CHAPTER 12: DOUBTS

The kiss was passionate but very quick – it was over before I could really even comprehend what was happening. Then Wonwoo backed away from me fastly and as I opened my eyes I could see the boy staring at me with wide, shocked eyes. His expression was, at the same time, both shocked and apologetic and I couldn’t really understand why. It was him who had kissed me.

“I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t have known the impact these words had on me. I felt almost heartbroken. He was apologizing for kissing me. He really wasn’t the Wonwoo. For a second I has almost thought of him as the one I loved from the bottom of my heart. I blinked and looked down. I really shouldn’t let my emotions take over, I thought in my head.

“Was that something the dream Wonwoo would do?” I asked with a quiet, slightly disappointed voice.

Wonwoo got up from the grass. “It’s getting late. I think you should return home.”

I turned to look up at the boy who was trying his best to avoid my eyes. He was so awkward the air seemed to thicken. I let out a sigh and got up as well. “I have a feeling that if I leave now, we’ll become awkward. Besides, I’m on a vacation, I don’t feel like returning to the house.”

I examined the boy’s expression with my eyes, seeing as he reacted to my first words with his body getting noticeably tense for a moment before he let out a sigh and turned to look at me. His expression and eyes told me different things. His face was serious and his other eyebrow was slightly raised, like he was trying to tell me that I should go home. But his eyes had a somewhat hopeful glance in them – like he actually wanted me to stay.

“Are you letting me stay or should I really leave?” I asked.

Wonwoo looked at me and tried to keep his face serious, failing and tilting his head. “Alright then. You can stay.”

The atmosphere became more relaxed quite soon as we returned inside from the meadow, which I had to glance at again before heading in – it was one of the most important places for me. I still couldn’t understand the fact the meadow actually existed, and in the future, at that. There wasn’t much nature or plants overall in this world left, so finding such a beautiful place here seemed unreal.

Even though we weren’t as awkward anymore, we were both quite silent. I looked from the living room’s sofa as the boy was cooking us dinner. We both probably had some thinking to do. I was still shocked and flustered by the kiss, and since I was completely unsure about the reason he had kissed me, a bit curious too. I also felt a little sad inside because I had shared my first real-life kiss with the boy without him remembering the dreams.

“Are you feeling alright?” Wonwoo asked as he was done setting the table for us and motioned me to sit down. “You were dizzy before.”

I nodded with a slight smile on my lips. “I’m alright now.”

“Good”, the boy said with a sigh and sat down opposite to me.

We dined in silence, only occasional slurping and clanking of chopsticks against the rice bowl could be heard. It was almost amusing, the fact that we could sit in silence without feeling awkward. At least I didn’t – and I couldn’t see any signs of such from Wonwoo either.

“Can I be completely honest?” the boy asked as we were finishing the meal. I glanced at him and nodded. “I do feel a little bit used. In the end, you only like me because of your dreams. I’m technically a different person, you know.”

His words hit me somewhere deep. I had been aware of such things in the beginning. After making sure the boy didn’t remember me, I had wanted to treat him as someone else, not the dream Wonwoo. But eventually I had ended up liking him as my dream boyfriend. But one thing he was wrong about. I wasn’t planning on using him. “It’s true it was like that at first”, I admitted with a sigh. “But don’t worry, I’m not using you. I’m sure you’re the same person and you will remember eventually.”

Wonwoo’s expression darkened a little bit. “What if I do not remember? Will you continue hanging around me?”

“It’s not like I’m going to return into my world anytime soon”, I said, sounding a little bit more bitter than I was supposed to. “I can just continue stalking you if you don’t remember.”

“That’s exactly it. I might not even be a drifter!” the boy rasped out, his voice getting lower.

“Why are you getting mad over this? I’ve tried to act as neutral as possible. It was you who started acting like my boyfriend. It was you who kissed me out of blue”, I snapped back at him, getting up. “I think I’ll leave after all.”

I only got to take a step and a second before I felt Wonwoo’s hand wrapping around my wrist, stopping me. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

I did have a slight idea at the back of my head – of why the boy was acting like this. But I was too unsure about it to actually blurt it out. But perhaps, just perhaps, the boy had started developing feelings for me during all the things we had gone through together.

“You don’t have to leave”, the boy said quietly. “Let’s stop fighting.”

I sighed and turned around, gently unwrapping the boy’s fingers from my wrist. “I don’t want to fight either.”

I looked at his face. He looked very apologetic, a deep wrinkle between his eyebrows and the corners of his mouth slightly curved downwards. I tried to cheer him up with a smile and slowly his lips curved into a tiny smile as well. The fight was over.

The rest of the evening went on as normal as it could – we were sitting in the living room, Wonwoo reading a book and me sitting in the other corner of the sofa, staring at him in awe. The old, round metallic reading glasses that fit his face perfectly, the comfy sweater he was wearing and the way his nose crunched as he smiled when he noticed me staring at him. He asked if I wanted a book to read as well but I shook my head, saying I was fine.

It was almost midnight when Wonwoo walked to his closet, throwing me a long t-shirt to wear as a pyjama. He told me to sleep in the bed, he would be fine with the sofa. As I changed into the shirt I realized I had never returned the pyjama Wonwoo had lent me the last time. I’d have to make sure I’d remember to give it back the next time I came here.

After telling Wonwoo good night I slid in between the sheets and switched off the lights. As the house got dark, I fell asleep quite quickly – that was how comfortable I felt in this house. But, despite me being comfortable and falling asleep fast, it didn’t mean I could sleep well. After an hour of sleep, I found myself rolling around restlessly and then just lied on my back, staring in front of me in the dark room. I didn’t have my sleeping pills with me so I felt like I wouldn’t be able to sleep even as little as I usually slept. In frustration, I closed my eyes, giving it another go.

I was wide awake, though, as I heard quiet footsteps approaching the bedroom, and then slowly the bed. I didn’t open my eyes but I could sense Wonwoo standing next to the bed, probably staring at me, for a good minute or so, before sitting on the edge of the bed. How awkward it would have been if I opened my eyes now… so I decided to just pretend I was sleeping. I tried to deepen my breathing a little bit as I listened the bedsheets rustling beneath Wonwoo as he lied down next to me. At this point I was only surprised, so I let my eyes open. I looked at the boy lying down. His eyes were closed so he probably didn’t notice me looking at him. It seemed like he had come there to sleep. Maybe the sofa was uncomfortable. I stared at the boy for a second before closing my eyes again. Sleeping next to him actually sounded very comfortable.

After hours and fragments of sleep I finally gave up and let my body shake the least bit off sleep and tiredness off, stretching a little bit. As I opened my eyes, I blinked my eyes a few times in surprise as I realized I was lying down face to face with Wonwoo, and very close at that. I didn’t back away, anyhow. He looked so peaceful and adorable sleeping, his raven black hair in a cute mess, and his arms wrapped around his pillow. I softly stared at him and without thinking, raised my hand, reaching it out to gently touch his cheek. He had seemed to sense me staring at him though, as he opened his eyes just before my hand actually touched him. Now it was the time for me to back away. I was a bit embarrassed – after our fight last night I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire by acting like this.

As I tried to wriggle backwards he grabbed my wrist, keeping me from escaping. His expression was serious but still curious. “What are you doing?”

Oh, the things his low, raspy morning voice did to me. I felt weak in his hold and just let out a sigh. “Good morning to you too – “

I didn’t get to end my sentence as the boy snorted and with the speed of a lightning rolled over, letting go of my wrist and placing his hands on my shoulders instead, climbing on top of me with his body hovering on top of mine. My eyes widened, more of disbelief than of shock.

“Are you sure you’re not using me?” he asked, tilting his head. “That touch wasn’t exactly just friendly.”

“I didn’t even touch you”, I pointed out with a dry expression.

“Yeah, because I stopped you”, Wonwoo stated.

I was about to reply with something snarky as I noticed the corner of the boy’s mouth slowly curving upwards. Then I realized he was just playing with me. I let out a sigh that messaged “I’m done with you” to him and I pushed the boy off me. He rolled onto his back and let out a small laughter as I got up from the bed.

We ate breakfast in silence, but the atmosphere was very relaxed and nice. It was so sunny outside we didn’t need to turn the lights on and just bathed in the sunlight while eating. We didn’t really talk, just snorted or chuckled at each other from time to time if the other was doing something stupid.

After breakfast I washed up and changed into my own clothes. I didn’t really have any reason to stay there any longer – it hadn’t been planned for me to stay there anyway. Thus, I was making my leave pretty quickly. I walked down the stairs, glancing towards the door that hid our meadow behind them. With a slight smile on my lips I headed out of the house and towards the bubbly old neighbourhood.

I didn’t feel like I was in hurry so I walked slowly, looking around me and noticing details in the neighbourhood that I hadn’t before. There were flower pots on most of the houses’ roofs. Most of the houses were actually in a very good condition even though they were from my era – which meant they had been renovated in the old way, unlike the window of the book store that had been replaced with a new, modern one.

I made my way home with a good mood – but that mood was killed down the moment I reached the house’s yard. I ran into Seungcheol who was just walking out of the house. His expression darkened the moment he noticed me.

“There you are”, he stated, crossing his arms. “He seems to be alright since you spent the night.”

I sighed. “Yes, he is fine. And I’m on my vacation so I don’t think it’s a problem.”

“Does he remember you?” Seungcheol asked, crossing his arms against his chest.

“No”, I replied.

“See? You’re just wasting your time on him”, he groaned.

I couldn’t help but to glare at the boy. It almost scared me how different the boy looked from usual. Everything else was the same, clothes and the neatly styled black hair, but his face. Usually he looked like a little boy with his wide, cute smile and eyes that became narrow lines framed by long eyelashes. Now that he was pretty much glaring back at me, he looked like he had aged by years. He looked scary when he was this serious.

“Look”, I sighed. “I do understand that you like me, but the way you’re acting makes me very uncomfortable.”

“You should blame yourself”, the boy stated. “It’s your fault.”

I stared at the boy in disbelief as I heard a distantly familiar, loud bang and then a clang near me. I looked around me dumbfounded, but Seungcheol seemed to immediately realize what was going on. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him just in time as a bullet hit and bounced off the wall I had just been standing next to. He quickly opened the house’s door and rushed inside pulling me with him, and closed the door. He immediately grabbed his phone and made a quick call.

“Guards, immediately to the front yard. There is a gunman.”

Still in shock, I just stared in front of me blankly, not quite comprehending what had just happened. I looked up at Seungcheol whose face was back to the serious expression after a second of worry.

“What you just saw was one of the hunters I told you about.”

“But how would someone know that I’m a drifter?” I asked, whispering, staring at the boy with wide eyes.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Who have you told about your identity? One of them has betrayed you.”

“I have only told Wonwoo besides you and your father…” I whispered.

At the mention of Wonwoo’s name the boy let out a groan and stormed out of the house, the door closing behind him with a bang. I let out a sigh and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. Someone tried to shoot me. Kill me. I couldn’t believe it. My life was actually in danger. The situation was very scary and unknown for me. It was probably because of the shock, but I suddenly felt myself getting dizzy again. I rested me head against the cool wall, trying to get a hold of myself. I needed to calm down and tell Dr Choi.

As I started to feel a little bit better and calmer, I quickly rushed upstairs and knocked at the door of the doctor’s office. I wasn’t sure whether he’d be home or at the hospital so I waited for a while. Then I heard the man’s voice calling me in and I opened the door, rushing in.

The man’s face was surprised. “Dami. What’s going on?”

“There was a hunter outside. He tried to shoot me.”

Dr Choi’s eyes widened and he quickly stood up. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, Seungcheol saved me and called the guards”, I explained quickly. “But I thought I should tell you too.”

“Of course. You did good”, the man said, nodding at me. “What about your symptoms?”

I sighed. “They’re still there. Imsomnia, dizziness.”

“Pity”, the man stated. “There is nothing wrong with you from a doctor’s point of view. There is no medical reason for your condition, I think it is purely because of your time travel.”

The doctor’s words were echoing in my head even hours after. So I could never heal? Until I’d return to my own world, I’d spend my nights rolling around restlessly, without sleep, and feel dizzy every other day? It sounded just sad. I could withstand the symptoms, I had already gotten used to them and accepted that I was dealing with them every day, but knowing that I had no idea when I could return home… I’d be sick and tired for a long time.

As Sunhwa returned to the house from her parent’s place, she greeted me with a warm hug and a bright smile. She seemed happier and bubblier than usually, probably because she had seen her parents after a long time. As the girl backed away from me, I noticed myself frowning a little bit. I wanted to see my parents as well. I didn’t want to bring the girl’s happiness down, though, so I quickly smiled at her.

In a way, I wanted to tell everything to Sunhwa, but after what had happened today, I didn’t want to tell anyone else of my identity. Only Seungcheol, Dr Choi and Wonwoo knew about my identity. The doctor was a drifter himself, and he had immediately taken me under his wing after meeting me. He couldn’t possibly be an enemy. It was impossible. Then again, Seungcheol was his adopted son, he knew pretty much everything about drifters and cared deeply for his father so I couldn’t really believe it even from him. Wonwoo, anyhow, was probably a drifter as well, and he was smart. He wouldn’t tell anyone of my identity, especially knowing the fact he probably had feelings for me.

Who in the world could it be, the one who wanted me to die?

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Hi! And surprise!

Yeah, so after I read the comments I just got this feeling, I have to finish this story. And if I leave it completely unwritten until summer, I'll probably just forget about it and I won't have the motivation to continue it. So I thought, maybe I could try to save some of my time on the weekends to write it. I wrote a couple of chapters today but I don't plan on publishing them all at the same time because I want to keep this story alive :D

But anyway, thanks for liking my writing and the story, I'll try my best to finish it!