He wonders if being suffocated underwater is better than what he's feeling right now, sitting at a couple table with his fiancee smiling at him thinking that they're on a nice and happy date.

Well, that is until she said the next words, "finally have something to tell me?"

"Huh?" he was dumbfounded.

"You barely talk to me, seemingly avoiding me and now suddenly you ask me out to have a nice tea at some cafe. I know there got to be something you want to tell me," she said still with a smile and Jaebum wonders if she really didn't know anything or was just waiting for him. Apparently he make everyone wait for him.

"I..." he cleared his throat, shifting on his seat uneasy while running his hand through his hair. "About our engagement... How did we, were we together before and then decided to take a next step? I mean... Were we dating before we got engaged? Like..."

"You're asking whether we got engaged because we love each other or not. That's what you wanted to ask, right?" she supplies and Jaebum feels guiltier than ever. "You really don't remember me at all, do you?"

He contemplate whether to simply nod or smile guiltily would be the better choice as an answer. He did both in the end.

She sighed, caressing her tea cup before taking a small sip and start talking with her eyes staring at the invisible spot on the table. "Our parents thought it would be a nice idea to match us together, it's been suggested way before we even got to learn our own name."

"You mean since we were still babies?" he asked, wide eyed.

She briedly nodded, "I got to know you when we were in highschool, you were my senior and I was a freshman. It was done nicely, no blood bath and we became pretty good friends." But the light in her eyes overcasted and her smile falters, "more like you didn't care, you never care about anything. You were just living, just breathing and I thought, why you looked so lonesome? What made you look like you've given up living? We were both young and I was intrigued to make you laugh, to make you 'feel' and to live."

Jaebum vaguely remembers why he was like that. When the warm nights full of laughter and shared dinner and watching movies together, had slowly become nights where he was always alone, in his room, in his home and he had missed the human figures which he loved so much and the meaning of a family becoming a blur.

"You were kind though. You're kind to everyone, gentle and caring, as if you have this scar which you don't want anybody else to have and so you always helping others. It's inevitable that I started to like you," she laughed softly, making Jaebum gulped. "But then you became busy with your new college and I was busy adapting to my highschool still, well teenagers life and all that jazz about puberty.

"We rarely meet again and we just grew apart since it was always me who sought you out and you just being you, you kept to yourself as always. I don't know what happened in your college, but something definitely happened. When we met again..." she inhaled deeply and smiled as if in a silent awe, "you looked so different I almost didn't recognize you. You were full of life, your eyes weren't the same lifeless shadow I've always knew. You were finally living, properly and happy.

"You talked to me animatedly about your dreams, about what you're doing and what you studied. And I was... Envious, seeing you like that made me feel like I was left behind and I'm not at all important to you, that I never was a part in your life." She stopped talking for a minute, sipping her tea leaving Jaebum growing curious and minds rolling to remember, to try to fit the puzzle pieces. "So I left."

Now that Jaebum didn't see it coming, "you left?"

"The only reason why I am here now because... I still love you and... Jackson asked me to."

His heart stops and start beating twice harder when the words set in, "Jackson? You know Jackson?"

"He gave me something to return," she supplies while rubbing her hands together then pulling her shirt subconsciously. "Three months before the car accident happened, you told your parents about him."

"About him? About what?" he cuts in, straightening his back at the overwhelming emotions b inside.

She didn't really answer his questions though, "your parents was... Shocked and started to treat you like you're sick, trying to talk to you to get you to a psychiatrist and sort."

Jaebum feels his heart clenching and stomach churning at the thought, because this was his parents. Although they grew busy and rarely have time for him when he was in his teens, he loves them, he respects them. Gradually, Jaebum starting to understand where this story is going.

"You grew tired and cut all contact with them, you were disappointed they couldn't understand you, didn't try to understand you. In those three months we didn't know anything about you, until the phone call came about the car accident. And you forgot about everything," she slowly look up, staring straight to Jaebum's eyes to make a point, to see if he understand.

"So they took it as a chance to gain me back..." he whispered much to himself. "But what- What about you and Jackson? What did he-"

"He knew you have trouble sleeping, almost every night you left the bed to cry in the living room or in the bathroom. You were sad about your parents, you were crying because you love them and sad why it all came to that when all you did was loving someone. He told me, Jackson cried to me when we heard about your amnesia and he said, he was always regrets the way it had became to be. He values his family highly, so seeing you like that... Was too much for him.

"Knowing you forget about him makes him think, maybe it's the right thing to leave, so you never know about him in the first place, so you never lose your family again," she stopped, noticing the slight tremble of Jaebum's body and the way his eyes wide, dark and stirring with anguish and realization. "He never supposed to visit you that day, he had said his good bye to you through me."

"No... No, why?" he knows the answer himself, but it was so, so devastating to know all of this. To know their pain, their tears and broken hearts. He understand all the things Jackson said to him now, about his worries, his regrets, his 'what if's.

She smiled thinly, "I understand what he's feeling... It's hard to stay away from the one you love, so I didn't blame him. It would be nice if he's such a nut case or an so I can hate him, but Jackson is just... I couldn't hate him. So when he came again to me, asking me for help... I can't say no."

"What did he asked from you?" he almost unable to let it out as his throat constricting tightly and he had a slight trouble breathing. The information is too much for him to bear, he can't remember it, but he could feel it that it is true. That everything she said is true, he could feel it.

"I've done my part, Jaebum. The only thing left is for you to choose. If he is the one who told you all this, he knew you'll chose him and the past would be repeated, you'll have him but regretful and hurting about your failed reconciliation with your parents. Or you can choose them, you lose him but you have your family back," her eyes are stern, but also understanding and patient.

And Jaebum thinks she's right, Jackson is right. Had it been Jackson who said all this, he would choose him in a heartbeat, oblivious of what his choice could bring. But with her, she's strong with her words, giving him space to think it through and not just choosing blindly.

"Give me your hand," she suddenly said making Jaebum jolt in surprise before giving her his hand. She brushed their hands together, something cold and hard in between their soft palms, she give him something and Jaebum felt his stomach dropping from the sight.

"You know Jaebum, the thing about choices is they are not always just right or wrong, there is always the third choice," she smiled softly, eyes swimming with emotions because she knew better what is going to happen.

"This is..." he feels choked and his eyes burning, it's unpleasant but the burst of surprise and happiness was all he could feel.

"He gave it to me to make a choice after you make yours, whether to throw it away or to return it to you."

Jaebum didn't even notice the lone tears which rolling down his cheeks, the flood of gratitude and respect as he look at his supposed to be fiancee smiling at him with the same b tears in her eyes.

"Go Jaebum, there's always another choice."

"I... You... I'm so sorry," he managed to voice out, tone thick and he's doing everything he can not to let another tears fall because it would be disrespectful to her. "I'm sorry and thank you, thank you Minah. You're such a kind and wonderful woman and you deserve better, you deserve much better person than me. I-"

"That's the first time you ever call my name again, I don't know if I should be happy or not," she chuckled tearfully. "And yes, I deserve better than you, so no need to say it twice. You already said it all before when you first introduced me to Jackson."

"I did?"

"Every words, exactly the same," she chuckled again then smiling quite sadly, "I've had my hope, but in the end it's always him, isn't it?"

Jaebum smiled back, feeling guilty again but also grateful to have known her, and it must have shown on his face because she said, "go now, get out, I don't want to hear another speech about how I deserve better, go away."

He couldn't help but hugs her across the table, to let his heart be felt because no words can describe, "thank you Minah, I'm so glad to have known you."

She hummed, might be or might not be wiping her tears on Jaebum's shoulder, "I just don't want you to feel what I felt, you both deserve each other."

"And you deserve better," Jaebum laughed when he received a light slap on his back.

--

He waits and waits, bathed in eagerness but also nervousness. The air is so still, no wind blowing and the cold drapped on him like a thin layer of heavy skin as his thoughts rolling and nervousness growing more and more. Minah told him about Jackson's address, 'their' address. But Jaebum thought, he still didn't have the right to suddenly come knocking at his door, because even if he's sure of what he wanted, in the end it's Jackson's choice too.

And as he keep sitting on that bench, looking at the frozen pond, he knew Jackson will come. He always watched him when he was loitering around there after all, so he waits. He's brain froze for a moment when a pair of shoes came to his field of sight.

He look up, seeing Jackson standing in front of him wrapped up in a long black coat, looking at him, assessing. So Jaebum brought up to his feet, keeping their eyes together as he smiled to the man, like a silent answer almost assuring and Jackson's eyes glinting for the words to be said.

"I've made my choice," Jaebum said as he slowly took Jackson's hand in his, squeezing it gently. "It's your turn to tell me our story."

Jackson's lips parted slightly, as if taking a deep breath, as if about to say something but he lowers his head and rest it to Jaebum's shoulder, and likewise Jaebum catch him in an embrace.

"We've been together for about seven years, a year after we met," he started in a whisper, a caress to Jaebum's skin. Jaebum might be a bit surprised knowing the number of how long they've been together, he hadn't thought it have been that long. "And right after you got a job, you asked me to live together... It's been six years of living together."

"That's... Pretty fast. Only a year after we're dating and we were already living together?" he laughed softly when he felt Jackson chuckling to his neck.

"Oh yeah, you were always impatient, too hasty at making decisions."

"Am I? And here I thought I'm quite a cold headed guy," he frowned with a small confused smile.

"You are... But not when it involves me," Jackson laughed then left a superficial kiss on the skin of Jaebum's neck, longing for far too long, "you were head over heels for me."

"I guess I still do. I bet it's the best decision I made to live together with you."

"I guess," he shrugged lightly.

"I know I did, I can feel it. I never regret choosing you, Jackson," Jaebum hugs him tighter, his back tenderly as he's leaning his head on Jackson's. He didn't answer, but the dampness on his shoulder is answer enough, causing Jaebum to smile and kiss Jackson's head with much endearment.

"It fell apart when you decided to tell your parents, you were so sad and just... Wrecked. And it's all because of me and I can't... I can't handle it, whenever I asked you to talk to me, you never let me in. So I thought it's better if we get away for a moment, keeping distance so you have space and time to think," he inhaled sharply and pulling away, letting his glassy orbs seen. "But I was hesitating because I don't think I can leave you alone when you were like that. So I talked to Mark... And when I was too out of it, needing to get away for a while... I didn't have my phone on me. You were panicking and when you called Mark... It's a misunderstanding, and yet... Look how it brought you here, us..."

"It's not your fault, it was mine alone, I drove recklessly. You're probably right, I lost my head when it's about you," Jaebum brought his hand to cupped Jackson's face, caressing the soft skin with his thumb and look at him right in the eyes, "it's not your fault."

"You sure you chose this? You chose me?"

"I didn't just chose 'this'," he chuckled making Jackson frowns a bit. "Someone told me that choices doesn't have to be right or wrong, so I'm not letting anything or anyone go, I'm taking it all. i want you, I need you, but I'll also fight for my parents, I'll make them understand even if it's going to take me years and hurts me in the process. I'm hurting either way, so why not do it while fighting altogether?"

Slowly Jackson is smiling with tearful eyes and red cheeks and nose from the cold, he looks so beautiful in Jaebum's eyes, he always has. "You greedy dork, you're taking all?" he teases although he looks like he's about to cry and crash.

"What can I say, I love you too much, maybe..." Jaebum laughed as Jackson hugs him back, tighter and tighter.

"Maybe...?" Jackson's grinned, kissing the corner of Jaebum lips because he wanted to but was considerate enough to wait for Jaebum to finish.

"Well, I... Still don't remember anything, just that I felt it in my heart, so..." he smiled sheepishly, shoving his hand to his pocket slowly as if afraid a slight movement would ruin their embrace, then pulling out something in his palm. Jackson is surprised a bit when he saw it, before smiling that bright smile which Jaebum could feel through his vague memories. "Tell me about this," Jaebum smiled mirroring Jackson's.

A soft giggles left Jackson's lips before he cocked his head to the side, "you see that pond over there? You remember we both fell into that, right? That was right after you proposed to me."

"What?" he laughed wide eyed, awed at the fond eyes Jackson is staring at him.

"Yeah, you suddenly asked me to take a stroll with you and I was totally not expecting that, so I kinda had a brain freeze or something so I slipped and fell in. But damn you head, you totally laughing at me instead of helping me, so I dragged you in too, you deserve it. And you and your nerd brain need to reenact it at our narrow, messy balcony just because that's the most romantic thing you can came up with."

They both laughed, pressing their foreheads together in glee and basking at the warmth they had missed too much, "it seems there's still a lot you have to tell me."

Jackson shrugged as if he's tired, "yeah, it would take a lifetime though."

"I wouldn't mind."

"Of course, I'm not letting you go ever again, don't even think about it," he teased jutting out his tongue.

"I wouldn't dare," Jaebum chuckled before he suddenly remembered something, "what about you calling me hyung sometimes? Am I really older than you?"

Jackson rolled his eyes, but he smiled anyway and pecked Jaebum's lips tenderly, "I wonder if I should tell you about that."

Jaebum might not remember things and the gaps in his memories is too big, but he never felt out of place with Jackson, it feels natural and he knows, he would never regret this and this is worth fighting for. Maybe there will be a day when he thought of his amnesia as a blessing. What matters now, they found each other again. Always.