Let Me
Let Me Hold Your HandJinyoung was happy when he went to bed last night. It was declared that today is a holiday, meaning he will have more time to sleep, meaning he'll finally be able to have time to rest that he should have had in the past few weeks. Really, nobody told him that being an adult is going to be this tiring.
So, he grunts as he pulls his cover over his head when he hears the loud sound of drums from the next door neighbor. "fuuuuuccck." He mutters, covering his ears with his pillows. He counts one to five, but it seems like his neighbor isn't going to stop anytime soon.
"Why does he have to be like this? Doesn't he understand that other people, like me, need sleep, especially on a holiday." he mutters as he makes his way out of his room, out of his flat, and in front of his neighbor's door.
"Heeyyyy!" Jinyoung pounds his fist at the door, knowing his neighbor will probably not hear him. "Heyyyyyyyyyy!!!" He yells, this time louder and stronger, and just as he was about to do it the third time, the door opened. Allowing his hand to hit his neighbor's chest.
The guy, because Jinyoung can't remember his name, made a low and quiet "Ow!" when he felt the latter's hand. Jinyoung's eyes widen, all he could think of was how firm the guy's chest was. "What was that for?" The guy finally asks, breaking the silence between them (as well as Jinyoung's stare).
"Ah! That." Jinyoung coughs as he composed himself, it has been a while since the last time he saw his neighbor. Yes, he admitted it to himself long before that his neighbor is pretty handsome; definitely a guy with boyish charms, his type. Unfortunately, though, he has issues with him, issues that he never fails to remind himself whenever he catches a glimpse of his way too good looking neighbor.
He coughs again and places his hands on his hips, "Though I'm very supportive of teenagers investing their time to something productive, I'm sorry to interrupt your practice," he starts. "But can you please not do it early in the morning when people are trying to sleep, trying to rest, yes you heard me right, rest after weeks of having none?"
The guy blinks, stares at him, and stares some more before looking down on his wrist. "I'm sorry about that." The guy replies before showing Jinyoung his watch, "But it's already four in the afternoon." he continues bashfully, which Jinyoung would have found cute, handsome even if it weren't for his issues.
Jinyoung, upon hearing the time, grew frantic. Did he really just sleep through the day? The guy then goes back to his unit but goes back in front of Jinyoung immediately. "Here, it's cold outside, don't go out without covering yourself enough to keep you warm." the guy says as he drapes a large gray cardigan over Jinyoung's shoulder.
And that's when he realized that he wasn't wearing any pants. Yep, he's only clad in his oversized shirt and briefs. So, he abruptly turns around, cheeks as red as tomatoes, leaving the guy with a shy smile. "Don't get cold! And I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep!" Jinyoung hears before he got himself inside his flat.
"." He mutters, hitting his head with his fist.
It's not until three days later when Jinyoung finds himself in front of his neighbor's door. He's actually been standing for a few seconds now but somehow he can't bring himself to knock.
"Excuse me?" and just as he's about to knock, he hears his neighbor's voice behind him. The guy smiles, albeit a shy one, he really did. "Is there anything I can do for you?" He continues, making his way beside Jinyoung while opening the door.
"Yeah, no," Jinyoung starts, lightly shaking his head because he's getting too carried away from the man's smile, again. "I mean, I'm giving you this back." He says, now looking on everything but his neighbor's face. "Thanks." Jinyoung says, and after handing the paper bag to the guy he storms off without waiting for a response.
"Wow, you're such a , you know that?" Jackson says while placing the latest blueprints of their magazine on Jinyoung's table. The latter still has to do some proofreading, to make sure there won't be any typos because their last release has one. And he blames himself for that even though it's really Jackson's fault.
"Why?" Jinyoung weakly counters because he knows exactly why he was called a . "Jin, Jaebum is being nice to you and here you are, being an ungrateful ." Jackson replies as he moves around Jinyoung's office, placing other magazine issues here and there while Jinyoung begins proofreading. "Wait, what did you say?" the latter stops his tracks and tilts his head towards Jackson's direction.
"You're a ?" Jackson replies, looking back to him. Jinyoung shakes his head, "no, not that one." Jackson creases his forehead and says, "you're being an ungrateful ?" Jinyoung facepalms. "His name! You said his name! Jibun? What?"
Jackson then screeches, holding onto his stomach. "Jibun?" He repeats, slapping his own thighs. "My gosh, Jinyoung! You've been neighbors with him for six months now and you still do not know his name?" To this, Jinyoung frowns, six months is actually still short, especially when even though he moved to that apartment complex because it's closer to the office, he still doesn't get to have much time for himself.
"And how did you know his name?" Jinyoung asks, mainly out of curiosity. Jackson snickers some more before going back to stacking last month's release on Jinyoung's shelve. "For someone who ogles Jaebum whenever he sees him, he surely at flirting," Jackson mutters before making his way in front of Jinyoung.
"What? I didn't hear you." Jinyoung says, now glaring at Jackson. "I said, his name is Im Jaebum, I learned his name when you moved into that apartment. He was there and he actually helped me bring your clothes up to your flat." Jackson says a matter-of-factly.
Jinyoung seriously never heard any of this, all he can remember on that day was how tiring it was. "Really?" He mumbles more to himself than to Jackson.
Deadlines can sometimes be a , and it worse when it is coming near. Because it only meant that he would have to stay in his office for a little longer. A little longer also means going home in the wee hours of the day. It wasn't new to him really, but this is his first time since he got his new apartment. He would either just stay until morning or go home the next afternoon.
So, now, walking in the neighborhood at two in the morning actually makes him anxious. He's new to the place after all. Two blocks away from the apartment complex, he hears quiet footsteps behind him. Abruptly, he turns around but sees nothing or no one.
He walks again, more cautious now, then, he turns back around only to see nothing, again. His heartbeat is starting to beat faster, he has never been robbed, but as an anxious person that he is, he has searched the internet for the ways to beat up an attacker.
Just as he's about to hide behind the electric post, he sees Jaebum, yes he knows his name now, clad in all black walking towards him. His steps are slow and quiet, but his stare at Jinyoung definitely freezes the latter on his spot. He never knew he would end up in this kind of situation.
Jinyoung knows perfectly well that the best thing to do right now is run, but all he could do was open his eyes as wide as he can and scream internally. 'RUN, JINYOUNG! RUN!' He tells himself, but his feet are dead and he'd be too any moment now.
Jaebum stops in front of him and smirks a little, attracting attention towards the two lip rings at the sides of his mouth. Jinyoung has never seen him wearing one before and albeit it looks great on him, it only fed his issues on him. But really, though, it's not the time for Jinyoung to think whether he likes Jaebum without it or not.
Jaebum takes a step forward and finally, yes ing finally, Jinyoung steps back. Jaebum takes another step and Jinyoung steps back again, it repeated until Jinyoung can't step back anymore. "No, please." Jinyoung whispers, feeling the hard concrete wall against his back.
Jaebum raises his brows, mumbling a quiet "what?" seemingly clueless with the torture he has put Jinyoung into. “No, please don’t hurt me. I don’t have money, but pleas-” he says out of fear, but Jaebum cuts him off by placing his hand on Jinyoung's mouth.
Jinyoung sweats hard and his heart palpitating in his chest like it’s gonna break anytime soon. “Shhh” Jaebum says, walking closer to Jinyoung, “Don’t make any noise.” not taking his hand away.
However, Jinyoung makes noises like a kicked puppy as he closes his eyes and when felt the hand leaving his mouth, he opens his eyes again and sees Jaebum going down in front of him.
His eyes grew wider if that is even possible, he's shaking hard against the wall. He prays for his own safety, for what’s gonna happen next, and then the hand from his mouth is totally gone. Then, Jaebum stands up again with a cream colored cat in his arms.
Jinyoung doesn’t know where Jaebum found it, he's completely puzzled and pretty ed up. And as he's about to open his mouth again to say something, Jaebum cuts him off, “shhh, you’ll wake her up.” he says quietly.
Then he walks away, leaving Jinyoung panting hard, leaning against the wall. But not long after Jaebum left him, the cat sprung up and run towards the stairs leading up to Jaebum's unit. "Nora!" He yells, heaving a breath while watching the cat settle in front of the door.
Finally being able to catch his breath and orient himself a little, Jinyoung dashes behind Jaebum, smacking him with his bag. "Ugh! You're such an !" He yells, hitting him again, Jaebum tries to shield himself.
"Hey, I'm sorry-" Jaebum tries to reply, but all he gets from Jinyoung is angry comments. "Sorry? You scared me! I thought I was gonna die." Jinyoung continues, not realizing he's starting to tear up. He's still shaking, but it doesn't stop him from taking his revenge on Jaebum.
" you! you! You almost killed me. I almost died of heart attack. How dare you." By now, Jinyoung's a crying mess. Ever since he was a kid he was never really good with scary s. It's his weakness, and that's also the reason why he acts tough, he gets scared easily.
"Hey, I'm really sorry, Jinyoung." Jaebum tries to appease Jinyoung again and then successfully doing it this time. "Nora, my cat, ran away a few days ago, I was just really glad to find her again." He says while carefully, placing his arms around Jinyoung, to keep the latter up.
"I hate you. I hate you." Jinyoung mutters while rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, completely oblivious that he's leaning now on Jaebum.
And without realizing it, he found himself seated on Jaebum's couch, with a thick fluffy blanket wrapped around him and warm chocolate drink in one of his hands. Meanwhile, Jaebum is in front of him massaging his free hand, asking him if he's okay from time to time. "feel any better?" he asks again, tugging Jinyoung's hand so the latter can look up to him.
Jinyoung, albeit still feeling mad, is starting to feel sleepy. He's tired and he just got off from his overtime work after all. He nods then, he sips from his cup before sighing; an I-just-want-to-go-to-bed kind of sigh. Jaebum looks him in the eyes, seeing nothing but tiredness.
So, he takes his cup, muttering "let's get you to bed then." as he makes his way to his kitchen to drop the cup to the sink. When he comes back, Jinyoung has his eyes closed already. Jaebum then carefully lifts Jinyoung and brings him to his room.
Jinyoung is sure as hell, he just had one of the most relaxing sleep he had in months. However, he wasn't expecting to wake up in a room he doesn't recognize. Unlike his, this one is dark with only a few Christmas lights hanging on the wall beside him. As he shifts his head, he also sees polaroids clipped by the study table, books on the other side of the wall, and an acoustic guitar by the edge of the bed.
Carefully sitting up, he tries to remember what happened last night that led him to this place. And bam, it all came back like a flash of light. Anger seething up again, he threw himself out of the bed, storming out of the room only to see no one. He walks around the house and there is really no Jaebum at all, apart from the food on the table with a sticky note beside it.
"Good morning! I'm sorry about last night, or this morning rather, it wasn't really my intention to scare you. I'm sorry again that I have to leave before you wake up, I just have some errands to do. Please feel free to eat the food I cooked for you. I'm sorry again." Jinyoung reads out loud, looking at the food spitefully.
Not long after Jinyoung left, Jaebum comes back home to check on him. He is partly expecting him to be still around, even though it's already past lunch. However, he knew no one is around anymore when he got into his living room. It was quiet. Then, he makes his way to the kitchen to drink water. What he wasn't expecting to see is the untouched food on his table and his note haphazardly lying on the floor. He sighs and picks it up.
It kind of breaks his heart, he has been crushing on his neighbor since he moved in next door. But up until now, he still hasn't progressed, he might even have lost his chance even before he has it.
"You know, he's one of the nicest guys I know. He just look like he isn't, but that's just the way he looks. And, oh? Nora?" Jackson replies nonchalantly, surprising Jinyoung on his seat. "You know his cat's name?" Jinyoung asks, placing the magazine on his table since he can't focus on reading at all. Jackson nods, "He has songs for her." he continues, surprising Jinyoung even more. "What? Song? What is he really?"
"Well, Jaebum has a band, a pretty popular band in this city. They perform every Friday evening at Hard Carry Cafe." Really, Jinyoung is having a hard time taking it all, especially knowing that Jackson knows these things like it's a common knowledge. "Hard Carry Cafe? What is that? A spin-off of Hard Rock Cafe?" Jinyoung mutters but Jackson still hears him. "How did you know about those things? Did he tell you when you first met him?"
Jackson chuckles then stares at his clueless friend, "No..." He starts, giving Jinyoung a mischevious grin. "Don't tell me you're a fan?" Jinyoung then sends him an incredulous look, because, hello, aren't they too old to fanboy over those rebellious teenagers. But he isn't even sure if they are rebellious, or if they are even teenagers.
"Well, I don't know, but I'm certainly a fan of their guitarist." To this, Jinyoung fakes a puking action and throwing Jackson a crumpled paper after. Because for the love of god, they're both twenty-eight years old, and they should be over that cheesy stage. Jackson, however, doesn't give a damn about his friend's reaction.
Finally, after weeks not being able to do so, he's going home right on time. As he is walking towards his apartment, he felt a huge hand, an oh so familiar hand on his arm. "Jinyoung." The person says, who Jinyoung can't be mistaken with. "Jinyoung, let's talk." Jinyoung, heaves a breath and then turns towards the source of the voice.
"Taecyeon-sshi, what do you want?" He says, looking up towards the man he hasn't seen for a year. "Like I said, let's talk." Jinyoung wouldn't lie, he missed the man, how can he not, they date for as long as he can remember and then he just disappeared without a word, for a whole year.
In a blur, they found their way towards a cozy cafe few blocks away from his apartment. Probably because it is still early, there are only a few people inside.
"How are you?" Taecyeon says as he tries to reach his hand towards Jinyoung, to which the latter avoided. "I'm okay, I guess." He replies, weakly, like he's afraid to get caught lying. "I'm sorry for leaving you just like that." Jinyoung then winced, because that's the truth. Taecyeon left him just like that.
"I'm getting married." And that is the last string, Jinyoung almost snaps his neck when he turned to look him in the eye. "What?" He asks, voice barely above a whisper. "Is this why you decided to show me yourself again?" he continues, now seething in anger. Taecyeon weakly nods.
"But! How about, we continue this relationship? We can hide-" then Jinyoung slaps him square on the face. "Hide it?" He repeats, his tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "What do you take me for? A ?" Jinyoung asks, insulted, hurt, and tired of all the Taecyeon has pushed him into.
Taecyeon could only stare at him, "No. And please Taecyeon, don't ever try to show me yourself again. You are pathetic and I hate you." to this Jinyoung makes his way outside with the taller guy following him immediately. "Hey, wait for me." Taecyeon says, catching up with Jinyoung's steps.
What Jinyoung wasn't expecting was how Taecyeon used his strength to pin him on the wall in the nearest alley and kiss him against his will. "Taecyeon! What are you doing! Stop this!" He says, pushing the guy away from him with all his strength. Though he was able to do so at first, keeping him away was a challenge. Taecyeon is way too tall, too huge compared to him. "Don't be a Jinyoung, I know you like this."
Helpless, Jinyoung feels helpless, he hates it. But that is not until he sees a punch landing on Taecyeon's face. "You er!" The person, who turns out to be Jaebum, punches Taecyeon again. Now they're both on the ground, hence, Jinyoung did what he's supposed to do. He lunged in and beat Taecyeon's face. " you!" He says as he chokes the guy on the ground. "I endured everything for you and this is what you're gonna do to me? You indecent er, how dare you!" Jinyoung then pushed Jaebum off Taecyeon to take his place.
He sat on his ex's chest and choke the guy harder until Jaebum pulls him up and close to him. "Hey, you're gonna kill him." He says, keeping Jinyoung from hurting Taecyeon again. "That's enough, that's enough." And that's when the police come and take Taecyeon with him.
Jaebum, needless to say, guided Jinyoung back to the cafe after the police asked him a few questions. The latter seemed still shocked and lost when he made him sit by the counter. It's the second time Jaebum has seen the other looking like this, and he blames himself again. He knew it when Jinyoung and the guy started arguing, he knew that something bad was gonna happen. He should have made a move before the two went out of the cafe.
"Hey, that's enough, Jinyoung, you're drunk." Jaebum says after Jinyoung's third bottle of gin. He couldn't help but wince because it's gonna be so bad tomorrow. "I can take care of myself, Im Jaebum." Jinyoung says in between hiccups and long dragged words. "Don't tell me, I didn't warn you." Jaebum mutters to which Jinyoung shakes his head.
"But you know what," Jinyoung starts, placing his head over his arm on the counter. "I really loved that guy. He was everything I hoped for, you know." He continues, head tilting sideways with his hands playing with the shot glass; totally oblivious to his surroundings. Meanwhile, Jaebum makes him a coffee, without leaving the other's side for too long.
"How so?" Jaebum replies, taking the shot glass from Jinyoung's hand and replacing it with a cup of coffee. The latter tries to protest when he smelled the coffee, he sighs and smiled. "A lot of my friends told me that I'll never find a person who fits perfectly with my type."
Jaebum then takes a high chair, placing it on the other side of Jinyoung so they'd be in front of each other. "And I think it was funny because I was just looking for a decent guy. You know, a guy who looks nice, doesn't really have to be very handsome, but he needs to look presentable." Jinyoung sits up straight as he tries to sip from his coffee.
"He has to be kind, gentle, and warm. Is that too much to ask for?" He gives Jaebum a lazy stare which he only receives an eyebrow raise. "But, listen here, this is the part where Jackson keeps on telling me that it is unfair."
"Of course, I'm looking for a man around my age, I'm already twenty-eight. I have my job, an established career, so he too must be the same. Though I don't really have a requirement, men who are practicing law, medicine, academics, architecture, and engineering are a big plus." To this, Jaebum snickers, 'so it was true.' he tells himself as he watches Jinyoung carefully sip his coffee.
He kinda had a conversation with Jackson before and the latter kind of mentioned this as Jinyoung's flaw.
"I mean, of course, I'm a magazine editor for 's sake! I can't date someone who does nothing for a living, or still undecided on what he wants to do in life!" Jinyoung continues, wiping the coffee residue on his lips. "Maybe it's not that you can't, but you'd rather not?" Jaebum says, intertwining his fingers and leaning his chin on his hands.
"Ting! Ting! Ting! You got it. You understand me." Jinyoung says, giving Jaebum a drunken smile. "Was not expecting you to understand me!" A part of Jaebum suddenly feels pain, just a little. "Why? I don't look like it?" Jaebum continues watching Jinyoung, finding it fascinating that a few weeks ago, he has only been stealing glances from the beautiful man.
And this very moment only proves one thing, Jinyoung is indeed captivating.
"What about you? What do you look for in a person?" Jinyoung asks, finding it amusing that he can still ignore Jaebum's question. "Me?" Jaebum smiles, "Well, I don't really have a type." He says calmly. Jinyoung then turns his face to him, tilting his head sideways, definitely in a way that makes him ten times cuter. "How come? Is that even possible?" He prods, finding it hard to believe Jaebum. He had a type ever since he can remember.
"Yes? I mean, falling in love is a beautiful thing, you know. It should be free, free from restrictions and judgments. Wouldn't it be sad to avoid falling in love with someone just because that person doesn't meet your self-created standards?" This made Jinyoung stop his tracks and look into Jaebum's eyes. "But of course, we have our own preferences. This is how I see falling in love and relationships, of course, you are allowed to have your own standards because, at the end of the day, you're the one who is in the relationship."
"You are also the one who knows you best."
When Jinyoung wakes up, he's in Jaebum's room, again. Though it is only his second time, he's starting to hate that Jaebum's room always makes him comfortable. When he turns around, he sees Jaebum looking at him with his half-lidded eyes, not making any move or any sound. "What are you doing?" Jinyoung ends up saying.
"I'm trying my best not to wake you up, but it seems like I failed." He replies, smiling bashfully. "You can sleep more, that is, if you want to." And like a spell, Jinyoung falls asleep again.
When he wakes up the second time, Jaebum is still asleep, in the same position he was earlier. And he finally understands what Jaebum told him earlier. He is using Jaebum's arm as a pillow and their both huddle close to each other. He'd be lying if say that he didn't miss waking up like this. However, he only woke up like this on his first few months with Taecyeon. He remembers before the older ghosted, they no longer share the bed; he had gotten used to sleeping and waking up alone.
"Hey, what's up?" He hears Jaebum mumble, "Jaebum." He replies, still finding words to tell the other that he should probably go up and go home now. "Five more minutes," Jaebum says, "Please" and then he tightens his hug around Jinyoung, eliciting gentleness and warmth he hasn't felt for months. Jaebum, like he said, fell asleep for five more minutes, Jinyoung, on the other hand, stays awake, listening to the other's heartbeat and breathing pattern.
"I'm sorry, I'm hogging you." Jaebum says the moment he opens his eyes. Jinyoung blinks and lies on his back, looking up to the ceiling. "I'll make our breakfast, please don't leave just yet, okay?" Jaebum continues, but he doesn't leave until he earns an answer from the other. "Yeah, yeah, blame your bed and your room for being so comfortable. I don't feel like leaving just yet." Jinyoung finally replies while throwing a quick glance to his side, to Jaebum who is still facing him.
When Jinyoung makes his way out of Jaebum's room, the other is already placing plates on his dining table with the cat squeezing herself in between her human's legs. "Hi, good morning." Jaebum says with a boyish smile, topping it with his messy hair. "I think 'Good Afternoon' is much better." Jinyoung replies, taking the seat in front of Jaebum's side.
Jaebum chuckles and takes his seat as well. "How are you feeling? Is your head pounding?" Jaebum then hands the plate of eggs to Jinyoung. "No, I'm actually surprised, what did you?" Jinyoung gladly takes the plate. "Well, you puked when we got here, you did, a lot actually." To this, Jinyoung scrunched his face, half smiling half disgusted. "Thanks, it must have been disgusting." Jaebum only shakes his head.
"But don't think that I have forgiven you already." Jinyoung says, which makes Jaebum look at him apologetically. "I'm really sorry, Jinyoung-" "Nah, I'm just kidding." Jinyoung smiles, finding it a bit odd that he seems too relaxed with the man. "Just don't do it again." Jaebum finally smiles again, placing a strip of bacon on Jinyoung's plate. "I'm just really bad with getting scared." he continues, not really knowing why he's telling the man about this.
"It's normal," Jaebum suddenly replies, "getting scared is normal, we all get scared." He proves it with a comforting smile on his face, way too comforting that if they had been friends, Jinyoung would have jumped to his side and hug him. But that's not the case, so he stays on his spot. "It is not about being scared, after all, it's about doing something about it." to this, Jinyoung smiles, a genuine one, one that he hasn't shown Jaebum yet.
"You really surprise me, you know?" He says. "What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.” Jaebum replies earning a loud laugh from Jinyoung. "Quoting John Green now?" Jinyoung shakes his head, finding it really amusing how Jaebum is indeed more than the person Jinyoung thought him to be.
So, albeit there's still a part of Jinyoung that doesn't want to welcome Jaebum in his life, he's the one who seemed to welcome himself in Jaebum's life. Though he still refuses to know about Jaebum's job and other sources of income, they're all good. There are days, though, where he'd be awoken to the sound of Jaebum's guitar. With the guy at the edge of the bed, singing love songs for him, like right now.
"Hi, good morning, sweet cheeks." Jaebum says, placing his guitar on the floor before crawling above Jinyoung. "Morning." Jinyoung replies, allowing Jaebum to maneuver him without any protest until he's lying on the latter's chest. "I'm on a break tomorrow." He says, drumming his fingertips on Jaebum's chest. "Mmm?" Jaebum mumbles then he places his hands on Jinyoung's cheek so the latter could look up at him. "Is there anything you'd like to go?" he asks.
Jinyoung pretends to think, but he already has a place in mind. "Grocery store." He says, expecting Jaebum to burst in laughter since when he tried it to Taecyeon the other laughed at him and they didn't end up doing it. Instead, Jaebum nods his head and brushed his hair.
This, whatever that is happening between them started soon after the night Jinyoung got drunk. After they ate breakfast, Jinyoung went back to Jaebum's room to which the latter was surprised with. "Let's sleep some more." Jinyoung told him while patting the space beside him. And Jaebum knowing that he'd not be able to say no, not like he wants to, complied and cuddled with Jinyoung until evening.
To be honest, Jaebum was expecting Jinyoung to tell him to 'forget what happened.' the next day, but when he got home from his gig, he sees Jinyoung waiting outside his flat. "What took you so long?" He said, lifting the tub of ice cream in his hand. "You're lucky, I just got here as well."
Jaebum hasn't tried asking, mainly because he's afraid that Jinyoung will back away. Especially now that they started kissing, yes, they did. Jinyoung, somewhat moved into Jaebum's apartment. He'd go home, to his own, to either get clothes or other stuff, other than that, he can be found on Jaebum's bed, tangled with the owner. Then one morning, on a whim, while Jinyoung is saying goodbye to Jaebum's cat, he turned to the guy. For whatever that went into his mind, they both leaned in at the same time and kissed each other on the lips.
Awkward, that should have been the atmosphere, but instead, both of them just leaned in for a couple more with a few snicker here and there. Then, when Jaebum came home right after their gig with sweat and all. When he opened his eyes, he saw Jinyoung clad in his own shirt and nothing else.
Jinyoung, on the other hand, went running towards him as soon as he saw Jaebum's face. "I used to hate these lip rings but," Jinyoung said while he s his arms around Jaebum's neck, tiptoeing a little. "but?" Jaebum replied, placing his hands on either side of Jinyoung's hips after locking the door behind him. "But, damn, these looks goooood on you." He said, shifting his eyes from the ring back to Jaebum's eyes.
Jaebum just had to lean down and carry Jinyoung up and the latter would automatically wrap his legs around the former's hips. You all know what happened next. And it happened again and again and again and again and until they both lost count.
However, he knows, deep down in his heart, he'd have to ask him, not now, but soon.
As they are making their way out of the grocery store, Jaebum feels his free hand being opened, and when he looked down, he sees his and Jinyoung's intertwined. Yes, they're sweet, touchy, cheesy even when they're together, but that's usually inside Jaebum's apartment. He isn't complaining or anything, he's just surprised? Because they haven't tried clearing up whatever's happening between them.
"it has been so long since the last time I went to the grocery store." Jinyoung says, moving closer to Jaebum until their arms are touching. "That's because you always eat in my place?" Jaebum jokes, then Jinyoung pouts, "That's not what I mean-" "I was just joking."
Jinyoung smiles and lets the warm feeling inside him engulf him. Jaebum has that power on him now. He used to think that Jaebum looks way too cold, aloof, and snob, but he proved him wrong. Jaebum just might be one of the warmest people he has ever met.
"Hey, Jinyoung." However, their KDrama like moment gets interrupted by a person Jaebum has never seen. "This your boyfriend?" The guy says, eyeing Jaebum from head to toe. "Didn't know you'd go for a..." the guy squints as if he's having a hard time reading Jaebum. "a stuck up." The guy moves closer, standing right in front of Jinyoung, "You really are such a disappointment, you know. No wonder Taecyeon left you for me."
To this, even though it isn't really what he's supposed to do, Jinyoung wiggles his hand off from Jaebum. "No." He says, avoiding eye contact with Jaebum. "I'm not dating him." He continues, then starts to leave Jaebum flabergasted. "Don't fool me, Jinyoung." The guy says again, so Jinyoung turns around to face him. "Sungjae, can you please leave me alone?" Jinyoung says, almost pleading.
Sungjae snickers, "Park Jinyoung, always one step behind me." then, Jinyoung lunges forward to punch Sungje.
When they got home, Jinyoung goes directly to his apartment without uttering a word to Jaebum. Evening came and Jaebum still hasn't heard anything from Jinyoung. So, he knocks on his door with food in his hands. "Jinyoung, open up, I have food with me." Jaebum says, but Jinyoung seems like he doesn't want to talk to Jaebum right now.
Jaebum tried and tried, but the other is being stubborn. Two days has passed already, but Jiyoung still could not be bothered. Jaebum, as worried as he is, called Jackson to check on Jinyoung instead. "Can I talk to my friend alone?" Jinyoung says after opening his door very slightly, just enough for Jackson and Jaebum to hear him.
"I heard what happened at the grocery store." Jackson starts after settling on the couch with Jinyoung on the other side. "Jinyoung, I am your friend, a ride or die for that matter." He continues, stating a fact, because Jackson has been with him through thick and thin. "You know that, right?" "I know, I know." Jinyoung replies, he knows that when Jackson's tone is like this, it only means that he's close to having enough.
"You know I don't give a damn about Sungjae, he can have Taecyeon for all he wants. But you, my god, Jinyoung, don't you think you deserve better than this?" Jackson's voice starts to get higher. "Don't even start me with your boyfriend must be a lawyer or a doctor or some who earns bucks. Jinyoung, you're not poor, why are you acting like a gold digger?"
To this, Jinyoung winces, he knows he's not, because never once in his relationships he had asked them to buy something for him. "Jinyoung, Sungjae is just the General Managaer of that ugly publishing house because his family owns it. But you, on the other hand, made your way up! You started from the pit bottom." Jackson then stands up, pacing in front of Jinyoung.
"To be very honest with you, you're really stupid. I don't even know why you're always affected whenever Sungjae compares you to him. He's not even half of you, yet you never notice." Jinyoung doesn't know whether to smile with the compliment or cry with the insult. "He's not even happy with Taecyeon because that motherer is like sleep with the whole staff of Sungjae's company."
Jinyoung now starts to tear up. "You, on the otherhand, Jinyoung, I have never seen you this happy when you were with Taecyeon." Jackson sits back beside Jinyoung, closer this time. "It's surreal, how you don't even tell me anything but I swear I can see in your eyes how happy you are."
Jinyoung smiles at Jackson, knowing that it's the truth. He's happy, like never before, it was almost foreign. "But look at you, dropping Jaebum like a worthless just because he isn't a lawyer, a doctor, or whatever. Jin, if you're worried about his future, with being broke, I hope you realize that you've been eating in his house and he never asked you anything in return. You even use his shampoo, his soap, his conditioner, all his stuff but never once you found them empty."
"Why did I even bother going into details, Jinyoung he lives right next to you and he has more things inside his house than you." Jinyoung then starts to realize, yes, he has noticed those things but he never bothered thinking it over. "He may not have a fancy job, but I'm telling you Jinyoung, he earns more than enough, he can even support you two."
"Jackson, it's not about supporting me. It was never about buying things for me." Jinyoung finally replies, and then something inside Jackson clicked. Jinyoung is telling the truth, it was never about that. "You know me Jackson, you know me."
Jaebum was waiting outside when Jackson comes out, still without Jinyoung in tow. "Just let him be alone for a while, he needs time to think over things." Jackson says as he makes his way in front of Jaebum. "Is he okay?" Jaebum asks, glancing towards the door, half wishing Jinyoung would open it for him.
"Yes, he's okay." then, Jackson leaves Jaebum still worried over Jinyoung.
Days passed by, and Jaebum still has no idea what's happening to Jinyoung. He tried calling him, sending him messages, knocking on his door, but he receives nothing. It wasn't until almots a month later when Jaebum sees Jinyoung walking inside the Hard Carry Cafe. He is much thinner, paler, and the circle in his eyes are too dark. "Jaebum." He calls, stopping in front of the counter.
"How are you?" Jinyoung asks, bashfully trying to meet Jaebum's eyes. "I'm fine." Jaebum answers coldly, making Jinyoung cringe. "Ah. that's good." He replies, sittin on the high chair in front of Jaebum. It went on for minutes with Jinyoung and Jaebum not saying anything. But it's evident in Jinyoung's face that he wants to say something.
"Jaebum." He says, however Jaebum only momentarly stops saying "What?" before continuing what he is doing. "I'm just gonna tell you something, it won't take long." Jaebum finally sits in front of him, at least not after telling the other waiters to take over for him. "What is it?"
"When I was younger, I only had my mother with me." He starts, already getting a bit emotional, he can't remember the last time he told someone about this. "She was a strong, hardworking, selfless woman. Even though she doesn't have a proper job, she always manages to make the ends meet." He continues, the image of his mother suddenly flashing in his head.
"She was working as a librarian, but she originally wanted to be a writer. However, that dream was just too hard to turn a reality, in addition to the fact that the salary is also very low." He sighs, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. "And then, she met Sungjae's grandfather, he's the owner of Books for the Future Publishing House. He offered my mother a job, an editor. She was great, somehow we started having more than what we usually have. We were happy."
Jaebum can tell how fond Jinyoung is towards his mother, it's all in the eyes. "Then one day, Sungjae's father found out that his father is considering my mother to be the executive director, he didn't like it, so he made ways to throw my mother away from the company. It wasn't enough that he even asked every library, bookstores, publishing house to reject my mother, all without my knowledge."
"I thought everything was okay, she was giving me anything she can while she can't even have her medicine for herself." Jinyoung sniffs, wipes his tears, and smiles.
"You know, maybe it's really the money. And the fact that I would not be able to handle any more pain and... death even just because of me."
The whole time, Jaebum is quiet, listening intently to Jinyoung, seeing a part of him he has never had a glimpse of. "That's why I want a guy who can support himself, not because I can't or will not support him, but because it means it would be enough for us. Both of us can and will survive. Because after all, it's much more worthy to live for each other than to die for one other."
Still, he is quiet and Jinyoung is starting to think that even though what he has just shared to him is an important part of himself, it will be nothing to Jaebum. "I'm just afraid to suffer again and to make someone suffer again because of me. But you know, if I don't have that kind of luxury, maybe I'd still take it?" Jinyoung says as he carefully takes Jaebum's hand to his.
"Mabe if you'd take me again, I'd be willing to die for you. Maybe if you'd give me another chance, I wouldn't mind suffering for you because it's you." He says, pleading while tightening his hand around Jaebum's. "Because like what you told me, it's not about the fear but what you're going to do with it-" Before Jinyoung can continue what he is saying, Jaebum lunges forward to hug him.
"Hush." He says as Jinyoung buries his face on the crook of Jaebum's neck. "Don't cry anymore, and please don't suffer for me. You don't have to, okay?" He continues, pushing Jinyoung's face slightly away from his.
"I honestly don't know where you got the idea that I'd let you suffer for me." he smiles softly, wiping Jinyoung's tears. "Hush, I don't like seeing you suffering, you don't deserve it, come on." with his words sounding like a spell, Jinyoung stops crying and slowly starts smiling.
"I love you, okay?" Jaebum slowly mutters, "You do?" Jinyoung asks, his face creasing and his eyes about to shed some tears again. "Of course I do. I have always liked you, you know?" He says bashfully, "I just didn't know how to approach you. But for the record, it wasn't my intention to wake you up from the sound of drums." Jinyoung then laughs, he hasn't told Jaebum about it, but whenever he remembers it, he couldn't help but laugh.
"I-"
"It's okay, Jinyoung, you don't have to tell me you love me too just because I told you I love you." Jaebum cuts him, straightening his back before making his way towards Jinyoung's side.
"But I love you, I really do." Jinyoung says, standing up to hug Jaebum, drowning himself into the latter's warmth.
"Wooooohhhh! We're so glad for you, Boss!!" Says the tall guy by the cashier, throwing finger hearts at Jaebum and Jinyoung. "We really are, Jaebum Hyung." Says the other one with a cheerful smile. Jaebum is just smiling, thanking the waiters. "Does this mean, we will get an increase?" Says by the slim guy who is draped around the tall guy.
"I'm increasing your salary because you guys are doing a great job not because Jinyoungie here loves me too." Jaebum announces, hugging Jinyoung close to his.
"Wait what?" Jinyoung asks, pushing Jaebum slightly. "You're the boss here?" He asks again, looking around the cafe only to see people nodding their heads. "I told you he's the owner of this Cafe." Then, out of nowhere, Jackson comes in with a slim guy in his arm.
"No! You didn't, you only told me that he has a band and he plays here every Friday." Jinyoung counters, completely flabbergasted. "Well, my bad." Jackson answers, "at least, now you know."
"You didn't tell me." Jinyoung shifts and turns to look again at Jaebum. "You didn't ask." the latter replies, pecking Jinyoung on his cheek. "And one more thing." Jaebum says, brushing Jinyoung's hair off his forehead, tuck it behind his ears.
"I'm not a teenager, you know, well, I'm glad to have been mistaken as young as a teenager, but I'm older than you." Jinyoung's eyes widen, his remark; Jaebum as a teenager is an exaggeration but he isn't expecting him to be older than him. "I'm turning thirty next year."
Jinyoung, out of embarassment, buries his face on Jaebum's shoulder. "Ugh. I hate you."
FIN
AN: Guyyyyyyyssss, I missed you all and I missed writing! I'm sorry, I was so inactive!!!! But dang, seeing them in person made me want to be active again. hahahahha. Please leave a comment!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! <3
Comments