan girls to eat her up. Da Eun often heard the things Sehun’s fan club would say, and she can assure anyone who would ask her that there’s nothing beautiful about their words no matter how often they sugarcoat it so they won’t get on his bad side. She knew that Ah Reum heard them too because she would flinch and her smile would falter for a second or two, and yet she would smile again as if their words entered one ear and left the other when the truth is that the information never left. As soon as Sehun entered his homeroom, Ah Reum would go to a free stall in the bathroom and cry her eyes out. Despite her unbelievably ignorant best friend and the never-ending tears she cries, Da Eun’s never found someone stronger than her. Her resolve drives her to the point that getting hurt doesn’t seem to matter.

The unfortunate yet amazing thing out of all this was that his attention was on her and not Ah Reum. She’d gotten a little cocky because of that, sometimes believing that she was truly more superior than Ah Reum will ever be because she has Sehun’s heart, and Ah Reum doesn’t. However, every time that feeling of superiority reigns in her thoughts, she remembers the sound of Ah Reum crying and banishes those impure thoughts from taking full control of her mind simply because she doesn’t hate Ah Reum, not even a single hair of her. Sure, she does get a bit possessive over Sehun, but Da Eun can tell that all Ah Reum wants is for him to be happy even if she does do unspeakable things to make that happen.

Ah Reum wasn’t lying when she confessed to her friends that the happiest moments of her life are when she’s with Sehun. Da Eun had overheard it while passing by her locker, but she can confirm it. Sehun has this magical way of making anyone around him happy without doing much. Some might say it's his smile that he rarely shows or his eyes that earnestly look at the person speaking, but as Ah Reum had once said, it’s his presence itself that causes a smile to form on her face. Unfortunately, that spell no longer works on Ah Reum, as Sehun once complained to her.

Da Eun can tell that Ah Reum drives Sehun insane. His eyes would flicker in anger when he sees her talk to other boys, namely Yixing, who Da Eun herself, believes is too kind to be bathed in Sehun’s wrath. In a way, their relationship reminded Da Eun of her and Zitao.

They weren’t best friends, though. In fact, she hated his guts, and he hated hers as well. Yura was the sole reason she associated with such a guy. If not for her, Da Eun wasn’t so sure she would’ve talked to him. Da Eun found it odd how her friend admired him. He sure did have the looks, and most times she swooned when he didn’t say a thing, but his personality needed some extreme refurbishing.

How they started going out was a mystery to her, but how they ended? Boy, she would always remember.

Every day, after they separated, he roamed through her thoughts, destroying every dream she’s ever had that incorporated him in it. She still thinks about him to this day, despite believing that Sehun’s the one for her. Maybe even during the future, she’ll think about him and all the anxieties he gave her, and she’ll continuously pick at her nonexistent, scab-like insecurities, graze them, and leave marks that will never disappear just like how he never did.

…

Da Eun blankly stared at the handsome, yet sullen lad in front of her. She couldn’t help but gawk at him and observe everything he does whether it be blinking or breathing.

For the past twenty-two minutes and forty-three seconds, an undisturbed silence prevailed among them. There was nothing but unerupted silence, and she could guess why.

The look on his face gave it away. She can tell that he’s thinking of a way to sugarcoat his words so it would hurt less. Too bad he doesn’t know that no amount of sugarcoating can lessen the hurt, the pain, or the anger she would feel when he tells her what he wants to say.

She never thought she’d be the next one to receive this bitter taste of reality.

Sure, she loved being right, but the truth just plain out hurts. Saying it as a joke was easy for her, but finding out that she’s really his escape route hurt a lot. Now that he’s come across a dead end and has to face his feelings, he doesn’t need her anymore.

“Da Eun, I–”

There it is.

“Should we order something now?” she suggested, hands immediately reaching for the menu across the table. Da Eun was a bit antsy, and she could tell she completely caught him off-guard. Nevertheless, she kept her gaze on the menu, ignoring his pleading eyes that tried to meet hers. “Now that I think about it, I’m not really hungry,” Da Eun confessed.

Sehun felt terrible. No. He is terrible. He’s the worst person in this entire world. “I–“

She cut him off, an all-knowing smile forming on her face. “I know,” she told him, “and it’s fine.” There it was: her signature lie while hiding behind a smile.

“Since when have you known?” he hesitantly asked. His voice was shaky, an unusual thing that Da Eun would later have to write down in her notebook.

Da Eun looked down. “When you told me you liked me,” she simply commented, failing to hide the quiver in her voice. Da Eun closed her eyes in an attempt to calm herself while her hands balled into fists, threatening to smash everything in its way.

Sehun opened his mouth to speak but closed it just as soon as he had opened it. Silence engulfed them onc