CHAPTER 5: HARDSHIPS TO ENDURE

People can be very adaptable. It really amazed me how quickly I actually adapted into the strange environment I had woken up in. It had been a week, and I had pretty much mastered the technology and the major differences that this world had compared to mine. I had learned the ways and customs of this era. And more so, I had finally accepted the fact that me time travelling – drifting – wasn’t a dream, but reality. I did miss my parents and my own world greatly, enough to sometimes make me cry in my sleep, but I had done what most people have to do at least once in their life. I had adapted into the situation.

The technology wasn’t a problem. Neither was moving around in the city, communicating with people or working as a housekeeper. The only problem were the maids that I was supposed to supervise. They were under my command – even though I wasn’t exactly the leader type – but I couldn’t not see and hear the glares, judging expressions and the whispers behind my back. I did have a hunch of why they acted that way; I had been brought into the house recently and made into the housekeeper all of a sudden. It might have seemed like the Choi family was favouring me. In fact, they were just trying to take care of me. But of course, I couldn’t reveal my real identity to anyone. Even if it was the future, time travelling still wasn’t a norm. I’d be seen as a freak if I revealed my ability.

One particularly rainy morning I was preparing snacks for Seungcheol who didn’t have any lectures today. He had asked me to bring something for him to eat into his room and I was doing as I was asked to. Just as I was about to take the green tea leaves to pour them into the strainer, I noticed the container that usually had tea in it, was empty.

Seungcheol must’ve used all of it already, I thought, silently chuckling. The boy sure drank a lot of tea. I took a stool from under the counter and climbed on top of it in order to reach the top shelf, where the green tea leaves were stored. Just as I grabbed the container, I heard footsteps and silent laughter behind me. I had just enough time to glance behind me before I felt a kick and the stool disappeared from under my feet. I let out a startled yelp and fell to the ground, feeling my ankle twist under me painfully. With my eyes spread wide open I stared at the bunch of maids who had gathered around me, giggling wickedly. I felt anger boiling inside me. I had every right in the world to be angry and shout at these girls, but it wasn’t part of my nature. I had never even once shouted at anyone in anger.

“What’s going on?”

Seungcheol’s low toned voice stopped the maids’ giggles and they quickly stepped aside, bowing at the boy who had come out of his room. He had probably heard my voice. I closed my eyes and with a sigh, lowered my head.

“What are you doing?” the boy asked, eyeing the girls with a serious expression. “Shouldn’t you help her up?”

I looked at the maids. They looked startled and embarrassed at the fact they had been caught with red hands. They didn’t say anything, they just stared at the ground in front of them.

“You can leave”, I stated and flashed a subtle glare at the girls who quickly rushed out of the kitchen, leaving Seungcheol staring after them and then at me. I let out a sigh and got up from the floor, grimacing at the pain that pulsed in my ankle as I did so. I tried to hide the expression but Seungcheol had already noticed it.

“Are you hurt?” he asked. “Why did you let them go?”

“I’m alright”, I replied quietly and looked at the boy. “I did it because I don’t want to seem even more favoured by you. They act this way because of you and your father taking me in.”

Seungcheol let out a frustrated sigh and crossed his arms against his chest. He eyed at me, trying to not put too much weight on the ankle I had twisted while falling down. He clicked his tongue and as I turned to look at him, shook his head.

“Let me check that ankle.”

“It’s really okay”, I tried to convince him but instead he grabbed my wrist and carefully walked me to sit down at the dining table.

I felt a little bit ashamed as he took the shoe off my foot and gently examined the ankle. After a while he looked up at me and flashed me his comforting trademark smile. “It’s not sprained. It just got a bit twisted, so it’ll probably be fine by tomorrow.”

I chuckled silently. “See? I said it’s alright.”

“Even if the ankle is alright, the maids’ behaviour is not. You’re supposed to be their supervisor”, the boy stated.

I did agree with him. In a normal situation, this would be unacceptable. But the situation wasn’t normal, it was very unusual. I understood how the maids felt. This family hadn’t had a housekeeper for years. Even if they were going to get one, it should have been of the maids that had already been working in the house, someone experienced. Yet someone like me was brought into the house. I was inexperienced and had never even worked in this kind of a job. I, myself, would have never bullied anyone, but I would have been hurt too, if I was one of the maids.

I was deeply occupied by my thoughts as I heard footsteps by someone walking into the dining room. It was no other than Dr Choi, who was preparing to leave for work at the hospital. He glanced at us with a curious look in his eyes – I was still sitting by the dining table, and Seungcheol was still kneeling in front of me. The boy turned around to look at his father.

“What are you doing?” the man asked from us.

“I checked Dami’s ankle”, Seungcheol explained and got up, letting me wear my shoe again. “The maids are bullying her and pushing her around.”

I got up as well and stepped next to the boy, like my action was going to stop him from talking more. Dr Choi eyed at me with a concerned look. “Are you alright?”

I nodded and flashed the man an assuring smile. He responded with a nod and let out a long, thoughtful sigh. “You look tired. Have you been sleeping well?”

I felt my muscles getting a bit tense at the question. I tried to keep the smile on my face and nodded. “I’ve slept well.”

“That’s good to hear”, the doctor stated. “Well, then. I’ll leave for work.”

With a nod he said goodbye to us and let us standing in the kitchen. Seungcheol turned around to look at me, looking like he was suspicious of something. He frowned a little bit as he stepped closer to me. He seemed to have noticed my lie. I had been yawning and stretching nonstop for days now. Honestly speaking, I hadn’t slept well. Not even once since my arriving in this world. I slept the average of 4 hours every night and felt exhausted all the time. It needed a lot of effort to get up in the morning and I fell to the bed dead tired every night. Yet I still couldn’t sleep well.

“It’s obvious you’re exhausted, burned out even”, Seungcheol said. “Why did you lie?”

I blinked and looked down. “I just didn’t want to make him worry.”

“Alright, let that be your excuse”, the boy stated. “But why haven’t you been sleeping?”

I was silent for a short moment, trying to think how to phrase my words. “Honestly… it’s because of the boy we met last week. The scooter incident.”

Seungcheol looked confused for a while but then he opened his mouth. “Ah, that guy. The one you’ve seen in your dream?”

I nodded. “And not just once. I’ve seen him every night for the last three years. But since I arrived here, not even once. He has helped me to sleep well, and since I can’t see him now, I guess I can’t sleep at all.”

I was a bit hesitant to tell the boy this, so my words were silent and I was sure the nervous, hesitant tone could be heard in my voice. Seungcheol listened with a serious, focused expression on his face. I couldn’t read his face properly so I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but after I stopped talking, he replied with a long, slow nod and then looked at me.

“A boyfriend?” he asked.

My eyes widened and I could feel my cheeks getting hot. I turned to look away. “Well… yes.”

The boy nodded again. “I’m sure you’re feeling bad”, he said. After a short silence, he continued: “but I think it would actually be the best for you to forget him.”

I stared at Seungcheol, trying to comprehend what I had just heard. The boy looked at me and with a tiny, apologetic smile on his lips. “It must sound bad. But I mean it. If the guy we met last week is the same guy you see in your dreams, one thing is sure – he doesn’t recognize you. What is the point of hurting yourself by longing after a guy who doesn’t remember you? If you forgot him, perhaps, you could sleep again.”

Seungcheol’s words were stuck in my head even hours after our conversation. I knew he had no evil intentions, he didn’t mean any harm by saying such things. He was just being realistic. Of course he couldn’t fully understand since he wasn’t a drifter. He didn’t have the ability me and his father had. But his words really did have a point. The boy I had met surely did recognize his own name. He would’ve recognized me too, if he remembered the dreams. In the end, we had been dating for almost three years. I just wished I could meet him properly once, and talk to him.

I let out a sigh and continued working. I was in the middle of reorganizing a messy shelf of the kitchen’s cupboard as I heard footsteps behind me. Still a bit startled from the morning’s incident, I glanced behind me quickly to make sure I wouldn’t end up hurting myself again. I saw one of the maids, but she didn’t seem to pay attention to me as she started swabbing the kitchen’s floor. I let out a sigh and continued my work. After I got the shelf organized again, I stepped down from the stool and put it under the counter again. As I was going to exit the room, I heard a silent voice talking to me.

“I’m sorry for the earlier.”

I stopped and blinking, turned to look at the maid. She looked young, younger than me – she was probably in her teens – and innocent, yet her voice was low enough to sound rude when she was talking.

“The others are just obsessing over Choi Seungcheol”, she stated. “They’re jealous of the attention he pays to you.”

I tilted my head a little bit. “But you’re not?”

“I’m not”, the girl replied and looked me in the eyes. “I’m here to work.”

I nodded at the girl as she continued cleaning. I eyed at her for a while before making my leave. The girl seemed very mature despite her innocent, young looks. I didn’t know her name but I had seen her working multiple times. She was quiet and most of the time, worked alone. This was probably the first time I had heard her talking.

One thing I was happy about was that unlike the maids, who worked from 8am to 8pm, for 12 hours, my working hours were humane, in the limits of normal office hours. I started at 8am like the maids, but I was free after 5pm. And since I’d spend some of the hours with Seungcheol and partially his father, the time felt a lot shorter. Today, anyhow, I was very exhausted and the pain in my ankle made some of my chores difficult. That’s why I felt extremely relieved as my work day came to the end. I changed my clothes into something more casual and lied on my bed for a while before getting up. Despite the subtle pulsing in my ankle, I wanted to go out and do something.

I promised myself I wouldn’t be gone for long and headed out of the house. I looked around me for a while, contemplating which way I should go. I had been exploring around Seoul for the days I had spent here, but I had not actually become familiar with the neighbourhood we lived in. That’s why I decided to take a different turn than usually.

This was the old, traditional part of Seoul which I had learned to love during the last week. Of course the super modern, futuristic jungle of glass and shiny metals was beautiful and exciting, but I had seen too much of it. I missed the 21^st century architecture and feel. I took a walk around the neighbourhood and admired the old, a bit shabby looking buildings and the atmosphere of the narrow streets and alleys. At some point I came across and very old looking book store. I tilted my head and stood in front of the store’s window for a while.

The text on top of the door was almost completely faded, only letters here and there were still recognizable. There was rust on the door and the window frames and the porch was covered in moss. That was exactly what drew me in, and eventually I entered the store.

The scent of old paper and scented candles welcomed me in. Next to the door there was a counter, but it was empty, I couldn’t see a salesperson anywhere. I took a slow tour around the store, handling the book and smiling at the ones I knew myself. The feeling of the Harry Potter books looking centuries old and yellow made me remember I was indeed in the future.

I had asked Seungcheol whether there were books in the house a few days ago. He had replied with a chuckle – there were still some actual books left, but pretty much everybody downloaded and bought their books on their phones or computers nowadays. That’s why it was somewhat comforting to see and feel the paper pages between my fingers.

I heard some sounds behind me and turned around to see someone I assumed to be the store keeper – a friendly looking old woman who was dressed in clothes, that to someone, might have looked old school, but to me, looked like normal 21^st century clothes. It was even more comforting than the books – to see someone who looked like a person of my world. I bowed at the woman who smiled at me as a response. Then I continued handling the books.

I walked further into the store that seemed to never end and the books seemed to get older and older. I took a glance at some books in one particular shelf and as I tried to tell apart the faded letters on one book’s back, I accidentally pushed it too far and it fell off the shelf. I sighed and kneeled down to pick the book up. My eyes coincidentally wandered to look through the empty spot the book had left in the shelf, and could see someone sitting in an armchair, reading, on the other side of the shelf.

I tilted my head a little bit to see better, and dropped the book down again in shock as a breathy gasp escaped my mouth and my eyes spread wide. It was him. It was Wonwoo, sitting in that armchair, reading an ancient looking book. I blinked my eyes in shock, trying to gather myself. I quickly picked up the book and put it into the shelf, then hurrying to the other side of the shelf. Now it was my chance to try to talk to him.

“Excuse me”, I said quietly, trying to keep my voice silent. I couldn’t hide the shaking in my voice, though.

The boy slowly raised his eyes from the book and his expression changed from curious to displeased as he saw me and seemingly recognized me from last week. He let out a sigh and turned the next page of the book.

“I told you I don’t know you”, he stated. His voice seemed even lower than usually. Was he annoyed? Probably.

I looked down. “I know. You just look identical to someone I know.”

The boy didn’t pay attention to my words and continued reading. I leaned against a bookshelf and crossed my arms against my chest. I observed the boy as he read, his eyes moving from left to right quickly. His expression always looked cold or displeased when he wasn’t smiling or showing other emotions, but now he looked even more expressionless than normally. I really seemed to piss him off. Maybe I’d try to approach him with a different way.

“I’m sorry. My name is Min Dami”, I introduced myself, trying to see if there was any sign of recognition in him.

Wonwoo put his book down, now looking really annoyed. “You seem to already know my name. I don’t know why you’re stalking me and who you think I am. But I’d like it if you realized that I'm not."

I opened my mouth and closed it again as I didn’t come up with anything so reply to him with. I sighed and looked down. I watched as the boy put the book back to the shelf and glared me as he walked past me, towards the door of the store. He stopped after a few steps, but not bothering to turn around to look at me.

“I’d really appreciate you leaving me alone.”

With those words said, he walked out of the store and left me alone.

It started to get dark as I walked home. My steps were slow and short, I didn’t care about the pain in my ankle as I walked forward. My expression was blank and I could feel my eyes being teary. I probably looked like a ghost or a zombie making its way down the street. From time to time I let out sighs. I had expected this kind of reaction from Wonwoo, but the fact my expectations became true made me feel awful. Somewhere deep in my thoughts I had hoped he’d recognize me. How stupid of me.

It was already 10pm as I finally pressed the door code to the lock at the Choi family’s house. I was about to bump into Seungcheol as the door opened and stared at him, blinking my eyes. He seemed relieved to see me.

“Where have you been?” he asked, and as he noticed my teary eyes, continued, “What’s wrong?”

“You were right”, I sighed. My voice had become a lifeless whisper. “I’ll forget him.”

I’m sorry, Wonwoo. I have to forget you in order to live.